Chapter Text
Carlos first heard about it while picking up milk. The Night Valians that were familiar with him enough to recognize his face were giving him looks -- not weird, paranoid ones, which were the norm, but congratulatory ‘good luck!’ ones. Normally Carlos could ignore it, since he’d long figured out that sometimes Night Valians just DID things for no reason -- Or, at least, no reason he had figured out yet -- but it was happening way too often to just be a ‘for no reason, unless for a reason unknown’ event.
Approaching one of the citizens, Carlos was about to open his mouth to ask why they were giving him such weird looks when the hand holding his gallon of milk snapped clean off his wrist. The scientist stared at it in shock, the citizen moving on with his day after giving Carlos a hardy clap on the back.
“I’m so happy to hear about your breakup!”
Carlos, clutching his bloodless stump, sprinted to his lab to run some tests. His team of scientists rushed to take tissue samples, only to find that there wasn’t any tissue to sample. It appeared that his arm, up to his elbow, had become a sort of elastic… clay substance. The skin farther up to his shoulder was normal, but they soon found similar clay substances on his other arm. His two feet were also clay, and beginning to crack.
Carlos frowned. “Perhaps it has something to do with blood flow…?”
“Unlikely,” said one of his partners. “You would be unconscious and suffering from necrosis far before your flesh became some sort of rock.”
“One of the citizens here mentioned something about a breakup…” Carlos continued pensively. “As far as I know, Cecil and I are still very much together… So it’s probably safe to say it’s some metamorphosis or rite of passage that everybody knew about except us.”
“They call it a breakup?” another team member muttered. “That’s just begging to create a confusion.”
“I agree,” said Carlos, “But right now, I should figure out what’s going on and how to respond to it. I need to call Cecil.”
“Hello, Carlos!” rang out Cecil’s deep, calming voice. “I have to be on in two minutes, but I’m happy to talk to you beforehand. Are you going to be home tonight after I get off work--”
“Er, I’m not sure, Cecil,” Carlos murmured. “See, uh, I’m… breaking up.”
“Oh, no, I can hear you just fine--”
“No, I mean, I’m literally breaking apart--” Carlos cussed as something clunked to the floor. “That was my left foot. Cecil, would you happen to know why--”
“Oh. My. GOD!” Carlos winced as an excited squeal screeched through the phone speaker. “You’re BREAKING UP? I’m having a breakup too! My left ear came off this morning on my way to work, and I lost some fingers on my right hand just now while trying to pick up my coffee. I was afraid that you weren’t at the same level I was -- relationship-wise, that is -- to be having a breakup, but I see now that--”
Carlos cut him off. “So you’re saying this is completely normal?”
“Natural as the birds and the bloodworms! Oh Carlos, we ought to celebrate! I would like to have some of that wine we got from Old Woman Josie before we lose our tongues.”
“Cecil, slow down!” Carlos grimaced as his team snickered behind him. “I’m very... unfamiliar with this process. Is it some sort of metamorphosis? Like, a transformation?”
“Transformation? Oh, no, Carlos!” Cecil purred. “It’s a trans-POR-tation. Carlos, you’re going to meet my parents!”
There was suddenly a loud ‘CLUNK!’ as the scientist’s jaw hit the floor, literally. “Wha’?!”
“Don’t worry, they’ll LOVE you. Just don’t wear any red. That aggravates Mother!” Cecil continued before Carlos could attempt to say anything else. “Oh, I’m on right now! I’ll see you at home tonight. Ouhh, I’m just so excited! It really does say a lot about a relationship when you can drain your life force and reform as a celestial body in your parents’ basement together. I love you!”
When the phone hung up with a loud ‘click’, all that was left was a crumbling Carlos and a group of snickering scientists. He glared them into a silence and limped back to his table to conduct more tests, wanting to document what was happening to his body.
After a moment, however, one of the scientists spoke up in a hesitant, confused tone.
“So, um… I’m happy you’re meeting Cecil’s parents and all that, but when it’s over… how do you two get back together?”
“Maybe with some roses and soft jazz,” offered another scientist. The team burst into laughter, Carlos sighing and pinching his brow.