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They lose the fight, but not the war.
After successfully defeating all the Upper Moons and losing Pillars along the way, Giyuu is one of the few left to face off Kibutsuji Muzan, who is held down by the demon Oyakata-sama has entrusted with the task of helping them, Tamayo. Beside him, Kamado Tanjiro held his nichirin sword at the ready, eyes filled with determination to defeat the enemy before them.
On Tanjiro’s other side stood Agatsuma Zenitsu, Hashibira Inosuke, and Tsuyuri Kanao – all three emerging victorious from their own fights against demons. In front of them is Shinazugawa, Iguro, Kanroji, and Himejima, both heavily injured but standing proudly to take on the leader of the demons.
The fight doesn’t last for very long.
Muzan managed to escape, leaving them all heavily tired and injured. Tamayo is heavily incapacitated, and it is only by some miracle that all of them manage to escape back to the Demon Slayers headquarters without sustaining more life-threatening injuries.
Giyuu cast his gaze over everyone being attended by the medics, and when his eyes meet Tanjiro’s defeated yet relieved expression staring back at him, it is only then that he felt fatigue catch up to him, and then lost consciousness.
~
The new Master of the Demon Slayer Corps is young. Oyakata-sama’s son is a frail but driven boy, and though he is yet to fill in the large shoes that his father has left him, Giyuu knows he will perform his duties well.
The current Pillars’ meeting is a sombre affair. In the months that have neared their battle with Muzan and his Upper Moons, the number demon slayers killed on the field has only increased despite their training, and the number of Pillars has been halved – a fact that has plummeted the spirits of the Demon Slayer Corps. Losing Rengoku was one thing, and Uzui retiring from a severed hand was another, but losing both Shinobu and Tokitou in the battle was a heavy blow.
Everyone attending the meeting knew of this fact, and they couldn’t help but feel the loss of their fellow Pillars deeply.
They were a broken system with four Pillars absent – their slots needed to be filled. Giyuu set his eyes on the four non-Pillars attending the meeting as well, and knew without a doubt that they were summoned to be present for a specific reason.
His suspicions were right.
The young Oyakata-sama read one of the last letters his father left for them, and read to them one of his last plans: in the event that they do lose more Pillars in the battle, there are four individuals who would be immediately promoted to the rank of kinoe should they prove ultimately exceptional in the subjugation of demons, particularly the Upper Moons. The promoted will then be subject to training with both former and existing Pillars, and shall then be prepared to be hashira or Pillars themselves in the near future.
And thus, Tsuyuri, Tanjiro, Agatsuma, and Hashibira have been promoted to kinoe, a rank only lower to hashira, in preparation for them to become new Pillars. Curiously, the former Oyakata-sama’s letter also addressed Kamado Nezuko as part of the Demon Slayer Corps, and due to her cooperation with them and her ability to walk under the sun even as a demon, she has been given kinoto rank.
None of them objected.
The rest of the meeting is spent in discussion of future matters: yes, Kibutsuji Muzan is heavily injured and greatly weakened due to the final fight and Tamayo’s help, and he will most likely take years before he is back to his intimidating glory – time that the Demon Slayers now have the advantage of formulating more plans to take him out. Muzan’s Upper and Lower Moons have all been eradicated, and they expect Muzan to fill in those ranks immediately, but inexperienced Moons are careless demons, and taking care of them will be more exhausting than difficult.
His eyes wandered over to Tanjiro once more, where he is met with a tired smile. Giyuu tried to return it with one of his own, but he knows he’s probably failed – Shinobu once told him that he doesn’t know how to smile properly, not having to do so often. Tanjiro merely gave him a wider smile, and Giyuu knew that even if he is reticent with his words and not quick to smile, the boy understood him quite well. Few people do.
Few people did.
~
When Tokitou was buried, he was inducted into a plot of land inside the forest of wisterias near the Mist estate. The remains of Shinazugawa’s brother, Genya, was buried in the grounds of the Wind estate. Due to the nature of how Shinobu died, she wasn’t buried anywhere.
There was no body to bury, after all.
~
The months after that are the same.
Not being one to interact with people, Giyuu is not heavily affected by the losses all too much in the previous battle. It’s not like he lost a sibling like Shinazugawa and Tsuyuri did, or did he lose a close friend in it. He’ll admit to himself that he considers Tanjiro his friend, but Tanjiro is alive, and so he really didn’t lose anyone at all.
Ah, Tomioka-san, this is why people don’t like you. You barely have friends!
Giyuu stopped in his walking and sighed. He wouldn’t consider Shinobu his friend, by the two of them have been paired up quite often that they’ve gone used to each other’s presence. Even now that she is gone, Giyuu can still hear her voice in his ears, in that honeysweet passive-aggressive tone of hers, teasing him unabashedly.
He resumed his walking back to the inn he was staying at for the night. He had to rest for the meanwhile – tonight, he must accomplish his mission.
~
The following morning he pays for his lodging. The innkeeper looked at him strangely, and Giyuu stared back.
“What?” The innkeeper jolted at being addressed with curt words, before bowing in deference.
“Nothing at all, good sir, we were just wondering why you booked two rooms, despite using only one.”
Ah.
“Ah. I see. I will pay for both of them.”
The innkeeper reddened in embarrassment and confusion as Giyuu settled his payment. “Yes, well, that is acceptable. We look forward to your next visit, good sir.”
Giyuu exited the inn and wondered why he booked two rooms as well, before realizing that he had done so out of habit, being on so many missions with someone else in tow. He could imagine Shinobu’s laughter in his ear, at how slow he could be at these kinds of things, but the laughter he imagined is not mocking or cruel, but rather the laughter that Shinobu dished when Giyuu did something particularly funny or amiss that reminded her of his social ineptitude.
Overhead, his crow announced him his next mission, an extermination job of a suspected new Upper Moon two towns and a mountain over, and Giyuu resolved to remind himself to book only one room in the next inn.
~
He still booked two rooms.
~
“Ah! Giyu-saaaaaaaaaaan!”
Shinobu?
Giyuu looked over at the source of the voice, coming face to face with none other than Tanjiro and Nezuko, who were sitting at a local establishment having drinks. He approached them at a relaxed pace, and telling himself that of course it couldn’t have been Shinobu – she’s dead – and she has never called him his given name, only in that lilting ‘Tomioka-san’ that she stretched whenever she wanted to annoy him. Tanjiro is the only one to call him his given in a long time, the only one since Sabito.
Tanjiro looked a little bit older than he last saw him, his hair a bit longer and face more angular. He still looks young though, and his eyes are the same, holding optimism and patience in them, as if he hasn’t experienced his world come crashing down around him multiple times. Across his brother sat Nezuko, finally in a form that befitted her age, looking every bit as human in her customary pink kimono. She no longer wore that bamboo mouthguard, having been able to stop growling like a demon since her debut in the sun.
Giyuu nodded at them wordlessly.
Tanjiro took it all in stride. “It’s been a while hasn’t it, Giyuu-san? How are you?”
“As well as can be. There are no shortage of missions I am assigned on.”
“Ah! I see! We’ve been busy as well! Are you on a mission right now in this town, Giyuu-san?”
“Just passing through,” he hummed, before continuing, “are you on a mission as well?”
“Oh, no, actually, we’ve been advised to...take it slow this time? The past month, I was paired with Inosuke and Zenitsu to take care of a town terrorized by two new Upper Moons and came out of it with some injuries. Since Kanao and the other Pillars are still present, they will be picking up the hard missions we won’t be assigned on.”
“You’re injured?”
“No! Zenitsu and Inosuke are though, and they’re back at the Wisteria House recovering. Nezuko doesn’t take much to recover these days, and I’ve only sustained some bruising and a few shallow cuts!”
Hmm, showing concern? My, my, Tomioka-san, perchance you find Tanjiro-kun your favourite?
“That’s good. I see. Very well, I must be on my way.”
“Ah! Giyuu-san!” he found Tanjiro finishing his food and chugging his drink in a hurry and standing up, “do you need anyone to accompany you?” Giyuu saw Nezuko finish her food at a more sedate pace – he didn’t know demons could eat the same thing as humans did, but then again, Nezuko is a different case – and stood gracefully to her brother’s side.
He considered it, having Tanjiro come along. If his usual behaviour persists, he will most likely accidentally book two rooms in the inn the next town over, and he’d much rather get that room be occupied instead of prepared only to be unused. The Kamado siblings could use the other room.
Yes. That sounded reasonable.
“If you’re worried about Inosuke and Zenitsu, I could tell them tonight about it, and I’m sure they’d much rather rest than be on a mission right away. But, ah, Inosuke would probably want to come, hmm, but he’s heavily injured again, so I’m sure he could be persuaded to stay! It will just be the three of us, Giyuu-san!”
Giyuu threw him another appraising look. It would be nice to have company after so long, he thought, and he finds Tanjiro’s presence welcome. Despite his bright and cheery attitude, Tanjiro is a sensitive boy, tactful and impressionable, and very charming and endearing without much effort. Tanjiro could do all the talking for them if he came, and Giyuu wouldn’t have to suffer awkward conversation with people who found his blank stares and clipped words off-putting.
Shinobu used to do the same for him, back when they were paired together.
“And if you’re worried about me getting in the way, then please don’t! Me and Nezuko will stay on the sidelines and let you do your job unbothered! Ah, but unless it becomes difficult and you need help, than I will gladly aid you. Not that I’m implying you can’t! Just, it would be nice to have back-up, right?”
Giyuu thought so as well, and merely nodded in reply.
Tanjiro gave him that sunshine-bright smile of his, and Giyuu had to look away, as Tanjiro took hold of his wrist and guided them back to the Wisteria house in town, where he will undoubtedly spend the night before leaving tomorrow.
He looked at Nezuko walking on Tanjiro’s other side, who only giggled at him and turned back to his brother, as Tanjiro continued to regale them of a story how Inosuke out-drunk a couple of grown men under the table in a previous town, and how Zenitsu had to clean up the mess afterwards...
~
The demon he was sent to exterminate was another new Upper Moon, which he managed to kill without assistance. He met the pensive gaze Tanjiro tossed him from a rooftop he was perched on, Nezuko dutifully at his side.
Wordlessly, the three of them head back to the inn to get some sleep in before they are sent on another mission in the morning.
~
When Giyuu got his crow’s calls the next morning, he got up and walked in the direction he was told to go, and without prompting, Tanjiro and Nezuko, who settled back into her box on Tanjiro’s back, follow him, the journey to the next town filled with Tanjiro’s conversation and Giyuu’s silence.
~
“Giyuu-san, are you not going to eat that?”
He looked at where Tanjiro indicated, and saw the plate of dango. He wondered why they ordered it, since none of them seemed to touch it despite everything else on the table being devoured. He isn’t even that fond of sweets.
Ah, nothing tastes better than the sweet taste of dango at the end of a mission!
Oh. He must’ve ordered it out of habit as well. He’ll eat it though; it’s a waste of food otherwise. Tanjiro gave him a strange look before smiling, and continued his story about the time Inosuke found himself being proposed to by a man who mistook him for a woman in one of their previous missions...
~
He could hear Shinobu’s voice teasing him to at least respond with more words to Tanjiro’s attempts to engage him in conversation, but every time Giyuu does, he feels himself stilted and awkward. Tanjiro doesn’t seem to mind though, and takes Giyuu’s attempts at conversation in stride. He recedes back to silence by default, but it is not unpleasant.
~
Tanjiro and Nezuko stayed with him for three months, before Tanjiro’s own crow came to the boy and gave him his new assignment. The Kamado siblings bade him a pleasant farewell upon arriving at the town’s borders, as they were heading in a different direction from him. He spent the next few days travelling in silence, and he wondered then, why it felt strange for it all to be so quiet.
Ah, I’ve grown used to it, he realized belatedly, but there was nothing he could do about it. In the light of the fire as he camped under the stars that night, he imagined Tanjiro’s voice singing Nezuko to sleep like he did when the three of them travelled together, and even imagined Shinobu’s teasing ‘Are you asleep now, Tomioka-san? You’re so quiet I couldn’t tell!’ and drifted off to sleep.
~
After the last mission, his crow came back to him and relayed him the young Oyakata-sama’s new orders: relax and train for the next battle with Kibutsuji Muzan.
Giyuu didn’t know how it was possible to relax while preparing to go to battle with Kibutsuji Muzan, but he thought of the days where Sabito and him would train together with their wooden swords before their Final Selection, how Shinobu would bother him when she felt like sparring back then, and the afternoons he and Tanjiro spent spar-training in the Wisteria houses they stayed in, Nezuko sometimes joining them as well.
Oh, Tomioka-san, you’re feeling lonely now, are you? I see that even hermits like you can feel loneliness as well!
He hummed under his breath, and thought of how to train by himself, when he couldn’t remember the last time he did so. He must’ve done a lot of solitary training, he knew. But it’s hard to imagine it now, not when he knew what it felt like to train with someone else.
~
He found himself at a seaside town.
It was a small fishing town, filled with men who manned their boats and women who sold their husband’s catch in the marketplace. Children helped with cleaning their father’s nets, and some of them played on the beach.
It was a peaceful town, all things considered, and the people didn’t question his reticent and solitary nature when he socialized with them. He spent his days doing self training by the isolated areas near the beach, and by night he found himself part of the lively nights at the local bar, eating cold soba in peace as he listened to the drunken men and singing women – content to just be there and be at peace.
This isn’t like you Tomioka-san. Perhaps you’ve gotten tired at living the hermit life?
He ordered dango again by habit, but ate them as well, their sweetness going well with the simmered salmon and daikon he had for dinner. He doesn’t think hes’ developed a sweet tooth, but he’ll admit it’s nice to have something sweet once in a while.
~
She didn’t outright say it, but she implied she loved the sea. She said she loved the way the sunrise and sunset looked over the waves, how the sky and sea become golden for a few minutes, before the night became day and the day became night.
Giyuu still remembers the way she offhandedly joked that if she were to die, she wouldn’t mind a seaside burial, because if people visited her, then they’d see something as beautiful as she was. He didn’t say anything to that at all, which she took as a disagreeable gesture, and called him utterly unromantic.
He only looked away in indifference.
~
“Ah, Tomioka-san, doesn’t the wind feel nice?”
Giyuu merely ran his hands absently through his hair. The tie that had been keeping it together snapped when one of the demons swiped at him a little too closely, thus his usually maintained bush of hair flew behind him, untamed in the sea breeze.
“You should cut your hair, Tomioka-san, it would suit you I think! After all, that pretty face of yours is one of the only few good things you have, you might as well use it well!”
“I’m growing it out.”
“Hmm, yes, I can see that, Tomioka-san,” Shinobu sighed, before reaching into her pocket and pulling something out, and outstretched her hand in his direction. Giyuu threw her a questioning look.
It was a butterfly hairclip, but instead of the usual white and pink color scheme, it was black and blue, with white lines tracing the familiar patterns of a butterfly’s design. It looked like an alternate version of what the Insect-breath users wore, and he was confused why Shinobu was showing him such a thing.
“It’s for your hair, Tomioka-san! If you have something beautiful adorning your hair, then perhaps you’d look decent enough for people to look past your seriousness! Look, the color even matches your eyes!”
Before Giyuu could ignore the proffered item, Shinobu skipped closer to him, and pushed the item into his hand. Not knowing how to decline without sounding rude, Giyuu accepted the trinket, and slipped it into his pocket.
Shinobu pouted at him for not wearing it, but seemed appeased that Giyuu didn’t refuse the clip, before chuckling to herself and turned to face the sea again, feeling the soft blow of the wind over the waters.
~
He found a mostly rocky cliff overlooking the sea a month later. It was about an hour walk away from the fishing town he stayed in, and was mostly secluded by the forest that preceded it. Giyuu discovered the place after he scouted the area for potential threats, like bandits or criminals, or demons making a nest nearby.
Giyuu found himself walking to the cliff before dawn, blade at his side but his pace was unhurried. He woke up feeling purposeful earlier, and figured he might as well entertain his own silly ideas since he was already up, and that he was not bothering anyone anyway.
He passed by men already out in the streets heading for the shore, already getting ready for the start of the day to man their boats into the open sea, their banter painting the early morning with an air of subtle cheer.
An hour later, he was past the forest and where he meant to go. He found a solid patch of ground by the overlooking cliff, where he knew it got a beautiful view of the sunrise if someone were to come to the place at the appropriate hour, and dug a reasonably size hole into the ground. He took the blue butterfly hairclip and buried it there, then took a tall rock and placed it over the buried item as a marker.
Using a dull dagger he had on his person, he etched a single name into the stone, deep enough that it wouldn’t be weathered.
胡蝶 しのぶ
How romantic Tomioka-san! All that for little old me?
Only for you, Giyuu answered the voice in his head, and then it is quiet.
The sun rose over the waves almost an hour later, and the sunrise shy at first, before it became bright, golden, and beautiful.
“It’s a nice place to be buried in.”
And though nobody could hear him, he could imagine her laughter in his ears, teasing and mocking and fond at the same time.
~
Before the month was over, Giyuu’s crow came to him to summon him back the Demon Corps headquarters.
He left the day after his crow told him of the summons, just so he could visit the marker where the sun rose. Since he didn’t know what flowers would be appropriate to leave at the marker, Giyuu left a bundle of dried wisteria flowers instead, something he already had on his person, and something he always carried around in case his usual partner needed more dried wisteria to brew her poisons.
~
Himejima is killed in the aftermath of their final battle, but so is Muzan.
Giyuu saw Tanjiro deal the finishing swing as Nezuko held Muzan down. It was a tragic sight to behold, to see Tanjiro hold his hand over Muzan’s chest as if he was feeling for a heartbeat, until Muzan cried and faded into nothing with the rising of the sun, and Nezuko, Agatsuma, Hashibira, and Tsuyuri crowded Tanjiro into a group hug, laughter ringing in the air as they won they won they won!
~
The young Oyakata-sama greeted them on their return, now down by one Pillar, and most of them injured. Giyuu spared a look at Tanjiro who stood resolutely in front of them, the first one to voice his greetings to Oyakata-sama.
Kamado Tanjiro looks every bit of the kind boy he’s known him to be, and he is stronger because of it, not despite of it. His kindness is a blade not even the demons could hope to dull or beat, and Muzan, no matter how much the demon believed that it was because of Tanjiro’s bloodline that made him strong, wasn’t just strong because he could use the Fire God-breathing technique.
He was strong because he knew his weaknesses, and pushed past it, without compromising his beliefs and humanity to get better. Beyond joy and sorrow, past anger and despair, Tanjiro was someone who never gave up hope, and that hope in humanity and the future was something Muzan could never understand.
Tanjiro smiled his gentle smile at Oyakata-sama and he returned it, the young master’s shoulders relaxing after a hard year of pursuing Muzan’s weakened state, delivering a statement of gratitude for their victory.
No one, except Tanjiro himself apparently, was surprised when he was named the Fire Pillar right then and there, but since everyone was tired, he pleaded that if they were to celebrate, then they do it the next day, since people needed to be treated.
Yes. That is a sensible argument. I approve, Tanjiro-kun.
They all file into the crowded mansion of the Butterfly estate, where Tsuyuri Kanao leads everyone’s treatments. Giyuu secured a bed at a secluded corner to himself, and within the familiar walls of the butterfly estate, it’s easy to imagine Shinobu flitting from room to room, her honeysweet voice soothing the pains of her estate’s patients.
~
He bumped into Shinazugawa the morning after the battle.
They were both turning the same corner; Giyuu to the mess hall, and Shinazugawa to the clinic, he thinks.
He’s covered in bandages and scars as always, but instead of the outright antagonistic glaring and sneering at him, this version of Shinazugawa is quieter and more controlled. He looked at Giyuu with a cool expression, only nodding his head in greeting.
Giyuu wondered what caused the change in Shinazugawa. Was it the death of his brother? He thought he hated him – Genya, he remembered Tanjiro telling him – and wondered what transpired between the brothers that pushed the Wind-breathing style user to be more collected these days. Is that what it means to lose someone? Does it push you to be quieter? Perhaps it is; he would know, after Sabito.
“How is it...”
Shinazugawa paused in his steps and stared at him.
“How do you deal with losing someone you can never get back?”
Giyuu realized his question sounded too personal – too intrusive – after it’s left his mouth. He expected Shinazugawa to lash at him and throw hostility in his face, but he’s surprised when the other man simply turns his gaze away from him, and looks thoughtful for a moment.
“Losing someone is like getting a scar.”
Giyuu looked as Shinazugawa brought a hand to his face, absently tracing the many scars he had. “It’s a permanent mark on your skin that you can never forget about. It aches when it’s cold, and it’s hard to move, and sometimes you can’t look in the mirror without being reminded what they mean.”
He looked at Giyuu then. “But you bear the pain and get used to it. The wounds may heal but the pain doesn’t go away. Not really.”
“Is that how you felt about losing your brother?”
Giyuu expected Shinazugawa to flip on him then, but Giyuu is once again surprised when the white-haired man didn’t. “Yeah.”
Shinazugawa turned around and continued walking away, but not before Giyuu heard his last words.
“Sometimes I still hear his voice in my ear, calling me ‘Nemi or onii-chan. It’s stupid but...it’s nice to know, that I can still remember him. I loved him in the end, despite wanting to hate him. I loved my brother. Still do.”
He wanted to tell Shinazugawa how he felt the same. He wanted to tell him he still hears Shinobu’s voice echoing in his ears; her teasing, her laughing, her singing. He wanted to tell Shinazugawa he knows what it feels like, despite the fact he doesn’t see Shinobu as a sister. He knows what it feels, because he feels it too.
To be the one left to remember. To be the one left to...
Giyuu is left alone in the dark hallways to his thoughts, before his eyes widen in realization.
Oh. Oh.
Geez, Tomioka-san, you’re so bad when it comes to people, even yourself! Honestly!
~
Giyuu is met by the sight of Tanjiro eating by himself in the mess hall. No one else, bar the two of them and Shinazugawa, appeared to be awake amongst the Pillars.
“Good morning, Giyuu-san!”
He gave the new Pillar a polite nod. He sat beside him, and stared out the garden. Tanjiro continued to eat in silence, a tired yet cheerful smile on his face, as he took another bite of the mochi on his plate.
“I still hear her voice, inside my head.”
Tanjiro stared at him at his sudden comment.
“Shinobu.”
“Oh,” Tanjiro swallowed the food in his mouth before getting a sip of his tea. “...Is that why you keep ordering dango whenever we ate dinner together back then?”
“It was her favourite.”
There is a pause in their conversation, before Tanjiro laughed. Giyuu looked at him curiously.
“What is it?”
“I used to think cold soba was your favourite, because it was something we had together often. But Shinobu-san once told me that your actual favourite was simmered salmon and daikon. She also told me that her favourite food was dango, though she said you probably thought her favourite was ramen or tonkatsu, since that was her usual order when you ate out together. It’s funny, to discover she was wrong about you on that matter after all.”
Giyuu continued to stare at Tanjiro.
“Back then, why did you stay with me those three months, Tanjiro?”
The boy hummed, before turning to look at the garden outside before them. “I thought it’d be nice to travel with you, because then I’d get to learn more from you, and because you’re pleasant company. You’re not as noisy as Zenitsu or Inosuke, but you’re equally as comforting. We’re friends, you know?”
Tanjiro brought his eyes down and stared at his empty plate. “Though another reason was because of this comment Shinobu-san once made about you. How you were distant, and how she felt I could draw out the person inside you more. She said she tried, but knew that she couldn’t.”
“How could she say that, with all the times we were paired together?”
Tanjiro paused in his words, and looked at Giyuu. “It is a ridiculous notion, to pair up two hashiras on the same missions, especially if they were minor ones. But Oyakata-sama continually paired us up, knowing how I preferred working alone, and how Shinobu was busy being the head of medical and poison division of the Demon Slayer Corps. By all means, she could’ve politely refused being paired so often, considering how much more work she does than I do.”
It was the longest phrase Tanjiro has probably heard from him in a long time, so it’s a beat later before the boy replied. “You could have refused, too.”
“I couldn’t refuse it, if it was an order from Oyakata-sama.”
“You could have refused Shinobu-san.”
“I did. I ignored her for the most part during our first missions together.”
“But you didn’t tell her to go away.”
“No. I didn’t”
“Why?”
“It was our mission, and we were assigned to it.”
“Then what about the other times you kept getting assigned together? Couldn’t you have brought that point up with the previous Oyakata-san?”
Giyuu thought about it, but he already knew his answer.
“I didn’t mind then, by that point.”
“Do you know what Shinobu-san told me about you?” Giyuu glance at Tanjiro, who was leaning back in his arms as he stared at the ceiling. “People easily misunderstand you as cold or aloof, or unfeeling, simply because you let your actions speak for you rather than using your words. She told me how you seemed to appear to others: confident, arrogant, self-assured, and stuck-up. But they were wrong, she knew. She told me she thought you were lonely, and decided on a whim to keep getting paired with you because you were fun to tease. But then she grew fond of you, and then you started responding to her talking, and then it wasn’t so bad. She told me that around someone as calm as you, even she could feel her angry heart subside for the moment, and allow herself to be momentarily at peace. So she kept being paired with you and teasing you, because by then she realized you weren’t the one who was lonely – she was.”
Tanjiro laughed, but it was a sad one, as his eyes grew watery. “She said that if she survived long enough, if she managed to let go of the anger in her heart, she would have liked to be kept on being paired with you. Because if the anger in her heart was gone, then maybe she could be free to feel other things as well. Maybe even be really happy. With you.”
There is a pause in the conversation again, because Giyuu didn’t know what else to say. So maybe, he could just be honest about it.
“I still order dango when I eat out. Sometimes, I still accidentally book two rooms at an inn when I’m on missions. Her voice still echoes in me, even after she’s gone.”
“She would have loved you, if only you both had the time.”
And at that, Tanjiro does cry, but he doesn’t know why, or how to stop it, and so he made to grab for Tanjiro’s face and wiped his tears away. The boy chuckled at Giyuu’s attempts to comfort him, but stopped crying all the same.
Tanjiro levelled him a look. “What is she saying now?”
Aaaah, Tomioka-san. It seems we’ve both been fools. How tragic.
“She says we’re both idiots.”
Tanjiro laughed, and Giyuu felt his lips lift up to a smile.
~
Giyuu told Tanjiro about the marker he left at the cliff near the seaside town. That week, he and Tanjiro, as well as Nezuko, Zenitsu, Inosuke, and Kanao, headed over to the marker and paid their respects. Kanao thanked him profusely for doing something so thoughtful and meaningful for her sister, and Giyuu patted her head.
~
When the younger demon slayers left to walk back to town, Giyuu asked to stay behind for a bit sat in front of the marker. The marker is decorated with a fresh bouquet of wisteria, as well as other flowering plants that Nezuko and Kanao planted around it that attracted butterflies towards it.
Giyuu took out a box of dango and set it beside the wisteria bouquet, and watched the sky grow brighter as the day progressed. He felt the rain on his face at one point, but he’s surprised to see no dark clouds or wet landscapes around him.
Oh, Tomioka-san.
He closed his eyes. He could let it rain a little longer.
~
The thing about Giyuu was that he didn’t dislike being with people, but rather, he disliked what he could be by being with others. For all his young life, he’s had his sensei, Urokodaki, and Sabito, his best friend. And he loved Sabito with all of the little heart he had, and when he lost him, a part of him was lost too.
And he couldn’t bear that.
So he sealed off that part of his heart away, to be nothing, to be untouchable, to be the calm water against the squalls and storms in this world. It is what his eleventh form is about after all; ‘Lull’ is something he perfected by being the void on the water’s surface, devoid of ripples or distractions.
But he was not heartless.
~
These days, after Muzan’s defeat, the Demon Slayer Corps is now only on light assignments. Demons, despite Muzan’s absence, will never truly disappear from history’s shadows. They will continue to feast on human flesh and fear, and it is up to them to defend humanity from this continuing threat.
Giyuu now travels mostly with Tanjiro and Nezuko, occasionally joined by Inosuke and Zenitsu. He pairs up with Kanroji, and even Sanemi when their schedules align.
Sometimes though, he’ll travel on his own, go to towns with lots of flowers where the butterflies play, or play hooky and order his favourite salmon and daikon, with a side of dango if the place he frequented had it. He’d go back to that seaside town near the cliff with the marker, where the flowers are in full bloom, and the stone constantly smells of wisteria.
He goes to these places not truly alone, not when he can still hear her voice in his head. One day, he knows he’ll forget it, too; the sound of her voice, her face, her laugh, but for now, he’s learning to be happy and being part of the world again. He wonders what it would be like, to go to these places he does and be with her. Perhaps she’ll still make fun of him for fumbling his words at ordering at the local bar, or maybe she’d smile and laugh, no longer trying to think of the anger for the demon that killed her sister.
Maybe they could’ve been happy. But Giyuu just smiles to himself sadly and looks over at the sea.
I could’ve loved you, Tomioka-san. Oh, had we only had the time.
“I think I already did, towards you. I just didn’t realize.”
And maybe, for a life filled with lost loves, it’s enough to know he’s capable of it – of love – and that the lull and calmness in his heart and his reticence does not mean he’s unlovable.
~
There’s a voice in Giyuu’s heart that feels like butterflies in his chest.
It’s okay. You can love again. It would be worth it.
And for the first time, Giyuu lets that belief ripple in his heart.