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Bad Pick-up lines Work Best

Summary:

Gendry's life is suddenly sprinkled with bad pick up lines--at first he ignores them, then he realizes they might all be from the same person and that person might just be the death of him.

In which Arya flirts hard and Gendry is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

It's finally complete!

[Slow burn until chapter 15]

Notes:

Forgive the small errors, I edit myself at 3am.

Chapter 1: The Fitting

Chapter Text

Gendry sipped the expensive scotch wondering when his life turned into something where top-self scotch was normal. He glanced up at Robb and Jon who stood on small platforms. He returned his focus to the conversation at hand.

“Why are you here again?” Robb asked looking at Sansa in the mirror as the tailor smoothed the fabric over his shoulders.

Gendry shared a look with Jon.

“Because someone has to make sure you get it right.”

“Isn’t that what he’s here for?” Theon asked throwing a thumb in Loras’ direction, “No offense mate,” he added with an apologetic look.

Loras shook his head, “I have a sense for fashion, but Sansa knows Marge, knows what she’ll want.”

Sansa’s teeth flashed in a bright smile and she kissed Loras’ cheek, “You’re such a good brother,” she shot Robb an exaggerated glare, “—unlike some others.”

“Oi! I resent that!”

Sansa stuck her tongue out but grinned nonetheless when Robb turned around to show them the final adjustments. “Well?”

“It looks sharp,” Bran said smiling.

“Yeah?”

Gendry saw a flash of uncertainty in the blue Tully eyes, and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Mate shut the fuck up, you’re the prettiest one here. Of course you look good.”

Robb and Jon both turned to Gendry at the same time. Robb looked pleased, Jon affronted.

“Thanks mate.” “I thought I was the pretty one!”

Gendry laughed, “That’s a question for Loras.”

They all turned to the Tyrell in question who held up his hands in defense, “I’m biased, I think Gendry’s the best looking one here, but that’s because he looks like his Uncle.”

Gendry grinned, saluting Loras and laughed with the others at Robb and Jon’s mock offense.

“Alright, that’s enough, Loras, Bran, Gendry, you’re up!”

Gendry put his scotch down and pushed himself to his feet, following behind Loras and Bran as they slipped into the curtained changing areas.

“Rickon, what in the hells is that?”

Gendry lifted an eyebrow as he changed into the pressed navy trousers, curious as to what Rickon had gotten into.

“A hat dear sister.”

“Go put it pack, the tie too!”

“Hey—Oi! Watch it!”

“And get off you’re phone.”

Gendry could her the sounds of a scuffle and then Rickon’s repeated “ow ow owowow.”

Sasna tsked. Theon, Robb, and Jon were laughing.

“Oi! Don’t! Sans I’m talking to Arya!”

“What?”

“Gods, give it back—that’s why I had my headphones in!”

There was the sound of people shifting, chairs scraping against the floor, and the sounds of siblings shoving. Then various calls of “Arya!”

Gendry slipped the jacket over his shirt, and gripped the edges of it, straightening it. He turned away from the mirror and slid the curtain back and stepped out.

One of the tailors motioned him to the stage where Bran and Loras already stood, two men attending to them. Gendry stood and watched from the mirror as Robb, Theon, Sansa, and Jon crowded around the phone Rickon held out in front of him.

“—well let’s see it Robb!”

Robb hopped up to where Gendry was, playfully shoving him out of the way. Gendry laughed, but obliged and stepped down.

“Just a sec—let me flip you ‘round.” Rickon said to the phone. He shifted the phone so it was more level and tapped on the screen, pointing it towards Robb.

Robb stood still then whipped his face toward the camera of the phone, he flipped one edge of his jacket back as he place a hand on his hip, and lifted an eyebrow, looking very much like an absolute cunt. “Well?” he asked dropping his voice as low as he could.

“Looking sharp bro!”

Gendry placed his glass back down and moved to switch places with Robb once again. As he was stepping up he heard a sharp whistle.

“Who’s that ass belong to because I’d tap that like a maple tree.”

Gendry’s eyes shot up and he looked toward Rickon through the mirror.

Sansa screeched indignantly but she was grinning, Theon and Rickon were laughing, Robb was spluttering, and Jon was rolling his eyes.

“Where the hell did you learn that line?”

“I’ve seen a cock before Robb, get over yourself.”

It was Robb’s turn to screech.

“But seriously,” the disembodied voice said from the phone, “I’d tap it dry!”

Gendry choked on his own spit, and began coughing.

“You touch her and you’re dead to me,” Robb said glaring at him.

Gendry nodded through his coughing, he could feel his face turning red and nodded to Bran in thanks when he offered him some water.

Catching his breath Gendry silently cursed at Robb’s narrowed eyes. He’d never even met the other Stark daughter, only heard stories, but she was certainly living up to her reputation because she was already causing trouble even from half a world away.