Chapter Text
When Grian first awoke, he was blearily aware of muddled conversations going on somewhere around him. His eyelids felt too heavy to open. The sounds mixed with one another, hushed and overlapping, but he couldn't acquire the strength to focus on any one voice.
He drifted off once more.
The second time wasn't much better. He still felt like he was adrift in a void, this time darker, but he could feel a presence somewhere near him, accompanied by a shuffling sound as he stirred.
Numbness creeping back over his body, he took in as deep a breath as he could.
"Hey, Doc, get..."
And he fell into unconsciousness again.
The third time, seemingly coming out of a nightmare he had no memory of, he was breathing a little quicker, much more aware of the way his chest heaved and fingers twitched at his side. His eyes shot open, adjusting to the very dimly lit room, fixed on the ceiling.
He heard a bit of murmuring off to his left, and from his right, a soft hand rested on his forearm.
"You alright, love?"
It was a feminine voice, soft and sweet, slightly accented.
"Netty?" Grian murmured, feeling his heart rate slow ever so slightly.
"Hm?"
Eyes finally focusing in the dark room, he sat up suddenly, blood rushing to his head as he did so. Left hand flying to his head, he let out a pained noise, keeping still until the dark spots in his vision faded.
Eyes darting to the shocked girl beside him revealed that it was not Netty, from what he could make out, it was a petite girl with short brown hair and big eyes.
"What..?" Grian choked out. His voice was so raspy that he barely registered it as his own.
"Oh, dear, you're awake!" The hand left his arm, leaving an icy feeling. He shivered.
"Who..."
The girl smiled nervously. He was vaguely aware of the deathly silence on the other side of him.
"Ah, right, I'm Stress," she started up again, her voice now growing more cheery, "Welcome!"
Grian blinked at her owlishly.
"First arriving is always a little disorienting," she continued, laughing lightly. "What's your name, love?"
The louder her voice grew, Grian noted two things.
Her accent had become much more apparent, and he absolutely couldn't stand the sound of her talking.
"Wait," he muttered, growing frustrated despite himself. Stress said something quietly, but stopped herself and stilled.
Pushing his fingers through his hair and grinding his nails against his head, Grian closed his eyes and breathed.
And suddenly they shot open once more.
"No.." he whispered, the realization daunting on him, digging his fingers into his skull. "No, no no no no no..."
His voice edged on manic as his breathing grew more labored and uneven, bringing his other hand up to pull at the collar.
"NO!" Grian's eyes were flaring and panicked now, darting around the room of unfamiliar people, bursting out into a sob when Stress reached to touch his shoulder.
Stress retracted her arm in a panic. "Doc, X, do-!"
The next thing Grian remembered doing was opening his eyes to gaze at the wall in front of him, smooth, polished andesite with a gap of glass between two sections, lava bubbling and gurgling behind it.
Tracing the pattern of the wall with his eyes, he lay there, just breathing, willing himself not to think about anything.
That didn't last long, as the dreadful ability to think flooded him, making him blink hard several times.
He recalled the previous experience he had, with the girl he had startled in his blind panic some time ago, and the other strangers that watched him struggle, trying to figure out what to do.
He realized that someone must have helped him calm down at some point, or perhaps, someone had forced him back into an unconscious state.
He knew he was somewhere new.
Blue and red swam through his mind. He remained silent. He continued to observe the pattern on the walls, intricate, but unsymmetrical in a few places. He tried hard not to think.
Footsteps.
He couldn't ignore the sound, hearing them clop into the room he was in. Sounded like fancy dress shoes, he noted.
Reluctantly, Grian pushed himself to a sitting position, resting on his hands behind him and staring at his lap. He knew he would have to deal with someone at some point, but he just wasn't ready.
"Ah," he heard, and he knew, with an overwhelming sense of dread filling the pit of his stomach, that it was time to think again.
Turning his head slowly upwards and to his left, he was met with the sight of a ridiculously tall man with a ridiculous mustache in ridiculously dressy clothes.
"Who the hell wears a suit around the house?" Was the first thing that came out of Grian's mouth, slipping out unintentionally in his tired state.
The man looming over him let out a small, surprised laugh, taking a seat at the foot of the bed Grian lay in. Grian shifted his legs towards himself uncomfortably, making more room.
A bit of silence.
"This isn't evo, is it?"
The question was barely a question, delivered flatly, devoid of any emotion. Grian's face betrayed little more than his tone.
"No," the man said, seeming unsure of himself.
A bit more silence. Grian closed his eyes.
"Silly question, but are you alright?"
Grian nodded, trying to prepare an even, cool tone to speak with.
"Are you sure?" The concern in the other man's eyes seemed genuine. "You didn't seem to be, when you first woke up. Since then, we decided to move you here so you wouldn't get too overwhelmed by so many sights and sounds."
"Yeah," said Grian flatly, "Where is it, then."
His companion fiddled with the end of his sleeves. Grian's eyes focused on that, not wanting to look a person in the eyes any longer. The concern from this stranger was gnawing at him, too difficult to deal with.
"Ah, right, I suppose I'm supposed to introduce you.."
The man cleared his throat. "My name is Mumbo. You're in my base right now, which is one of many belonging to the other Hermits. Most of us live in separate factions, but have a shared shopping district, and see eachother more often than not."
"Where you first woke up... was in the shopping district, where we'd set up a sort of medical tent and took shifts staying with you until you woke up. Right now, we're in the futuristic district. This is my temporary base, hence why it's not very futuristic."
"We weren't really expecting a newcomer this time around, to be honest, but it looks like you're the newest hermit." Mumbo smiled gently down at him, and Grian shrank back further. "And so, we welcome you to Hermitcraft."
Grian took a deep breath, attempting to process the information.
"Okay," he began carefully, "So what am I meant to do?"
"Ah, that's right, we were thinking you could have a spot in the futuristic district as well, as there's an open spot close to my base..."
Grian nodded, swallowing thickly. "One more thing."
"Sure!" Mumbo seemed nice enough. Grian swallowed down any words of gratitude that had risen in his throat on instinct.
"Can you tell me who the other hermits are?" He dared not to let any hope creep into his voice, and he succeeded, but instead spoke with desperation.
"You seem to be adjusting rather well, all considered! Ah, anyways, well, there's me, Xisuma, Doc, Ren..."
Grian listened blankly as Mumbo rattled off the names. He didn't recognize a single one. His heart felt heavier than it had ever been.
"What's your name, by the way? None of us caught it."
"Grian. How do I leave here?"
Mumbo hesitated, a bit startled by the sudden question. "You could stay here for a bit while you get started, if you need."
"No, thanks. How do I leave here?"
It'd been about two months since Grian had shown up in Hermitcraft. Building was something he was very familiar with, so while adjusting to the reality that he'd been ripped away from his home once again, that was what he consumed his time with.
Nothing had stopped hurting. He still felt sick every time he thought of the past, which never seemed to actually leave his mind, causing him to be in a constant state of illness.
The person who'd been by his side for everything...
After gathering enough materials while living in his aquatic starter base, he started on an enormous project, head filled with the need to hurry, although he knew he was in no rush.
He was no longer here.
The other "hermits" had stopped by quite a few times.
The first was his neighbor, Mumbo, checking in on him.
He had been a bit rude to the man, being quite short with him, and though it hurt him to do so, especially since the man was so oblivious.
Mumbo had finally taken the hint, though, and let him be for the most part.
The second was a man clad in a full suit named Xisuma, asking if he was doing alright adjusting, if Mumbo had explained everything okay, if he needed any help, and god, the man just asked too many damn questions. He gave short and blunt replies while trying to make it as apparent as possible that he'd like to be left alone.
It worked, and Xisuma hadn't visited him much since, besides the occasional check-in, or to ask to borrow material.
The third was his neighbor again, about a week after he'd awoken.
"Hey, Grian, I don't mean to come off as accusatory in any way, but..."
Grian looked up from where he was organizing his chest to see Mumbo, looking uncharacteristically guilty.
His neighbor's eyes saddened. "...but, you haven't really made an effort with any of us since you came here."
Grian was prepared for this to happen, a mean-spirited, sarcastic grin spreading across his face. "What're you gonna do, cry about it?"
"I..."
He felt guilty seeing the look of hurt cross his neighbor's face, but he was spared the sight as Mumbo turned on his heel with a quiet apology and took off out of his base.
The fourth, and most painful, about a month later, was Stress, the girl who held his arm as he came out of his nightmare, the first person he'd met in this god forsaken place.
She seemed to be such a sweet person, wanting to see how he was doing and perhaps go for a day out, but her voice sounded a bit too familiar for his taste, and it physically hurt to talk to her.
"I thought we could hang out, though, the others and I would absolutely love to get to know you, promise!"
Trying not to be too harsh, he explained plainly that he'd rather be left alone, and she kindly obliged.
Most of the others had stopped by at some point to say hello, and introduce themselves briefly. To this, Grian simply did the same and signaled nonverbally that he wanted to be left alone.
It was terrifying how easy it could be to isolate yourself.
Grian wasn't a bad person, and he definitely wasn't mean, or rude, or anything he came across in these interactions.
Hell, he didn't even want to do this. He loved people. He valued his friends more than anything.
But he'd be damned if he was going to let himself grow close to any of these people when he knew they'd just be torn away from him again some day.
So he did what he had to. Bitter and spiteful, he kept to himself, only flying to others' bases to pull stupid pranks, their disappointed looks causing him to laugh midair, cynical and empty. He hardly felt like himself, but he did what he thought that he had to.
His base was coming along quite nicely despite being such a large project. Slowly building upwards with stained concrete and glass, it was beginning to be quite impressive. He spent the majority of his time on it.
And for a little, everything was fine, in the most fragile, horrible way that made his head and heart ache terribly.
His temporary numbness was shattered when one of the hermits dropped in, asking to talk. His heart dropped, looking up at the larger, bearded man, who he vaguely remembered as Iskall.
"Okay," Grian swallowed.
They took seats opposite of eachother, both resting on the shulker boxes that littered Grian's floor.
"What's with you?" Iskall asked bluntly, leaving no room to avoid the question.
Grian opened his mouth to say something, and closed it. He looked down at his hands, not knowing how to respond.
Fortunately or unfortunately, Iskall filled the silence for him. "Ever since you showed up, you've barely talked to any of us. You've been nothing short of disrespectful to everyone who's offered you help. What's your problem, man?"
Grian shook slightly, trying to add some sort of edge, some sort of bite to his words. "I don't have a problem. Mind your business."
It just came out weak and pained.
Iskall raised his voice, clearly growing fed up with Grian's lack of cooperation.
"If you need something, you can just ask one of us, you know that, right?"
"I don't need to, and if luck's on my side, I never will."
"Whatever, man, if you keep this up, you're going to die alone here," the other man said, visibly frustrated. "You realize this is an active decision you are making?"
"I know," Grian managed through gritted teeth.
"More power to you."
With an eye roll and a quick elytra adjustment, Iskall turned and made a begrudging exit from his base.
As soon as his companion left, Grian sucked in a breath and pressed his back against the wall roughly, sinking down to the floor and bracing for impact. He felt the attack build and build, swelling until his breath caught in his throat and waited for it to crash down on him and pull him deep under, waiting, almost begging to be engulfed.
But it never hit.
It trickled away like water at the beginning of a creek, flowing through the cracks of his mind and dampening the ground below him, leaving him with nothing but silence for company.
There was a fragile sort of chaos about it, a tender and aching feeling pushing through his lungs and soaking the creek dry.
He grasped at anything around him, deathly silent, but everything felt like rough fabric and burned at his skin until he couldn't feel at all anymore.
He did need to, desperately, but dammit, he just couldn't.
He woke up just a few hours later, late into the night, in the same place and position, pain shooting through the side of his neck.
Cracking it painfully, he managed to stand, keeping steady by pressing his hand against the cool wall. His head throbbed and he grew lightheaded. Figures.
And that was the night he realized.
He needed to figure out how to go back.
By any means necessary.
Stepping away from the wall, his hand dropped, and so did the helpless feeling in his heart, now filling with hurt and resolve all the same.
Feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline, he grabbed several items from his ender chest and dashed across the room, jumping and taking flight easily, making his way through the night sky to his neighbor's base.