Chapter Text
To miss the sun and its warm embrace
It begins with Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s wedding.
Jiang Cheng remembers stepping into gusu, fresh after a snow storm. He never would have come, if not for Wei Wuxian’s noisy letter, voice piercing through his skull.
Jiang Cheng you better come! Otherwise I’ll go over to Yunmeng to personally drag you over!
He sighs. In all honesty, he doesn’t believe Wei Wuxian can physically manage to lug him over there. It was an empty threat. In his exasperation, Jiang Cheng would still go, and he knows Wei Wuxian knows that.
So here he is now, with two other Yunmeng disciples flanking his sides. He brought a gift. It was a hard one, thinking of something the idiot wouldn’t react too much to, something small and hopefully meaningful.
He caresses the box with his thumb. They better appreciate this.
No one greets him at the entrance. They must all be busy with the wedding planning. And Lan Qiren must have locked himself up steeping tea to calm his nerves. Jiang Cheng can’t help but scoff, imaging the old man blood pressure bursting at those two’s very public displays of affection.
His disciples head of to help with the preparations. Jiang Cheng continues down a small path. It’s been paved neatly, snow piling around the sides. Everything is so white that his eyes hurt. He passes by the cold springs, hoping to get a bit of meditation in before the chaos begins,
...only to find that it was already occupied. Jiang Cheng raises a brow, head cocking to the side to see who would be here at such a time.
As he inches closer, his footsteps are heard by the man, who turns back to look at who had come. Ah...
“..Zewu-jun?”
-
Lan Xichen had decided, amidst all the chaos erupting all over gusu that he’d take a moment of silence for himself.
The cold springs were empty at this time of the day, and the temperature was usually just about right. He slips in, fully clothed, and sits easily on the ground, icy waters gently pushing at his chest.
He inhales, and his heart quietens at the peacefulness. He meditates for a while, eyes closed, back against one of the rocks protruding out the waters.
Then he hears a sound, something soft, tinkling down the footpath. It couldn’t possibly be a wild bunny. He opens his eyes and turns. And then he stares.
“...Zewu-jun?”
Lan Xichen blinks slowly. Jiang Cheng is here.
Jiang Cheng is...here? In gusu?
It takes a second or more as he recollects his thoughts, and then lifts a hand out of the water, waving at the Jiang sect leader. “Hello, Wanyin.”
Jiang Cheng edges closer, and Lan Xichen can’t help but imagine him as a cat, curiously inching closer, large eyes staring at him cautiously. He almost laughed at the comparison, but pressed it down with a smile instead.
“Isn’t Zewu-jun supposed to be in seclusion?” Jiang Cheng criticises before he can stop himself. Lan Xichen sees him wince, eye twitching and lips twisting in a grimace. But he doesn’t mind. He smiles kindly and replies, “until yesterday.”
“Was sect leader Jiang hoping to get some meditation in?”
“Mm.” Jiang Cheng nods. “Before Wei Wuxian comes and annoys the fuck out of me, yeah.”
Lan Xichen laughs, a quiet sound besides the water gurgling somewhere behind them. Lan Xichen tilts his head sideways, inviting him in. Jiang Cheng does as so, peeling off his outer robes. He enters in a thin underrobe, and Lan Xichen suddenly feels like they’ve gone back 16 years.
Jiang Cheng sits beside him, a few centimetres apart, and copies Lan Xichen’s posture. For a while they sit in companionable silence. Lan Xichen finds his gaze lingering on Jiang Cheng’s form.
He’s terribly well-proportioned for a man of his stature and age. Xichen’s gaze travels past long lashes, sharp cheekbones to curve of his neck. At that moment he looked wonderfully at ease, no frown on that usual stormy face.
Jiang Cheng opens his eyes, gaze finding Lan Xichen’s. Then the frown returns. He eyes narrow, and Xichen does not miss the way his face hardens, or the way his shoulders square up defensively. It is barely noticeable, and if it were anyone else, they wouldn’t have noticed at all.
Jiang Cheng angles his body away slightly. “What are you looking at?” Lan Xichen smiles, shaking his head and fixing his gaze at the scenery instead.
After some time, Jiang Cheng says that they should go and check up on the rest. They emerge dripping. Jiang Cheng’s body shivers as a cold breeze goes by. He puts on his robes quickly, belt tightening around his waist.
Lan Xichen stares at the small silver bell dangling from a sash, and remembers the sound he heard earlier.
“Your bell makes a beautiful sound.” He says. Jiang Cheng’s gaze snaps up from where he was smoothing out creases in his robes. He frowns at Lan Xichen, almost as if to decipher if what he was saying was true.
“My bell? You heard it?”
Xichen nods simply. Should he not have heard it? Jiang Cheng opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. His frown deepens, but then he shrugs and picks up sandu, dangling it by his thigh.
They both make their way back.
-
“Jiang Cheng! You came!”
Something large and fast smashes into his side, and with all his cultivation, Jiang Cheng still sways sideways from the impact. But then he immediately shoves the other person aside harshly.
“Of course I came. Who was the one who threatened me?” He retorts. These days, he can’t speak the way he used to. He notices that. All his words have no bite to it. Even Jin Ling has become more of a brat recently.
“Jiujiu! Not angry anymore?” In your dreams you brat. (Zidian sparks, and Jin Ling face pales)
Wei Wuxian continues clinging to him, jumping around like a goddamn monkey, and Jiang Cheng lets him. He drags him to his private rooms, the ones where he has to stay until after the wedding. Wei Ying chatters the whole way through, complaining about bland food and Lan Qiren still not acknowledging them.
Jiang Cheng nods along, but his mind barely understands what the abomination of a man is saying beside him. “How’ve you been?” his brother asks once they’ve settled down. He hastily grabs two teacups and pours lukewarm tea into both. Jiang Cheng accepts a cup and drinks it quietly.
There are many things he might say. I’m fine. I’m busy. Why would you care how I’ve been? He chides himself at the last one. Their relationship was as fragile as it can be, if he says something like that, it would probably end in some sort of argument. “Okay.” He grunts out.
“That’s good. Don’t overwork yourself okay? You always tend to do that.” Wei Wuxian rests his hand on Jiang Cheng’s wrist, and the other is so startled he jerks his hand away. He does not miss the way Wei Wuxian’s smile dims, or how he flinches at Jiang Cheng’s reaction. He can’t help it though. No one touches him these days. Besides the occasional handshake from other clan leaders during meetings, he tries not to have any physical contact with anyone.
As quickly as it goes, the smile comes back, and Wei Wuxian continues chattering. “So, everything’s arranged for the day after tomorrow. Lan Zhan is really excited, so am I! We’re going on honeymoon right after the banquet.” Jiang Cheng nods. Lan Wangji excited? He scoffs. He can be excited, excited as a brick wall. But, with the way he looks at Wei Wuxian, like he’s his entire world, being able to marry him, of course he would be excited.
He gets it all in the end.
Jiang Cheng brushes the thought away. It’s a wedding for heaven’s sake. No one needs any self-depreciation on a happy occasion.
“How’s Old Man Lan taking it?”
Wei Wuxian purses his lips and huffs. “As well as you expect. He won’t be at the ceremony, but Lan Zhan says he gave his blessings.” Jiang Cheng sips his tea thoughtfully. “He didn’t arrange the wedding then?” “No, me and Lan Zhan did most of the planning.” He sighs, then brightens up. “Xichen-ge helped though!”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. We thought he’d take more time to get used to being out of seclusion, but when we told him about the wedding he immediately said he’d help us out.”
“How long has it been, five years? What made him decide to leave?” Wei Wuxian shrugs. “I don’t know. But he’s out, and Lan Zhan is happy, so I won’t bother prying.”
There comes a knock at the door, and it slides open to reveal one of Yunmeng’s disciples. He takes two steps into the Jingshi, clasping his hands together and bowing. “Sect leader Jiang I have been looking for you. You told me to give you a reminder for –“
Jiang Cheng stands abruptly, cutting off his words. He waves a hand at him, “got it, you can go off now.” The disciple bows again and leaves, and Jiang Cheng turns to Wei Wuxian. “I have some personal matters to attend to, I’ll see you later.”
He ignores Wei Wuxian’s protest and quickly leaves the Jingshi.
-
He finds a quiet corner somewhere amongst the trees in the forest, and slips a pouch out from his sleeves. It contains pills, flat white ones, of which he picks out two and tosses them into his mouth. Then he quickly slips the pouch back into his sleeves.
It goes down solidly, and he winces at the lack of water to soothe his throat. He then turns down the footpath, heading back the way he came. From the corner of his eyes he spots a couple of white puffs among the grass. Rabbits. He huffs, switching his sword from one hand to the other, and bending down to approach them.
“Hello you.” He murmurs, taking a rabbit in his palm and scratching behind its ears. The small thing nibbles on his fingers, but it tickles more than it hurts.
“Pets are prohibited at the Cloud Recesses...Old Man Lan is really growing soft huh.” He shakes the rabbit, squinting at it accusingly. “But you are kind of cute...” he smiles when its nose butts his palm. “Want to go on an adventure with me?” He cradles the rabbit in one hand, shooing away a couple others that have gathered around him.
Then he sets on down the footpath. He really has nothing better to do now. He brought a bit of paperwork with him, but a part of him didn’t want to touch it. He came here for a break, as much as he hated to admit it. If he was back home, he would have started on a new pile of pointless complaint letters, and his head would be pulsing so hard veins would pop.
He sighs, cold air misting in front of him. He stops by on a bridge, hands pulling the rabbit to his chest. It’s a bit cold, the air still frigid from the winter. Yunmeng is never this cold, and he laments the loss of a thicker robe.
“Wanyin.” He turns at his name, and is not at all surprised to find Lan Xichen standing at a Pavillion nearby. He nods in acknowledgement. Xichen comes over, smiling pleasantly at him.
“Hello, it seems we meet again.”
“Mm. Coincidences, Zewu-Jun. What are you doing here?”
He lifts his hands, and shows a bunch of small dried up flowers and leaves cupped in his hands. “Collecting some herbs for cooking. How about yo-...is that a rabbit?” Lan Xichen’s eyebrows shoot up as his eyes drop to the little animal in his arms.
Jiang Cheng relaxes his hold on the rabbit. “You caught me. I will admit, it gets pretty boring around here. Thought I’d kidnap this one for an adventure.” The rabbit wiggles in his arms in retaliation.
Xichen laughs. “How about you come with me? I’m heading back for a meal and a bit of company would be nice.”
Jiang Cheng thinks back to what Wei Wuxian said about him leaving seclusion. A bit of company would certainly do some good for him. He agrees, and Xichen guides him back to the Hanshi.
Back there, they settle in, a tray of rice and small dishes already placed on the table. Jiang Cheng sits down at one end, crossing his legs and putting the bunny on his lap. He thanks Lan Xichen when he places a bowl of rice in front of him.
“It might be a bit bland.” He warns.
Jiang Cheng eyes the white vegetables and soup skeptically, “I know.” He looks straight into Lan Xichen’s eyes and winces. “I think I can manage.”
Lan Xichen’s laugh is musical. “Did you eat anything before this?”
“No.”
“But it’s...nearly mid-afternoon.”
“Mmhm.” Jiang Cheng looks up from where he was picking up a piece of steamed cabbage. “So?”
“So you haven’t had anything at all since yesterday?”
“Since yesterday afternoon actually.”
He wondered what the problem was. Lan Xichen had a small furrow in his brows, like he was concerned. Skipping meals was quite the norm for him. He never felt hungry, so unless someone (read: everyone) takes away his work and forces him to eat, he’ll just go without it.
“You should eat more then. Here.” Lan Xichen loads his bowl with a heap of vegetables, not noticing Jiang Cheng’s pitiful glance at the food.
A part of him wants to put the rabbit on the table and make it eat the food for him.
“How are you finding the cloud recesses?”
“It’s alright. I underestimated the cold...it’s been a long time since I’ve been here. But other than that, it’s nice. The snow here is beautiful.”
Xichen smiles at the praise. “I’m glad you like it here. You should visit more then, I’m sure Wei gong-zi would be happy to see you more often.”
“Him?” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “He has Lan Wangji, I’m sure he’s as happy as he can be. No offence, but I’d like to keep my distance from that love-sick couple.” The man before him laughs. “They are quite...outgoing in their displays of affection.”
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Oh yeah, I heard you helped plan the wedding?”
“Yes. I thought I might do this one thing for Wangji.”
They lapse into easy conversation over a shared meal. The bunny on Jiang Cheng’s lap had long fallen asleep by the time they were done. Jiang Cheng decides to leave after a while, the pile of paperwork sitting on his desk nagging at the back of his head.
Lan Xichen thanks him for his visit, ever the gentleman, and stands to walk him out the door.
“Oh! Before you leave…” Xichen turns and heads to a small dresser. Jiang Cheng tilts his head, wondering what he could have forgotten. He comes back with a folded robe, grey-blue patterns weaving through white.
“You said you were cold before...this is one of my thicker robes, you can lend it while you’re here.”
Jiang Cheng stares at the neatly folded robe. His mouth opens but he doesn’t really know what to say.
Lan Xichen takes pity on him, seeing a flush creep up his neck. He pushes the robe gently into his arms and leads him out the door. Jiang Cheng doesn’t see him watch him fondly from the door. He was too busy stumbling past a growing shoot, eyes pinned to the robe in his hands.
-
The wedding day was a mess, as expected of everything having to do with Wei Wuxian.
But despite the chaos, it was a success. It started with a tea ceremony, with the necessary bows to the elders, elders being Lan Qiren, who sat stiffly as his nephew and Wei Wuxian exchanged bows, and offered him tea. He came after all.
He took both teacups and nodded in approval. Xichen smiles at the way his brother glows prominently. It’s not obvious at all, from any way one looks, Lan Wangji’s facial expression is a dead one. But Lan Xichen can tell his brother is truly happy, especially at uncle’s somewhat acceptance.
The actual banquet comes later towards the evening, with food and chatter and the juniors playing with firecrackers outside.
It was really pleasant. The wedded couple sat by themselves, both engrossed in feeding each other, exchanging secret smiles and touching each other gently.
Xichen spots Lan Jingyi and Sizhui with the other Lan disciples, all very much happy to have meat in their meal for once (requested by Wei Ying: I’m not eating steamed anything on my wedding day!). Especially Jingyi, who has stuffed so many chicken wings in his mouth he looked like a chipmunk about to faint from bliss.
Sect leader Jin was here as well, invited by Wei Wuxian. Xichen had seen him greeting Jiang Wanyin earlier, smiling so brightly when he saw his frowning uncle. He didn’t even try to avoid the smack to his head. He was sat with Jingyi and Sizhui now, getting agitated by something either of them had said.
It was quite an internal celebration, with Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng the only external parties invited. Wangji didn’t have many friends to invite, and when asked, Wei Ying only requested his brother and nephew come, so that was that.
He turns to look at his brother, who was now staring lovingly at his husband. Wei Wuxian was twining Wangji’s forehead ribbon again and again around his wrist, beaming at him. He had finally gotten it, hadn’t he?
Besides the occasional kiss shared between them, the usually openly-affectionate couple had decided to spare everyone and keep it clean for now.
Xichen stands, getting ready to leave. Everything was alright, and he felt a bit tired from all the celebrations, hoping to get a bit more rest in.
He passes the entrance, and is about to head down the steps when he sees a figure standing by one of the pillars. He assumed it was one of the disciples, from the blue robes. But upon closer inspection, he realised it was his robe, and that the person he was looking at was Jiang Cheng.
He lets out a little gasp seeing the other sect leader wear his clothes. It was only a robe, yet it made his heart stagger a bi. He stares at Jiang Cheng, the way the blue robes blended into his deep purple ones, the way the shoulders sloped down a bit from his smaller frame. Despite that, it fit a bit too well.
Jiang Wanyin was admiring the snow, or maybe deep in thought. A wayward lock of hair falling into his eyes, the rest resting atop his head in a bun. His arms were crossed into his sleeves, and he staring out into the light snowfall drifting to the ground.
Lan Xichen approaches him quietly, careful not to startle the man. Jiang Cheng tears his gaze away from the snow, eyes settling somewhere around Xichen’s face.
“Hello.”
“Hello, Wanyin. Not joining the festivities?”
He shakes his head, a small smile gracing his face. He looks relaxed today, daresay even happy. His complexion, Xichen realises, is a bit pale, as it had been the other day they met. But he doesn’t pry. “Not for me, these things. I tend to just drop by a bit.”
He glances back into the hall, where everyone was still happily eating. No one noticed he left, Xichen realises, suddenly feeling a bit apologetic, for he too barely realised that Jiang Wanyin wasn’t in the room.
“How about you? Leaving?”
“Ah, yes. I feel a bit tired, and I think everything will be fine from here on.” He gestured into the room. Jiang Cheng nods, and okay, against the snowy background, he looks a bit too pale. Saying it is cold barely accosts for such paleness.
Lan Xichen steps closer, only for Jiang Cheng to jerk away, keeping a distance between them. Xichen steps back, raising his hands slightly in defence. “Sorry, but you look really pale, are you okay?”
Jiang Cheng blinks, hand reaching into his sleeve. He mutters something to himself, too soft for Xichen to hear, then he quickly darts away, back into the hall, leaving Xichen standing outside confused.
-
He had forgotten the pills again.
He couldn’t eat them in view of everyone, in case someone asks and he can’t explain that he isn’t exactly sick.
But before he leaves, he needs to pass Wei Wuxian his wedding gift. He heads straight for them, both of them pulling apart from each other when his shadow looms over them. Lan Wangji stares at him blankly while Wei Wuxian smiles.
“Jiang Cheng hi!”
He thrusts then a small box, arms crossing over his chest. Impatience lapses into him as Wei Wuxian takes his time to slowly crack the box open.
Inside, is a pair of bells. They were similar to the one hanging off his belt. Jiang Cheng was really wracking his head for a suitable gift, and had gone for those in the end. They were small, but meaningful.
Wei Wuxian’s mouth drops open when he sees the bells, one hand lifting one of the silver bells tenderly. He’d attached a blue and red tassel onto either bell, and Wei Wuxian had known that, for he had taken the red one in his hands.
“Jiang Cheng...”
“That one’s for you”, he nods at the red tasselled bell in his hand. “And that one’s for you.” His eyes meet Lan Wangji’s. “You’re part Yunmeng Jiang, and marrying him, both of you are as good as part of the Jiang family.”
He inches away as he sees Wei Wuxian clambering up from his seat, tears gathering in his eyes. But he can’t escape. His brother launches at him, latching onto him. “Jiang Cheng~~! That’s so..! Aahhhh!!”
Jiang Cheng deadpans, body sagging in defeat as he lets Wei Wuxian cling to him. Lan Wangji takes the remaining bell, stroking the curved body with a finger before his gaze meets Jiang Cheng’s again. He nods at him in thanks, and Jiang Cheng nods back.
They aren’t exactly on the friendliest terms, but this is good enough.
Wei Wuxian sniffles into his robe (ah wait it’s not his–). “Does this mean I can come back to Yunmeng now?”
Jiang Cheng sighs, one arm coming up to pat Wei Ying’s shoulder. “I never said you couldn’t.” He whispers. Wei Ying pulls back, grinning so widely his mouth could split. He throws his arms around him again, squeezing him tightly. Before he pulls back he leans close to his ear and whispers, “what’s up with your robe?”
Jiang Cheng’s eyes widen, skin prickling as he shoves at Wei Wuxian again. Fuck. He’d forgotten he was wearing Lan Xichen’s outer robe. He turns around in panic, but everyone else was still busy gorging, so his slip-up went unnoticed by them.
He sighs and turns back to Wei Wuxian. The once Yiling Patriach has his arms crossed, eyebrows raised. Even Lan Wangji looked curious, that traitor.
He swallows dryly. What was he supposed to say?
The truth, his mind supplied helpfully. Yes, the truth, it wasn’t anything shameless, so why was he so afraid?
“Zewu-Jun lent it to me.” From the look on Wei Wuxian’s face, that wasn’t enough. Jiang Cheng crosses his arms and huffs. “I was cold.”
Still wasn’t enough.
“He invited me for a meal the other day.”
“And he gave you his robe?”
“Lent me his robe, yes. Because I was cold.”
“Huh.” Wei Wuxian turns to his husband. Lan Wangji doesn’t react, but his head tilts slightly to show that he doesn’t know. Doesn’t know what?!
The more he stands there, the more he feels like he’s about to be interrogated. “If there’s nothing else, I’m leaving first.”
He waves them off as he quickly heads down the hall, past the threshold, making his way back to his room.
-
After midnight, Jiang Cheng finds himself wide awake. He had taken the pills, but his body still refused to let go of consciousness. Rigidly, he sits on the bed, staring at the wall, consumed by demons.
His hand wanders to his chest absentmindedly, and he rubs at the scar underneath his robes. He must be hallucinating, for it aches. In the solitude that Gusu presents after 9pm, his mind is loud. He grabs the lapels of Lan Xichen’s robe, twisting his hands so tightly in the cloth that it wrinkles.
Images flash through his mind. Hands, tied. Gashes. Whips. Taunts. Words that he hated so much spoken to him loud and clear. A hand, pressing against his chest, tugging, pulling. Why won’t you scream for help? Just please –
He keels over on the bed, hands trembling heavily as he runs them through his hair. His headpiece comes off, then his ribbon. Stop, stop, stop.
After a while, it stops, his mind quietens down, or shuts off, if the pill is of any aid. He sags into the pillow behind him, heart still accelerating. Jiang Cheng clasps his hands together and wills them to stop fucking shaking. He brings them to his lips, upper teeth biting into his knuckles.
He grabs his hair and tugs them over one shoulder. He can’t sleep. Not tonight. He swings his legs over the bed, grabs Sandu and heads out again.
Not straying far, he settles on a bench along a sheltered walkway. Snow was still falling lightly. He stays and watches the flakes melt into the ground until the sun rises.
-
“Jiang Cheng, you’re leaving?”
“Mm. I have to pay long overdue visits to some of the smaller clans around Yunmeng.”
Wei Wuxian stares at him. Something happened last night. Jiang Cheng wasn’t okay. He wasn’t being obvious, but he was his brother, of course he knew when something was wrong. He was pale, too pale, and his gaze kept trailing the ground.
“Jiang Cheng –“
“Bye.”
He turns and leaves, Jin Ling giving him a wave before running after his uncle.
Wei Wuxian frowns, arms crossing. He tsks quietly to himself. He was worried for Jiang Cheng. He always was, Jiang Cheng was his little brother after all.
Things were going just fine, until this morning. Granted, he was too distracted by Lan Wangji’s lips yesterday to really notice much of anything else.
He decides to drop by Xichen’s place, because his brother should have dropped by sometime to return the robe he was lent.
When Xichen opens his door, Wei Wuxian grins and waves. “Morning, Xichen-ge. Did Jiang Cheng drop by?” Lan Xichen nods while he gestures for him to come in. He sits by the table while Xichen puts out a pot of tea, pouring it into two cups and giving one to him.
Wei Wuxian thanks him, taking a sip while scanning the room. He spots the robe, laid flat on the bed. His eyebrows shoot up and he turns to his brother-in-law. “Xichen-ge, I need to ask, did you find anything strange with Jiang Cheng these few days?”
Lan Xichen seems to startle, and Wei Wuxian narrows his eyes. “Yesterday night, he looked unwell.” Xichen says slowly, levelling his gaze with Wei Wuxian’s, “would you know why?”
Wei Wuxian fixes him with a questioning stare, one which Xichen returns placidly. Finally satisfied, he smiles, downing the remains of the tea.
“No. But it could just be the weather, right?”
“Of course. He has left already?”
“Mmhm! He just left.”
Lan Xichen nods, long fingers wrapping around his cup to bring it to his lips. “Did you enjoy your wedding?”
“Yeah! Thanks for helping plan it Xichen-ge, without you, it was sure to be a mess.”
Xichen shakes his head lightly while smiling.
Everything was relatively okay. Wei Wuxian mentally scratches his head. Maybe he was overthinking it.
-
Jiang Cheng receives a letter from Gusu a week after he returns back.
It’s not Wei Wuxian, that idiot had sent him a letter earlier in the week saying that he was going on honeymoon.
Don’t miss me too much Jiang Cheng! I’ll be back soon!
Who the fuck would miss that walking migraine?
This letter, was undoubtedly from Lan Xichen. They used to exchange letters a long time ago, but stopped after Wei Wuxian died. Now, the crisp white paper in his hand made him hesitate.
What would Sect leader Lan want?
Sect leader Jiang,
I hope this letter reaches you in good health. As you know, my brother and yours have left for some time now. I am very sorry to have to disturb you, but perhaps we could write letters again? Being here alone, gets a bit stifling. I would follow you to kidnap a poor rabbit and carry it around the Cloud Recesses, but that would be inappropriate for a sect leader. Do let me know if you will be amenable to this idea.
-Lan Xichen
Jiang Cheng stares bemusedly at the letter. Was Lan Xichen…..mocking him? He blinks at it, rereading certain sentences. Yes, he was mocking him! The gall! What on earth could have made him decide to write to Jiang Cheng anyway?
He picks up brush and quickly writes back a reply.
Sect leader Lan,
Sure, but I recommend the rabbit to be a better idea.
-Jiang Wanyin
What the fuck are they doing? Shouldn’t Xichen be busy doing paperwork? He glances at his pile of papers covering every available surface of his table. Maybe all those Lan handstands make him sign stuff faster.
-
This was really quite a surprise. The two juniors beside him gasp and clutch at each other’s robes. Yunmeng was really done up well. Lanterns strung themselves along every archway, illuminating the night in a warm orange glow.
Despite being here only a couple of times, he feels warmth spreading through him at the sight. It felt comfortable, welcoming, like home. Xichen smiles at Jingyi, who looks like he might take off with Sizhui at any moment.
“You two can go ahead. I will greet sect leader Jiang.” He nods, and pushes them forward. The two of them excitedly head off into the throng of merchants and sellers crowded around the Pier. Lan Xichen shakes his head, looking fondly over everything. When was the last time he was around this many people?
He turns in the direction of the meeting hall, that he is sure Jiang Wanyin is there.
Nearing the hall, there is less chatter, the walkways dimmer, but no less comfortable. One fist clasped behind his back, he walks leisurely to the hall. Sect leader Jiang is there, barely noticeable under all the papers piled on his desk.
Xichen huffs, smiling. He stands at the doorway.
He doesn’t notice him, too busy scrawling something on a paper. Lan Xichen takes this time to look at him. His hair was a mess, strands falling out of his usual bun, streaming over his face. The frown was on, coupled with an intense scowl.
For a sect leader, he sat with his back straight, but leaned so much over the desk his chin almost touched it.
Sometimes looking at him, Xichen feels a sort of pride well up inside him. He never admitted it, but he was very much in awe of Jiang Wanyin, the revered Sandu Shengshou. A boy who watched his very world crumble, and barely had time to mourn before he was shoved into duty.
He wonders, if Jiang Wanyin ever cried. If he ever hurt, under all those layers of anger and disdain, was he even happy? He sighs, these days he doesn’t only lament for himself, it seems he does it for others as well.
The very ground he stood on now was once scorched, a grave for a mass assassination. If he didn’t know, he would have thought it was a grand sect, not one built on the bones of its elders.
“Wanyin.”
The man looks up. It takes some time for his eyes to focus, so he stares blankly at Xichen until he blinks and stands. “Oh, you’re here.”
“Yes. I let Jingyi and Sizhui go and enjoy the festival first, if that is alright.”
Jiang Cheng waves a hand dismissively. “Sure, they’ll probably bump into Jin Ling at some point. Best to leave them at it.” He walks over to Xichen, giving him a once over.
It’s not a very judgemental look, more of one out of habit, but it still made Xichen’s body feel a bit warm. Jiang Cheng’s gaze turns to the outside, where a couple of youngsters had set up fireworks, the bright flecks bursting into the air, followed by loud cheers.
Jiang Cheng was looking on fondly, face passive and eyes soft. “Are we going to join in?” He asks gently. Jiang Cheng doesn’t reply, instead continues to stare on. His thumb twists Zidian around his index finger.
Lan Xichen bites his lip, hand hesitantly reaching out to tug at Jiang Cheng’s sleeve. “Hm?” The other turns to him, eyes unfocused. “Should we join in?” Xichen asks again.
Jiang Cheng finally nods, gesturing the path to take.
As they walk, his companion barely says a word, besides the occasional grunt or nod to answer Xichen’s questions.
They’ve been exchanging many letters over time, each one longer and more playful than the next. Lan Xichen won’t deny his heart leaps each time he receives a letter from Yunmeng. In fact, the nine-petal lotus was his favourite insignia to see these days.
So why is Jiang Cheng so different from his writing persona?
“What would you like to do?”
“You wrote about trying the food here?”
“Let’s do that then.”
Along the streets, it’s chaos. There’s loud chattering, merchants yelling while others bask in the atmosphere. Xichen sees the way their eyes widen when they see Jiang Cheng, giving them both way to walk. They greet him with lowered heads but gentle smiles, and Xichen finally sees him smile back, small and tight.
A little boy happens to run along, and stops in front of them. Jiang Cheng tilts his head, bending down to listen to the boy speak. Xichen can’t hear what they say, but the smile grows on his face, and he ruffles the boy’s hair.
There are always accusations about the ferocity of sect leader Jiang. He was cruel, he killed many, he had no heart for his own brother, he stole his golden core. Xichen thinks, he wasn’t anything like that.
They turn a corner to a small stand. The seller identifies them immediately and bows. “Sect leader Jiang, sect leader Lan.”
Jiang Cheng nods once, and picks a few rice dumplings and what looked like a prawn pancake. They pay and settle around a quieter corner to watch the festival.
“Here.” He passes him a fried pancake, wax paper seeping with a bit of oil. Lan Xichen, for all the bland food he has had living in gusu, accepts it skeptically. Jiang Cheng sees, and laughs. “Just try it.”
He’s watched intently as he takes a bite. Taking his time, he chews slowly. Jiang Cheng is looking at him with raised eyebrows, awaiting his reaction. Lan Xichen tilts his head and winces a bit. It’s good. A bit too oily, but the flavours were bursting in his mouth. He only winced because, well, he wanted to tease him.
And it worked, because Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened, hands coming up and waving around. “Uhh, uhh if you don’t like it just spit it out! Don’t keep chewing if you don’t like it!”
Lan Xichen laughs, swallowing. “It’s good, Wanyin. I was joking.” He takes another bite, casually avoiding when Jiang Cheng visibly relaxes and gives him side-eye. He slaps his arm, and Lan Xichen winces, rubbing away the pain. Sure his arm was muscled and strong, but Jiang Wanyin throws powerful punches.
For the rest of the night, they eat and drink tea, and Xichen finds that any awkwardness between them has vanished, putting in place instead a warm, fuzzing feeling inside his gut.
“Hey. Lan Xichen?”
“Hm?”
“I was just wondering...why’d you decide to leave seclusion?”
His eyes meet his, and Xichen can’t tear his gaze away. Jiang Cheng’s voice was soft. He wasn’t being condescending. When Xichen first left, there were mixed reactions. Of course his brother was glad to see him around the recesses and not in the Hanshi. But there were others who spoke differently, saying that he was incapable of doing anything, of leading, of protecting. He could not even stay in seclusion long enough for it to count as something.
Of course, those were only a handful at most, everyone else was thoroughly relieved to see the gusu lan leader well. Looking at Jiang Cheng now, seeing his face get more and more worried, Lan Xichen realises, as his chest loosens, that no one had ever asked him why he left.
“You don’t have to tell me of course! I know that’s a bit personal...and you have every right to reject answering such a question.”
Lan Xichen looks up, eyebrows raised. “Hm? Oh, no worries, Wanyin, I didn’t mean to hold out that long.” He takes a teacup, pouring hot tea into one cup. “I don’t mind saying it, only, no one’s asked me that before. And Wanyin –“
Jiang Cheng nods at him to continue at the pause. Xichen smiles and exhales. “You’re no stranger. I won’t mind sharing anything personal if it’s with you.”
He doesn’t see Jiang Cheng’s eyes widen, or the way his thumb rotates zidian around his finger distractedly. Xichen cradles his cup, tracing his reflection in the tea. “I think I was afraid.” He admits quietly.
“Afraid of what?”
“Of becoming a burden.” His smile dims. “Wangji came nearly every day. He spent lunch and dinner with me, and he was always worried. It is difficult for others to tell, but I could see. He was worried. Each time he came, I just felt that I was burdening him more. He wasn’t supposed to be the one managing sect affairs, he wasn’t supposed to be the one seeing his own brother succumb to seclusion like his parents.” He smiles sadly, eyes flickering to the river surrounding the Pavillion they sat in. “I found myself wanting to relief him of all of this. I wanted him to be happy, with your brother.”
“So you came out because you didn’t want to burden him?”
“Yes.”
“Then are you still grieving?”
Was he ever? Anyone would expect that the reason he entered seclusion was to deal with his grief, of losing the people he loved, of being unable to stop the chaos. But was he grieving? Maybe right after the events at guanyin temple, but now he wasn’t, was he?
“No. Even grief has to end some time.” He feels a grip on his hands. Looking down he sees that his hands were fisted, and Jiang Cheng was the one prying his fingers open, splaying his hands out. “And I did not feel like I deserved to be happy after everything.”
“Huh? You –“
Xichen waves a hand. “It’s okay. I’d rather not talk about this right now.”
Jiang Cheng looks like he wants to protest, but his mouth clamps shut, and he turns his gaze to the river as well. His hands are still holding on to Xichen’s, fingers rubbing against his. Xichen stares at their hands, blinking slowly as he tightens his fingers around Jiang Cheng’s. The ring on his finger slides coolly over his palm.
Later as they leave, Xichen finds that he really wants to hold Jiang Cheng’s hands again. He settles for letting their shoulders touch as they walk.