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“Hey, Bucky,” Clint greeted with an easy confidence he didn’t feel. “You got a minute?”
“Sure,” Bucky replied, not looking up from his sandwich assembly. “You want one?”
Clint’s stomach clenched painfully at the thought of ingesting anything. He’d faced down drug cartels and toppled governments, fought off alien armies and supervillains, but none of that had made him as nervous as the prospect of this conversation. Still, it needed to happen. Clint couldn’t go on without knowing.
“Nah, I’m good. Thanks, though.”
Bucky shrugged his thanks off, just like he always did. Of course, Bucky didn’t think any of what he got thanked for actually deserved thanks. In his mind, nothing was enough to make up for the things Hydra had made him do as the Winter Soldier. He was always working at a deficit. Not even his innate kindness could mean anything in the face of what he’d been forced to do. Clint could understand that guilt, even if he didn’t agree with it.
“What did you need?” Bucky asked, breaking through his thoughts.
Clint hopped up on the counter next to Bucky’s sandwich ingredients and took a deep, steadying breath. Serious and sincere weren’t really his style, but some things were just worth the effort.
“So, listen,” he started. He’d had this conversation about a million times in his head, and yet somehow he still felt impossibly unprepared, “you know that noticing things is kind of what I do. It’s a sniper thing. I know you’re the same way. We see things that nobody else sees, we notice every little detail, catalogue and save it.”
Clint paused, but Bucky was only watching him with a look of mild confusion and curiosity, probably trying to figure out where this was going.
“I’ve been watching you since you came to the tower. At first, it was to make sure you weren’t a threat. We both know you could have been actively stabbing Steve and he still would have defended your actions. I need to know that you weren’t going to hurt my family. I… I can’t stand to lose another one.”
Bucky looked like he wanted to say something, probably self-deprecating, so Clint rushed to continue.
“I was terrified of you, back then,” he admitted. “I mean, Bucky Barnes was hailed as one of the greatest marksmen in America’s history. You can’t run in the circles I’ve run in without being constant compared to you. Even without Hydra’s training and the super soldier serum, I knew the kind of damage you could do. If you lashed out, or decided one of us was a threat, or any number of other things, I knew you could hurt the people I care about without a second thought. So, I watched you and kept my guard up. I didn’t want to run any risks. I kept my eye out for even the slightest hint of a threat. Do you know what I saw?”
“What?”
There was fear in Bucky’s eyes as he asked the question and Clint couldn’t help by marvel all over again at his courage and bravery. Would Clint had been able to ask, if he’d been in Bucky’s shoes? He honestly couldn’t say.
It was now or never.
“I saw a man who had been through more hell than anyone should ever have to experience and never gave up, a man who was still fighting to get himself and his life back. I saw someone who felt so much pain and fear and suffering and still found it within themselves to worry about the people around him. Fuck, Bucky! I really don’t think you see what an amazing person you are. After you settled in a bit, I couldn’t believe the sass in you, how you could have gone through so much and still have your humor, still be able to smile and laugh in that way that lights up your whole face. You’re just so impossibly strong, and I really admire that. I just… yeah. I like you, okay?”
I love you, he wanted to say, but held the words back. He’d already spilled enough of his emotions all over this conversation. His heart pounded in his chest as he watched Bucky’s face for his reaction to the confession. He looked shocked, of course, but then Bucky’s reaction slowly morphed into a wide, soft smile that made something flutter in Clint’s gut.
For the first time, Clint allowed himself to believe he might actually get what he was wishing for.
“Wow,” Bucky breathed. “Clint… I… No one’s ever…”
He crossed the space between them in a single step, sliding easily into the space between Clint’s knees as he pulled Clint into a tight hug.
“Thank you,” Bucky continued with feeling. “I think I really needed to hear that. I’ve been struggling a lot these past few days and, even if it’s a little unexpected coming from my drinking buddy of all people, it really helps. I like you, too.” Clint’s heart soared. “You’re an incredible friend.”
…and fell on wings of melted wax.