Work Text:
This is the link to the song Levi is playing.
I walked across the stage to sit in front of the piano while the previous act leisurely cleared out. I could feel my fingers shaking and my eyes already were starting to sting but I ignored the feeling. My stomach was twisted in knots as I opened my folder and laid the sheet music that I didn’t need in front of me. I knew the song by heart but it always comforted me to have the paper there. The paper with the notes and the picture of him. My stare lingered on his green eyes for a moment before I tore them away and cleared my throat. I reached out to grab the microphone that was hanging on it’s stand and brought it close to my lips.
“This is for someone I love,” I spoke, trying to not let my voice break. It had been such a long time but it still hurt so bad. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let my fingers run, smoothly, along the piano keys.
“By the time I was your age, I'd give anything
To fall in love truly, was all I could think
That's when I met your father, the boy of my dreams
The most beautiful human, that I'd ever seen”
* * *
The bell signaling that someone was entering the cafe rang and my eyes lazily lifted from my book to glance at the door. The moment my gaze fell upon those oceanic eyes my grip on the book loosened and I carefully placed it on the counter before standing up a little straighter. Seconds later the familiar scent of coconut hit me and his voice filled my ears.
“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked politely while placing his elbows on the counter and leaning forward. I cringed at his horrible posture while at the same time trying to slow down my racing heart.
“Fine. Can I get you anything?” I spat out in a monotone voice. I could see him out of my peripheral vision dramatically scanning the menu behind me and rolled my eyes. “Should I start making your medium caramel frappuccino now or should I wait until you are done acting like you are actually still trying to decide?”
Just as I had expected, he let out a quiet chuckle. What I had not expected just like every other time, was for it to be so cute.. My breath hitched silently and I cursed my lungs for malfunctioning every time that wonderful sound graced my ears.
“You can just making it now,” he said and I could practically hear the smile on his lips but I didn’t dare look up to meet his eyes because then I would totally be screw just like every other time he came in.
“Your name?” I asked while grabbing the medium sized plastic cup beside me and a sharpie. Of course, I already knew his name but every chance I got to get him to speak was every chance I took.
“Oh, so you know my order by heart but not my name?” I glanced up with an unamused expression quickly before pulling my eyes back down. From that one glance I was already dizzy. “Eren And don’t spell it wrong this time,” he demanded and I nodded.
I turned to make his drink and every thirty seconds I would glance out of the corner of my eye to sneak a peek at him. Today he was wearing dark jeans and a green hooded long-sleeved tee shirt. The green of the shirt didn’t match his eyes but it still looked great in contrast with his dark chocolate locks and slightly tanned skin. Every time I would look at him I wondered how someone could be so beautiful. Eren was the most beautiful person I had ever laid my eyes on and ever would.
* * *
“He said, "Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I can't help but notice, you're staring at me.
I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe,
I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me."
Now, son, I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things.”
My vision was blurring with tears but a small grin found it’s way only my lips. The memories were racing through my mind.
* * *
Once I was done making the frappuccino I brought it back to the front counter and slid it towards Eren with my eyes on my feet. “That’s two fifty, kid,” I told him while ringing up the register.
“Kid? Really, dude, we are literally the same age,” Eren pointed out while digging through his pocket to pull out his wallet and hand me three dollar bills.
“Dude? No. Don’t call me dude. And how old do you think I am?” I raised my eyebrows while tucking away the money and pulling out two quarters that I dropped into his waiting palm. As I shut the register I finally allowed myself to look into his eyes and almost melted right there.
He stood there looking at me with bright eyes and an even brighter smile. We stared at each other for what felt like years and I could hear the ocean rushing in my ears. Slowly his smile faded and his eyes started squinting. I wondered if I was making a weird facial expression and tried to look away from his gaze but couldn’t. I couldn’t just turn away from such a beautiful person. His eyes slowly softened and before I knew what he was doing I felt a soft hand on the side of my face.
I froze and suddenly everything felt hot. My face, my hands, my chest, my stomach. Everything was burning but the only thing I could concentrate on was his gaze and how everything aside from the rushing in my ears was silent.
“You know, Levi. You don’t look me in the eyes often but when you do you always look away really fast. When you make my drink and you think I’m not watching I see you glancing at me. You think that you have a straight face when you take my order but you don’t know how red your cheeks get. But now, right now, you’re looking at me right in the eye and I think I see something. I know I probably shouldn’t say this because, you know, we barely know each other and it’s pretty far-fetched but are you in love with me?” Eren rambled in the softest tone I had ever heard him use. I felt my eyes go wide and my lips parted to take in a gulp of air but yet again my lungs weren’t cooperating.
“How do you know my name?” I diverted the question but Eren brought up his other hand to cup my face and brought me close to his. The smell of coconut was so strong and sweet, I couldn’t stop myself from sniffing.
“Nametag. Now answer the question,” Eren demanded and I glanced down to see that I indeed was wearing a nametag that read my name. I gulped before letting go of my shock and meeting his gaze again. He had already found out so no use to hide it anymore, I thought.
“Yes, Eren. I am so in love with you and I don’t even know why. Ever since you spoke to me for the first time I have been in love with you,” I admitted before fear consumed me and I closed my eyes terrified of what his response would be.
The next thing I knew, I felt a pair of soft, warm lips pressed to mine and something inside of me bursted. It felt like I was flying, so light and free. I wanted to keep those lips on mine forever. I wanted to get rid of the counter in between us and pull Eren close. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and love him forever. Ii never wanted it to end. Then, all too soon, those lips left mine and I slowly opened my eyes to find those ocean green ones staring back at him.
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you too.” With those words my whole world lit up. At that moment I knew what true happiness was.
* * *
“Now, most of the time we'd have too much to drink
And we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything
Too young to notice, and too dumb to care
Love was a story that couldn't compare.”
* * *
Eren and I hit it off. We went on a date that night and it was honestly the best night of my life. We had gone for a walk in the city and I bought him dinner at a small italian restaurant. He had protested about me paying but in the end I won with my reasoning that he basically paid my pay check by always coming by the cafe and buying coffee. The boy was gullible to my advantage.
After dinner I had walked him back to his apartment where we made out like maniacs because we both realized it was late and we would both have classes the next morning. We parted ways after one final goodbye kiss and declaration of love. It was weird telling someone I love them after a first date but the words felt so natural rolling off my tongue and the way they made Eren’s eyes light up gave me a feeling of such accomplishment and joy. I truly did love Eren.
We went on dates at least three times a week and after about two months we started accidentally falling asleep at each other’s apartments. It was an indescribable feeling to be able to wake up with Eren in my arms. His head was usually placed on my chest with an arm draped around me and through we had been like that all night, the acknowledgment that Eren allowed himself to be so vulnerable with me caused my love for him to grow even stronger.
Six months into the relationship Eren and I had our first big fight. It was over something so stupid, I had called him childish and he had called me cold. We didn’t speak for four days and those four days were what I thought to be the worst of my life. On the fourth morning I woke up alone I couldn’t take it anymore. I had rushed out of bed and ran to my front door but as soon as I swung it open I froze.
Standing in the doorway was my Eren, my beautiful, perfect, silly, adorable Eren with tears streaming down his cheeks. My heart broke at the sight and I took him into my arms, hating myself for causing his tears. He had sobbed out an apology that was quickly followed my mine and we spent the rest of the day cuddled on my bed talking about tiny details about ourselves.
It always amazed me how much I could learn about Eren everyday. It was if he was a never ending book with the most interesting information and I just couldn’t stop reading. I couldn’t stop wanting to absorb every single detail about him and learning every little quirk of his.
We had been together eight months when I finally asked him to move in with me and he agreed. He moved into my apartment and life was perfect. I felt like I was playing house with my best friend and it was the best game imaginable.
About a month after we moved in together did I graduate from college. Eren still had one more to go but his second semester came to an end and our time together doubled. The more time I spent with him the more I fell in love with him. Every time I thought it certainly wasn’t possibly to love him more I would falled farther into the pit that was my love for Eren.
So one night while we were sitting on the balcony watching the stars I looked over at him while he was talking and something clicked. His lips were moving a mile a minute and his eyes were scanning the night sky. His hair was messy and he only wore a pair of sweatpants but it hit me. I wanted him forever. I wanted that perfect human being to stand by my side for the rest of my life. I knew in that moment I would never get tired of him, never want to watch him walk away, never want to be without him.
That night I realized I wanted to marry Eren.
* * *
“I said, "Boy, can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I made you a present with paper and string.
Open with care now, I'm asking you, please.
You know that I love you, will you marry me?"”
* * *
I sat beside Eren on the hill I had driven him to. The night sky was shimmering with stars above us and the outline of the city was far in the distance. Everything around us was silent aside from the crickets chirping and the wind rustling the tree’s leaves.
Our hands were linked together and we spoke quietly of nothing in particular. After a while did Eren finally ask the question I had been waiting for him to ask.
“Why did you bring us out here anyway?” His voice was smooth and his eyes, bright, as his glanced around the scenery once again. I grinned while pulling my hand for his, stuffing it in my pocket, and pulling out the little velvet box. I heard his breath hitch but I didn’t look up until I had rolled onto one knee and slowly opened the box to show him the simple silver band.
“Eren Jaeger, I think you are the most wonderful person to ever walk this earth. You are the most unique boy I have ever met and most perfect human I have ever set my eyes on. There is something about you that always gets my heart racing and blood pumping. I love you so much and just a few months ago I realized that I want you forever. I want to be able to hold your hand, kiss your lips, hold you close, and love you for the rest of my life. I will stand by you forever. I promise. So now I’m asking you, please. You know that I love you, will you marry me?” I asked with fear that was instantly put to ease with Eren tackled me with a hug causing us both to tumble to the ground. He peppered my face with kisses before pressing his lips to mine but pulling away before I was anywhere near satisfied.
“Yes,” Eren answered with a breathy laugh. “ Yes, yes yes! A million times yes!”
I laughed with disbelief as I slid the ring onto his ringer and stared at it. Eren was wearing a ring given to him by me. It was official. He was going to mine forever and I was going to be his.
Or at least it was supposed to be that way.
* * *
“Now, son, I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things
You'll learn, one day, I'll hope and I'll pray,
That God shows you differently.
He said, "Boy can I tell you a terrible thing?
It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.
Please, don't be sad now, I really believe,
You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."”
All the tears I had been trying to keep contained came rushing down my cheeks as I sang and I started pressing harder down on the piano keys to keep the shaking of my shoulders to a minimum.
* * *
It was December 13th the day my whole world came crashing down.
* * *
I was standing in the kitchen making dinner waiting for Eren to come home from his last class. He told me earlier that day his class had been moved to a later time because his professor had a family issue earlier.
I glanced at the clock to see it was almost nine o’clock. I huffed, wondering when Eren would be home, and just as I did so I heard the front door open. Warmth rushed through me knowing Eren was back and I waited for him to come into the kitchen to greet me.
His footsteps were slow which was weird because he was usually really enthusiastic about coming home to see me. I turned away from the stove where I was making a pot of soup and saw Eren hunched in the doorway. I cringed at his horrible posture before closing the distance between us and wrapping my arms around him.
His arms were weak as they returned my embrace and I started to worry. He was acting really, really strange. When I pulled away from him I noticed his eyes were red and puffy.
“Eren, are you okay?!” I asked, even more worried seeing the state he was in. He shook his head before pulling me close, tightly. He nuzzled his face into my neck and started sobbing. That was when I really started freaking out. “Eren? Eren, what happened? Did someone hurt you? Did something happen? Do you not feel well? Are you alright?”
“I’m sorry, Levi! I’m so sorry!” He sobbed and tightened his arms around me. “You know I love you, right? I love you so much and I never want to ever leave you?” My heart stopped at his words.
“Of course I know that, Eren! Just tell me what happened, you’re scaring me,” I demanded of him and pulled away from his a tiny bit so that his arms were still around me but I had my forehead pressed to his. His eyes were closed with tears streaking from them and he took a deep breath.
“I didn’t have a late. class. I went to the doctors. I hadn’t been feeling great for the past few weeks but it wasn’t anything major so I ignored it. B-but I figured yesterday that I might a well get it checked because it wasn’t going away and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. So I w-went there today and they ran a few tests and- and Levi I’m so sorry,” Eren rambled before letting out another sob.
“Don’t be sorry, love. Just tell me what happened,” I egged on even though I really didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know what the doctors said. I wanted to run away, run away so far that I wouldn’t have to hear what Eren was going to say because I was sure it was going to kill me. But I couldn’t run away because if I did that would mean I would have to leave Eren’s side and I promised to never do that.
“It’s terrible. I’m sorry, it’s so terrible.. They said I am sick and I’ve only got weeks.” Eren went into further depth but I tuned out and my knees buckled. Eren held me up while still frantically talking but I couldn’t hear. I didn’t want to hear. There was a deep sting in my chest and suddenly I was sobbing into Eren’s chest, clinging to his shirt.
“No, no, no! Levi, please don't be sad, baby! Don’t cry! I’m so sorry. You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me, Levi! I love you so much, you were the best, Levi!”” Eren cried and we both crumbled to the floor.
“I love you, I love you, don’t leave me, I love you,” we mumbled to each other for the rest of the night while sobbing into each other.
The next few weeks were horrible. We tried to get in everything Eren ever wanted to do but he grew very weak rapidly and was soon bed ridden. I spent every moment I had left with him right by his side, telling him how much I loved him, kissing him, and just talking. We talked about how we would meet in the next life and fall in love again. How we would have a son and be the best parents. We talked about growing old together and all the things we were going to do in our life together.
Then on February 2nd, the only light in my life burnt out and on that day I knew what true sadness was.
* * *
“Slow, so slow I fell to the ground on my knees.
So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose
If you're given the choice, then I beg you to choose
To walk away, walk away, don't let him get you.
I can't bear to see the same happen to you.
Now, son, I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things”
I ended the song on the final piano note and hid my face in my hands. My body racked with sobs which were the only sounds that filled the room. I could feel all the strangers stares on me but I didn’t care because I had lost my Eren and I would never get him back and now my song had been sung and I was supposed to move on but how could I move on when I could never stop loving Eren.
The answer is I couldn’t. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever move on or be okay.