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Kaneki used to take a bit of coffee with his cream.
Hide had always observed him seasoning his drink, peering out of the corner of his eye in a subtle sort of way while pretending he didn't notice. He never liked being obvious about the way he watched Kaneki -- embarrassing his friend was one thing, but making him feel self-conscious was never Hide's goal.
There was just something he enjoyed about mentally recording all those dumb little details. The way Kaneki would fill a mug half with weak coffee, half with cream, until it was practically spilling over the lip...it was always very deliberate and careful, with a look of concentration. He'd sip it back down from the edge inbetween comments if he was feeling talkative, or between little glances out the window when he wasn't. But Kaneki didn't like half-and-half as much, so when it wasn't close to overflowing any longer, he'd add more cream a little at a time, slowly swirling it in with his spoon after each addition. He liked licking his spoon clean before setting it down again, too.
That part...it wasn't as deliberate. Kaneki didn't know the exact amount of milk he liked, so he played it mostly by taste. Hide had a good idea of how many extra additions it took, though; he knew the warm, pale caramel color the coffee would become, the little pause Kaneki would take when he sipped it. Finally balanced to his liking, a softness would form around his eyes, and the modest beginnings of a smile would tease his lips. It was somewhere between relief and pleasure, that expression...maybe after four or five additional splashes of cream.
Kaneki wasn't much of a coffee drinker, except when he hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before, or when Hide wanted to drink coffee with him. When he did drink it, Hide knew he preferred a mild, gentle cup...a flavor that mirrored his quiet and shy personality. Hide never teased him about the amount of creamer he took. It suited him, and he liked the way Kaneki looked when he was preparing his drink.
It was those little things that Hide liked the most about Kaneki...it was fun to take note of all the intricacies that made that soft-spoken university student who he was. And since no one else ever bothered to pay enough attention...they were like Hide's own special secrets -- his treasures, carefully tucked away. They were precious things he had no intention of sharing.
So of course he noticed the changes in Kaneki's tastes after his surgery.
When they met up again for coffee at Hide's insistent request, Kaneki didn't even look at the small carafe of cream. It sat untouched on the table as the dark-haired boy sipped an equally dark beverage. The coffee had a strong aroma, too...sharp and nutty, a far cry from the subtle warmth his friend had preferred before.
But Kaneki drank it without flinching, grimacing, batting an eye. Hide had been startled by it, to say the least -- startled and concerned. Maybe that had been one of the first things to tip him off.
Throughout their friendship, Kaneki had remained relatively constant in his likes, his preferences, his habits. Kaneki Ken was not a finicky creature -- he liked stability and took comfort in familiar things. He ordered the same thing at Big Girl, stayed with the same brands as he always had, and kept a relatively regular schedule. The fact that these little things were changing unsettled Hide, to say the least. It wasn't that he disapproved of Kaneki changing, exactly...but he was worried about how his friend, who shied away from anything very different from what he knew, would respond to his own changes.
Hide was worried about how his relationship with Kaneki might change, too.
The second time they met for coffee and Kaneki was still taking it black, Hide waited until his friend's attention was diverted. Then he very conspicuously stole the mug out from in front of Kaneki, and made a big show of taking a sip out of it.
"H-Hide, hey--!"
There it was...that look of ever so mild irritation, that soft, fragile and airy voice firming up ever so slightly to scold him. But beneath that was the familiarity of boys who had grown up knowing each other through better and through worse. Beneath that was the unspoken message that Kaneki still didn't really mind the casual intimacy of Hide taking his drink.
"Ick! This is so bitter, Kaneki! How can you drink it with such a blissful face??" Hide exclaimed, making an over-exaggerated face of distaste. With his nose scrunched up and his tongue stuck out, he slid the mug back to Kaneki before chugging the rest of his cappuccino in one go.
"I like the taste...that's all," Kaneki muttered under his breath with a soft huff of air through his nose. He didn't bother wiping the spot Hide had drank from before taking another sip, as if showing off that he did, in fact, enjoy the black coffee.
Sure, his face didn't show any signs of displeasure. There wasn't that telltale tightening around his lips or furrowing in his brow. But...at the same time, it felt different. It wasn't that soft, indulgent look that he used to get. Somehow Hide felt that enjoying this black coffee was...more out of necessity than simple pleasure. But he didn't say anything. He didn't want to make Kaneki self-conscious.
"A taste like that...it doesn't suit someone with a cute, round face," Hide mused as he licked his lips and peered into the bottom of his mug. There was milk foam on the tip of his nose, and Kaneki had meant to point it out, but startled at the word 'cute'. A pale pink color rose to his cheeks, subtle against his sickly skin, and the line of his shoulders grew stiff.
"What do you mean, cute round face?" For the first time since his operation, he looked just a bit lively again as his voice flooded with indignation and embarrassment. Hide gave a lazy grin in response and shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm just saying. I guess it's normal to want to seem a bit more macho, but...it's okay if you don't really like it, too." His gaze had wandered through the cafe, passing over the other customers like he was searching for something. Eventually his eyes came back to Kaneki, and the look he was wearing was surprisingly serious in the face of his prior teasing. Kaneki swallowed tightly and looked down into his cup.
"...You've lost me, Hide. You're being weird -- even more than normal, I mean." His shoulders were hunching up just a little, and his hands moved to curl around the mug, cradling it with thin fingers. For the first time in a long time...there was something that he didn't want to talk about with Hide. There was a secret that Kaneki felt was so heavy, he couldn't even share it with his best friend -- the guy who already knew everything about him.
The bitter taste of Kaneki's black coffee still lingered on the back of Hide's tongue. But he smiled, anyway.
"If it's something that you actually like now, then that's fine with me. Even if your tastes change...as long as you're taking care of yourself and happy I won't mind, you know?" There was something dark lingering around Kaneki...a subtle troubling shadow that seemed to dampen what mild contentment his friend had struggled to salvage over all these years. That loneliness that Hide had spent all this time fighting away...he thought he could see it creeping back into Kaneki's face.
Kaneki didn't respond.
"...Anyway, you look kind of cool drinking black coffee. I'm jealous! Maybe I'll try and drink it that way, too." Hide gave him another toothy grin, complete with an enthusiastic thumbs up.
Whatever that shadow settling over Kaneki was...whatever secret was threatening him with loneliness again...Hide silently promised that, just like back then, he'd be the one to cut it down. No matter what...he was going to be at Kaneki's side, so he wouldn't have to make those lonely expressions anymore.
"You didn't look cool at all, Hide," Kaneki mumbled under his breath.
"Hey, that's no fair--!" Hide whined, though he was still smiling. Maybe, just a little...Kaneki looked like his shoulders were the slightest bit lighter.