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“….. o young.. What a pity.”
“No choice.. he is the only second-in-command left.. He has to take responsibility to save his Lord, not to mention his fath..”
Muffled voices greeted Changmin when he awoke slowly. His scent of smell arose next – distinctly noting the telltale medicinal herbs pounded into some poultice. Then came the pain – muffled by whatever potent concoction the family doctor had poured down his throat (judging by the foul taste in his mouth).
Changmin opened his eyes and immediately closed them again with a hiss as the bright light pierced through his vision.
“Omo.. I think Young Master Changmin is awake. Hurry Sangmi! Called the healer”
He tried to open his eyes again.. this time more slowly and cautiously.
Two blurred figures wavered in front of his eyes which couple of seconds later solidify into the worried face of his manservant and a calm-looking granny (he vaguely remember her as the clan’s healer).
“Wha..”
“Master Changmin.. Welcome back. How are you feeling? Nauseous? Dizzy? You gave us quite a scare there, Young master..”
The old lady asked – her voice gentle and kind. Her cold hand pressed soothingly on Changmin’s hot forehead.
“Hmm.. the fever’s down, thankfully.. You’ll be fine in couple of days..”
“How lo..”
Changmin paused as a dry cough forced its way out. A servant handed him a small ceramic bowl and he took it, thankful for the cool spring water easing his parched throat.
“You’ve been unconscious for two days after coming back from the battle. Don’t worry, no lasting or serious injury but you did have a concussion and caught a fever on the first day.”
“Yeah, getting hit on the head by the enemy’s shield could do that for you..”
Changmin muttered.
He laid back while couple of servants fuss around the room and the healer check on his other injuries (a long scratch at his side, courtesy of an unfortunate encounter with unfriendly katana.. and few other superficial wounds across his arms and chest). 20 minutes later the door to the room slides open, revealing his parents: Head clan: Shim Dongsik and his gentle wife, Lady JiYo.
Before Changmin could say anything, his mother rushed forward and hugged him tightly.
Seeing that her only son awake and well, had pushed away Jiyo’s regal bearing and left only her ‘Umma’ role.
“Changmin-ah.. my baby, you’re awake! Do you feel hurt anywhere?”
She cried, kissing him on his cheeks.
Changmin patted his mother’s back awkwardly – face flushed at the thought his cold prince reputation would never be the same again judging from the servants giggle and whisper,
“Sorry Umma for making you worried.. I’m alright now..”
“Son. It’s good to see you are well.. We were… concerned.”
Shim Dongsik look at his son in affection.
“Sorry Abeoji. I promise I’ll try not to get hurt on purpose or otherwise again.”
Changmin said, rolling his eyes a bit.
In a way, he guessed he should feel thankful that he has such loving parents unlike most of other noble families in which the parents are much concern in taking care of the family’s reputation rather than their offspring.
“Anyway Abeoji, have you seen Yunho around? I want to show off my scar. He’ll be so~ jealous, I bet!”
Changmin grin fondly as he thought of his ‘part-best-part-rival’ friend. He will never admit it (not that he needs to.. Everybody with eyes can see those two are crushing on each other actually) but his favourite past time activity is to tease the older boy.. Yunho looks so pretty and adorable when he’s trying to not to give in and cry.
At the question, silence fell across the room. Even the previously giggling servants are now glancing at each other while the healer somehow is focusing more that ever at pounding the herbs within an inch of their life. And no one dares to look at Changmin directly.
Changmin could feel cold shiver running down his spine.
“Yunho.. he.. is he al.. he’s not hurt, is he?”
“No.. no.. He’s not hurt. He is infact now is at his house”
Changmin breathe a sigh of relief at that then look at his father in puzzlement,
“Well if he’s alright, what’s with all these serious looks?”
Shim Dongsik gestured for all the servants and the healer to leave them alone. After they left, Dongsik took a deep breath and looks directly at his son. He knows he has to tell Changmin. There’s just no other way around it..
“Listen, we won the battle. But we found out that there’s a traitor in the clan.. It was a general from Jung family..”
“Yunho would never..!”
Changmin starts protesting but his father held up his hand to quiet him down.
“I know.. It wasn’t Yunho. The traitor was killed in the fight. It was someone in the family though.. and.. Changmin, you know what is the punishment for a traitor, right? To their family?”
Yes, Changmin knows very well what happened to those who had lost their honor. They and their family would be cast out of the clan at best.. or worse, be stripped of their rank and get divided to be servants for the rest of the clan members.
“The head of Jung family refused to accept either punishment and to regain their honor and truthfully after the battle, the clan is in no position in discarding any members.. We can’t afford to lose any strength in numbers.. But at the same time, we can’t let the crime go just like that. Someone needs to take the responsibility… and to show his sincerity to preserve their family’s honor, Jung Yanghyun had offered to perform hara-kiri. But he is the head of the family.. he is important.. So…”
Dongsik trailed off…
“No! What the hell?! Just no!”
Changmin stood up while his mother tried desperately to make him lie down again – lest he reopened the stitches.
“Why does Yunho has to do the hara-kiri?! Are you guys crazy?!! He has nothing to do with the betrayal. He is innocent!”
“Changmin… he volunteered..”
At the quiet voice of his father, Changmin was stunned into silence.
“Wha..”
“It pains me as well.. But he just calmly stood up and volunteered to go in his father’s place.”
“When..”
“Changmin..”
“I said, When?!!”
At his son’s angry snap, Dongsik just sighed and said,
“Tomorrow.. at sunrise.”
Changmin didn’t say anything, shoved past his mother and stalked outside.
Jiyo moved to intercept him but was stopped by her husband’s quiet voice.
“Let him go, Jiyo.. He deserves to say his goodbye.. Let them have this last night..”
“Changmin-ah…”
Jiyo could only whispered brokenly at her son’s retreating back..
**************
Yunho is in his room.. calmly tidying things up – stopping once in a while to smile softly at whatever items in his hand that invoke sweet memories.
He had politely asked everyone to leave him alone and after kissing his crying mother’s cheeks and bowing to his usually stern-but-tonight-is-unusually-somber looking father, he had retreat back to his room. He understands how everyone feels.. But truthfully, it’s taking all his energy at the moment to stay composed in front of his family members.
He can’t even bear to hug his sister properly as one look at her wide tears-laden eyes nearly breaks his resolve.. While he knows he’s doing the right thing, it still feels like he’s disappointing her.
One good thing about tonight is, Changmin is still unconscious and would be spared from seeing Yunho being pathetic on this last night.
He wouldn’t have to see how Yunho is actually not as brave as everyone seems to think he is, how he’s actually so scared that he desperately wants someone to just hug him tightly and say it’s okay… even if it’s a lie.
Because despite all their banters and silly arguments, Changmin knows him best after all.
Most of all, he wouldn’t have to look into Changmin eyes and feels the regrets of words unspoken… feelings unshown..
Just as the thought crossed his mind, the door to his bedroom burst open and Yunho looked up in surprise at the familiar figure leaning against the door frame.
For a moment he entertained the thought that maybe his mind had ditched him..that maybe God in His mercy had given Yunho a small reprieve from the burden of coming sunrise by letting his crazy mind conjured up the very person dearest to his heart.
But once he took in the labored breathing and thin rivulets of blood – no doubt from the stitches the man had managed to open, running down one arm, Yunho knows that the Changmin standing before him now is HIS Changmin.. not just a figment of his imagination.
“Ch.. Changmin-ah!”
The younger man didn’t say anything and just stepped inside the room and closed the door behind him. When he turned back to look at Yunho, the dark intense angry look in his eyes caused the other to bit his lips though tried to offer him a shaky smile in return.
“Changmin-ah.. I’m so glad you’re alright. They told me that you have concussion and with anyone else. they might be out for at least a week.. Guess Choikang Changmin really showed those pesky healers that you’re not like anyone else, eh?”
Yunho joked and grin at his longtime friend.
Changmin looked at the bright smile,
“I heard that you are taking full responsibility.”
He ask.. no, said quietly.
Yunho stutters,
“I..ah..”
“What the hell were you thinking?!”
And Yunho welcomes the anger as it is familiar ground between them.
“It’s the right thing to do!”
“For whom?! You always have to play the martyr, don’t you?! ‘Oh look how the family was saved thanks to Yunho’s sacrifice’.. You are so fucking selfish!”
“Selfish?! I was doing it to save the family! To restore our honor! To save my father!! It has to be done. There’s no other way around it!”
“Why you?! You have nothing to do with it! You just throwing your life away for some useless honor~?!”
“You know the rules, Changmin. My father is too important especially now that the Jung family is in tatters. Furthermore, I can’t let him die Changmin.. I just can’t. Not when I can do something about it!”
“No. You’re doing because you are stupid! Have you ever just stop and fucking think how your mother and Jihye would feel?! Do you think your father is now rejoicing that his son is volunteering to die in his place?! And how about me?... Did I even enter your mind?”
“Changmin-ah..”
Yunho tried to reach out to Changmin but the younger man barreled on.
“You don’t understand, don’t you? For those who died, they had it easy. They die, they went back to earth and that’s it. Good bye and the end. We, the one that’s been left behind.. we’re the one that has to deal with the memories. We’re the one that has to remember.. we’re the one whose heart will be ‘stabbed’ again and again… Tell me, Yunho, Have you ever thought about that?”
Changmin stalked forward and grabbed both of Yunho’s upper arms tightly and pulls him closer to his face.
“If you wanted to die so badly, then take my memories away with you! Leave me none! I don’t want them.. You stupid, fucking, useless, selfish man..”
The first press of their lips was harsh and Yunho struggles wildly in Changmin’s arms to get away from the temptation.
‘I can’t.. What.. What is he doing?!.. We can’t..’
Then slowly the pressure lessen until all that’s left are little licks against Yunho’s bruised lips encouraging him to open up those succulent morsels and let Changmin have his way.
His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than Yunho could have imagined. He tasted tentatively with his tongue, and Yunho finally opened his mouth with a low moan.
And so they were lost in each other..
*****************************************************************
“Who is that kid?”
“Huh? Who are you talking about?”
“That kid.. The one that always watching us from behind the tree..”
“Ah.. That is the first son of the Jung family.. I think his name is Yunho. And he’s older than you, Changmin..”
“Well, why he never joins us playing?”
“I don’t know.. I heard that he is quite frail or something. He always falling sick with fever and very clumsy..”
6 years old Changmin looks at the still peeking behind the tree boy, he certainly looks smaller than Changmin. But he’s kinda cute too..
“Hey you!”
“What the.. What are you doing Changmin? Why did you call him?”
The boy just ignore his older cousin, Jaejoong and called out to the Jung boy again,
“Hey Jung Yunho, I’m talking to you..”
The boy behind the tree blinked back and looked behind him to see if the Changmin is talking to someone else behind him..
Little Changmin scowled and stalked towards the tree in purposeful stride – causing the smaller boy to yelp and backed away.
“Hey don’t you know your own name? You are Jung Yunho, aren’t you??”
Little Yunho nodded meekly.
“Y..yess..”
Changmin grin,
“Cool. I’m Changmin and that idiot-looking chubby over there is Jaejoong hyung and that duck-butt boy is Junsu-hyung and the one that is being chased by the girls now is Yoochun-hyung.. We’re going to catch some frogs at the river. Wanna join us?”
“Uh.. Uhm.. I shouldn’t..Umma sai..”
“Aish.. It’ll be okay! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”
Yunho looked down at Changmin’s outstretched hand and while it maybe funny that the younger boy promised to take care of him instead the other way around, Little Yunho instinctively trust Changmin to keep his words.
With a shy smile, he reached out and the curled of the other hand around his warm his heart.
“Okay..”
And that was how they started really..
***
“Omo, mochi!! I love mochi!!”
“I know.. you keep coming here and eating them everyday.. Leaving none for me. Hyung, don’t you think you look like mocha yourself? What with that chubby cheeks..”
Jaejoong, Junsu and Yoochun laughed good naturedly at Yunho’s pouty face after he stuck out his tongue at smirking Changmin. The two are the best of friends but God knows Changmin just love teasing the older boy – sometimes even resulted in tears (after which Changmin would surreptitiously let Yunho picks all their games and win them as a mean of apologizing).
“Young Master Changmin.. Master Dongsik is calling for you in the main hall”
A maid interrupt the group who is lounging around Changmin’s garden – enjoying the afternoon sun: too hot to play and yet too lovely to just being cooped up indoor.
Looking at Changmin’s retreating back, Junsu pick up a red-bean mocha and said thoughtfully,
“You know.. I always thought Changmin hates sweet things. And yet, he always buy mochi for us..”
“Maybe coz he loves his friends? We always hangout at his house anyway..”
Yoochun answered lazily – yawning and stretching on the blanket spread across the soft grass.
“Yeah well, if he’s so nice then I wish he would but those with sesame seeds or green tea fillings. I don’t quite like the red beans one..”
Junsu complaint while popping one of the soft treat into his mouth.
“I love red beans one~ So I don’t mind”
Yunho piped in, smiling sweetly.
“Hmm.. yes.. You do, don’t you? Maybe that’s why we’ve been having red bean flavor mochi for as long as I remember here..”
Jaejoong smiled secretly to no one in particular.
“Eh?”
Yunho tilted his head confusingly at Jaejoong.
“I don’t know to feel sorry or laugh at Changmin..”
Muttered Jaejoong.
Junsu and Yoochun could only shake their heads at the clueless boy.
***
“ What’s with that pouty face?”
“I’m not pouting!”
“Fine~ why the kicked puppy face then..”
Changmin laughed as Yunho punched him in the arm.
“Changmin-ah..”
“Hmm?”
“You heard about the imperial army have marched out of Gojoseon, right? I.. I think we’ll be called to present ourselves to join the battle soon. Even Jaejoong, Junsu and Yoochun had been called back to their own clan.”
Changmin glanced at Yunho sitting at his side, looking across the rice field towards the distance.
“Hmm.. Perhaps.. Why? You already scared?”
Yunho looked up quickly at his friend,
“No.. I’m not scared.. But Changmin-ah.. If you are.. I mean.. Be careful..”
The last part was said in a small voice.
Changmin smile and cup Yunho’s cheek with one hand,
“Idiot. I’ll be fine.. It’s you who is the clumsy one. Why, you might likely accidentally stumble and stabbed your officer instead of the army..”
“What did you say?!!”
Changmin laughed again at seeing Yunho’s angry face before jumping up and ran away when the shorter boy starts chasing him around the field.
‘Yunho-ya~.. I hate to see your sad face the most..’
********************************************************************
Inky black sky dotted with glittering stars, the cold wind blows gently across the town – sneaking in between rafters to soothe the residents inside.
All around, not a single movement could be seen as everyone is still soundly asleep – safe within the arms of their loved ones.
The night is ending,
The dawn is coming.
Tears would fall,
And hearts would break.
But for now…
There’s only peace.
“Why aren’t you asleep yet?”
Changmin didn’t say anything at the quiet whisper and just draw the man in his arms tighter against himself as if he could keep the other safe just by not letting him go. Their naked bodies entwined with each other beneath the thin blanket.
“Sleep Changmin..”
Yunho raised the arm that was around his waist to place a tenderest kiss on its knuckles.
“Sleep and dream the sweetest dream, love..”
Still Changmin didn’t say anything and just buried his face against Yunho’s nape. His breath hitched and his voice choked in his throat.
‘Please Yunho.. please..’
Yunho turned to face the other and sat up a bit. He drew Changmin back up so his back is against Yunho’s front and with his head resting against Yunho’s shoulder, He wrapped one hand around the younger man’s broad chest and gently petting him.
“Close your eyes.. and let me hold you..”
He whispers and with his other hand, he covered Changmin’s eyes softly.
“Changmin-ah.. listen.. I want you to go out and live your life as you always wish it to be..
You are the brightest light, never forget that. You are my joy and everything good in this world..
Never let anyone tell you otherwise..
Thank you for reaching out to me all those years ago.”
Yunho could feel the wetness seeping between his fingers.. he didn't mentioned it. Instead...
“Don’t mourn for me, Changmin-ah..
Don’t be sad for me, Changmin-ah.. Just know that you are so much loved and perhaps if God is merciful, we’ll meet again in another life time…
Don’t keep holding on, Changmin-ah..
Don’t cry.. For it will hurt me more to leave you.
Please.. let me go... ”
And he keeps on talking gently and softly interlaced with drops of kisses on top of Changmin’s head.. He could feel the younger man’s breathing deepened and that taut body finally relaxing in his arms..
And Yunho goes on..
He talks about how he feels when he first look at Changmin all those years ago when they were still kids – how he loves watching Little Changmin laughing and playing around with his cousins and friends,
He talks about how he knows Changmin doesn’t like sweets but still pretends that he does just so he could buy them for Yunho.
He talks when he first fell for the younger man. He talks about how jealous he was against those girls that always flocked around Changmin.. and how happy he was when Changmin left them to accompany Yunho wherever he felt like going at that time.
He talks until his voice gotten hoarse and still he continues on.
And not once he stops the petting and peppering kisses against the messy jet-black hair.
In the distant, a cock crowed mournfully.
Yunho looked outside and through the glass window he could see the sky lighten slowly with approaching sunrise.
And he talks some more:
On how he loves Changmin’s talent to draw anything into almost life-like similarity.. Some might think it’s a useless talent but Yunho thinks it’s beautiful..
He continues that Changmin should always follow his instinct and do what makes him the happiest instead what makes other people happy.
Until at last he knows it is time to go and carefully he slid his hands off the sleeping younger man and with the softest kiss on those full lips and softest sigh, he whispered his last words,
“I love you, Changmin-ah.. so much..
Goodbye my heart...”
As the door closes behind Yunho, Changmin turned on his back and tosses an arm across his face.
He can’t think, he can’t speak.. All he could do is to try and just breathe..
And as the shout of honor preserved went up in a cheer outside in the courtyard,
A rivulet of tears ran down the side of his face..
‘I love you too, Yunho-ya..’
(credit: TaylorQueer @ D.A)