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Mao Mao burst out of his home and made a bee-line for the village. His cloak whipping behind him as he ran in the dying light of the sunset, dodging sweetie-pies trying to make conversation, all his focus on reaching his destination.
He eventually came to a stop at a house and stooped over to pant for a moment. After he’d collected himself the sheriff straightened up and knocked on the door.
As soon as the door open he plastered on a smile and greeted the familiar face.
“Hey Blue! So I know our next appointment isn’t for another day but I really need to talk to you!”
Ol’ Blue smiled slightly and gestured for Mao Mao to enter.
“No problem, you know my door is always open when you need me.”
Mao Mao sighed in relief as he stepped inside.
Soon the pair were sat down, Mao Mao on the couch and Ol’ Blue in his armchair.
“So, what do you need to talk about?”
“Well, you know how I’ve already talked about my parental issues and insecurity?”
“Yep.”
“So, like, this’ll be a little different. There was an… incident earlier that I need your advice about and there’s a whole bunch of other stuff that I need to explain before hand.”
Ol’ Blue nodded and took some notes.
“In your own time.”
Mao Mao took a deep breath and lay down.
“So it happened a few years after I lost my tail...
“I’d decided to leave home again after relearning how to balance and fight without a tail. I must’ve been about twenty three, and I thought I already had a thick skin by then.
“I’d stopped at a tavern to relax after saving a small farm from a band of rogues and met a tall, dark travelling musician called Banjo.
“He ordered me a drink, said he’d noticed my beautiful green eyes from across the room, and just sat with me, got me talking. He listened to my tales of bravery, but there wasn’t much to say so I talked about my family. He told me I’d end up becoming a far greater legend them any of them could dream of being and that he’d write songs about all of my adventures.
“I believed every word he said. I think I just liked being listened to, I hadn’t really been a hero for long, hadn’t been getting much praise before then either and when he talked to me, focused all his attention on me, so I thought we had a real connection.
“Getting to the point, he’d already rented a room at the tavern, so he took me to his room and uh…”
Mao Mao trailed off and coughed a bit.
“How much do you guys know about that sort of... thing?”
“Have to reproduce somehow,” Ol’ Blue shrugged.
“...I’m gonna avoid thinking about that.
“Anyway, we spent the night together and he was gone by the time I woke up. I even had to pay for his room.”
Ol’ Blue winced sympathetically.
“Yeah, I could be pretty gullible when I was actually given positive attention,” Mao Mao sighed.
He could still remember the ordeal far too clearly. At the bar, when Banjo had leaned in and told the hero he deserved love and attention, had put one hand on Mao Mao’s cheek and another on his knee.
Turned out he’d only wanted one thing.
The next morning, the bitterness of being left in the room and the embarrassment when the tavern owner had said Banjo had left it to Mao Mao to pay for the room.
Banjo had been his first time and first the mistake of several.
“Then there was this other guy a couple of years later. Balthasar.
“When you’re a travelling hero on the way to becoming a legend, it’s customary to take odd jobs to fund your travels.
“So I got a job at a shipping company expecting to haul stuff onto boats, you know, tough grunt work, but Balthasar made me his secretary.
“He was a veteren general-turned-manager. Tall, stern, passionate, he never took no for an answer, but he seemed to like me.”
Mao Mao pinched the space between his eyes.
“It became pretty clear why after a week or so. We were alone in his office late one night and got to talking, one thing led to another, I ended up on his desk, and my cape on the floor with some documents.
“A lot of it was to do with the positive attention he gave me. I thought we had a connection, he always praised me and kept me close.
“Obviously I wasn’t gonna stick around forever, so I eventually handed in my resignation and said I wanted to keep in touch. He told me a load of junk about needing me around, that I was the best secretary he’d ever had. I barely had to do anything except file documents, so I realised what he really meant pretty quick. Then he offered to pay me double, like I was some-” Mao Mao stopped and took a deep breath. He could still remember the nights he spent with Balthasar, the guy had made him feel special. To realise what he’d had actually been kept around for had been crushing.
Mao Mao had thought Balthasar was different, but he’d only wanted one thing.
“So yeah, that obviously that didn’t work out, so I tried to build up some walls to keep that from happening again.
“It didn’t work.
“My next mistake was joining a heroes guild. It was run by a great legend. He’d brought warlords, pirates, sorcerers and more to their knees,was revered by even my own father, so I was kind of a fanboy. His name was Magnus, when we crossed paths saving the same village from a dragon he asked me to join his guild I thought it was the best day of my life.
“He gave me epic quests to fulfill, had me assist him in guild matters. I finally felt like I was where I belonged. He told me he wouldn’t know what to do without me, and I believed him.
“I thought he respected me, he started to call me love, told me we had a real connection.
“It was after my first night in his bed that I started to realise my mistake.
“The other guild members turned into total sleazes after things got physical with him. I started to feel ashamed of myself, I was sent off on quests less and less. A lot of the time I just stayed in his chambers to avoid everyone, which really didn’t help the gossip or the way they treated me when I had to come out.
“Finally, I decided to leave, so I went through the official resignation procedure: I stood before the guild and stated that I wanted to go back to working alone. He got pretty upset, we started arguing, it got really personal and he finally said what he actually thought of me. Right in front of hundreds of heroes. It was humiliating, they all laughed and called out at me.
“So I snapped and attacked the entire guild; and I won.”
Mao Mao’s skin crawled as he remembered that he let Magnus do to him, and what the rest of the guild said they wanted to do to him.
The worst part was how long Mao Mao had stuck around, even after he’d started to realise the truth of the situation, all because of some compliments and a half-listening ear.
Guys like that always wanted just one thing.
“So I assume that something happened today which triggered this,” Ol’ Blue said.
“Yeah. You see a while after I left Magnus, I met Bagderclops.
“He’s always been so sincere and nice and he listened to all my baggage. We get each other and there’s never been any weird tension. We’re just friends, which is just what I need.”
Mao Mao sat up.“Until this evening. Everything was normal, he and Adorabat were playing video games, I’d just come in from training, and he paused the game to ask whose turn it is to cook dinner. I locked eyes with him and I suddenly felt a connection.
“It suddenly hit me that we’ve known each other for years, we live together, we’re even raising a kid together!”
Mao Mao held his head in his hands and started shaking.
“I ran outta there without a second thought and now I’m here. I just can’t do this again. I don’t understand how this even happened, what’s wrong with me?!”
“Mao Mao, there’s nothing wrong with developing feelings for your friend-”
“YES THERE IS! Blue, have you even been listening! I thought this would be different, but it never is! All it takes is someone being nice to me and I fall for it!”
“Okay, and what makes you think Badgerclops is like the others.”
“Nothing, it’s just- there’s always a pattern and I don’t know whose fault it is.”
Ol’ Blue raised a brow.
“I mean, I don’t know if it’s because they were all jerks and I have terrible taste in guys, or if I just have that effect on them. Like, if I sleep with them it turns them into bad guys or there’s something else wrong with me.”
Mao Mao hugged himself. Ol’ Blue sighed and got up to walk over to Mao Mao.
“Look I’m going to be honest with you. You are an incredibly emotionally vulnerable person who is desperate for the attention and praise your father never gave you. This is way more obvious than you think it is, and the men you’ve been with have picked up on this upon seeing you and made the first move, using your need for validation to take advantage of you. Now you’ve had the chance to develop a real, trusting relationship with someone who understands and cares about you, with whom you can make the first move and have some more control.”
Mao Mao nodded. “Okay, you’re right. So what should I do?”
“You need to have an adult conversation with your friend about how your relationship might change.”
“And what if he doesn’t want that?”
“Well then you’ll need to find some other excuse for why you ran out.”
Mao Mao’s eyes went wide.
“Okay, yeah I should probably head back and explain. Thanks again Blue.”