Work Text:
Whenever they play, Russia closes his eyes a moment too long, savoring.
Every time Lithuania says yes, it is miraculous. Russia vasillates from day to day on whether he believes in God, but when Lithuania says yes he thinks perhaps if there is a god he is something other than cruel. And he closes his eyes because every assent brings a tear to his eyes.
Lithuania should not love him. It is a terrible idea. Russia rends Lithuania's flesh because he enjoys it, so he can hear him whimper and sob, so he can lick blood as it dribbles from the welts on his back - and Lithuania loves him anyway.
Lithuania becomes annoyed, sometimes, when Russia pesters him. "Can I kiss you, can I pull your hair, can I taste your blood, can I fit another finger" and even though Lithuania's handsome face is contorted with pain, Russia can see the annoyance as he repeats himself: "I said yes, I always say yes, you do not need to ask, just do it."
But every yes is a miracle, so he will never stop asking.
Besides... maybe it is better that way. Even when he is blessed with Lithuania's absurd, ill-advised love, he has to remind himself, sometimes, that everything has a limit. Sometimes he dreams about cutting into Lithuania deeper than he could or should, and the image stays in his mind for days, teasing. Sometimes once he has come he realizes that Lithuania is unconscious and he doesn't know when that happened. He cradles him then, almost sick with worry, 'til Lithuania's eyelids flutter and he reassures Russia that he is fine.
Lithuania should not love him, because Russia knows that he is still dangerous. He is not the man he once was - the horrors of the past are mostly just nightmares and memories, now - but he is not to be trusted. He thinks that Lithuania, asleep in his arms, so weak and vulnerable, is shockingly foolish for a clever man, trusting someone like Russia. Someone who would hurt him so badly, and must restrain himself from doing so. Lithuania is a fool, but he is not a stupid man. Russia waits for the day when he will know better and leave. But while Lithuania stays, and says yes so many times every day, Russia can almost believe that the world is not bad.
Lithuania plays his nursemaid. The restraints by the bed are not just for playing - Russia has night terrors and after breaking Lithuania's nose with his thrashing they decide that something should be done. Lithuania is a light sleeper, and he knows to strap Russia's arms down when the night terrors begin.
Russia is embarrassed that Lithuania must take care of him in this way. Lithuania assures him that it is alright, that Russia takes care of him too. Russia wants to remind Lithuania that the only reason he needs taking care of is because he lets Russia hurt him. He doesn't say that, because there is a sadness in Lithuania's eyes whenever Russia says such things.
Lithuania is a fool and his continued error is the most precious thing in the world.