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“You disgust me.” I sounded harsh but Klaus knew he didn't mean it. Bens wasn't really angry, not yet anyway. At the moment he was just running his disappointed parent shtick and Klaus wasnt really in the mood.
“Then my job is done.” Klaus quipped back not giving Ben a second glance as he slipped silently out of the house.
“Dammit Klaus” There was a large bang as Ben kicked a trashcan in the alleyway. He had made a habit of affecting the world now that he knew that he could and it was seriously starting to bug Klaus. “You were doing so well, why are you trying to throw that away?”
Klaus could see that Ben was getting frustrated with him but somehow he couldn't make himself care, tunnel vision tended to do that to a person. He had been sober for over a month now and it was great, except for when it wasn't. It was great, except for when he remembered that some ghosts aren't as friendly as others. He was happy, except when he remembered that one little pill could make him forget that the only person he had ever loved was dead. Little by little a concept slipped into his mind. Then that concept evolved into an idea and that idea into action. Now, here he was sneaking out of the house once again to find some sweet relief from this world. He could control it this time. He would control it this time, just one more time. Each step he took got him closer to that one last hit, but he had to admit, Bens constant presence did make it hard to keep going.
“Are you seriously just going to ignore me?” Ben asked after it was clear that Klaus was definitely ignoring him. Klaus just kept looking forward. If he didn't see Ben, he didn't matter and Klaus would be fine, it was just one more time. Come to think of it drugs weren't even that bad, it wouldn't be a big deal.
He was so consumed with rationalizing his current life choices Klaus failed to notice that Ben had given up on talking and was resorting to a more...physical solution. In a moment of pure frustration, Ban lunged at him. It wasn't until he was on the ground that Klaus was even aware of what had happened. He groaned the pavement was freaking hard. Without bothering to fully get up he finally gave Ben his full attention.
‘What?!” he screamed “What? What is it that you want me to do Ben? What could you possibly tell me that I haven't heard before?”Klaus was mad, he didn't even realize how mad until the words came out laced with poison. It seemed the feeling was mutual as Ben wasted no time stepping up to Klaus’ level.
“You are better than this-” Ben started but upon hearing his opening Klaus already know everything he was going to say and decided to cut him off before he was forced to hear the same speech they always gave.
“You know what Ben, maybe I’m not better than this, maybe this is all I was meant to be. What do you know about it anyway?” Klaus spit. “You haven't been alive in years, maybe you just don't remember how unbearable all of this- ” Klaus dramatically gestured to the fittingly disgusting alleyway behind the mansion. “-is. Why don't you just stay out of this!” He tried to walk away but Ben just continued to appear in front of him.
“You think I don't remember what it was like when Five left? I know pain Klaus. My afterlife is agony, do you have any idea how hard it is to see the people you love mourn and have no way to help them?” Ben must have gotten really worked up because for just a second his presence flickered. Something in Klaus told him that this was his fault but a larger part of him was tierd of everything being his fault so he stayed quiet. After realizing that he had gotten a little out of hand Ben lowered his voice and tried to not show his frustration but the intensity in his eyes never went away. “It's fine if you dont want to believe that I know what you're going through Klaus but you know who does know what it's like to live through all of this? All of our brothers and sisters. After all of this stuff with Vanya…I think it changed some things.. they will help you, but you have to ask.” Klaus stopped in his tracks to laugh at this.
“You think any one of those people are any less screwed up then I am? I hate to tell you this Ben but you are probably the closest this family is ever going to get to ‘normal’ and you're dead.” Ben rolled his eyes, certain he wasn't getting anywhere but funnily enough, as Klaus said this it made him take a moment to remember all those siblings of his, how screwed up they all were, how screwed up he was. He remembered what it was like being sober and actually being able to talk to them like a real person. He remembered what it was like to be able to help them with their problems. He remembered how he hadn't been able to help Allison because of the drugs that had been flowing through his system. He thought of what would happen if he was in that situation again and there was no one else around. He thought of how much he loved all of them, even if they had never really gotten along. Then, like it always went when he got emotional like this, he thought of Dave. Immediately his brain went to work shutting everything down again. Thinking of Dave...that was just more than he could handle at the moment, besides, he had a mission to be getting back to. “Ben I am doing this okay? I am tired and honestly fighting with my dead brother is not helping, so if you will excuse me-”
Ben must have read Klaus’ mind.
“What about Dave? He wouldn't have wanted this for you.” He did not just bring up Dave. Klaus spun on his heels.
“Who gave you the right-”
“If you won't listen to me think of him. Do you really think he would have approved of what you're doing?”At this point, Klaus couldn't even tell what emotion he was feeling anymore. He was angry, of course, he was angry, but there was so much more than that, he was depressed and conflicted and….why did having emotions have to be so much work. His mind slowly numbed itself as he had become accustomed to doing when things got overwhelming and he sunk to the ground in the alleyway, taking a seat amongst the garbage. As the anger drained out of him he started pensively through the wall opposite him and, just for a second, let himself think about Dave. There was no one in this world that he loved more and unfortunately Ben was right, Dave would not have loved the idea of Klaus sneaking out of his house in the middle of the night to numb his feelings. Man, he hated that Ben had to be right all the time. It was like being followed by some kind of emo nun.
“Klaus? Are you dead?” Ban was waving his hand in front of where Klaus was staring. As he reentered reality Klaus began to pull himself out of the garbage.
“Fine” that was all he said.
“Fine?” Ban looked hopeful but obviously wasn't nieve enough to believe anything had changed anymore.
“Fine, I will try to talk to one of our ridiculous siblings” Klaus finished. “but if I have to be vulnerable then you do too, what was all that ghost trauma you were talking about, you have to go talk to someone about all that..” Ben smiled softly and Klaus returned the favor. Slowly they started to make their way back into the house.
“You do remember that the rest of the family can't see me right?” Ben mused knowing full well that Klaus wasn't being serious.
“No excuse.”
As he climbed back up the fire escape into his bedroom Klaus would be lying if he said that he didn't still want to jump off that ladder and sprint to the nearest drug dealer but he was restraining himself. It felt good to be able to do that. Maybe this was what progress felt like.