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It was a strange feeling. Being in love. Being full of passion. Being overflowed by lust. Feeling like your stomach was about to explode from the butterflies making a home inside. Every time they touched you, every time they even looked at you. It was like the Sun was rising for the first time. And everything seemed to make sense, just for a moment. With every soft kiss, with every light touch, the world just spun around you. And when they held you, you were safe. And when they were away, it felt like you couldn't breathe.
That was what Ethari felt right then. Laying in bed, his loved one stroking his hair softly. It was safe and cozy and perfect. But it would not last long. It never seemed to last long enough.
"Stay," he whispered and it sounded urgent. His voice holding more intensity than ever before.
"It's not that I don't want to. It's just that you are so soft and kind and good and I am just a Killing Machine. I am no good for you and I will never be." Runaan admitted, his voice quiet and sort of guilty. For a moment, it seemed like he would pull away. Disappear through that door and not come back for the next few weeks. Ethari knew that he would return. He always did after all. It was just that he didn't think he could handle another departure. And so it seems, Runaan couldn't either, because after a long moment, he continued to stroke his hair. His moves slow and calm, but with a hidden intensity.
"Remember how we first met?" Ethari asked after a while.
Silence.
It's not like he hated the silence. Because even Runaan's silence could speak a thousand words. He wasn't sure if was going to get an answer.
And then..
"I murdered all those guys in front of you. How could I ever forget." He said with a scowl.
"When you looked down at me, dressed in bruises and covered in blood, I didn't see a Killing Machine. I saw A Guardian Spirit."
"I am no Guardian Spirit."
"You sure look the part.." He said and Runaan chuckled, low and soft like a light breeze. And if he could ask for anything in the world, it would be to have the privilege to hear it for the rest of his life.
"You saved my life," he looked up at him, "Those guys would have killed me if you weren't there."
"I just did my job," Runaan said. He was humble like that. But the truth was that saving Ethari's life was not at all part of his job. In fact, Runaan wasn't even supposed to be on that clearing. He wasn't supposed to be out at all. He could just left Ethari to die there in the fire and surrounded by enemies and no one would blame him for not saving his life. Because he was not supposed to be out that day either. And through the ash and the smoke and the chaos surrounding them, he looked up to see his Guardian Spirit. His long, white hair, swinging in the wind behind him. His gaze strong, serious, steady. Comforting.
He had the most beautiful eyes Ethari had ever seen. A combination of colours and nature and life and death. Blue as the Ocean. Green as a Meadow. Grey as the sky.
And they were burning.
They were burning brighter and hotter than the fire all around them. They were burning so intensely that Ethari didn't know if he was going to burn or drown or both. He had fainted then.
Actually fainted.
And it took several hours and several buckets of water for Runnan to get him back to his senses. That wasn't his job either. He had saved him, he could simply just leave him there, to take care of himself. But he didn't. And by the time he woke up, the sun had already gave its place to the moon. And they knew, in a mutual understanding, that they were both in trouble.
And the trouble never ended. Even months after the incident, Runaan seemed to bring it with him in his every visit. And with every kiss, Ethari only fell deeper and deeper. Further and Further. Away from reality and in a place were all his dreams came true. A place where he could hold his loved one all day long, without worrying about deadlines and being seen. Being punished.
But such a place didn't exist. Not for people like his Guardian Spirit. Not for people that had been trained to kill and make hard decisions. To step up and do the things that Ethari couldn't.
Ethari knew it was selfish to ask for his Guardian Spirit all for himself. He had a job to do, people to protect and serve the Country. Put his skills to good use like Ethari always failed to.
Ethari looked into his Guardian's eyes and suddenly, he was burning again. Burning and Drowning and Falling, all at the same time.
It was a strange feeling. Being in love. Knowing that when they held you, you were safe and when they were away, you couldn't breathe anymore.
But this was something else. Stronger than lust. Stronger than passion. Stronger than anything he ever felt before. Because when Ethari looked into Runaan's eyes, nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing felt the same, everything was different, brighter, happier. And he knew that if anything was to happen to him. A part of himself would be gone forever. Because every breath, every move, everything he did. It was for him and only him. And he would do anything to protect that love. His Guardian Spirit. His one and only.
Perhaps he was going crazy.
He knew it wasn't right. He knew it wasn't healthy. But how something so wrong could also feel so beautiful? How could he let anyone take it away from him? How could he let anyone tell him that assassins didn't feel when he saw it into Runaan's eyes every time they locked gazes?
"What? Enjoying the view?" His loved one asked with a smirk, after realizing that Ethari's eyes were lingering on him for a little too long. Cocky, Ethari though.
If Ethari was soft and kind and good, like Runaan seemed to believe then his beloved was cocky, strong, honourable, stubborn and so many other words that Ethari couldn’t even begin to describe. He didn’t know if he ever could.
Yes, he definitely was going crazy.
"I love you," he said and although he knew those words were bound to cause catastrophe, they could also not be more true. For Runaan was not just a killing machine, and he may not be a Guardian Spirit. But he was Ethari's World. His everything.
And he would hold on two it for as long as he could. And as long as Runaan would have him, he would give him a reason to stay.