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Peter watches the news.
Watches Tony get down on one knee, fumble, drop the ring in front of a sea of reporters, and he laughs wetly because, what a Tony thing to do.
He watches Tony give his speech, staring up at Steve as if he singlehandedly hung the sun, the moon and all the stars in the sky, the most adoring smile on his face Peter has ever seen.
Steve says yes, of course he does, because why wouldn’t he, and he watches Tony slide the ring onto his finger, sealing it with a kiss as the cameras flash, and Peter furiously wipes away the tear in the corner of his eye.
There’s nothing quite as hard as watching the person you love, love someone else.
**
Peter watches Steve walk into the lab.
He’s cradling Morgan in his arms, and she’s calling for Tony. Peter watches Tony’s head turn, eyes lighting up like they do every single time without fail when he lays eyes on his daughter. Their daughter.
Tony drops everything. The tools in his hands and the pen in his mouth, abandoning the space beside Peter as he hurries over to his family, making grabby hands for the child in Steve’s hands. Peter remembers a time when Tony would look at him like that, drop everything for him, and he turns away, furiously wiping at the tear in the corner of his eye.
There’s nothing quite as hard as watching the person you love, live their life without you.
**
Peter watches Tony cry.
Bent in half on the couch, bottle of scotch dangling from his fingers between his knees, chest heaving with heart wrenching sobs that echo in the living room and leave him gasping for breath. Peter feels the unbearable sadness wash over him as he watches Tony’s heart break right in front of him.
He wishes he could go inside, wrap the man up in his arms and never let him go, but Peter knows his mentor would never let that happen. So Peter does what he can, clinging on to the window outside, wind whipping through his hair as he watches Tony try to cope with losing his husband to someone else, furiously wiping at the mix of rain and tears that streak his skin.
There’s nothing quite as hard as watching the person you love shatter in front of you.
Because you’ve been there, and you know exactly how heart break feels, and it’s something you wouldn’t wish even on your worst enemy.
**
Peter watches Tony move on.
He watches the man drag himself out of bed every day, go through the motions – put on a suit and attend board meetings, get changed and attend Avengers meetings, fake civility with Steve and fake a smile at Bucky, snark and gripe and verbally push away anyone who comes too close.
He watches Tony let him into the lab, less fake and more sincere and smile more genuine in his presence, a version of Tony he hasn’t seen in a long time.
A version he had missed.
Peter watches Tony fall asleep on the couch, head in his lap, looking more at peace than he ever has when he’s awake, furiously wiping the tears in the corners of his eyes.
There’s nothing quite as hard as wanting to take away the pain from the person you love, and being unable to do so.
**
Peter watches the news.
He likes to think the two of them were inevitable.
Orbiting each other, constantly in each other’s presence, joking and laughing and throwing witty one liners back and forth, gravitating towards one another at light speed.
It’s inevitable, Peter ending up in Tony’s lap, carding his fingers through impossibly soft hair, fingers stroking over aged skin, soft lips pressing against slight chapped ones, hidden away in the safety of the lab.
But they couldn’t hide forever, and now Peter watches the news, headline after headline tearing Tony apart, accusing him of all the horrible things Peter knows Tony could never even have imagined, and he watches Tony fake a smile and be polite even as he looks like he’s slowly dying inside, and Peter wipes furiously at the tear in the corner of his eye.
Because there’s nothing quite as hard as watching the person you love, love you like it’s the hardest thing they’ve ever done.