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The air in the car was hard to breathe. It was thick and laced with moisture, hot without really warming limbs.
That was however not the only reason for the nervously sucked in breaths and dry throats.
Mostly it was the two of them.
The tension was palpable and Loki thought, wiping his sweaty palms discreetly on his pants, it was not the pleasant kind either. They usually enjoyed this thing between them, the sibling bickering that was little more than flirtation roughened with a bit of shoving and swear words. They enjoyed the times when they watched a movie or a series together, seated on the couch under one blanket, legs pressed together as they pretended it was nothing. Or the way they could never hide their disdain when the other found somebody to date.
No, those were good. Loki loved those games. He loved playing them with his brother.
“We should crack a window open before we suffocate here,” Thor murmured next to him.
“Yeah, right. Have you grown gills?” Loki snorted in reply, raising his knee to rest it against the dashboard.
“It's not that bad.”
“It's very bad, Thor, that's why we're stuck here.”
“I'm gonna open one at the back seat. It doesn't matter if it gets a little wet.”
Loki didn't argue anymore. He could read Thor's mulish tone. Thor turned the key in the ignition and the car started with a low hum, the dash glowing and the wipers swiping furiously at the rivers of rain that ran down the glass. Loki focused on the erratic movement, his eyes flicking back and forth, trying to keep up with the rhythm. He ignored as Thor twisted in the drivers seat and clambered partly to the back, trying to reach the window opener. Loki could tell when he found it – both from Thor's intense swearing and from the spray of cold water that hit his neck.
He simply sighed and listened to the sounds of Thor fumbling to close the window again.
“Okay,” Thor panted, back in his seat, hair and sleeves of his hoodie sopping wet. “No window.”
They were parked at a tiny rest stop – nothing but one bench and a picnic table and couple of overflowing trash cans – in the middle of nowhere. They had been driving to join their parents and some relatives for a small family gathering at a country house (having insisted they would only drive up on Sunday, on their own, instead of “wasting the weekend” since the whole thing would be going on until Tuesday anyway) when the torrential rain stopped them. At the first sight of the storm, Thor had slowed down, but kept driving. Soon after though Loki's phone buzzed and their slightly panicked mother told them that the forecast was very serious and a warning was issued. Thor grimaced at that and told Loki they would go on – he was a good driver after all, he had his licence for almost two years.
Then a large tree branch narrowly missed the windshield and Thor stopped.
They couldn't keep the AC on to preserve gas and the car slowly grew suffocating.
Still muttering curses under his breath, Thor pulled the hoodie over his head and chucked it to the back seat. Then he stopped the engine again and Loki was left staring at the blurry, impenetrable wall of water.
Thor was so damn close. Wet and sweaty and frustrated. Loki could basically feel him.
“Wanna play twenty questions?” Thor asked after a couple of uncomfortable minutes.
“Fuck you.”
“Jeez. Fuck you too, then.”
Thor was an idiot and Loki was an even bigger one for feeling sorry.
It's not as if it was Thor's fault. It was both of them. Both of them fucked it up. Crossed the line.
Loki gradually became aware of the way Thor slumped in his seat, seemingly shrinking in size after Loki's rebuttal. Softie much? I tell him to go fuck himself ten times a day.
The question – sharply phrased to hide his worry – was just on the tip of his tongue when Thor spoke:
“You must fucking hate being here with me.”
“Well yeah, when you are being a grumpy asshole.”
“That's not what I mean, Loki,” Thor said, tone suddenly very soft even though his exasperation was apparent. Loki knew Thor was looking at him now, but he continued to stare stubbornly forward.
“Then what the fuck do you mean?”
Thor was silent for a long while and he finally spoke, it was very slowly, his tone controlled. “You're my little brother. And I just... I was out of line. I think – I'm afraid – fuck, I'm just sorry, yeah? I won't do it again.”
Loki's mind fought against the meaning of Thor's words for a while, but he couldn't stop it from dawning on him and horrible, violent anger filled his lungs when it did.
That fucking asshole. That goddamned small town coward.
And Loki had been scared too, yeah. Out of sorts and unsure. Jittery even. The sweet excitement from their games was replaced with something sharper, more intense. Scarier, but also better.
And now Thor was backing out, pulling some fucking taking-advantage or abuse card on Loki. It wiped every ounce of doubt or fear from Loki.
Nobody would take Thor away from him. Not even Thor.
“Like hell you won't,” he hissed at Thor, finally rounding on him. It was a wonder is line of thought wasn't lost though; Thor was wearing a dark blue shirt and his hair was wild and curling from the involuntary rainwater shower he took. The car was dim, but not dark – it was barely five in the afternoon, but the heavy clouds and rain dosed everything in deep grey. Amidst all of it, Thor's eyes were shining blue, contrasting with the blush on his cheeks. Whether he was flushed from the lack of air in the car or because of their conversation, Loki didn't know. “It was both of us. Like it always is.”
Thor rested his forehead against the steering wheel.
“I should know better.”
“That's bullshit.”
They had gone to a party the previous night, gleeful and excited. Parents out of town, time to go wild, that sort of thing. But the party had been a bust – no fun, nothing interesting happening, only heavy drinking going on. And so they had gotten drunk and bailed soon, wavering their way home across a couple of blocks. Thor had thrown his arm around Loki's shoulders less than halfway home and it stayed there. In the hallway Loki had tried to take off his shoes and fell, crashing into Thor and taking them both down.
And then they had kissed. Lips drunkenly smashed together with no coordination or finesse. It lasted no longer than three seconds.
They have never done anything even remotely like it. The closeness, often dressed up as laziness ( I'm too comfortable to move, so I will rather let you throw your feet into my lap ) was something they wanted, but it was... innocent. Well, no. It wasn't. But it at least looked like it. Loki had woken up in the late morning, head pounding and stomach turning from the cheap booze and his heart flew to his throat with shock when he remembered. He hadn't known how to act around Thor as they tried to get their stuff and be on the way some time after noon and it was clearly mutual, leading to the painful, tense silence.
But now? Now Thor solved that. Now Loki knew what he wanted.
Thor leaned back in his seat, running a hand through his hair and messing it further. Loki used the time to stealthily toe off his shoes and when Thor turned to him again, opening his mouth to speak, he rose from his seat in one smooth motion and threw a leg over Thor's thighs, settling himself in Thor's lap.
“Jesus, fuck, Loki, don't do this,” Thor exhaled, pressing himself back into the seat as far he could to get some space between his and Loki's chest. He covered his face with his hands.
“Because you're scared or because you don't want it?” Loki demanded, shuffling his knees so that the gear stick wouldn't press into his calf. The movement elicited a pitiful groan coming from behind Thor's hands.
“You're my fucking brother,” came a muffled reply.
“I'm aware.”
“And what, you just don't care?” Thor finally let his hands down and stared at Loki angrily instead. And Loki thought maybe he should back off. Thor was right of course, they were goddamned brothers and this was incest. But Thor's legs were hot underneath his own and he was just so beautiful. Loki imagined losing all this. The closeness. The heat of skin. Being allowed to look at that face.
“Please,” he whispered. “Thor, please.”
“You're not stupid,” Thor told him and Loki wanted to laugh. That was not exactly the way their conversations usually went. “You know how fucked up this is. You know all the things that could go wrong.”
“Yeah!” Loki yelped. “What are you fishing for, informed consent?”
“Fucking right I am!”
They glared at each other and then Loki sneered, incensed by Thor's doubt. “Consider me fucking informed then, you coward. Are you even gonna get it up or are you imagining yourself in a courtroom already?”
Thor stared at him with such a storm in his eyes that for a moment Loki was afraid he crossed a whole another kind of line and would find himself thrown into the rain. But then Thor burst into laughter and suddenly Loki was being crushed in a bear hug, a perfect, brotherly, full-body hug as Thor giggled into Loki's neck.
He shook his head with a huff and wrapped his arms around Thor's shoulders, sighing as the tension fled from him. They stayed like that for a while, breathing the thick air in heavily to calm down. Thor gave Loki's back a little rub and then leaned away to look Loki in the eye, pressing a gentle palm to Loki's cheek. It was an electric feeling and Loki stared.
“It's not about other people,” Thor murmured and Loki had to remind himself of the conversation they were having. “It's about you.”
“And I want it. I want you.”
Thor sucked in a breath, closing his eyes. “Shit.”
Loki was no longer poised artfully in Thor's lap, now he was relaxed and pressed close. They weren't done talking he supposed, but after the hug and Thor's laughter, he felt at ease again with the physically of the situation.
He let his hands slide up and down Thor's chest, marvelling at the feel of it. Never before he was allowed to do this. He could punch Thor, pinch him, slap him, tickle him, smack him, but never touch like this. He was transfixed. Thor let him do it but his gaze was sharply trained at Loki's face.
Loki wanted to speak, wanted to convince Thor further, wanted to drag him down to the same frenzy that Loki was feeling once confronted with the possibility of rejection, but the words were stuck in his throat. He was ready to resort to pleading again when Thor moved. He pressed their bodies flush again, but it could not be more different from before. Now his arm was around Loki's waist, possessively squeezing it and the other he curled around Loki's neck, thumb stroking Loki's jaw.
Yes, was Loki's only thought before Thor kissed him. If the previous night was a confused dream, this was vivid and real and very, very hot. Thor's taste was bright and sweet and Loki arched his back and parted his lips further to deepen the kiss and get closer .
But then Thor was pulling away and it was only thanks to the fact that he didn't go very far – his lips slipped from Loki's own to the edge of his jaw – that stopped Loki from whining out his complaint.
“Shit, shit,” Thor was saying against Loki's skin, his breath warm. “Oh fuck.”
And then his mouth was back on Loki's and they simply did not care anymore.
They kissed for what felt like an eternity, until they were breathless and their lips swollen and red. There was a tiny cut at the edge of Thor's upper lip from where Loki couldn't control himself and split it with his teeth. He stared at the speck of blood when they parted and then looked up to Thor's eyes, so dark in the dimness.
“Thor, oh my god...” he gulped, head swimming. He needed this. He would always need it.
“Are you good?” Thor asked, but his voice was rough and his hands were roaming; he lost that composure and reason from before. Loki was glad. He felt like he was jumping off a cliff and he didn't want to be doing it alone. His heart burned.
“Never fucking better,” Loki admitted, surging to nibble on Thor's earlobe. Thor briefly giggled at the sensation, but the sound quickly changed to a groan as Loki sucked the plump skin into his mouth. Thor grabbed his ass then, with both hands, squeezing and kneading and pressing their crotches together. Loki was so damn hard, he needed to-
He reached down and started tugging at the buckle of Thor's belt. He was preparing himself for another round of rejection and doubt from Thor, but he was pleasantly surprised instead. Thor let him open his pants and pull his boxers down enough to bare his cock.
“Holy shit,” Thor breathed when Loki circled his length with his hand. And Loki was nothing short of elated; Thor's cock was long and thick and very veiny and just... perfect. Hot and hard to the touch. His mouth felt dry and his heart was beating wildly. What was he doing?
Just what I've always wanted to do.
Thor was looking at him with wide eyes, suddenly very still as if he was afraid that moving would make Loki run away. He was very wrong about that.
“You're not the only one here with a cock, you know,” Loki said conversationally and stroked his hand up and down Thor's dick.
Thor was still for two more seconds and then he pounced, inasmuch a person sitting down with another person in their lap can pounce. He thrust his hips up to Loki's fist and caught Loki by the waist, smashing their lips together again. This kiss was hungry, Thor was really letting it go now, Loki noted as he opened his mouth to Thor's seeking tongue.
Oh and then there were the hands unzipping his pants.
Thor fumbled with the zipper and parted from Loki.
“Turn around,” he asked, sounding very excited and very breathless, which was frankly a music to Loki's ears.
Loki knelt up at the edges of the seat and pulled his zipper down completely. Then he slid one knee across Thor's thighs and twisted as Thor held him up. Before he sat down again, Thor pulled his pants and underwear down to bare his ass completely. Loki had to bite his lip as he seated himself; the rough material of Thor's jeans was pressing into his skin, he could feel the cold edge of the zipper as well, but mostly he could feel the burning heat of Thor's cock pressed to his back.
Thor embraced him tightly from behind them, burying his head in the crook of Loki's neck. Loki could feel him sucking in a deep breath and his heart fluttered. Then Thor's tongue peeked out from his mouth and slid down the column of Loki's neck, tasting and teasing.
Perhaps it was because Loki suddenly couldn't see his face, but Thor grew bolder and more vocal. He slid one hand to Loki's cock, toying with him gently – in a completely maddening, unfair way – and started whispering to Loki's ear, pressed so close that Loki could feel the words as well as hear them.
“You are fucking gorgeous... and you smell so good I want to eat you up.”
Loki briefly imagined all the things that Thor could mean by that and his cock twitched in need, which didn't go unnoticed. Thor chuckled and squeezed him in a firmer grip.
“Do you like this?” he asked, twisting his wrist and sliding a thumb over the damp cockhead.
“Why, are we having a competition?” Loki tried to joke despite the lack of air in his lungs.
“No, you shit, I want to make you come.”
Oh god, oh fuck.
Thor latched his mouth under Loki¨s ear, just where his jaw met his neck and sucked the spot lightly, his hand still sliding up and down.
“Thor,” Loki groaned, not sure if it was a complaint or a plea.
And Thor bucked his hips when he heard it and Loki could feel his cock rubbing against the small of his back.
“Thor, put your – rub yourself on my ass.”
He knew he flushed after he said that, but he didn't care. He wanted Thor to do it.
Thor lifted him a bit again – and fuck that meatball with those ridiculous arms – and pushed at his own cock until- oh holy fucking shit.
Loki sat back down and Thor let go of his cock and it sprung right between the cheeks of Loki's ass, the whole length pressed against the crack. The tip of Thor's cock was nudging Loki's balls and the small of Loki's back was now pressed flush to Thor's belly, right about the root.
It was hot. Thor's cock was so warm there and hard and Loki has never felt anything remotely similar, but it was perfect.
Thor seemed to be equally shocked and his slack mouth rested against Loki's cheek.
“Oh god,” Thor exhaled.
“Come on,” Loki urged him, his awe wearing off in favour of strong need. He rocked back and forth and it wasn't perfectly smooth, there wasn't enough precome on Thor's cock to really make him slide well, but it was enough. Thor remembered himself and resumed stroking Loki.
Loki twisted his neck as far as he could to kiss Thor or to let him pepper kisses all over Loki's face. In the corner of his eye, he saw that the windows were hopelessly misted over and he vaguely realized how sweaty and breathless they both were. Outside, the storm still raged.
“Loki-”
“Nghh!”
It was like a lightning shooting through him, nothing like when he was jerking off by himself. His body seized up and his whole spine tingled and he was wound so tight until – until he wasn't, he was letting go and it was so, so sweet. He came over Thor's fist and his pants, breathing hard and mouthing at Thor blindly, reaching for a kiss.
Thor stroked and held him through it, finally tilting his head just right for them to kiss properly. Through the haze, Loki felt him start to move, quickening the pace of his hips thrusting and he tried to shake his stupor off because he wanted to feel this. He ground his own hips down and rocked them and then Thor tightened his arms around Loki with a shout and Loki felt hot wetness exploding between his legs.
Loki dropped his head back and rested it on Thor's shoulder. They relaxed, boneless and warm until they started to realize that the air was unbreathable and that they were terribly messy from all the spunk.
“Okay,” Loki sighed. Then it was just a fumble, getting from Thor's lap, searching for tissues (there were even some baby wipes, which solved a lot of their problems), zipping up their pants.
And then they were sitting there, Thor in the driver's seat, Loki shotgun and the rain was still falling hard, like nothing has changed.
A whole fuckload has changed.
Loki froze up, afraid of what was going to happen.
“I just hope you never hate me for this,” Thor said in an even tone and leaned over to Loki to kiss him on the lips.
“This- the sex?” Loki asked stupidly.
“Yeah,” Thor nodded, a sad smile. “I want you... I... I love you.”
“Well, so do I!” Loki blurted, the words tearing from him with force. “So just... shut up, okay?”
Later, they would start the car and blast the AC to get some air. Even later, when the rain eased, they would drive slowly with the windows open, to chase the scent of their sex out and to get wet enough to make their stained clothing, sweaty skin and tousled hair less obvious. But not yet. Now, there was invitingly looking back seat waiting for them.