Chapter Text
He sat alone in the middle of a world of black and white, so different from his own. Darkness lingered in anything and everything, lacing with pure white snowflakes that silently made their way to the ground, forming a soft blanket. The man remained motionless as the ghost of a smile appeared on his face. He laughed bitterly at the sight of black and white mingling with each other. This world was, in a way, the embodiment of Allen and him... where he was the merciless, pitch black night, threatening to devour everything, losing touch with all that was humane, and Allen was the white innocent snow that silently sought to ease his solitude. To comfort him. To remind him of what he used to be. Golden eyes slipped closed as he allowed himself to sink into the soft snow. Countless thoughts rushed back at him, swirling in his mind one after another, calling for him. He didn't mind. Not at all.
After a while, the cold surrounding him was replaced by a soft warmth. The source of that warmth? He did not know it. Even so, something felt certain to the Noah... this warmth was by no means something to fear. It felt like the embrace of an old friend welcoming him back home. One name slipped past the young Noah's lips as he drifted off to a state that was neither sleep, nor awareness. His voice was merely a whisper, yet the feelings he conveyed were strong. Familiarity. Gratitude. Appreciation. Love. All for that very specific person, all through a simple name which, to him, held more importance than the world itself.
"Allen..."
Next time he opened his eyes, Nea found himself resting in the place he adored the most – Cornelia. Awakened by the most gentle touch of the wind that danced through his hair, it took some time until he realized that he wasn’t alone. Someone was definitely with him. Watching him from right under the tree. Silver eyes glinted with fondness when they met his, although their true beauty couldn't really be perceived thanks to a pair of ridiculously huge glasses. Long red hair fluttered in the wind, as soft-looking as silk, while a smile as dazzling as the sun graced his pale features.
"Ah! You're finally awake," the redhead exclaimed joyfully, the tone of his voice as melodious as ever. It was always good to wake up to such a beautiful voice. "Good morning, Nea~"
Eyes narrowing, the dark haired young man stared for a while at the sun that was clearly setting. He automatically lifted a brow in confusion and tried to mutter a simple "But it's not morning, Allen-" He failed miserably. His voice hoarse after the presumably long sleep, he gestured helplessly, asking for a glass of water.
Allen snorted at Nea's almost desperate movements and, lifting a finger to his lips, he gazed towards the large tray filled with water glasses. "I knew you'd need water when you woke up, so I brought lots!" The redhead's statement pulled a satisfied grin from Nea. He was so glad that Allen was around at times like these. He was a real pleasure to talk to. They could talk for hours, about anything and everything. About wars, about peace, about creation and distruction, about beginnings and endings, thousands of them, all in different lights, from different sides. Allen knew them all. The stories he shared, no one else could even dream to share. The experience he had, no man could even hope to obtain. And even so, his heart remained pure. Untainted. That's one of the multiple reasons why Nea admired his friend. But above all, he had to admit, he loved Allen for making his solitude feel even a tiny bit less painful.
"Come down here, it feels really nice~!" The cheerful tone interrupted his train of thoughts and reminded him of how thirsty he was. Under normal circumstances, he would have prefered to sit on Cornelia as he drank his water, but if Allen invited him so nicely, well... he could make an exception this time.
Jumping off of the tree, he landed with absolute precision and snatched one glass of water from the tray. Then one more. The third and the fourth one weren't really a necessity for him, but water felt really soothing for his burning throat, so he figured he'd just drink anyway. Allen silently watched him until he finished, his expression content. Then he crouched down beside the tree and gestured for Nea to do the same. Soon enough, they found themselves enjoying one moment of intimate silence as the sun fully sunk into the golden fields. They sat close to each other, Nea's head resting against the redhead's shoulder. His thoughts seemed to be far away as he absently played with Allen's hair, gently twining his fingers in the other's locks.
"Hey, Allen?" Nea finally decided to break the silence, eyes slowly moving up to meet the redhead's gaze.
"Hm? What is it?" came the natural response, as Allen abandoned the book he was reading somewhere nearby. His attention then shifted to Nea.
"It's a weird thing to ask, but" the dark haired man trailed off as he thought of an appropriate wording for his question. "Have you been calling out to me? I have a feeling I kept hearing your voice in my dream, but I'm not sure if it was really a dream-"
"I did call for you. But no matter what I did, you wouldn't wake up, you wouldn't even move," the redhead confessed with a huff. "So I decided to wait until you came back from the dream world~"
Lips curving up into a proud smile, Nea replied "I knew it. I knew I heard your voice."
"Did I disturb your sleep?" Allen muttered, adopting a questionable stance. Nea frowned, and it took all of his willpower to not nudge him.
"No. Your voice never disturbs me. It's calming and beautiful." The frankness in Nea's tone pulled a faint blush from Allen. God bless the glasses for being there to serve as a mask to his now flustered face. Otherwise, Nea would never shut up.
"Thank you. This makes me happy." He was suprised, and rightfully so, that his voice hadn't wavered at all as he spoke. He let out a sigh. That was a close call. Then he suddenly remembered he also had an important question for his friend. "So... do you remember what your dream was about?"
The question was sudden and it made Nea pause to think, his head tilting to a side, in a gesture that Allen had come to know all too well. "What I dreamed about?"
"You told me you heard my voice in your dream," the redhead clarified. "I was wondering if you remembered anything else. The dark haired man moved slightly, but didn't break the contact between them. He liked being this close to Allen after all.
"I don't really remember anything else," Nea confessed with a hum. "It was a strange dream, that's all I can tell."
"I see. Then... I guess we could ignore it. But Nea?"
His gaze turned serious. "Yes, I know. I'll tell you if I sense anything out of place." Allen shot him a thankful look. This was one of the many reasons why he liked spending time with the man. Sometimes, he would be the one to anticipate the redhead's needs, just like Allen did for him on various occasions.
...Little did he know that the dream he had had... would turn out to be the very premonition of a dark, unsettling future.
Ever since Mana started drifting away from him, he'd spend hours with Allen, in the library or outside, or maybe just laying on the sofa at the end of the day, watching the sunset together. He would find pleasure in reading the books Allen recommended, although he wouldn't consider himself an enthusiastic reader.
One day, when he was instructed by Allen to pick a certain book and wait for his return, he made a real mess of the library, since the redhead never told him that the mentioned book wasn't even in the library in the first place. It was in his room.
Brought about by the unmistakable sound of something falling apart and by the unnecessary loud shriek following it, the redhead felt how his soul had started detaching itself from the body at the sight of Nea swimming in a sea of books.
"My... researches. These books... they were ordered alphabetically-" There was horror in his eyes which soon got replaced by an intense glare. "It took me HOURS to get this arrangement done, Nea, what in the world were you thinking??"
The dark haired man struggled to get further away from Allen, that is, until his back met one of the lower bookshelves and forced him to stop. No good. He could sense murderous intent coming from the redhead. It was faint, but it was still there and it made him shiver.
After a while, Nea snapped. "Where is that book you recommended for today anyway?! I've been looking for it for the past half an hour!"
"Well, these were sorted properly! If you couldn't find it here upon your first try, consider looking for it in my room, thank you very much!" His arms crossed and a relatively angry pout on his face, Allen looked away from the man, and then to the floor. He picked up the largest book he could find and patted Nea's head with it.
"Oww-" was the natural reaction, followed by a pout of his own.
"You're cleaning," the redhead demanded in his usual calm tone, part of him amused, but trying his best not to show it. "I'll be waiting for you in the study room. DON'T even think of running away from this one!"
A groan escaped from Nea's throat as he watched Allen go. He scratched his head in annoyance, glaring at the books with narrowed eyes. "Next time you fall on my watch, I'll make sure you pay-!"
It took him another half an hour or so, to rearrange the whole shelf, but once he did, he headed for the study room with a proud grin pulling at the corners of his lips. Allen was there, casually sipping from his tea, as promised. The only difference is that this time he had brought Mana too. The twins exchanged a few glances and smiled at each other before they both took a seat near the redhead and Mana's arm rested around Nea's shoulders. They remained silent, waiting for Allen to finish his tea.
Once he was done, he placed the empty cup on the coffee table in an elegant manner, turning his full attention to the two men in front of him. "You're probably wondering why I decided to call both of you here, am I right?" He was smiling. Did something good happen?
"Knowing you, maybe you're going to tell us you've made the greatest discovery yet," Nea joked, to which Allen replied with a playful "nope~" before throwing in further details.
"You remember what you've asked me weeks ago? Nea especially. Knowing our current situation, and thinking it might turn out to be a huge help, you requested me to talk to my scientist friend. About a new type of golem."
"Uwaah!! Is it done already?" both of them asked with sheer excitement dancing in their eyes, practically cornering Allen on the couch.
Allen shot them a beaming smile in return, while he totally didn't mind the closeness and reached out towards a small bag from under the table. "This," he said as he proceeded to open the bag, "is Timcanpy. I hope you're gonna be good friends with him~"
The twins leaned in to peek at the being that sat motionless inside. The golem was a beautiful shade of gold and every detail, from its small body to its wings, then his curly tail seemed to please both Nea and Mana. They stared in awe, muttering words of praise for the work of art. Suddenly, the small golem awakened from his slumber and went about the room, frantically searching.
"Oh- He's probably investigating the teritory," Allen commented with a chuckle. "He's a smart boy. He should get used to the mansion soon. Try calling for him, any of you."
The first that said his name was of course Nea. He looked really impressed with their new little friend and definitely wanted to get closer to him. "Come here, Timcanpy!" Stopping mid air, the golden newcomer turned his attention to the voice he had heard. He excitedly flew back to the couch, finding himself a good nest on top of Nea's head...
"Whoa, he really came to you!! He's so cute~!" Mana exclaimed, giggling. "Now, Timcanpy," he said, managing to catch the golem's attention. "My name is Mana. This one you're resting on is my brother, Nea. Welcome to our home~!" Timcanpy seemed to analyze the two of them for a moment, comparing them silently. Then, with a small 'graa' of acceptance, he left his place on Nea's head to come rest on Mana's shoulder instead.
"I feel betrayed. It hurts." At that, Allen laughed softly, reassuring Nea that Tim liked them both.
"But really. Your friend is a genius!" Nea complimented, his eyes glinting with fascination. "I want to meet him and thank him-"
"You don't." the redhead interrupted swiftly, with a dramatic cough. "Trust me. You really don't."
They continued their peaceful conversation and the room filled with laughters as Allen narrated a few of his experiences with his unusual friend. He seemed... interesting based on the redhead's description, and a little bit too excentric. When Mana jokingly asked Allen about how he had met him, well... he prefered to keep the comments to a minimum.
How satisfying it would have been, and how perfectly fitting... if their lives had remained simple, just like that. But on one fateful morning, as Nea woke up to a horrible headache, he noticed a row of stigmatas had appeared on his forehead. They were like fresh wounds and he couldn't see clearly. Moreover, he could barely stand. Both his eyes and his skin had changed their colors, gaining a darker aspect. He was a Noah. And completely unprecedented. A stranger.
Allen had stayed by his side the whole night, desperately trying to ease his pain and offer him a good sleep. His last good sleep. That memory... it still hurt to think of it. About how he needed to run. How every single day of his life had become a race for his life. About how he soon lost his most important people and himself. To the merciless specter of war. Both Noah and Innocence... were wicked. Beings consumed by madness. He tried to change that and failed. His resolution failed. He ached to go back in time, towards that memory of a burning hot sunset. Back to the time when there was nothing to disturb him, just his loved ones and Cornelia, the place where he could listen to the wind.
"Nea! Answer me, Nea! Nea!!"
A voice... calling for him? Who was it? It felt so familiar and so warm. His eyelids fluttered helplessly as he tried to took towards the owner of the voice. He saw red. So much red. Flames danced everywhere, alarming and set to destroy. His body felt limp and he could barely move anymore.
"Al...len. Why are you...here? Run away... plea...se." His words were barely audible. It hurt to look at him. It hurt to breathe the air that he was breathing.
"Are you telling me to let you die here?? I won't... I will never do... such a thing!" His calm demeanor long gone, Allen kneeled and embraced the Noah, as a single hot tear ran down his cheek. The redhead simply held him in his arms, warmth surging through them both, yet... it wasn't quite enough. "Nea. I resolved to protect you. You and Mana are like my family. Whatever I can do to help you, I will do."
"I can't... be saved any..more."
"You can." He inhaled softly, nuzzling against Nea's chest before he stood back up. "Nea... use me. Your memories... I will protect them until you return. No matter what!"
"I... can't do this to..you." He attempted a glare, but even that felt nearly impossible. "You... are you trying to throw... your life away... for the likes of me?"
"I want you to live on, Nea. I want you to reach your goal. I believe your path is the right one. Not to mention..." The redhead trailed off, confusing him. Nea reached out and Allen took his hand almost automatically. Golden and silver met one another, one pleading, the other filled with resolve.
"I love you," the redhead whispered. "Your stubborness, your goofiness, your maturity... the way you smile, the way you laugh, your little head tilt that you rubbed off on me. Your way of thinking and everything else. I want to be the one who keeps them alive..."
Silence. But the red tears that uncontrollably ran down Nea's face served as a proof of him understanding the message.
"Will you... grant my wish? Nea."
He did. And in that moment, he swore to himself... that he will end the war. He won't turn back. He'll save Mana and bring him back home. So that Allen's sacrifice wouldn't be in vain.
Before he knew it, he was back to the black and white world. Whatever was before it shattered to pieces, leaving him with nothing else but bitter regrets. The Allen he knew and the Allen of now... they were completely different, yet somehow similar. Something about them felt undeniably similar.
"Hey, Allen. Won't you come back to me? I need you." A deep frown pulled at the corners of his lips as he played the same words in the back of his head. The words that Allen had told him a long time ago. They still resounded in the back of his mind, like a melody in which love, hope and hellish despair waltzed together.
"Back then, you were the only one. The only one who dared to give me hope. You sacrificed everything for my sake. And yet now-" A gentle touch upon the carpet of snow surrounding him, he looked as if he was about to cry. But he didn't. Even tears got tired of him and refused to come out. "Now we are enemies... and I'm in a bind. But you know, Allen? We can go back to how we were, if that is what you desire, too."
The white haired's words were like a puzzle in his mind. He remembered them piece by piece, yet they didn't seem to fit with one another. I am Allen Walker! An exorcist! I will never become the 14th! He gritted his teeth. That name... how he hated it. And to think Allen would get to call him that set every single part of his body on fire. The fire of rage.
I love the Church where Lenalee and the others are at. My home... that was what the current Allen had said. He saw it thanks to Timcanpy. He took his time to understand and accept that the Allen he knew was no longer around. And yet... Why did it feel so wrong? The Noah pushed back his irritation, closing his eyes once more.
"What have they done to you?..."
His only relief were the words he'd come to hear afterwards. They were comforting. He found them painfully funny, too. Because Allen had been the one to know him best. I want to know about the 14th. Because... I know nothing at all!
"You're a curious one, Allen. Right now, you are wandering between two sides, unable to decide between them. You want both and you want none. You feel like something's wrong too, right?" A chuckle went past his lips as he remembered his oath to never turn back and accomplish his goal. "What am I doing, really. Our time is running out, and yet-" He took a deep breath and tried anticipating Allen's next move. His own next move. He was met by uncertainty and a slight glimmer of hope that mingled with it. His expectations. Was he really allowed to believe in them?
The 14th... Nea. I will search for you.
"Are you sure, Allen?" he asked, just to receive no answer in return. He couldn't understand why... he wanted his friend back, but the hurt in his chest never ceased when he thought about this Allen disappearing. Suffering. He'd suffered enough, he thought. It's enough.
"I will take all of your pain upon myself from now on, just like you took my pain upon you back then," he declared, gazing up at the snowflakes that charmingly flickered above him. "So please. Come back to me."
I need you.
And you need me.
-To be continued-