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Katsuki rolled over in his single wide cot, arms wrapping around the love of his life. He nuzzled his nose into her neck, inhaling her scent as though it was the last time; knowing it very well could have been. The woman in his arms rolled in towards him, contouring her body to his.
“Don’t go,” he whispered into her hair. She made no reply despite him knowing she was awake. “I talked with the foreman,” he continued, bringing his hand up to run his fingers through her hair. “I’m picking up extra shifts at the docks.” He paused, kissing the top of her head again. “I’m going to save up enough money to get you out of this.”
“I wish we’d known,” he heard her voice, muffled into his chest. “We’d have never taken that trip--”
“Don’t you say that. That trip is one of my happiest memories. That view, with you...”
“It cost so much though. We could have bought passage and fled.”
“We never could have left your parents behind,” Katsuki said, knowing that no matter how much they loved one another it would always come down to them. “You’re only gone to court for three months. With extra shifts I can--” He looked down to find brilliant coffee eyes staring up at him, glittering with tears.
“I love you, Katsuki.”
“I love you too, Ochako. I will always love you.”
Ochako sat up, wiping her tears away with the back of her hands. “I hate this,” she muttered. “Who does he think he is?”
“The King of the Realm,” Katsuki answered bitterly. “Fuckin’ prick.”
Ochako turned to him, taking his hand into her own. “It’s me and a hundred other women. There is no way he will choose me. I will make myself as homely as possible, blend in--”
“Impossible,” Katsuki said with a smirk. “You could wallow in pig shit and still be the most beautiful woman in the room.”
“I’m coming back.”
“I know,” he exhaled. “Lay back down. We still have a few hours.”
Ochako curled back into his arms, letting him trace circles on her bare skin with his thumbs. “I’m glad we did this,” she whispered, “before I left.”
“I’ll make this proper. The minute you return home we’ll head to the church and be wed.”
“I can’t wait.”
A month and a half passed, during which Katsuki fell into a routine: morning shifts at the docks to help the fishermen, a full shift at the lumber yards often skipping lunches, and evening shifts at various warehouses running security. Every other day he would check in on Ochako’s parents, helping her father with the odd chore or two, always anxious to hear news.
She was unable to write him directly as that would endanger them both. What news he did hear of her came from her mother, who sympathized with their love -- unlike her father who had tried to run Katsuki off more than once. “He’s a proper match. He can give her a life you never could. How could you possibly compare to King Monoma?”
Katsuki did his best to not let her father’s comments deter him, still offering to help them in any way he could. As reward her mother would often slip him the letters she had written to them, letters that had become his most cherished keepsakes. At night he would lay in his cot, reading her words over and over again by candlelight if only to hear her voice in his head.
She was doing well. She and all of the other ladies summoned were treated properly. She had finally learned to walk in heels, though it took practice. Her fingers had become sore from needlepoint.
It wasn’t much, but it was everything to him.
Another month passed, Katsuki running on fumes as his small savings grew. “Do it for her,” he had told himself repeatedly, a mantra he’d adopted along the way. Ochako’s letters to her parents had become infrequent, often just a quick sentence or two, until they’d stopped coming all together.
Without the promise of them, Katsuki still continued to check in on her parents, having nearly finished painting their house.
“Can’t thank you enough for this, boy,” her father said, standing on the porch of the small cottage. “Likely to get more money out of this when we sell.”
“Sell?” Katsuki asked, whipping around so fast he nearly splattered the man with white paint.
“Take it my wife didn’t tell you?” Fear and rage began to brew deep inside Katsuki as she shook his head no. “King Monoma has asked for Ochako’s hand in marriage.”
Katsuki dropped the paintbrush, blood roaring through his ears.
“We leave tomorrow to finish negotiating the arrangement,” her father continued. “Dowries, compensation, all of that. Don’t think there won't be some coin in it for you, you’ve done a great job around here. Would have had to cut our losses on this place if it weren’t for you.”
Katsuki’s eyes snapped back up at the man. “I don’t want your fucking coin.”
Her father sighed. “I know you two had your little dalliance, believe me when I say she truly did fancy you. But this is for the best. For her--”
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!” Katsuki roared.
Ochako’s mother popped out of the door, standing beside her husband. “We didn’t want to hurt you. She didn’t want to hurt you.” Katsuki stared the woman down, his question burning behind his eyes. “She wrote last week.”
“She wrote… and you didn’t tell me,” his voice came out just above a whisper. “You let me paint your fucking house--”
“See here, boy,” her father interrupted. “There’s nothing you can do. The King’s word is law. There was no sense in--”
“Fuck you,” Katsuki spat, throwing the brush across their yard. The fact was they were right. If King Monoma had chosen her, there was nothing he could do about it, nothing she could do about it. The King could provide her and her family with a life Katsuki never could. But it didn’t stop the pain.
He fell to his knees, his body breaking as quickly as his heart had. “Why her?” he whispered into the earth.
“It’s what’s best. You should want to see my daughter happy and well taken care of,” her father gruffed.
Katsuki looked up, tears burning his eyes. “Is she happy?” The thought hadn’t occurred to him. For months, he had told himself that it was a decision beyond their control, something she was forced into. He’d never once thought that she could ever possibly be happy, there, without him.
Ochako’s mother walked towards him, letter in hand. “She included this. For you.”
He didn’t want to take it. He knew what it meant. Good, bad, or indifferent it was a goodbye.
Katsuki pulled himself up on his feet, snatching the letter from her mother’s hands. He didn’t dare look either of them in the eye.
“She loved you.”
Her words had such finality. A tense he refused to accept.
“Loves. She loves me,” Katsuki corrected her, before walking away.
He wandered for hours, missing his shift at the warehouse. It wasn’t until exhaustion took him over that he made his way back to his room, setting the letter on his table. A table for two. A table he had only bought so he and Ochako would have somewhere to sit and eat. A table she had chosen.
He wanted to burn the table. Destroy something. Storm the King’s castle and strike him down where he stood. Katsuki knew it would do no good. He had lost her, that's all there was to it.
Weeks went by before he touched the letter, which had sat on the table where he had left it, collecting dust. News of her engagement spread throughout the Realm. A holiday was put in place to mark their wedding, a private ceremony, every worker granted the day’s leave to celebrate.
Katsuki had overheard gossip from various women he passed about how they had waited in line for hours to get a glimpse of the new queen, how beautiful she was rumored to be, how envious they were. What I would give to have it be you and not her , he thought, listening to their chatter. But it would never be them. No woman could hold a candle to Ochako’s beauty.
It wasn’t until the news of her pregnancy reached him that he finally broke down and read the letter. He was unsure what drove him to it. Closure? Anger? Self loathing?
Katsuki sat in his room, staring at the piece of parchment for hours before he finally picked it up. His stomach dropped, a haunting sensation filling him as he forced himself to break the seal.
My Dearest Katsuki,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am sorry I have not been able to write you before now, as most of my mail is read over by my handlers. I miss you, gods I miss you so so very much.
Katsuki inhaled, forcing oxygen into his lungs. Tears began to well in his eyes but he was determined to not ruin the ink.
If you are reading this you have no doubt heard the news. I did as I said I would, I made myself as homely as possible, tried my best to blend in the background…
It wouldn't have worked , he thought.
We should have ran that night. Consequences be damned.
Katsuki stopped, hanging his head. He had thought about that possibility countless times, about what their lives could be had they just ran…
I don’t know if this will ease the ache but the King is not as cruel as we once believed him. In fact he is quite different around me, which is pleasant in it’s own way. But my heart is not with him, it is with you. It will always be with you, Katsuki.
He couldn’t read anymore, his vision blurred. He balled the parchment up and threw it into the small stove fire. He stood abruptly, screaming at the top of his lungs.
For months, he had kept the other letters in a cabinet above his sink. If he’d had the strength he would have ripped the very cabinet from the wall; instead he pulled out all of the letters and tossed them into the fire, watching his love for her burn.
“Liar!” he screamed, earning yells from his neighbors through thin walls.
That night he broke, crying himself to sleep for the first and last time.
Years passed, another royal heir was born, the Realm celebrated her birth. Katsuki had turned to alcohol, wasting his savings to numb the pain. When he had been laid off from the lumberyard, he pulled himself together, selling everything but what he wore to travel. He wandered the entirety of the lands, from the deserts to the mountains, finally settling on the coastline. In the very town he and Ochako had once visited.
He hadn’t planned to stay there, but his experience at the docks had afforded him a new job opportunity. His intention had been to build up new savings, to leave the Realm and never come back. But as the months went by, he found himself in a decent apartment, making honest wages, and in the company of new friends.
While not forgotten, Katsuki convinced himself that he had moved on. He settled down, married, and had three daughters of his own, despite having tried for a boy. While he could say that he loved his wife, it wasn’t the same; it’d never be the same.
News came of Ochako’s parents’ death, the King issuing a day of mourning. Katsuki picked up double shifts that day, forcing himself to not think ill thoughts of her father. They had only ever wanted the best for her. He just hadn’t been that.
A week later, Katsuki woke to find the seaside town abuzz, merchants scrambling to clean up their shops, the towns regent ordering the streets swept. He shook his head, making his way to the docks, to find nearly all of the boats oared off in a cluster to themselves.
“What’s going on?” Katsuki asked one of the other men.
“Didn’t you hear? The Queen is said to visit.”
Katsuki’s heart dropped as his stomach rose into his throat. “Here?” he managed to ask.
“Aye. Rumor is she’s wanting a holiday away, what with her parents’ death and all. Gods rest their souls.”
“Why here, though?”
“Well my wife heard that she chose this spot because she visited it once before she married the King. Can you believe that? Grew up here and I don’t remember seeing her face. I’ll tell ya, hers is a face a bloke would remember.”
“You’re not wrong,” Katsuki turned, leaving the warehouse on the docks to head home. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t celebrate her arrival like the rest of them.
“Kat? Is that you?” his wife called as he walked through the door. He didn’t respond. “Help me get the girls ready? We’re going to go to the docks to greet the Quee--” Katsuki looked over, finding her standing in the doorway. He had never told her about Ochako. How could he have? “Are you okay?”
“Ate something funny, I think,” he lied.
“Probably the pork from last night. Don't think it cured properly,” she smiled. “I’ll take it up with the butcher.”
Katsuki nodded, unsure what to do or what to say.
“Why don’t you rest? We’ll be back when the festivities are done,” she walked over and kissed him on the cheek before he disappeared into their bedroom.
He lay in the bed, staring at the ceiling for hours, hearing the celebration in the distance. Cannons boomed, bands played, a speech was given. Why hadn’t he chosen a house further from the docks?
Dark fell before his family returned home. Assured that Ochako was being wined and dined at the regent ruler’s statehouse, Katsuki left his home for some fresh air. He found himself up on the rock cliff that overlooked the harbor, the same spot he and Ochako had found so many years before.
He hadn’t visited the place once since his return, fearing that the memory would be forever tainted if he did. He had thought to bring his wife there, to make new memories, but she deserved better than that; better than to live in Ochako’s shadow.
“I was wondering if you ever came here,” he heard a voice say. Katsuki froze. He didn’t have to turn to know who it was. “With a view like this, I bet you’re up here every night.”
“You bet wrong,” he snapped.
“Special occasion then?”
Katsuki felt the air shift as she sat down beside him. “Why are you here ?” His meaning clear.
“My parents--”
“I know.”
The two sat in a dense silence, watching the stars twinkle as the waves went in and out. “My mother told me what you did. For them. For the house.”
Katsuki made no reply.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Don’t thank me. I did it for you.”
“Still. My father--”
“Was a fucking asshole,” he spat.
“He just wanted--”
Katsuki turned, eyes narrow on his Queen . “What was best. Yeah, I fucking know.”
Ochako blinked at him, shocked. Her hair had grown out, her features matured; she had gone from country girl to regal and wore it better than Katsuki would care to admit.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? S’not like you had a choice. Neither of us did. Bastard chose you and that’s all there is to it.”
“We could have ran…”
“And gotten both of our heads chopped off? Lot of good that would have done.”
“We--”
“There is no we!” Katsuki shouted, causing her to flinch. “There is you and your fucking prick of a King, and me and my fucking wife. We ceased to exist the day you left!”
“Katsuki--” she pleaded, tears rolling down her face.
“NO!” he roared, standing up. “Don’t you dare!”
“Please!”
“You know,” he began to pace, “I never did tell you goodbye. The day you left. I was so sure you were coming back. What a fucking idiot I was.”
“Katsuki--”
“So I will say it now,” he stopped, turning toward her. “Goodbye, Your Majesty ,” he bowed low, his voice bitter.
Katsuki spun to leave. “I command you to stop!”
“Wow,” he seethed. “Really fit the bill, don't ya?”
“You can hate me--”
“I can’t hate you. That’s the fucking problem,” he said cooly.
“Please,” Ochako stood. “Just read this... when you can.” She stepped to him, reaching up to caress his cheek. Katsuki stifled a sob as she pulled away, leaving a sealed letter in his hand. “It’s always been you,” she said before leaving.
Katsuki sat on the edge of the cliff until the sun rose, letter clutched tight in his grip. He shoved it in his pocket, resigned to lock it away forever. He wouldn’t burn it, not like the others; an action part of him still regretted. But he wouldn’t read it either.
He walked home, stopping in just long enough to kiss his wife and daughters good morning before he left for work again. He couldn’t afford to miss another shift.
It wasn’t until his lunch break that he decided it’d be best to read Ochako’s letter. No matter the contents, he couldn’t let his wife find it. He wouldn’t hurt her like that. Their marriage had already been haunted by ghosts of his past.
Katsuki found a quiet spot at the edge of a dock where he would be unbothered before he pulled the rumpled parchment out. Flattening it out on his thigh he inhaled, determined to put the memory of her to rest.
My Dearest Katsuki,
I wouldn’t know what to say after all these years. I wouldn’t know how to apologize. You undoubtedly hate me, and for that I forgive you. After reading this I hope you can forgive me as well.
Neito is not the man he seems. I know I said as much in my first letter, but it was a risk to say that much even then.
He protected me, Katsuki. Protected us. He kept my secret, kept our secret...
For years I have wanted to tell you, but the threat was too great.
The Prince, my first born, has your eyes.
No words can ever make mends of what I’ve done, of what I’ve hidden. Neito knows. He has kept us safe, and for that I owe him everything.
I love you, Katsuki. I always will. Maybe in another life we’ll run away together.
-Forever yours, Ochako.
Katsuki sat, unable to process, unable to move. The letter nearly slipped from his hand as the bells rang, signaling the Queens departure.
Before he could think he was on his feet, sprinting toward the dock her ship was harbored at. He ran until he couldn’t breathe, pushing through the crowds. He had to see her, he needed answers, needed more of an explanation.
Katsuki was stopped by the guards, who pushed him back into the crowds. He looked to her ship, seeing wisps of her brunette hair disappearing into the hull.
“Ochak--” he began to shout just as he saw it, saw him, standing and waving just before he disappeared into the ship behind his mother. Blonde hair, round cheeks, crimson eyes…
The Crown Prince. Heir to the throne. The most celebrated child in the Realm.
His son.