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“I’m sorry, Kazuya.”
The words had been said so quietly that if they weren’t alone in the bath Kazuya probably wouldn’t have heard them. Nori was leaning over the edge of the tub, his body submerged but his arms hanging out as he held onto the tiled wall. His back was to Miyuki but the catcher could see his face in the mirror on the opposite wall. They’d somehow been the last to bathe that night, washing themselves in silence before getting into the tub to soak. The game against Yakushi had been long and stressful. It clearly showed in how tense Nori’s shoulders were still, Kazuya would have to do something about that later. He didn’t move from his spot on the bench along the back wall of the tub, he knew better than to move and make Nori’s anxiety worse.
“What are you apologizing for, Nori?” He asked as delicately as possible, no hint of teasing or sarcasm. This wasn’t the place for that, his boyfriend was clearly upset.
Nori pressed his forehead into the cool tiles on the edge of the tub and took a shaky breath. He clenched and unclenched the fingers of his right hand which didn’t go unnoticed by Kazuya in the mirror.
“I...I couldn’t give you the pitches you wanted. I messed up.”
Nori knew of Kazuya’s affinity for pitchers with good control, he knew that was why Kazuya liked his pitching style. He was good at using the corners and controlling himself when his emotions were in check. Today was different though, it wasn’t his insecurities that crept up on him today. He remembered standing at the plate with Todoroki Raichi on the mound. His hand still ached from swinging his bat against such a strong pitch. He had fought because he didn’t want to base on balls, he wanted to fight for his team. In hindsight, maybe base on balls or a strikeout would have worked better for him. The pitcher shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to meet Kazuya’s in the mirror anymore. He felt pathetic and useless, even Coach Kataoka had been displeased with his performance. His eyes burned but he swore he was going to cry anymore. He knew his strengths and weaknesses, he knew he needed to get stronger if he was ever going to keep up with Sawamura and Furuya.
“I saw you on the mound today, it wasn’t your anxiety that got to you. Your hand was numb from hitting Todoroki’s pitch. You weren’t in control of your hand after that so you couldn’t give me the right pitches. It’s not your fault.” Miyuki wanted to move from his spot and rub Nori’s back, massage his shoulders, and assure him that he knew how hard he’d tried today. Everyone knew how much effort Nori put into practicing and pitching at such a high level. Side arm pitching wasn’t that common and it took a lot of practice to build up to the level of control the pitcher possessed. The calluses on his hands were like medals he’d won from all of his training.
“It doesn’t matter that my hand got injured! Everyone else is able to play through injuries clearly.” His tone was bitter but his voice was shaking. “Except for me. When the team needed me the most I couldn’t perform. I walked off during the fourth inning.”
Miyuki’s body tensed at his words. He knew they were eventually going to have to talk about his own injury since he’d been outed at the game today. The look of betrayal in Nori’s eyes earlier that afternoon had said it all. He’d lied to his boyfriend and to everyone else because he wanted to be selfish about winning. He was the captain and the clean up, if he was injured than the whole team morale would have went down. He needed to show up and play like he always did for the team so they could win. Kazuya felt bad about lying, especially to Nori. They’d laid in Miyuki’s bed just the night before and he’d promised Nori that he was okay, just a little bruised up. The pitcher had believed him, leaving small kisses over the bruises to make them feel better. It was so endearing that Kazuya had to hide his blushing face in Nori’s hair. Though Nori wasn’t truly injured, his hand was still clearly giving him an issue even hours later.
“Nori...you are invaluable to the team. You pitched those innings so well before you hurt your hand. You gave me all the pitches that I called for with ease. Your strikeout count went up because of this game. You even hit Todoroki’s pitch, something I couldn’t even do,” he tried to reason,” it was unfortunate that you had to leave in the fourth inning but it wasn’t your fault. That pitch was a killer, I couldn’t imagine what it would have felt like to hit it.”
Nori was silent, a few tears slowly running down his puffy cheeks. He didn’t want to cry anymore but his emotions were all over the place.
“W-why didn’t you tell me...why did you lie?” He whispered. “You l-looked me in my eyes and told me you were fine and I believed you. How can I believe you now after I know you’ve lied?”
This time it was Kazuya’s turn to be silent. His heart ached uncomfortably at his partner’s harsh words. He deserved them and he deserved to feel like this, he was the one that had lied after all. The damage was already done but he truly regretted not being honest about how he was feeling. He regretted keeping it from Nori, who he always confided in. They never kept things from each other, they were always honest.
“I wanted to be selfish, it was just one more game I thought I could hold out. I’m the captain, I’m not supposed to be injured. If everyone knew that I was injured it would have impacted the game today. I just wanted to push through it so we could win and go to the invitational. I shouldn’t have lied to you, I should have been honest about how I was feeling. But I’m being honest now, it wasn’t your fault in the game today. I should have called for a timeout to check your hand and made sure that you were okay. It’s my fault, I knew you were struggling and I didn’t help.”
“You were struggling too and I didn’t notice. You were tackled by that pitcher and I just...thought you were fine. Nobody would just be fine after something like that.” He pressed his hands to his eyes, pressing down harder than necessary.
Kazuya did move this time and he tugged Noris hands from his eyes. “Don’t do that..don’t hurt yourself.”
Their eyes were locked now, Nori’s were still wet from his tears. The smaller boy’s resolve broke as he was finally looking his boyfriend in the eyes again after everything they went through today. It was different from when their eyes locked when he was on the mound. On the field, the catcher brought out his every strength. He made him feel confident in every action he made as the pitcher. Their battery was consistent and strong because of Kazuya’s unyielding faith in Nori’s resolve. Kazuya’s eyes were sad now, longing for an indication that they were going to be okay. Nori let out a sigh and leaned against Miyuki, head resting on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around his boyfriend’s back and he clung to his tightly. He made sure not to squeeze too hard, not wanting to hurt his partner. The catcher welcomed his embrace, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his face in Nori’s wet hair.
“I’m sorry..” he mumbled loud enough for Nori to hear.
“It’s okay...I’m sorry too.”
They held each other for awhile, enjoying the quiet stillness of the bath. It wasn’t often that they got to spend too much time alone like this. Their usual alone time was just practicing together after dinner or going on morning runs. It was rare that either of their dorm rooms were empty, especially now that Miyuki was the captain. Sawamura and Furuya were the people who bothered them the most because they wanted Miyuki to catch for them. It used to annoy Nori a lot when they first started dating but he knew it was in the best interest of the team, he wasn’t the only one who had a battery with Miyuki after all. The pitcher’s mind stopped wandering when he felt Kazuya’s lips on his hairline. He looked up at his partner with a soft smile, they were going to be okay. Kazuya leaned in and captured his lips in gentle kiss, threading his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. Nori hummed softly against his lips and kissed back.
“I love you..” Miyuki murmured when he pulled away a few moments later.
Nori blushed a bit but didn’t look away from him. “I love you too, Kazuya.”