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Auston couldn't believe it. Years spent giving it all to a backbreaking job at the docks and this is the thanks he gets? His boss giving him half-hearted pitying looks and news that there won't be any work for him in the foreseeable future? Bullshit. All of it was ridiculous and the worst part was there was no guarantee he'd be the first choice to call when work returned. He wasn't even sure he'd be called at all.
The wind picked up as Auston made his way from the bus stop to home. It wasn't snowing yet but the clouds were heavy with it, and the temperature dipped to freezing yesterday and stayed there. The walk home felt longer this time around, though Auston wasn't sure whether it was because of the dismal weather or the bad news he had to surprise Mitch with.
And that was probably the biggest heartbreak to come out of this mess. Mitch, optimistic and so damn loyal, working just as hard as Auston, would be devastated. Auston could see in his mind's eye how beloved blue eyes would darken. How that laughing and ever-smiling mouth would curve into a anxious frown. Mitch wouldn't say anything, would continue working at his underpaid part time job but in what universe was that fair?
By the time he got to their bare bones apartment Auston's thoughts had run circles in self destructive loops. Mitch was due to arrive home at any second from his morning shift. Belatedly, Auston wondered if he should've bought his boyfriend a gift to ease the blow. Money was tight this year, like it was last year, and with the loss of one income it couldn't have been anything grand. For Mitch's birthday Auston and his buddies had pitched together to wrangle enough cash for a new pair of skates. Good, quality ones, not like the old pair that was actually falling apart at the seams. Mitch adored skating on the pond, and he loved the new ice skates, but there was still a little pinch to his brow brought by guilt that money that could've been used for rent had been spent on a gift for him. He still pressed kisses to Auston's face as thanks. And afterwards they went out to the pizzeria run by an old Italian husband and wife duo because Mitch was crazy for their garlic bread.
The door pushed open with its signature creaking, alerting Auston that the time of reckoning was upon him. The size of their apartment plus the way the rooms were built meant there wasn't really any place Auston could go. It was easy to think. Doing so was proving to be much more difficult.
Mitch's nose was flushed red by the cold outside, tucked into a scratchy scarf with a horrendous plaid pattern. Willy's car didn't have a working heater but carpooling was much more cost efficient then public transit. He didn't seem to notice he wasn't alone at first, struggling to unwind the scarf wrapped tight around his neck until he glanced up and caught Auston's eyes.
"Auston? What happened, are you alright?" Mitch looked up, confused as to why Auston was home so early when his job so often demanded late nights from him.
Auston caught one of those pale, fluttering hands and gave it a careful squeeze. The same hands that used to be powder-soft now were calloused from mopping floors and scrubbing plates. "Hello to you too, Mitchy. Everything's fine, you know my boss has been letting people leave earlier when there's not much work."
He really didn't want to talk about what truly happened. It would be tough but Auston was sure he could find another gig or... something, anything to keep their little bubble from bursting, strained as it was.
The sensation of Mitch pulling his hand back wasn't expected. Neither was the hurt look he wore, all pink lips pinched tight and eyes going steely cold at the same time. "We've been together for, what, two years? I think I can tell when something is bothering you."
"If you know me so well then you should see that there's nothing to talk about. Honestly,
Now Auston hackles were raised, wishing he was anywhere but here. He didn't want things to end up like this. He just wanted to give Mitch the best in life, to prove everyone who ever doubted them dead wrong. That two kids could run off and find jobs at the docks or in a diner and still make it.
"It's really not that hard to tell when something's pissing you off." Mitch's voice rose in defense. "
"Jesus, I just said it's fine, could you drop something for once?"
When Auston and Mitch argue. it usually dies down as quick as it started. Things never get to the point where lines are crossed and there's no point of return, despite tempers flaring hot. This time feels different. Now Auston feels guilt and shame and exhaustion coil dark in his chest and Mitch is refusing to back down. Auston's feeling nasty-mean words crawl up his throat and isn't quick enough to stop them.
The little flinch was so quick Auston almost missed it, too busy wishing he hadn't spat his last words out. He didn't mean it, of course not. He was stressed and scared. But in the end nothing could really excuse how his words left Mitch looking so hurt, which shuttered into an icy cold exterior. They stood there in the shocked silence heavy with unspoken apologies and promises.
So when Mitch disappeared into the bedroom and closed the door with an audible click, Auston got the message loud and clear. It was still freezing outside but he could handle it. Anger and frustration still lurked beneath his skin, making it hard for Auston to think about anything other than how unfair the world was sometimes. You'd bust your ass working to make things perfect but one slip up and everything comes crashing down.
One lap around the block left Auston feeling a little more clear-headed. Enough to acknowledge that he owed an apology to a certain someone. The walk up a flight of stairs just gave him more time to ruminate about what led to this moment.
The lights were off in the room, with only the last sunlight of the day cutting its way through thin curtains. Their growing pile of laundry demanded attention from its corner. In the opposite corner, a person-shaped lump claimed space on their dinky little bed, hand-me-down pillows tucked against his head. Soft, brown strands of hair were just visible from underneath the comforter.
It was always a tight fit, two guys who moved and sprawled in their sleep trying to squeeze in their bed, but they made do. Auston didn't bother changing other then kicking off his shoes to quietly slide in next to Mitch. He didn't dare yet reach out to gather him into his arms, keeping a polite inch between them. His intrusion was still enough to get Mitch stirring.
"I thought you were asleep." Auston admitted.
"I wasn't, couldn't fall asleep not knowing where you were."
It was silent after that. Auston was afraid of breaking the calm with his fumbling words. A little belatedly, he realized Mitch had tugged on one of his old hoodies. It bunched over his shoulders and hands in a rumpled manner but it made him look sweet. Safe.
"You can be a real asshole sometimes Auston. You know that, right?"
And then Mitch's shoulders were twitching and Auston thought for one confused second that he was laughing until he registered the muffled hurt noises.
"Shit, let me-" Auston scrambled up to get napkins or something to wipe away tears until Mitch waved his fussing away. His face looked blotchy and red and his eyes were damp but there was a set determination in his form.
"What the hell is going on, and don't tell me it's nothing, 'cause you acted like I accused you of robbing an orphanage."
Auston took a suffering breath and slowly, carefully cupped Mitch's face in his hands like he was something breakable. Mitch didn't break eye contact, expectant. "You have to know that I didn't mean a single word of what I said, ok? And I'm so fucking sorry I said them and that you had to hear it,
Mitch bit his lower lip. "You're not answering my question. I still don't know why."
Just like that Auston found himself spilling his secrets into the dark space of their bedroom. He tells Mitch everything. His work hours shrinking to nothing, how he's afraid of not meeting the expectations he set up for himself, the desperation he felt in not disappointing Mitch. Once he got started it came out easier, at least with someone listening.
When he was done Auston couldn't quite look Mitch in the eye. Whatever he expected, it wasn’t Mitch blurting "You're such a dumbass." and throwing his limbs around Auston in a messy hug.
"Don't... don't you ever do that again Matts. Don't shit me out like that, and you better not feel like you need to handle things alone. You promised me that we'll always be a teamHis eyes were wet again by the time he finished speaking and it always felt like a sucker punch to Auston's chest whenever he saw that.
Feeling helpless, Auston stroked a big hand down the smooth line of Mitch's back. He couldn't really think of anything to say other than "Baby, it's ok." But it seemed to work, Mitch relaxing into his touch with a happy little noise.
When Auston looked longingly at the little space between them Mitch snorted without a shred of elegance. "You're not getting out of cuddling that easy. Get over here." He grabbed Auston by the arms and pulled (and Auston can't help but think about how smaller and lighter his boyfriend is) until they're pressed up close together. Mitch wasn't satisfied yet, rolling this way and that to the point of nearly falling out of bed. Finally he settled down once his back pushed up against Auston's front. If you asked Mitch, nothing beat a good spooning.
Mitch yawned. "You owe me like so many ice cream sandwiches. At least fifteen, I'm thinking."
"It's freezing out there you absolute freak." Auston said with all the affection in the world, and had to dodge Mitch's cold feet trying to attack his shins.
They had bills looming over their heads, and every day felt like another fight against the world, but like this, holding everything he ever wanted close to his heart, Auston swore they could make it.