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When Sansa Stark was sixteen, she dreamed of marrying a prince. Maybe not a real prince, but a boy who would treat her like a princess, who would kiss her hand and open the car door for her and sweep her off her feet.
When Sansa Stark was sixteen, she met Joffrey Baratheon.
Joffrey was, for all intents and purposes, exactly what she'd been hoping for. He bought her flowers and took her out for dinner and kissed her in the rain, and she fell in love quickly, the way sixteen year olds do. She fell in love, and it took her a long time to realize anything was wrong. When he stopped buying her flowers and opening her car door, she told herself it was just because they’d been together for a while. When he stopped taking her out on dates, she figured it was just because it was his last year before uni, and he was busy. When he told her no one else could ever love her the way he did, and she was lucky she had even found him, she believed him.
Her family urged her to leave him; Robb pleaded, Jon gave her carefully thought out explanations, Arya referred to him as a "fucking cunt" at every given opportunity. Even after all of that though, she didn’t leave him. He finished college, went off to uni in Casterly Rock, and they lasted two more weeks before he told her he’d met someone else, and he was done with her.
Sansa let herself be sad for exactly three days before she told her family she was over him. As ashamed as she was, it took her much longer than that, but still she powered through, because she was strong and capable and didn’t want anyone to know how much she was hurting. The pain really did fade after a while, and she told herself that because she no longer had feelings for him it meant that the horrible things he’d said couldn’t hurt her anymore.
She finished college, went to King’s Landing for Uni where her brother Robb and his boyfriend Theon already were, made new friends, got accepted to a very prestigious fashion program, and met Ramsay Bolton.
Ramsay was all sharp smiles and sharper words, but he wanted her, and she wanted him too, at least for a little while. He was clever, and he could keep up with her in class, and when he left bruises on her he made sure to never leave them in places that someone would see. Her family never liked him much either, but Sansa made sure they never had enough reason to say something. Joffrey had been right, she knew now. She was lucky to have even found another man that wanted her, she couldn't let this one go too.
But then Arya came to stay for a weekend, and she saw the band of purple fingerprints around Sansa’s arm, and Arya may have been a lot of things but stupid had never been one of them.
He managed to give Robb a black eye and break two of Theon’s fingers on his way, but Ramsay was thrown out onto the street after that, among promises of castration and disembowelment, and all of the other forms of medieval torture Arya had been learning about from her fencing teacher.
Sansa stayed single for a long time after Ramsay. She found therapy, a support system, reached back out to her friends that he had forced her away from. She picked herself back up, she fixed her failing grades, and she focused on graduating and nothing else. If she focused hard enough, she could forget how it felt when his fingers cut into her skin.
By the time Sansa turned twenty-four, she had given up on the prince fantasy altogether. She had her family and her friends, and above anything else, she had herself. For a long time, that’s all she needed.
***
“Can I kiss you?” Podrick asks at the end of their fifth date, standing at the door to her apartment complex. He’s been letting her take things at her own pace the last few weeks - holding her hand only when she initiates it, walking her home and ending every night with nothing more than a chaste kiss on her cheek - but she’s known he’s wanted more. She’s wanted more too, if she’s being honest, but it’s been so long since she’s let herself want like that, that she’s been scared to let herself give into it.
But here is a boy, a good, kind boy, who wants to kiss her, and as scared as she’s been, she wants to kiss him too.
So she does.
His lips are soft and warm, and she knows it’s more than just the fact that she hasn’t kissed anyone in almost three years that makes the kiss so good. She doesn’t remember ever being kissed like this, like she’s something beautiful and precious.
Like she’s a princess.
“Is that a yes?” he asks breathlessly when she pulls back.
Sansa laughs. “Yes, that’s a yes.”
Podrick grins and kisses her again, one hand coming up to rest gently on her cheek. It’s just as soft, just as gentle, none of the aggression she remembers coming from kissing. For this first time, this doesn’t feel like just the means to an end. It just feels like a kiss.
She wants to live in this forever.
He pulls back after a long moment, still cupping her face in his hand, and presses his forehead to hers.
“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he says.
“No one’s-” Sansa pauses, embarrassed to find tears pricking at her eyes. “No one’s ever kissed me like that before.”
“Like what?”
“Like... Like it’s me specifically you want to be kissing.”
“It’s only ever been you,” he says simply. The moment the words leave his lips though, he pulls back, face blushing scarlet. “I mean, not that I- I’ve-”
“Do you want to come inside?” she hears herself asking.
Podrick tears his gaze away from his shoes and looks at her again, cheeks still flushed. “Are you sure?”
The fact that he asks is what makes her sure. Sansa nods.
His face breaks into a grin, and Sansa feels what can only be described as butterflies stirring in her stomach. “I’d love to,” he says.
Her hands shake as she unlocks the front door, but he takes her left hand in his as they step into the elevator, and just that small act steadies her.
She doesn’t think, in the two years since she’s moved in, that she’s ever had a man in her apartment that she wasn’t related to besides Theon or Loras, and yet it feels right for him to follow her inside the flat once her now slightly less shaky hands have unlocked that door as well. It feels right too, when he cups her face in his hand and kisses her again as soon as she’s closed the door behind them.
“You’re incredible,” he breathes when they break apart.
Sansa blushes and ducks her head, a long chunk of hair tumbling in front of her face from out of the bun she’d put it in that morning.
“Hey,” says Podrick, pushing it back behind her ear and tilting her chin up to look at her again. “I mean it. I’ve-” He pauses, starts over. “I’ve never met anyone like you. You- you’re like a dream.”
Sansa’s chest feels tight, like her heart is trying to break free. She feels like a sixteen year old with her first crush all over again, but so, so much better.
“Pod, I...” She takes a deep breath. “You know it’s been a long time, for me.”
“I know. We don’t have to do anything tonight. I just wanted to tell you.”
“I want to though,” she says, placing one hand on his cheek. “I... I want you .” It’s been so long since Sansa has even allowed herself to think that about someone, let alone say it out loud, but she’s letting herself now. She’s not sure if she’s ever wanted someone the way she wants him. “Do you-?” She pauses, blushing, but she doesn’t have to say anything else, because Podrick is sweeping her into his arms in one fluid motion, one arm under her knees and the other wrapped behind her back.
Sansa lets out a small shriek of surprise, that quickly dissolves into laughter, grabbing at his shoulders to steady herself. “I can walk, you know,” she says, as he carries her across the studio to her bed.
“Yes, but you shouldn’t have to,” he says, setting her down gently so she’s sitting on the edge of the bed and kneeling down in front of her. “You know,” he adds conversationally, taking one of her feet delicately in his hands and beginning to unlace her boot. “I think I’d do just about anything for you. I know it’s a little soon to be saying things like that, but I just thought you should know.” He pulls the boot off her foot and sets it aside before starting on the other one.
Sansa just stares, speechless, as Podrick makes quick work of the laces on that one as well, only looking up once he’s set it down next to its match.
“What?” he asks, as if he hadn’t just said exactly the sort of thing that sixteen year old Sansa dreamed of hearing, as if her heart didn’t feel about four sizes too big for her chest, as if she wasn’t falling for him even more with every passing second.
“Kiss me,” she breathes, leaning forward. “Please.”
So Podrick kisses her. Sansa lets him guide her up and back until she’s lying flat on the mattress, feet on the floor, with him positioned between her thighs. He has one hand on her hip, the other propping himself up next to her head. They kiss like that for a long time, minutes blurring together in a haze until Sansa can’t stand it anymore. She slides one hand into his hair and places the other on the small of his back, pulling his chest flush to hers and deepening the kiss all at once. His tongue slides against hers, and her breath hitches in her throat at the contact. Immediately, Podrick pulls back.
“You alright?” he asks, and again, she kind of wants to cry. He’s so good, so gentle, the kind of man she hadn’t believed could even exist for so long - or if he did, she’d thought, she certainly wouldn’t deserve him.
“I’m great,” she says with a smile. “ You’re great.”
She can feel that he’s smiling too, when she pulls him close and kisses him again, hungrier this time, her grip tightening on his hair.
Podrick shifts his weight, and Sansa hadn’t realized her dress had ridden all the way up her thighs, but suddenly she can feel him pressed against nothing but the thin cotton of her panties, and she can’t help but let out a little gasp.
He pulls back again, and this time she can see her own desire reflected back on his face. His eyes are wide and dark, and his cheeks and lips are both stained a bright red.
“Can I-?” she asks, reaching for the buttons of his shirt.
He nods quickly, and she starts working on them, but her hands are shaking too badly to get them undone - whether from nerves or arousal, she’s not quite sure. Podrick places a steady hand over hers and guides her fingers, helping her undo the buttons one by one.
He reaches to untuck the bottom of the shirt from his slacks, pauses, and looks up at her. “We can stop whenever you want,” he says.
“I will tell you if I want to stop,” she says, untucking the shirt herself. “I promise. Now please, help me out of this dress.”
Podrick smiles and takes her hand, standing up before pulling her to her feet as well. She turns around, shivering at his touch as he takes hold of the zipper of her dress.
Podrick begins unzipping, almost painfully slowly, and Sansa is about to turn back when she feels his breath on her neck, closely followed by his lips, soft and wet. He slides his other hand across her hip as he kisses a path up her neck to the soft skin just below her ear. Sansa moans quietly and tilts her head to the side, giving him more space, and he takes it eagerly, kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin until her knees are weak, even as he slips his hand into her now unzipped dress and runs his fingers up and down her back.
Finally, Sansa can’t take it anymore. She pulls herself away from him, tugging the dress forward off her shoulders and stepping out of it. The dress drops to the floor, and she turns to face him, clad only in her bra, panties and socks.
“Wow,” he breathes, and Sansa blushes, suddenly self conscious again.
“Your turn,” she says, trying not to let it show. She takes a step forward, pushing his shirt the rest of the way off his shoulders and running her fingers down his chest to his belt buckle. She’s just starting to unfasten it when he places his hand over hers again.
“Wait,” he says.
“Pod, I’m fine , I told you-”
“No, no, it’s not that. It’s-” He stops, face flushing again. “I’ve, uh. I’ve never.” He forces his words out all in a rush. “ I haven’t done this before. ”
“You’ve-” She tries not to sounds to incredulous, not wanting to embarrass him further. “Never?”
He shakes his head, staring at a Sansa’s bedside table, determinedly avoiding eye contact. “I mean, I’ve kissed a few girls. But I’ve never had a real girlfriend, and I didn’t want to- not unless it was someone I was serious about, you know? But I’m. I’m serious about you, Sansa.” He looks at her, finally, his cheeks still red but his eyes blazing and serious.
“I’m serious about you, too,” says Sansa, kissing him again softly.
“Oh, good,” says Podrick, sinking down on the edge of the bed and unlacing his shoes. “Because otherwise that would’ve been really embarrassing. Also, why am I still wearing these damn shoes?”
Sansa sits down beside him, smiling as he kicks his shoes and socks off and unfastens his belt.
“For what it’s worth,” she says, pulling off her own socks as well. “I think it’s really nice that you waited. I wish I had.”
Sansa’s first time with Joffrey had been uncomfortable and awkward, and lasted all of three minutes, as had every time after, and those had been the best sexual experiences she’d had.
Podrick, as if he can tell exactly what she’s thinking about, leans forward and kisses her. “We’ll just have to make up for the past, then.”
Sansa smiles even wider. “I like that idea.”
They sit there for a moment, just smiling at each other, before Podrick moves again. “Okay, I’m gonna take off my pants now,” he says, getting to his feet.
“Okay,” says Sansa. She really can’t remember when exactly she started liking this boy so much.
Podrick steps out of his pants, revealing a pair of faded blue boxers that are still tented slightly in the front.
“Sorry,” he says, looking down at them. “I wasn’t planning on- I mean, I didn’t expect this tonight, and it’s laundry day, and-”
“Pod,” says Sansa, cutting him off mid sentence. “I’m going to need you to get on this bed and kiss me again.”
Podrick’s blush deepens. “Yes, m’lady,” he says, smiling sheepishly when she giggles. He sits back down on the edge of the bed, pulling her towards him so her legs are across his lap. Tenderly, always tenderly, he places one hand on the back of her head and kisses her again.
The kiss starts soft, but it doesn’t take long before it’s hungry again, their tongues sliding together and Sansa’s hand grasping at Podrick’s shoulder. Podrick grabs her by her thighs and half lifts, half guides her so she’s properly seated in his lap, her knees straddling his hips. She grinds down against him and they both gasp into each others’ mouths at the sudden friction, Podrick’s grip on Sansa’s thighs growing tighter.
Sansa pulls away to kiss a path down Podrick’s neck, and he moans quietly, hips rolling up against hers again. He pulls one hand away from her thigh and up to the clasp of her bra.
“Can I-?” he asks.
Sansa nods.
He fumbles for far less time than Sansa would have expected before he gets it unfastened, and Sansa pulls away just far enough to let him pull it the rest of the way off. Slowly, almost reverently, he runs his fingers up the sides of her ribcage before coming to rest on her shoulders. In one fluid motion he grabs the clip holding her hair in place and pulls it out, letting the red waves tumble down around her. She looks up from Podrick’s arms to his face, breathless, and when she looks at him, he’s staring at her like no one ever has.
“You’re beautiful,” he says, tucking her hair behind her ear.
She leans forward and kisses him again, trying to channel all her affection and gratitude and pure want into one kiss. He kisses back just as fervently, one hand tangled in her hair, and everywhere they’re touching, Sansa feels sparks under her skin.
Podrick’s hands trail back down to her thighs, and next thing Sansa knows she’s being flipped onto her back on the mattress, Podrick above her. He’s kissing her like every romance novel she’s ever read has made her thought kissing should be, and she’s sure she’s never been this turned on in her life. She’s starting to feel a little light headed.
Podrick pulls his mouth away from hers, and she lets out a noise that’s embarrassingly close to a whine.
“Everything okay?” he asks, and his voice is low and rough and sounds just as wrecked as Sansa is feeling.
“It’s- I- More than okay. ”
“Good,” says Podrick, and then his hands are back on her, one tilting her head to the side so he can kiss her neck again, and the other taking one nipple gently between his fingers. Sansa moans, and she can feel him smile against her skin as he makes his way down over her collarbone and finally takes her other nipple in his mouth.
“Oh- Pod ,” she breathes, her eyes fluttering closed.
He hums quietly in his throat, his teeth scraping ever so gently against her sensitive skin.
He stays like that for what feels like forever, moving his mouth from one nipple to the other and back again, until Sansa starts rolling her hips up against nothing. “Pod, please,” she says. “Please, I need- more.”
He pulls away, finally, only to continue kissing a path down her stomach, nipping gently here and there at the soft skin.
Eventually he comes to rest between her thighs, hands settled in on her hips. He hooks his fingers under the waistband of her panties, and she lifts her hips up so he can pull them the rest of the way off.
And then she’s naked. Podrick is situated between her legs, and he’s looking at her with the same expression as before.
“What?” she asks, suddenly self conscious. She hasn’t felt this vulnerable in so long, but she thinks she likes it.
“Sorry,” says Podrick. “I just- was wondering how I got so lucky.”
Sansa lifts one hand and runs a thumb along the line of his chin. “Me too,” she says.
Podrick smiles and ducks his head, and the soft moment is broken by the feeling of his mouth on her inner thigh. Sansa gasps, and Podrick keeps moving, one hand lifting up her right leg from under her knee. He kisses a path up the soft skin until he’s propped up just above her, and he looks up at her through his eyelashes, bangs falling messily over his forehead.
“This okay?” he asks, and when he talks she can feel his breath on her skin.
Sansa nods desperately.
“You can’t laugh if I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I-“ Sansa’s breath hitches as his mouth gets even closer. “I would never.”
Then his mouth is on her, and Sansa loses all coherent thought. His stubble is rough against her skin, but his mouth is so so soft, his tongue just teasing gently at her clit.
Sansa moans, high and breathy, and threads her fingers through his hair. She’s worried for a moment that she’s going to pull too hard, but then he hums low in his throat and leans into the touch. She tightens her grip, and in return, he pushes harder against her, his tongue pushing into her then up over her clit again.
“Ah, God, Podrick, ” she moans, unable to stop her hips from bucking up off the mattress. He pulls back and she whines again, no longer self conscious about the noises she’s making, just needing his mouth back on her, now .
He looks up at her, eyes darker than she’s ever seen them, and sucks two of his fingers into his mouth.
“I think it’s, ah, safe to say,” she says breathlessly. “That you seem to know what you’re doing.”
He pulls his fingers out of his mouth and smirks , looking more confident than she’s ever seen him. “Good,” he says. “You deserve someone to make you feel good.” Then he’s slipping his fingers inside her, mouth back on her clit, sucking it into his mouth.
Sansa moans again, throwing her head back against the pillows. She lifts one leg, wrapping it around his shoulders, hands snapping back to their place in his hair. She’s never felt anything like this, this pleasure coursing through her whole body, from the top of her head right down to her curled toes. Podrick crooks his fingers inside her, hitting a spot she hadn’t even known existed, and she lets out a sharp gasp, tightening her grip in his hair.
“Sorry, I-” she chokes out. She doesn’t want to hurt him, of course, but she’s not even sure she’s fully in control of her limbs right now.
“Don’t apologize,” says Podrick, cutting her off, keeping his fingers moving even as he pulls his mouth away from her. “You’re perfect.” He doesn’t give her time to respond before he leans back in, pulling her clit back into his mouth and sucking at it, hard.
Sansa’s back arches off the bed, she can feel something new building at the base of her spine, but she barely has time to say, “Pod, I’m-” before she tumbles over the edge, her whole body tensing with her release.
Podrick keeps going, thrusting his fingers into her even as her body shakes and her hands grasp at whatever she can find - his hair, the blanket underneath her, her own thighs. White spots dance behind her eyelids, and it’s all she can do to keep from screaming.
Finally, her body relaxes, and Podrick’s mouth on her starts to feel like entirely too much.
“S-stop, please,” she breathes out, pushing gently at his forehead.
Podrick immediately pulls back, slipping his fingers out of her. “You alright?” he asks, and Sansa can’t help but laugh, starting as a low giggle and quickly building into something much bigger, one arm flung up across her face.
“I’m- God, Podrick, I’m-” Her brain seems to have turned to mush, she doesn’t even know how to express the amazing lightness in her bones, the full relaxation in her shoulders, the slight tingling in her face. “Definitely alright,” she finally manages.
Podrick smiles, his confident smirk from earlier replaced by his familiar goofy grin. “Good,” he says, pressing a soft kiss to her inner thigh. Her body twitches slightly at the contact, still not fully come down.
“I’ve never-” She pauses, and if she weren’t already flushed she’s sure a blush would be rising in her cheeks. “I haven’t done that before.”
“Not even... By yourself?” Podrick blushes, and Sansa is endlessly charmed by the fact that he had just had his fingers inside of her but is still embarrassed by this. And yet, she supposes, she is just as embarrassed, so maybe that just means they’re a good match.
Sansa shakes her head.
Podrick’s face softens, embarrassment seemingly forgotten just as quickly as it had come on. He moves from his spot between her legs so he’s lying by her side, and places one hand on her cheek.
“I’m going to make up for that, if you’ll let me,” he says earnestly. “Two, three times a day if I have to. Honestly, we may never be able to leave this bed.”
Sansa giggles, and Podrick pulls her even closer, kissing her softly. She can taste herself on his lips, and there’s a kind of heady power to it, increased only by the fact that she can feel he is still hard against her hip.
Sansa’s been surprising herself all night, she thinks, why stop now?
She rolls them over in one fluid motion, so Podrick is on his back below her, her knees bracketed on either side of his hips. He looks up at her, shock and awe mixed on his face, and Sansa leans down to kiss him again, deepening it quickly, letting her tongue slide against his. When he kisses her it feels like watching the first snowfall of winter through the window - warm and comforting, yet somehow still new and exciting. Sansa thinks she could do it forever.
Podrick groans quietly into her mouth, and her attention is drawn back to the matter at hand, his hardness pressed up against her with nothing separating them but the thin cotton of his boxers.
“Take these off,” she breathes against his mouth, tugging at the waistband. He does, quickly, struggling to get them pushed down without taking his mouth off hers. Finally, he kicks them aside, leaving him completely naked underneath her.
Sansa pulls back, and they both freeze, taking each other in.
“You sure about this?” asks Sansa quietly, hands still braced on either side of his head. “I know we’re moving kind of fast.”
“I’m sure if you’re sure.”
Sansa smiles and presses a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m sure.”
He smiles against her lips and puts one hand on the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair. Sansa rolls her hips down against his experimentally and they both gasp in unison.
“Should I- do you have a condom?” asks Podrick.
“I’m on the pill.”
“So I should just-?”
She laughs softly. “Yes, you’re good.”
Podrick slides one hand down between them to adjust his cock, the head bumping against her once before pushing inside her.
Sansa gasps, just as Podrick says “Oh.”
The sudden fullness and pressure is almost overwhelming after so long without it.
“You okay?” asks Podrick.
“Yes, I just-” Sansa takes a deep breath. “I need a second.”
“Do you want me to-”
Sansa shakes her head quickly, her hair falling in her face. She’s adjusting already, this feels nothing like the last time that she- She forces that thought from her head. “Just kiss me?”
Podrick nods, reaching up to push her hair aside so he can kiss her, more tender than she’s ever even dreamed. He keeps the kiss chaste until she deepens it, even though she can hear his heavy breathing, even though he’s still buried deep inside her. The overwhelmed feeling stays, but this time it’s nothing but affection. Finally, slowly, Sansa rolls her hips, making Podrick gasp against her mouth.
“Good?” asks Podrick, breathless.
“Good,” says Sansa. When she rolls her hips again, this time with more purpose, she has to press her forehead to his shoulder, unable to support herself.
“Sansa,” he breathes, sliding one hand up her hip and onto her back, so gently she shivers a little. “God, you’re amazing.” He presses another tender kiss to her neck, just under her ear, and Sansa rolls her hips one more time, smiling at the soft noise it draws from him.
She moves again, faster this time, seeking out a rhythm. Beneath her, Podrick thrusts his hips up, and the two of them rock together, hungry lips finding each other again. The kiss is messy, their tongues sliding together as they move. His breath is shaky but his hands are steady as he holds her hips, firm but gentle.
Slowly, painfully slowly, he trails one hand across her stomach, fingertips just brushing against her skin. Sansa lets out a quiet whimper at the soft contact, her breath hitching in her chest when his hand finds its destination. Two fingers press at her clit, spurred on by the noises she’s no longer in any control of.
“Ah, Pod, you- oh, my-”
Unable to formulate a sentence, Sansa lets her forehead drop back to Podrick’s chest, her hands gripping tightly at his shoulders. His breath is hot on her skin as he presses another kiss to her neck.
“Can I-?” he asks, pushing gently at her right hip. It takes Sansa a moment to realize what he’s asking, but then she nods against his neck. He rolls the two of them over, so he’s braced above her, and kisses her again, deep and slow and filthy. His hand is back between them, right where she wants it, and she can feel her muscles tensing again.
Sansa wraps her arms around him, pulling him closer to her, their chests pressed tight together.
“I’m-“ says Sansa breathlessly. “Oh, my god.”
“Come for me,” whispers Podrick in her ear, breath hot on her skin.
She does, gripping tightly at his back, gasping into his neck, and Podrick is close behind, moaning her name as his thrusts get sloppier.
For a long moment, they just lie there, breathing heavy and skin stuck together with sweat.
“Wow,” breathes Podrick finally, and Sansa can’t help but laugh, burying her giggles in his shoulder.
“Yeah.”
Podrick pulls back, kissing her again softly before slowly sliding out of her and flopping down on the mattress beside her.
“I’m-” he says, throwing one arm up over his face. “Oh, my god.”
Sansa smiles and rolls onto her side, resting her head gently on his chest and stretching her arm across his abdomen. He brings his arm back down to wrap it around her shoulders, pulling her even closer and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
“I’m gonna fall in love with you,” he whispers into her hair.
Sansa’s smile widens, and she presses a kiss to his chest next to where she’s lying. “Good,” she says. “Me too.”
They lay there for a long moment before Sansa stirs again. “As much as I’d love to keep doing this, we should probably clean up.”
“Mmf,” grumbles Podrick into her hair. “You’re right.”
“Shower?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Slowly, carefully, they disentangle themselves from each other and make their way to the bathroom.
They kiss slowly and tenderly as the hot water runs over them, and when Podrick turns Sansa around so he can wash her hair for her, she really does feel like a princess.