Chapter Text
-i-
Nights like this had always been something she craved. The moon was full yet partially hidden behind a soft short stroke of dark bluish grey cloud, moving ever so slowly across it. And the skies, though not fully adorned with its usual twinklers, were still as beautiful as ever with the little stars that did grace the night. The cool breeze was gentle. And the night… the perfect setup for a brief forlorn remembrance.
“I miss you, my love…” Lexa whispered into the night. Hoping wherever she was, whether it’d be by Skaikru belief, Grounder superstition, or the old world’s religious beliefs, no matter how many there were, she could only hope that she hears her. That she heard her every second of every day.
With a trembling sigh, just as Lexa had done in the nights before for 15 long years, she backed away from her balcony and turned to move to her bed. Only to stop in her tracks when she caught her mate already staring back at her, with that knowing look she had on for the past 11 years they had been together. And just like most nights, without uttering a single word, her mate just pulled away the fur covers to allow Lexa to get into bed with her.
They do not snuggle. They barely touch each other. They simply live out the roles as mates; as an Omega and as an Alpha. Only this one was simply her mate. She is not her. She is not her Alpha.
And her mate knew it.
As soon as the light struck their bedroom, Lexa’s primary lifetime role begins.
“Heda, may we come in?” A voice from behind closed double doors ended the night’s silence as it always had ever since she became the commander at 13.
Suppressing a groan, Lexa sat up to shake off the last of her body’s protests at ending its slumber. “Enter.”
And with that, her day has officially begun. Her bedchamber and bath maids flurried in her room; preparing their baths and their clothes; making the mates look presentable before they were faced with their daily duties.
Over the years, the dullness still hadn’t numbed them. She and her mate just had to silently go through one of the most mundane parts of their day. Everything else was just enough to give them a reason to wake up the next day and do almost the same things all over again.
For Lexa, it was when she trained, sparred, and spent time with her family and her people that brightened her days. She had constant support from them, owing to the fact that they had all been close together growing up. That they suffered the same loss together.
Is everyone else going through the same things I do?
Do they miss her every single second like I do?
Are they even still in pain like I am?
Lexa’s usual morning musings were cut off when her mate cleared her throat.
“Lex, I'll come by and see you in the afternoon before I leave. Will you be here or at Marcus’s dinner gathering?”
“I’ll probably be at Marcus’s, Cos. I have to visit now. They keep insisting I’ve been avoiding them,” Lexa answered with a playful roll of her eyes.
Costia sighed. “I know. And you did not hear it from me, but it was Anya feeding them those ideas.”
As if she didn’t expect it, Lexa scoffed. “I knew it. I’ve been telling her to stop listening to Raven and her odd conspiracy theories. Now, she’s thinking like her mate.”
Costia laughed at that one. “That’s cause it’s probably how it should be, mates eventually thinking alike.”
And just like that, the awkwardness between them for the day started. But before it grew worse, Costia cleared her throat again. “So, 2 weeks… I’m sure you’ll miss me and will want a gift on my return. What will it be?” Costia raised her eyebrows, teasing her Omega.
“Ugh… Just you in one piece is more than enough for me, please,” Lexa answered. After all, 11 years of being mates, 11 years of friendship, Lexa did grow to love her. She just wonders sometimes if it was the same kind of love any other mates shared. Deep down, she’s positive that it’s not.
“Alright, I promise.” Costia smiled shyly before she got up from the table after finishing the last bite of her breakfast. “I will go make sure the scouts are ready as well. I’ll see you later?”
Lexa nodded and watched as Costia made her way out the door.
It’s just not the same dreadful feeling when it was her who was saying goodbye.