Chapter Text
The guilt
It was....it wasn't right how you loved him alot, The heart eyes you give him and the utter content of the kisses, the cuddles. It just continued to break Sans as he falls into a pit of guilt, He can't keep lying, He can't keep this act, He can't continue saying I love you when theres no love in that statement at all. It sickened him, The act but never you. The way he had to act is what sickened him to the very SOUL and he was doing it to you of all people.
You were basically the perfect girlfriend any guy wanted (could outright abuse if they can), You had a patience of a saint, a kindness of a goddess, you can play most instruments and sing like a siren. The way your eyes shinned and were just full of love and life, your skin was smooth and was just...it was comforting to hold you tight.
Friends would pat his back and say "Congrats! You got a keeper!" He'd let out a fake grin (Something you've notice) You would give a bashful expression "That's not true hehe, I should be the one grateful, He's like my anchor" They would give a hearty laugh, saying things like. "You have an amazing relationship" or "I hope you guys stay together, you two are perfect"
It was sufficating, He hated this (he can't bring himself to hate you though) Sans guessed that maybe it was his fault for asking you out (Out of pity basically) The way you cried on the bathtub, A razor in hand. Your eyes lifeless and you were shaking, trying to find the courage to just do it....A picture of your family just placed on your chest.
He had to make you snap out of it, He said alot of...love things, "Don't you realize I love you kiddo? Me, Paps, Toriel just...just EVERYONE....everyone cares about you, I care about you...I love you" He meant it in a family way, He really meant it in a family way.
But when you kissed him...he knew he just buried himself a grave. Soon it just became like a...a image to him, Your relationship did some good and bad for the humans and monsters, Alot were happy, praising you two for coming out together. Showing everyone how much you two "love" each other.
"The first human and monster relationship!" they all said as before Sans knew it, You and him were representing monster kind and humanity. A perfect example of interspecies in total harmony.
He can't take it anymore, he just can't...not anymore
Stopping his car at the large house, it was actually too big to be a house yet to small to be called a mansion, large enough to fit maybe 7 to 10 people minimum, but still small to hold a party of some sort. It was home (your home) so why did it fill him with so much dread? no matter, This was his home for almost 3 years, getting kicked out of the dead beat apartment he and his brother lived in would have been the best thing ever, seeing as you took them to live with you off the bat with no hesitation.
There were many things that went great with it, you got Papyrus' cooking to improve, giving respectful criticism while making sure that Papyrus feelings didn't get hurt, Sans realized he was getting of track as he got out of the car, his keys dangling on his phalanges as he swirled it around, A smell of burgers and smoke can be found on his jacket.
Sans thought he could spoil himself with some grillby's just for today (It's not like today was special) One things for sure, Papyus wasn't home, he sent a text to Sans indicating he was in "A SLEEPOVER WITH FRISK AS A CONGRATS ON BEING DATEMATES WITH FELLOW CHARA FOR MANY YEARS" which was in Toriel's place, So it was just you and him.
An opportunity to end it all right here before he digs himself even deeper, Fumbling with the keys as he opened the door, he was greeted with a smell of steamed brocolli and ham in the air, Obviously it was you cooking (He hopes you don't mind packing it for tomorrow, he wasn't exactly hungry right now) His fuzy slippers echoed around the house as he turned right.
Upon entering the dining area, he was greeted with the sight of you in a simple blue dress. It wasn't puffy or short, just a normal sundress that complimented your skin. You had applied light make-up and your soul shined brightly, it grew brighter when you looked at him, beaming happily as a blush rested on your cheeks. You were never one to dress up, wearing only to comfortable clothes such as jeans, t-shirt and oversized sweaters. Your hair always in a messy bun with loose strands that cover your eyes sometimes yet today it was loose, some of your hair clipped to keep them from blocking your vision.
"Sans! Just in time" You called out, grinning widely at him. Sans gave a chuckle as he waved at you as a way to say hello. He could feel his soul aching with GUILT, so much guilt. He noticed how your smile seem to....stop shining, slowly faltering, does his expression look grim? "Is there something wrong?" You asked as you approached him, Your eyes shining with concern, He gave a quick nod and it made your smile fall off completly, "Ki..Kiddo...I think we need to talk" Sans never dared called you kiddo unless he was serious about something.
You would know this seeing as he either called you that or called you by your name, "O..of course" You two went to the living room, sitting on the comfortable couch, Sans couldn't relax and he can see you can't either. You were nervous, He could notice a mile away with your posture, expression and lastly your soul. "Look kiddo, You know I love you right?" He said, You nodded gently. "But you know there are different types of love right? Sibling love, Family love and love love even just friendship love" He rambled on, He sees you sweat abit and your muscles tensing when he touched your hand.
"What I'm saying is kiddo..I think we should break up, the kind of love I feel doesn't...it doesn't suit what kind of love YOU feel" You seem to tense even more, letting out a nervous laugh as if you desregard what he said as a joke. "tha...that wasn't a very funny jo..joke but haha y..you got me" He was right, You were shaking it off as joke. But he knew that wasn't the case. He just needed you to admit it, this wasn't some joke and he wasn't going to back down now.
"I'm serious (Y/n)...I don't think this will work, I tried really. I tried to love you the same way you do with me but I CAN'T..I just can't, You're a great woman (Y/n) but I just don't feel like this is working out. For 2 years I tried to see if I could but It's just impossible. You're just a friend..a really close friend" There he said it, all the emotion he felt. He took deep breaths, this was doing great.
He was feeling MUCH better letting those emotions out. All he heard from you was your shaky breaths and the feeling of your quivering soul. It hurt but..this was better, not just for you but for him too, he feels as if the burden was lifted from his shoulders. Yet his soul sting abit when you sudden retracted your hands from his, almost like his hands were acid and it was burning and eating yours.
You stood up all of a sudden "Tha..that's fine" You said with a quivering tone, You smiled at him and his soul just broke as the tears streaming down your eyes but you held strong. "D..do you want to eat? Anything at all? I..I cooked an..and uh today was a special day, I..it's our th...three year anniversary" You let out a watery laugh. His soul ached even more, that was today? Shit he thought that was going to be three weeks ago. "I got so u..used to this..B...but don't worry" You kept wiping the tears away. He wanted to pull those arms away from your face. (stars he was sorry, please stop crying, please)
Stop
"Yo...you and Papyrus w...won't be kicked out haha!" You waved both your hands as if dismissing what you think he was thinking, You were grinning but the tears betray your expression. Your eyes were glossy with tears but they were still so bright
That's not what I'm worried about
"Y..you guys are st..still my family, e...even if you don't love me like THAT" He didn't miss how your eyes narrowed as a sad yet knowing smile was placed on your lips.
I'm sorry but please don't be disgusted by yourself
"u...uh..Di..dinner's on the table, I...I'll be headed to bed, L...look how terribly overdressed I am haha!
I...I'm really silly" You were trying to find a way to turn it all back to normal, Hell he wanted that too. But he couldn't help but frown seeing you look so heartbroken yet you look like everything was fine. That this was a regular night just without the romance.
And before he knew it, he was alone on the living room as the door to your bedroom shut closed for the night and the house was filled with cries and utter heartbreak. He had do to it....he just had too.
Why isn't the guilt leaving