Chapter Text
Chapter 1
I’ve never been what you might call a sentimental person. I’m not one to get weepy after hearing a sad song, I don’t hang on to useless things just for the sake of looking back on fond memories and I am certainly not the type who would ever find themselves crying alone in an empty train carriage simply because, by some cruel twist of fate, it happened to be the exact same one in which James-Bloody-Potter had so unceremoniously dumped me three years prior.
No. That would be pathetic. And yet, here I am, howling like baby, fat tears falling from thick lashes. Bloody unbelievable.
“Pull yourself together, Evans.” I said quietly to myself. “You can’t show up to your first day on the job crying like a bloody banshee. That won’t do at all.” I took three, deep, steadying breaths and… felt absolutely no better. I sighed. “Best to just get it all out then.”
I wasn’t sure what had made me answer the newspaper advert announcing Hogwarts’ need for a new arithmancy professor, but there I was. On the bloody Hogwarts express, one week before the start of term, heading toward the castle that I had once called home and the world that I had been so determined to leave behind.
I liked to tell myself that James Potter was not the reason I had left the wizarding world. But if I’m being honest, that’s a bold-faced lie and I really don’t know who I thought I was kidding. Even my parents, even Petunia, dense as she is, could tell he was the reason I didn’t want anything to do with magic. I had had a promising future ahead of me, had I chosen to stay, but the thought of running in to James-Fucking-Potter or any of his fucking friends was just too much so, after graduation, I went to work for my parents at their Muggle restaurant. I hadn’t exactly been happy there, but I hadn’t exactly been unhappy either.
It took my mum almost three years to convince me to even get the Prophet again and it had been a complete coincidence that the advert announcing openings on the teaching staff at Hogwarts had begun running that very same day. Against my better judgement and my mum’s prodding, I had applied and had been shocked when my application was accepted. I had rather hoped they would turn me down.
I shook the thoughts from my mind as the train began to slow for Hogsmeade Station. There was no time to dwell on all of that now. I had committed and there was nothing for it now but to do the best job that I could. I jumped down to the platform as soon as the doors opened.
“Miss Evans, it is so good of you to come back to us.” I heard an all too familiar Scottish voice call “Professor McGonagall,” I smiled warmly as I caught sight of my former head of house, “it’s nice to see you again.”
“Please dear, call me Minerva, we are colleagues now after all.” I could see the old witch sizing me up then, taking in my red eyes and dull hair with a look she hadn’t meant for me to see. The old bat probably thought I hadn’t been taking care of myself or something. I mean, she wasn’t wrong but how dare she think that.
“Now,” she continued, “Normally, Albus would have met you, however there was another new staff member who arrived just before yourself.” I nodded distractedly as she ushered me into the thestral drawn carriage. “But I can tell you, he was quite pleased when your resume arrived.”
“I was surprised when I received the acceptance owl to be honest,” I said, pulled out of my reverie, “I thought I would be considered too young.”
“Yes, it is, perhaps, a tad unorthodox, but so is Albus and it’s not as if arithmancy requires any on the job experience. You were very good with the subject while in school.”
*
It was several hours before I found myself alone again, with a rather large plate of the dinner I had not arrived in time for. Professor- no, Minerva, that was going to take some getting used to, had shown me the few things that I wouldn’t have known about from my time as a student. The Professor’s break room, the kitchens (I politely refrained from informing her that the location of this particular out of bounds area was Hogwarts worst kept secret), my classroom which was to be held in a different room from where it had three years previously, and last; where I would be sleeping. I nibbled my food and looked around.
A cozy sitting room with a table and chairs sat near the large fireplace against one wall. Opposite me was a nice sitting area including a couch and overstuffed chair, several bookcases and the door that led to my office and classroom. Just behind me was the open door to my bedroom which contained another smaller fireplace, a wardrobe, more bookshelves and a couple of nightstands which flanked the most comfortable bed in existence.
I dreaded unpacking my things. Even with magic, it was not a chore I relished. With a loud sigh and another nibble of my food, I decided to take a bath instead.
On each floor, Minerva had informed me, there existed a secret bathroom reserved for staff only. The one on the floor in which my rooms lay, was hidden behind a rather tattered tapestry depicting an orange grove. Its layout was very much like that of the prefect’s bathroom. Large pool, gratuitous number of silver taps, more warm and fluffy towels than were strictly necessary…I smiled for the first time since I’d got on the train that morning, set down my pink toiletry kit on one of the richly upholstered chairs, and selected the fluffiest, most yellow, towel from the stack. All thoughts of Sodding James Potter left my mind and I decided I was never leaving this glorious bathroom again.
I tapped the spigots for lavender scented water and pink bubbles with my wand, slipped out of my clothes and into my robe and waited for the pool to fill. The water was nearly to the top when the echoes of the jangling door handle snapped me back to reality and before I even knew what I was doing I had fled to the linen closet at the back of the room. A bit of light made it through the slats and I peered through these at the intruder.
I could have sworn I’d cast a locking charm on that door. Who in the world could be so dense as to alohomora the door to the bath?
Thick white steam billowed up from the warm water, obscuring my view so I couldn’t make out a thing. The intruder was a tall and lean man, I could tell that much, but it wasn’t until he spoke that I realized I might know who he was.
“Who left the taps going?” the man said, but then shrugged, seeming to believe it was some sort of fortuitous accident. The voice was familiar, so, so familiar but I couldn’t quite place it.
The steam started to dissipate slightly, once he turned the water off. He shed his robes quickly. Head bent, sandy blonde hair obscuring his face, while his deft fingers, unbuttoned his shirt and trousers with a light touch and graceful speed that I found….
Sweet baby Merlin that’s Remus, I screamed internally.
I ducked a little lower in my closet, desperately hoping that the perfumed lavender water was too strong for him to discern my scent. How long was it till the full moon? I knew perfectly well that Remus’ wolf like senses grew stronger with each day between moons, but I was not an astronomer and I had not been around Remus in several years and had long since stopped tracking such things.
Remus began fiddling with his things, organizing his robes, using those long, graceful fingers to check the buttons of his shabby shirt and fold his threadbare trousers. Those fingers and the things they might do to… My eyes widened. “Merlin, I need a lay.” I muttered
With the steam almost gone I could see the room more clearly. If my memories of swimming in the Black Lake with the Gryffindor boys was at all accurate, Remus had gotten quite muscular since Hogwarts. He had always been rather lean, but now he was buff. With his back to me, I could easily see the muscles of his shoulders and upper back rippling under scarred skin with each minute movement. I found that I quite liked the divots on either side of his spine, just above the waistline of his boxers, though they disappeared when he bent to pull down the boxers in question.
Jesus Merlin, this cannot be happening, I silently cried, though I was painfully aware of the fact that I couldn’t peel my eyes from that toned ass.
He turned toward me then, to set the garment aside with the rest of his clothes. I clapped my hand over my eyes, all the while wishing the earth would swallow me up and damning Dumbledore for his anti-apparition wards. I was mortified at the very thought of being discovered.
Merlin, this couldn’t look any more suspicious, I thought, stashed in a cupboard while my ex-boyfriends best mate bathes right in front of me.
It wasn’t until then that the details of my predicament really settled. Why was Remus bathing right in front of me? Or more specifically, why was he bathing at Hogwarts at all?
Then it hit me.
He was the other new professor.
It was at least an hour before he finally emerged from the bath, gracefully popping up to sit on the edge, he grabbed his towel, stood as he wrapped it around his waist, and then stopped dead in his tracks, staring intently at something outside of my line of sight. He straightened suddenly, hastily dried himself with his wand and dressed very quickly. With one last glance around the room, he fled.
I waited for as long as I could stand to wait. Torn between getting the fuck out of that bathroom as quickly as I possibly could, and the devastating consequences of running in to him on my way back to my rooms. Finally, I slipped from the closet, dashed across the room to the chair on which I had left my things, and I froze.
My name is on my toiletry kit. I thought frantically, MY NAME IS ON MY TOILETRY KIT. I panicked. Is he going to confront me? Is he going to think I’m some awful pervert? How could he not? Was I a pervert? Fuck, I’m a pervert aren’t I? Maybe he didn’t know it was me…It did have my name written across it, left over from my Hogwarts days, but it was quite faded, and it wasn’t immediately visible, half hidden under a pair of black knickers. HE SAW MY KNICKERS??? What have I done to deserve this life?
*
I watched Lily from around the corner as she scurried from the bathroom. Face blazing red. Dumbledore had told me, of course, of Lily’s impending arrival when I’d come to the castle that afternoon. I had thought it best if I gave her a day or two to settle in before coming by to clear the air. Her breakup with James had been absolutely terrible after all, and none us Marauders had been overly kind to her in the aftermath. I could hardly believe it when I saw her pile of clothes and pink kit on the bathroom chair. Her last name written on the side, now just barely visible after years of use. My heart had stopped at the sight of it and the Wolf, always so near to the surface this close to a full moon, had instinctively begun to shift through the scents of the room, searching for Lily’s. He’d found it quickly. Very faint, well masked by the pungent lavender, but there all the same. And what was more, the Wolf could sense the intoxicating pheromones of arousal. I’d had to flee then, the Wolf playing visions in my mind of that closet door flung open and what I might find there. I’d almost given, I’d wanted to give in, but I couldn’t do that. Not when my tosser of a best mate had left her like trash on the sidewalk and she must hate me for being the cause of that.
*
It took me hours to fall asleep. The shock of seeing Remus had worn off but the shock of seeing Remus had not. He was attractive in a way that James had not been. Lithe and graceful as opposed to broad and athletic. Remus had a dancers body. And, I had to admit, I was taken aback by how big he is. I’d always assumed that James had had the biggest dick of the group, but now I knew that I was wrong. And Merlin, what I wouldn’t give to stop thinking about it.
Granted, I hadn’t been with anyone since James. I’d tried to go out a few times, but my heart just hadn’t been in it. But still, it’s not like I didn’t own a vibrator. It was one of the few Muggle objects I had brought back with me, even though I wasn’t sure if it would even work.
Never mind trying to get my hands on batteries…
But the agonizing thought that my brain kept going back to: How do you face seeing someone at the breakfast table when you had spent over an hour the previous night, trying, unsuccessfully, not to peep on them in the bath?
I suppose I’ll just have to avoid eating, I thought to myself as I finally drifted off to sleep.
*
I lay awake in my bed, at the opposite end of the second-floor corridor. The Wolf was restless. It knew what Lily had subconsciously wanted and it forced a craving on me that I almost couldn’t control. I could still smell her, I realized. Whether that smell was real or imagined I didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. The Wolf was a virile being at the best of times, and the closer he got to the full moon, the harder I found it to suppress my alter ego.
How in the hell was I supposed to face her at the breakfast table the next morning when I knew full well that she’d seen me naked the night before? Do I play dumb? Pretend that I don’t know the she now knows what I look like? I thought of my scars. They made me self- conscious at the best of times, to know that Lily had seen them induced a whole other level of anxiety that I wasn’t quite equipped to handle while at the same time, the mere thought that she had seen me and had been turned on by what she had seen, gave me the most confusing boner I’ve ever had.