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Then you came
Park Woojin was six when he met Jeon Woong.
Woojin thinks he’s adorable, in his brightest orange sweater and green mittens waving enthusiastically in front of his him. He’s smiling so wide Woojin thinks his eyes have disappeared. He thinks it’s too adorable like the world suddenly feels a lot better with the older one around. Woojin gets conscious of his smile with Woong smiling like the epitome of sunshine.
Woong thinks Woojin is dumb. A little dumb. A little show off. A little too eager. A little too hyper. He’s not wearing a muffler nor mittens and it’s freezing outside. Yet, Woong keeps mum about it. It’s not like he’s used to the new city of Busan in his eyes. He’s a stranger and his mom asks him to be well-mannered to other people they meet.
So Woong bows ninety degrees to Mrs. Park and her son with the widest smile he can muster because he is not about to give up his favorite chocolate milk.
Woong continues the façade of him smiling yet he still thinks of the boy as dumb dumb dumb.
Found me
When Park Woojin was ten, he fell in love the first time.
There’s a sudden rush of cold breeze today and Park Woojin likes it a lot. He likes the air and coldness seeping right through him in the spring.
His dance lesson ends earlier today so he runs to the English academy next to their studio where he sees Woong with his back pack on, eyes train on the ground.
Woojin panics inside a little because he’s not used to seeing the older sad so he leaves his Pooh bag on the floor and runs to him. He cups his face with his hands and little Woojin halts from where they stand.
Woong is supposed to be unpretty. Snot and tears on his face should make him not adorable. But Woojin thinks it’s so unfair because even with puffy face and reddened eyes, the adorableness wouldn’t go away.
“Woongie hyung?” Woojin calls, rubbing the elder’s back with his hands. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
Woong steps backward, wiping the tears with both of his hands and answers, “They told me I wouldn’t be a good singer. They said I cannot sing well, Jinnie.”
The younger gasps from the revelation. It’s not like he’s heard his friend sing before. He really hasn’t, but he’s not sure how the world can be mean to a twelve year old boy dreaming. He knows how it feels. Not exactly per se but his Mom has taught him to be grateful of all the things (even Yerim). So with his fists on a clench, he dubs the fears and pains away.
Then little Woojin raps. He’s not even sure if the lyrics fit, his little mind cannot comprehend the lyrics well because he’s only heard it when his Deok-ssaem was listening to it a few weeks ago. It’s not like he really has rapped to anyone before (except the mirror that holds all his dreams and passion).
Jeon Woong freezes. His tears dry as he watches in fascination and adoration as the younger spits words that neither can he comprehend. But then it’s with a rhythm and addictive just like Woojin. No matter how messy one is, you’d become attached to it.
Once Woojin finishes a verse, Woong lights up and claps his hands like a seal. “That was so good, Woojinie! Are you going to be a rapper someday?”
Now, Woong thinks Woojin is the most beautiful human being he’s ever laid his eyes on.
Woojin smiles, all bright and snaggletooth and rings his arm around his shoulders. “You can be a singer and I can be a rapper. We can make our own group.”
The tiny hope inside his heart grows by the thought of a group with Park Woojin and he nods eagerly, putting his arm on the other’s waist as they happily walk away from their academies, shouting, “We’ll be together forever and ever and ever!”
And no matter what I do
When Woojin was thirteen, he thought he fell in love with another girl.
That’s what Woojin, or Woong thinks. There’s a girl named Eunjin from his grade. She’s really pretty like a doll with doe eyes and fair skin like Snow White’s. Everyone likes her in their class.
Woojin thinks she also looks pretty but he guesses that his best friend is prettier than her even if he’s a boy. He doesn’t say so, though, because it’s going to sound weird for them.
So when Woong convinces him to say he likes her, he does and is rejected and maybe because he isn’t good looking enough just like what they tell him repeatedly. He’s just funny but his face is ugly.
“Hold up.” Woong cuts him off, stopping himself from swinging higher. “Are you telling me she told you that you’re not good looking?”
Woojin faces his best friend with a pout and nods. “I think most of our classmates think of the same way, hyung. Look at my skin! Don’t most kids have fair skin? Look at mine, it’s dark!”
“Woojin ---”
He pulls his lips and shows him his snaggletooth and complains, “Even my tooth is weird. Eunjin is the prettiest in the class so of course she’d think of me badly, too.”
What he doesn’t expect is a huff and Woong kneeling down in front of him. His best friend looks up, meeting his eyes, and holds both if his hands.
“I think you are the most unique person in this world because you have what most don’t. Your skin looks fine on you and healthy, too. Don’t you think I look like a vampire? Also, your snaggletooth is the cutest thing ever to exist so I don’t think you should feel down about yourself.” He tells him with an assurance pat on his hands.
It’s not like Woojin to lose confidence. Woong always sees him joking around and doing crazy things and to see the younger down like this is new even for him. Woong definitely doesn’t like it.
Because Woojin is precious and he should know his worth.
“Do you really think so, hyung?”
Woong nods affirmatively and suddenly out-of-the-blue closes his eyes and takes the plunge. He kisses the younger boy. It’s not like it’s long. Just two lips meeting and then gone.
Woong doesn’t dwell on it for too long as he opens his eyes and stands on his feet. Woong doesn’t dwell too much that he hiccups three times after that kiss. If he can consider it even a kiss.
In my heart the memories we made
Park Woojin does not know what to do after that. Good thing the rain comes and distracts him from thinking too much.
But then, Jeon Woong stands there in the middle of the rain, hair and clothes wet. His arms wide open. He looks like a guy from the romantic movie Yerim forced him to watch once. It should be a bit cold with the weather but his heart is warm. So warm with Woong’s words and Woong’s smile.
Eunjin can never compare to Jeon Woong because he’s not just the prettiest as a boy but his heart is also the prettiest, as well.
(“Do you think it’s okay to like your best friend?”
His sister heaves a sigh and throws her pencil on her study table exasperated from his brother’s continuous distraction. “Woojin oppa, we all know that you like Woong oppa.”
“I mean like like, not just a simple like.”
“No matter how many likes you put, we know.” She emphasizes the word know with a roll of her eyes. “Then please tell him so you don’t have to whine at me while I do my homework.”
Woojin gives him a look and shakes his head, “what do you even know about like? You’re eight!”
Yerim crosses her arms in front of him and kicks him on his shin. “I obviously know better than you because you’re here whining at how red Woong oppa’s lips are --- how cute Woong oppa when he smiles --- or how nice he sings a song. So please leave me alone or I’m going to tell him you like him.”
The brother looks at her with wide eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
Yerim sighs and runs to the telephone. “Watch me.” She dials something and Woojin panics and runs away from his sister.)
There’s no way I could ever forget
Like holding hands ---
Growing up means realizations of things Woong has never comprehended before.
They both realize that holding hands meant something --- at least for those who think it is. Not for Woong and Woojin, though. Because it’s been very natural for the both of them like breathing.
Woong holds his hands when he’s scared especially when they’re crossing a road or when he’s scared of the movies they’ve watched or when he feels like it. Woojin hold Woong’s hands when he feels a little insecure and unsure of himself.
They haven’t given a thought about it that much.
Until it becomes a bad habit that neither wants to stop.
Every time they bid goodbyes to their friends and when they turn around to walk to their respective houses, Woojin reaches for the older’s hand.
This time is a little different, though.
Woong reaches for his hand first. He leans to grab his hand and thinks it’s so fitting to be together. No matter how the colors contrast each other, he’s never felt right and perfect before. Woojin has always been the warmth in his winter.
It takes Woojin by surprise as he turns to question the brown haired boy but the latter only shrugs at him with a teasing smile so all he can do is to squeeze his hands for assurance.
Woong squeezes their joined hands back and Woojin is okay.
Or getting jealous ---
It isn’t Woojin’s forte to be an overly possessive best friend. In fact, he can be the most supportive little shit in Seonmyeon and everyone would be happier.
His best friend always attends to all his dance recitals, it’s not really a mystery for all of them about it. It’s just that there’s a new guy in their dance academy and Woojin doesn’t feel him. Woojin can be the most welcoming person ever but it’s just that he cannot feel this new guy.
His name is Lim Jungho. He’s taller and fairer than him and everyone looks up to him already.
It’s not that Woojin is jealous of him because he knows himself that he dances and moves better than him, bragging aside. It’s just that he sees his hyung (his supposed to be number one audience) cheering loudly for him in their practice.
It displeasures him right through the core. He can do better than him so he moves with more extra power and effort like it’s the last time he’s going to practice in their academy. Which is a bad decision. A bad decision that leads him to falling on his place and twisting his ankle.
Which sends Woong running in front with worries face because it’s so unlike of Woojin to be messing up his performances. It’s so not Woojin to be making mistakes especially when it relates to his passion.
But here he is with a pained expression that Woong cannot help but worry as he holds onto his best friend’s hand.
“It’s not like you to be like this, Woojinie.” He scolds, rubbing circles on the younger’s hands. “What happened?”
The look Woojin gives him makes him more confused. Is he angry? If he is, what makes him angry as much as this?
“Really?” Woojin scoffs at him. “You’re asking me that, Woong hyung?” His voice raises a little and Woong raises his brows at hi. “Wow, I can’t believe it.”
“I did something to you?”
He watches Woojin’s mouth to open and close, just when he’s about to respond, Jungho levels down with them and asks, “Are you okay?”
“Stay out of this!” They both yell at him then they glare at each other. “You!”
“You!” Woojin points at him. “You cannot just cheer on someone new. You’re here for me, remember that?”
“I----”
“You keep looking at someone else when you could be just looking at me? Park Woojin the best dancer anyone could ever lay their eyes on?”
Woong juts his lips and taunts, “Why should I do that?”
“Because I’m your best friend!”
Not the answer Woong wants to hear. “So?”
“You should only look at me!”
“Why?”
“Because I like you!” He shouts a little bit louder, silencing everyone in the auditorium. There’s a thump inside Woong’s heart with the sudden confession and he’s a little too aware of the gazes falling upon them. It’s not like there are many students right now.
It should be just Woojin and Jungho but he sees their other friend Jinho and Deok-ssaem peeking through the glass.
“I like like you, no matter how ridiculous that sounds because I’m your best friend and that should just be it but damn, I don’t even know what to do with these feelings. One time you’re holding my hands then the next you’re cheering for someone else. Do you even like me? At all?”
His words are too fast for Woong to sink in so he’s kneeling in front of his best friend frozen. It’s too surreal to have this kind of conversation because he wants this but he’s not sure what’s going to happen if they cross the line.
Jungho taps him on his shoulder and says, “Woojin says he likes you. Do you also like him back?”
“Shhh!” They both shush him which makes them laugh at how strange the situation is right now.
“Do you --- do you like me too?”
Woong knows he’s blushing but he intertwines their fingers together and smiles like there’s no tomorrow at his best friend (boyfriend?).
“I—I like you too.”
Woojin feels like crying.
“And that is how this practice ends.” Deok-ssaem comments.
(Woojin did cry.)
From the moment I loved
When Park Woojin was sixteen, he kissed his love.
There really isn’t anything big but it’s a New Year and they both have decided to spend it together just like any other New Years they had for the past few years.
It’s different this time, though, as they both stand in front of each other with only a lantern separating them. Their grins are from ears to ears, eyes speaking thousand of words.
They’re happy and contented, it’s all that matters to them.
“To more New Years together.” Woojin says, without breaking their eye connection.
Woong smiles and nods. “To more and more years of waking up on the first day of the new year with you.”
They let the white lantern fly with their eyes glued on it. Woojin closes the distance between them, fingers twining like fitted gloves. Their lips slowly sealing each other’s promises.
It’s a little awkward at first because this is real this time. It’s no longer accidental kiss the way it was when Woojin was thirteen and Woong was seventeen. It’s real. It’s real just like how they feel for each other.
“I love you.” Woojin mouths at him.
Woong slides his hands on his jaw and answers, “I love you more, my brightest star.”
What we had only comes once in a lifetime
When Park Woojin was seventeen, he finally chased his dream.
Deok-ssaem calls for him in their academy one sunny day and Woojin expects nothing about it. His hyung usually calls for them for evaluation.
So when he reaches the knob to his office, he does not expect to see another man, a little older in his business suit. His aura is not different, more accommodating and warm rather than intimidating.
“You must be Park Woojin-ssi.” The man addresses him. He hands out his left hand and shakes his hand. “I’m Mr. Jo from JYP Entertainment and your teacher has sent me one of your performance videos.”
The air from his lungs feel like it’s stuck from the man’s words. His hyung is just beaming at him.
“Would you like to be our trainee?” Mr. Jo asks. “We have an audition this Sunday, do you want to try?”
His eyes roam to his hyung who nods and gives him two thumbs up and Woojin feels like flying as he affirms a nod to the man in front of him.
And no matter what I do
When Jeon Woong was nineteen, all he wanted for Woojin was to be happy.
It’s a Friday night when Woojin gathers his Mom, Dad, sister, and him at Park’s living room with a smile etching on his face. He says he’s passed an audition from JYP Entertainment.
His sister rolls her eyes at him, his Mom and Dad don’t believe him but Woong does. He does because he sees the excitement and sparkle in his boyfriend’s eyes. He believes the sparkles and the way he’s almost jumping onto his place.
He likes the way Woojin looks right now. The fire he ignites inside Woong’s heart. The dream he’s been trying to hole in the bottom part of his heart is suddenly coming back. He likes the way the younger sparkles, too, because it sends him straight to heaven. With the way he crinkles his eyes and the little dimples on his cheeks are showing.
He’s glowing and Woong thinks he’s going to get blinded by him.
When his family still refuse to believe him, he shows them a white paper that proves of his good news. Yerim then punches his big brother on his shoulders with the biggest smile the girl could ever muster. His parents ruffle his hair with proud smiles on their faces.
Woong sits there with his heart full of happiness and proudness for the younger boy.
“Are you happy?” Woong asks as the younger walks him back home, their pinky fingers connected.
Woojin stops on his place, letting their pinkies slip from each other. He looks down on the ground, as if he’s guilty committing a crime. “I am.” He whispers.
Woong turns around and walks back to where the other stands. He taps his cheeks with his fingers, making him look up to meet him. He says, “If you’re happy then I’m happier. I want to see you on stage. Remember that I’m your first and number one fan, okay?”
The younger nods.
“And you’re going to be my brightest star, Woojin.” He tell him, kissing him on his temple. “I’m going to cheer the loudest for the brightest star.”
He is. He is happy and proud and he would never trade the sparkles in his for anything --- not even the selfish wish of him of not going so please stay with me Woojinie.
Lost myself, seventeen
“So you’re going to stay in Seoul starting on Monday?”
Woojin looks up and rests his hands on top of the elder. Busan’s sky at nighttime looks void and dull. It’s empty and he dislikes like it for an apparent reason. He feels like with the emptiness of the sky is also a reason to break his Woong’s heart.
Woojin is, though. He glances at the brown haired boy and reckons it hurts. “It’s hard for me to go back and forth to Busan. Mom already finds me a place to stay there, too.”
Woong understands completely and agrees without a doubt. No matter how loud his mind screams to stay with me, Woojin --- I want you stay --- I want you to be with me --- he isn’t one to drag the younger with him --- he doesn’t want to hold him back when Woong is the one to fail --- wouldn’t even dare to. But still, it kind of hurts knowing that along the way, he’s going to lose his best friend --- he’s going to lose everything they’ve built for years --- the memories and promises.
The eerie silence clouds them both of them. This is where Woong knows, this is the end, but Woojin pulls him on his chest, running his fingers through fingers as if he’s not going anywhere.
“But,” Woojin sighs. “can you please still cheer for me, Woong hyung?”
Woong looks at him with a smile and reassures, “Only for my brightest star.”
Silence.
“And—” he closes his eyes and thinks of them forever. Of their built dreams --- of his sparkling in the middle of the crowd and he would give up everything to see him like that. “I’ll only have my eyes for you.”
“Do you promise that?”
“Of course!” Woong assures and if he’s not sure if he’s assuring Woojin or himself. “This is where your dreams begin, Woojinie so I hope we don’t take it as if it’s an end game.”
“But---” Woojin protests, still unsure. “where does this lead us both?”
Woong points something at the sky, imagining a star on that space. “To your dreams, Woojin.”
Seriously, all he wants is to make Woojin happy.
I knew you were the one
When Park Woojin was seventeen, he never felt more alone.
Sure, they call. They text. They kakaotalk. Every time they have time. Sure, Woojin has met the ever loud Lee Daehwi and a hyper Jeon Somi. Even the ever patient Lim Youngmin he’s met in Busan even before. Sure, he’s very comfortable with them because somehow, they make things easier for all of them. They practice together, make fun of each other, and enjoy each other’s presence.
But, Woojin has never felt lonelier like this.
He misses his family. He misses the nags of his parents --- or the scoffs and judging he’s received from Yerim --- even the way Choco would bark at his ears --- misses training and dancing with his academy friends --- misses Jeon Woong so bad. He misses the comfortable silence of walking home together --- holding hands as they pass through shops and shops --- the crazy laughter echoing in Haeundae when they have time. He misses Woong so bad.
That when he sees a lithe figure outside JYP’s building after a long practice day he thinks he’s got it bad. He must have missed his boyfriend so much to be seeing him here in Seoul with bags on his shoulders and a healing smile on his face.
It can’t be. It’s 325 kilometers away. It’s not happening.
His friends, though, have gathered around the other, trying to introduce themselves. With a sigh, though he knows his knees are still shaking, he walks up to them.
“Hello.” His Woong greets him.
And oh god, he just misses him so bad that he doesn’t realize that he’s grinning very hard.
He clears his throat. “Hello.”
“So who are you?” Somi inquires.
Woong bows at them and Woojin stops himself from getting his boyfriend’s hand to run away from them. “I’m Jeon Woong and I’m Woojin’s bestfriend.”
“Boyfriend.” He corrects him, earning gasps from Daehwi and Somi. He takes his hands with his and kisses them gently. “I’ve missed you, boyfriend.”
Woong’s cheeks redden and he misses the way his eyes flutter by the name. Suddenly, he remembers something and pulls his bag off his shoulder. “I’m sure everyone is hungry so I made you some kimbap.”
Daehwi snatches the bag and runs away with Somi. Woong watches them in confusion but Woojin does not care as he wraps his arms around his boyfriend this time.
“I---” Woong starts. “I--- auditioned today.” Woong reveals and Woojin’s breath hitches. “In YG Entertainment and --- they want me.”
The breath Woojin has been holding is released and he pats his cheeks with his fingers. “I’m so proud of you, my singer.”
“No more proud of my brightest star.”
When they walk to catch up with Somi and Daehwi, he asks, “Does that mean you’re going to live in Seoul, too?”
Woong only glances at him mysteriously and drags him running to his friends. With his hands around the older, everything feels right and brighter.
For as long as I live
CEO sighs and closes his fingers in front of him. “I’m sorry, Woong-ah, you can go home now.”
Woong never feels more broken hearted than this. Everything’s okay, he thinks. With continuous practices with the Silver Boys, he doesn’t understand where and what went wrong.
He’s sending them home because he is nothing but a failure. He’s nothing but a disappointment. He is not sure how to break this to his boyfriend. He needs to go. He needs to go back to Busan.
“Hyung?” Woojin whispers as he gets back from his practice.
Imagine Woojin’s biggest surprise to see the shorter in a corner of their small room, looking small, his face hidden in between his legs, body shaking uncontrollably.
“Hyung?” He calls, putting his hands on his back. “Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”
Woong then slowly raises his head and his heart break into pieces to see this side of his boyfriend. It’s like he’s seeing the old Woong back when he had no confidence of himself. It’s like he’s seeing the boy who once cried when nobody believed in him back then.
And he doesn’t deserve that. Not all. Not ever.
“They--- they said that they don’t want me anymore, Woojinie.” He sobs. “I’d have to go back to Busan. I’d have to face those people who don’t believe in me and they’d tell me I just wasted my time here.”
His tears fall from the other’s words because if anything, Woong is the most precious human being in the world. He doesn’t deserve this heart break.
“They’d mock me and tell me I shouldn’t have even dreamt to be here. I don’t belong here, Woojinie.” He hiccups harder. “I don’t belong in your world.”
“Baby,” he lovingly whispers, wiping his tears with his thumbs. “what they say should never matter. What you think of yourself is the only that matters.”
“That I’m a failure?”
“No no no.” He shakes his head disapprovingly. “Baby, that you are my world. You belong because I don’t have a world outside you. You are my world.”
Woong pushes himself to him and Woojin embraces all the older’s fears and pains away.
For as long as I love
It’s hard to see the one that you love faking a smile as he waves his hands while he enters the train. It’s harder to know that there’s going to be 325 kilometers away to separate them again. No solid arms to run to when things get hard. No bright smiles to wake up after the nightmares. No more comforting words to sleep after a long day.
When Woong runs back to him, inside his arms, he’s not sure if he ever wants to let go again.
“I’ll keep both of our love and dreams with me, Woongie hyung.” He promises.
“Is it hard?” Woong asks on the phone.
Woojin sighs and answers, “Do you also get ever tired, Woongie hyung?”
Woong contemplates and thinks about the judging stares he’s gotten when he came back to Busan. The sneers he’s received from the people that do not matter to him. He thinks of Woojin and his family then.
“Yes.” He answers truthfully. Being away from him is taking a big toll on him because it’s a life without him. He’d never tell it to him, though. Adding more baggage to him is never his thing. “But then I look at my brightest star and it becomes better again. I hope you remember that you’re my brightest star, Woojinie.”
“You really know how to make things and say things right, huh.”
Woong laughs and Woojin laughs back. He’s going to make it a mission to always bring back the smile on Woojin’s face, no matter what it takes.
“I moved to BNM with Daehwi.” He informs him.
“You’re going to go to much greater places, Woojinie.”
For the rest of mine
When Park Woojin was nineteen, Woong thought he flew away from him.
Produce Season 2 is the hottest topic in South Korea. He sees and watches as Woojin’s rank increases. He cheers for the red-haired Park Woojin as more and more people appreciate him.
In a bus stop he frequents, he sees an ad that has Woojin’s youthful face on and Woong can’t help but runs his fingers through the glass that separates them slowly with a smile.
He is very happy for the things he’s achieving. Woojin has worked hard for it and Woong is going to support him no matter where this leads the younger. He is so happy for him --- truly extremely sincerely happy.
But at the back of his mind, Woong knows that Park Woojin is finally flying. Flying away from him.
I will never not think about you
“You’re my fixed pick.” Woong whispers on his phone.
Woojin laughs and oh god, Woong misses it so much. “It better be, hyung, I’m your boyfriend so yes, you’re obliged to support me.”
Woong yawns. It’s dawn and he’s yet to finish his project that he has to submit the next day but it’s the only time he can talk to Woojin so giving up his sleep for tonight is not a big deal.
“I mean Minhyun sunbae still looking good.” He teases.
There’s an indignant huff from the other line. “Shut up, Minhyun hyung is too old for you. I’ll make sure to put a handkerchief on him so that you wouldn’t dare look at him anymore.”
“Well I think he’d still look attractive then.”
“I’m going to flip Minhyun hyung tomorrow.”
Woong laughs loudly, earning a bang from his brother’s room.
(The next day, Woong is late for his school.)
Since then, Seonmyeon has become full of crazy ads and has become really popular. It’s indeed crazy to see his boyfriend’s faces plaster around their town.
It’s a welcoming sight for the all the effort Woojin has invested on the program. It’s a silent and deadly way going up and there’s no way to go down anymore.
There is even a bus ad that passes by Woong’s eyes so quickly in front of the gate of his school. It’s too fast and quick that leaves Woong wondering about so many things.
The crazy fans --- the crazy popularity --- all the extremities --- they are all overwhelming Woong. He feels like drowning from all of the things happening to his Woojin. Gone were the days where he could freely hold his hand.
Maybe --- just maybe --- just like the bus that runs pass his eyes, Woojin is going to fly away without giving time to catch up on him.
“The 6th place goes to….. Brand New Music’s….”
Woong chews his pencil, chin on his knees, face paler than white paper, lips blue from the nervousness he’s feeling.
The camera pans to both Woojin and Daehwi and he cannot mistake that his boyfriend is about to faint.
“With 936,379 votes… Brand New Music’s Park Woojin.”
Woong shouts but cries harder.
He feels like throwing up his heart which got stuck since the show started.
We were so tragic
When Jeon Woong was twenty-one, he learned how to say good bye.
They tell him goodbyes are hard and painful. Like a poison in the mind, it knocks you off Growingright when you don’t expect it. But sometimes, it’s necessary. Especially if it’s for other’s betterment.
Woojin comes back to Busan after the finale night of Produce 101. Everyone has cheered for him and Woong cannot feel the bitterness and resentment in his heart despite of his recent success. Not when Park Woojin is happy ---at his happiest place, so to speak.
He takes his hand when they walk along the shore and Woojin has to reassure him it’s safe since it’s already nighttime and he just hopes there are no fans around.
Woojin takes his hands and Woong wonders when it feels like this --- cold and empty. This is still Woojin, Woong’s Woojin, this is still the Woojin you grew up with --- this is your Woojin, Woong. He needs to remind himself over and over again.
He’s standing beside him in all his glory after the nights they were apart. Much more handsome and now very much successful. He has his future ahead of him. New things and new discoveries of different colors while his is a bleak and black and white shadow. Woojin’s hand is warm the way it used to be but he cannot pinpoint the way it’s changed. (Or perhaps, it’s Woong that has really changed.)
Their hands slip and the younger does not even notice.
On the spur of the moment, Woong watches as he continues to walk away from him. Woong watches with proudness and ache as he memorizes and savors the new Woojin. After all, when the night ends, it can’t be the same way it used to be before.
Woojin has the goofy smile on his face when he turns around, only to turn in into worries as he’s about to return to where Woong stands.
“Don’t.” His voice echoes back.
There’s panic in his eyes. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
“Just take a look at our distance. Look at the space between the two of us. Can you tell me how many steps will it take to get to you?”
Woojin is mute.
Woong takes a shaky step. “One.”
Steps. “Two.”
Another. “Three.”
One more. “Four.”
“Five.” Another one.
“Six.” Now, Woong stands in front of him. “I’m here now standing in front of you yet ---I’m still a step behind you. Always one step away from you, Woojin. Do you think we’ll get a chance to take forward together again?”
“Baby, what do you mean?”
“You know what I think?”
Woojin shakes his head.
Woong gathers his hands with his. “I think it’s time for me to let you go.” With that, he lets go. “It’s not easy because a part of me will always be in love with you for the rest of my life. To that boy who braved winter without his muffler or mittens on. But the daydreaming ---- the chasing --- the running in circles --- I’m tired.”
He reaches for him but he only backs away. It’s Woojin. The same boy who looked stupid before --- the same boy who kissed his fears good bye. He’s Woojin but at the same time, no longer the boy he loves.
“I’m still your Woojin, hyung.” He reminds him.
“I know.” He says. “You still are that Woojin but at the same time --- you’re different. You can’t just be that Woojin who sang to Boa’s Only One. You just can’t be the Woojin that walked around the town in black sleeveless shirt. You also feel different now. Like the boy I learned to love is no longer you.”
“Hyung, why ---why are you saying this?”
“It’s just--- I need to cut the cord that binds us together. This is me doing what I should have done long again.”
“Which is?”
Woong looks up and there’s a smile on his face. “Saying goodbye to the brightest star.”
Woojin brushes the tears from his own eyes and in despair, ruffles his hair frustrated. “But why? Did I do anything wrong to you? Did I not love you enough?”
“No. God, no.” Woong moans. “It was never you. It’s just that you’re flying away meanwhile I’m stuck here in Busan. I’m stuck here and it’s so suffocating. I’m suffocated, Woojin.”
Fly fly my butterfly
It feels lighter without the worries of anything as he goes on with his life. It’s a little lonely bit it gets better.
A knock on the glass of the coffee shop cuts his thoughts off and Park Yerim stands there waving at him. He’s not sure how to feel seeing his ex’s sister sitting beside him in the coffee shop he likes studying at.
“Here.” Yerim hands him a CD that has Woong hyung’s voices written badly with Woojin’s handwriting and he remembers giving it to the younger before. “I was cleaning oppa’s room when I found this."
Woong accepts the CD with shaky hands.
“I listened to it.” Yerim confesses, tactless and bold. As always. “You know what, oppa, I think you should chase again what you wanted to do before.”
He gives her a confused look.
“Your voice sounds so good I think that CEO needs to clear his eardrums for him to send you back to Busan. The quality of your voice is unique so you should go for it.”
“But—”
“It’s scary, I know.” Yerim continues. “There’s nothing safe in this world, anyway, oppa. You should stop fooling yourself and deluding this is not what you wanted because it’s not. I believe in you.”
Woong nods and smiles gratefully.
Then the song from the TV inside the coffee shop catches them off.
Memories are like a big garage like the ocean
I am lost in them all day
Even this loneliness I’m feeling are traces of you
So I forced my eyes shit and endure through the day
“I’m sure that he does too.” Yerim points out, as they watch the camera pans to Woojin.
Took em down but they’re still in their frames
When Jeon Woong was twenty-two, he’s learned to free himself.
He’s nervous as he stands in front of this building.
Seoul is still a big city for him. Seoul is still unfamiliar and scary but he’s going to make it, too. He’s going to free himself from all the doubts and fears he has inside himself.
Seoul is going to be his home, too.
All the members stand in line and bow at the thousands of fans crying at Wannaone’s last concert. It’s the start of the year and that means it’s the end of a contract and a new beginning.
They have a better future, they all know that. It’s going to be okay.
Jeon Woong watches with tears in his eyes as the light turns off. As Kang Daniel exits the stage lastly. The fans shout to “encore” and wails from despair. It’s going to hurt always but it’s been the most wonderful two year journey for all them, he can vouch for that.
So Woong cheers and shouts, hoping Woojin can hear him, too.
After all, Park Woojin will always be his brightest star.
We were so beautiful
When Park Woojin is twenty-one, he learns of forever.
All the members, Donghyun, Youngmin, Daehwi, and Woojin gather inside Rhymer’s office. The palpating silence clouds all of them as they wait for the newest member that the three of them keep vouching for.
Woojin wonders why the three haven’t dropped the name of their new face but doesn’t quite dwell on it.
2019 is going to be start of his forever, Woojin thinks. Without Wannaone, it’s like they’re going to start from the scratch once again. He’s infinitely grateful for another chance with wonderful members to be with.
Because no matter how painful Wannaone and the sacrifices he’s made, it’s all worth it.
There is a knock that all of them awaits. Daehwi jolts from his place as the door creaks open. There’s a boy with brown hair comes in and Park Woojin, in his twenty-one year existence, is sure that life hates him.
There’s a boy entering the office in his gray hoodie and blue jeans that CEO Rhymer beckons over. Woojin’s eyes are solely trained on him, not faltering, not cutting contact. Not ever.
“This is the trainee that Daehwi, Donghyun, and Youngmin are talking about.” Rhymer pats the boy’s back. “Introduce yourself.”
The boy smiles all blinding and bright and Woojin can’t stop the want and need to welcome him. The boy bows in his direction, “Hello, I’m Brand New Music’s trainee. My name is Jeon Woong and I’m going to be Brand New Music’s newest group’s new face.”
Woojin stands from his seat, all too absorbed by the other’s presence and eyes because he’s here. Woong is here and it’s real this time.
“Please take care of me.” Woong adds.
Park Woojin will definitely take care of him. Park Woojin will definitely never let go again. He’d make sure of it.
At twenty-one, Park Woojin is sure that this is forever. It’s not perfect. It’s never going to be perfect. It’s a roller coaster with its ups and downs. But this is right. This is the best. Right beside Jeon Woong.