Archive of Our Own

Louis bounced his leg rapidly up and down. His hands were wrung together, his jaw clenched tight. He sat on the slightly uncomfortable hotel-room sofa, perched on the edge as though waiting, ready for something to happen.

But nothing was going to happen. It was the end of the night, and he and Harry were finally alone together in their room. Louis knew he should be content at that moment, but instead he felt restless and on-edge, like a rabbit hunched and waiting, safe and covered for now by tall grasses, but only just.

He couldn’t concentrate on anything, and had shut off his phone ten minutes ago with a frustrated grunt. Except now there was nothing to distract him from the anxiety and the thoughts and the worry. He glanced to Harry.

Harry tapped away on his own phone, smiling here and there, or scowling, in reaction to the various things he was reading on Twitter. He was sat on the large bed in their hotel room, leaning his back against the wooden headboard. The television was on, casting an unnatural glow throughout the dimly-lit room. The volume was low. Nether boy was watching.

Louis flicked his fringe off his forehead and then gently patted it with the pads of his fingers. It was a nervous habit. He huffed loudly, watching Harry now. Harry’s face, brows knit in concentration, was lit from the glow on his phone. Louis studied him.

His hair was loose, curls cascading around his face, his head slightly bowed to read. He wore black boxer briefs and a raggedy white tee shirt with holes in the chest. Louis scanned his body; his long legs were crossed and stretched out in front of him. Harry had gorgeous legs, Louis always thought. They were one of his favorite features on Harry.

Louis took another deep breath. He needed to speak, or take a walk, or take a shower, or something, anything. The unrest was almost palpable. He couldn’t shake it.

“We haven’t had sex in a while,” he announced suddenly, his eyes darting about the room. Harry looked up from his phone, although didn’t drop it away from his face. He seemed to contemplate this for a moment.

“We’ve just slowed down a bit since the tour started. That’s normal,” Harry replied, fatigue evident in the layers of his voice.

Louis shrugged. He looked around the room for some kind of distraction. What it was that he needed, he didn’t know.

“I can’t believe I have to start up this crap again tomorrow. It was supposed to be finished,” Louis said quickly, ignoring Harry’s rational reply to his other statement. He continued to bounce his leg, and chewed on his bottom lip now as well.

Harry knew what Louis was referring to. He sighed heavily and dropped his phone onto the bed now.

“It’s just a quick outing in Paris tomorrow,” he tried to reason. Though his words were almost useless. They both knew, every time Louis had to do this was another little sting, like a bee sting. One would simply hurt. Several could be deadly.

Louis shook his head and rolled his eyes. He clearly was not in the mood for reason.

“It just feels… out of control again,” he said, softer this time as he gazed at the hotel room’s unattractive carpet.

“No,” Harry shook his head aggressively, “No, it’s not going to get out of control. It’s not like before,” Harry tried to assure Louis again. Louis didn’t respond, but simply gazed across the room, lost in thought.

Harry picked up his phone once again, but it felt wrong somehow. He turned off the volume and placed it on the nightstand. He watched Louis.

Louis looked small. He was wearing one of Harry’s flannel shirts, the sleeves rolled up but still too long. His hair was an attractive mess, and his eyes were bright but with a weary expression that Harry had become all too used to seeing. He was aware, and always thinking, contemplating, and planning. He never turned off.

Louis always had a hard time coming down off a day like that one had been. They had been told off, yet again, for not cooperating on stage. The attention had focused on Harry’s recent behavior, but somehow that got Louis even more riled up then when he himself was being told what to do or how to act. And then to top it off, Louis had been informed that Eleanor would be arriving that night, and they had to spend the next day out together.

Both boys knew the routine, the routine that had been etched into their minds and into their relationship; like a diamond, cut just a little wrong but now forever flawed.

Louis had rolled his eyes in the meeting, trying to brush it off. It would be okay. It is what it is. But now he was feeling both hopeless and anxious at the same time. He felt like he was caught in this struggle, it had been so long, and it didn’t seem to be ending.

“I should get another tattoo,” he spoke loudly, pulling Harry once again from his ruminations.

“Yeah, whatever you want, babe,” Harry said softly. Louis chewed his bottom lip. “Come to bed, baby,” Harry asked, holding out a hand for Louis and making a grabbing gesture. He knew this mood. He knew this Louis.

“Why do you do that?” Louis asked sharply.

“Do what?” Harry questioned gently.

“You don’t have to pacify me. It’s fucked, we know that. There’s no problem with acknowledging it all,” Louis said as he inspected his fingernails, looking anywhere but at Harry.

“I’m just trying to stay positive about it all,” Harry explained, though he knew it was useless. They had had this argument so many times he already knew how it would go. Both were quiet for a moment. In the hallway a door slammed. The television flickered.

Louis finally looked back at Harry now. “I’m not watching this. Are you?” he asked, standing up and moving to turn off the television. Harry dropped his hand and shook his head. The only light now was a warm yellow glow from the bedside lamp.

Louis stripped off his tight black jeans, tossing them in a ball next to the bed, and crawled up the bed towards Harry. He kicked the bedcovers down the bed and sat slumped against the headboard, his body language defeated but still anxious.

Harry rolled to his side to face Louis, and reached a hand up to card his fingers through Louis’ messy hair. But Louis quickly rolled onto his opposite side, his back to Harry now, away from Harry’s touch.

It’s a curious thing. Knowing someone so well, you know exactly what every little word and gesture means, every sigh, every movement, every little noise. Knowing someone so well that you don’t actually have to speak, but you do because you still adore the sound of the others’ voice. Knowing what someone needs before they know. Knowing how to act, how to react, and when not to. Knowing a mood by body language alone. Feeling an emotion or a reaction as strongly as the other person feels it.

Harry knew that Louis turning away from him like that didn’t mean no. Instead, it meant something very particular. He was communicating something that he couldn’t get across with words. But he didn’t need words.

Instead, Harry gently petted a hand down Louis’ side, ending at the dip in his waist. He let his hand rest there as he moved his body up against Louis, spooning him. Harry leaned down and began to slowly kiss the side of Louis’ neck.

“You don’t have to worry, Louis. Don’t think about anything,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear. He let his hand wander down to Louis’ hip and gave a little squeeze. Louis gave an almost imperceptible nod, and Harry knew. The argument would be forgotten for now. They needed their time together. That was more important than anything else.

Harry took it slow. He rubbed over Louis’ hip for a while, not in any kind of rush. It would take a while for Louis to fully relax anyway.

He felt Louis’ shoulders go a little less tense, heard his breathing getting deeper, slower, and more even.

Harry brought his hand back up and began to rub over one of Louis’ nipples. Louis let out a small sigh. He knew how special it was, being with someone who knew him so well, who knew his every need, sometimes better than Louis knew them himself. And he needed this tonight. He needed Harry to take control.

“God, I love you so much, Louis,” Harry groaned, his voice deep and throaty. He moved his hand once again to Louis’ hip, and then across his bum, beginning to gently knead the muscle, Louis’ back still to Harry.

Louis pressed lightly backwards into Harry’s touch. Harry let his hand slip under the waistband of Louis’ boxers as Louis involuntarily bent his leg, pushing his knee up the mattress, opening himself up.

“We can just go to sleep. You don’t have to,” Louis spoke softly, although there was already a subtle pleading tone in his voice. It was pointless to argue, he knew what the outcome would be, yet Louis still felt the need to keep that last bit of control.

“I want to,” Harry clarified, his hand wandering over Louis’ bum still, slowly but firmly. And that was Harry’s role. To maintain the guise that this was for himself. “I want to make you feel good. I want to do this,” he added.

“It’s not a big deal,” Louis protested weakly, turning his face into the pillow. But they both knew he didn’t mean what he was saying. He wanted to receive just as much as Harry wanted to give. It was a special thing, just between them.

“Louis,” Harry replied, his voice deep and sensual. It was really all he had to say before Louis finally gave in, rolling slowly onto his stomach. He bent his elbows and curled his hands into little fists, tucking them underneath his chest.

Harry couldn’t help but smile; he so rarely got to see this side of Louis. The softness. The giving in. Although it was not a positive thing: it was unusual for Louis to be so stressed or anxious that he needed Harry to take complete control. But when he got there, Harry was more than happy to give Louis what he needed.

Harry ran his palm across Louis’ bum, every now and then allowing his fingers to dip into the crease, but only momentarily. He knew he needed to move slowly.

He positioned himself so he was right up against Louis’ side, lying on his side, his head propped on his right arm, his left arm exploring Louis. He let his hand wander, careful to be both firm and tender at the same time.

When Harry finally let his hand slip under Louis’ briefs and down between his bum cheeks, let one finger graze over Louis’ rim, Louis let out a soft, startled squeak.

“It’s okay, baby. Just try to relax,” Harry whispered. He could already feel how tight Louis was. But Harry knew how to take his time, and do everything just right.

Harry pulled his hand back to moisten his index finger in his mouth, and then returned to Louis’ bum. He began to very slowly tease Louis with the tip of his finger, moving back and forth and making small circles. Louis still had his face pressed into the pillow, but Harry could tell he still had his jaw clenched, actively trying to relax, rather than just allowing it to happen.

Harry continued to make slow circles around Louis’ rim. He tried to push one finger in, but Louis was still too tight.

“Can you relax for me, baby?”Harry cooed, leaning down and whispering against the back of Louis’ neck as he kept a finger poised at Louis’ rim.

Louis nodded and shifted a tiny bit closer to Harry. Harry never removed his finger.

“Just take some deep breaths. Let it happen slowly,” he gently instructed as he began to rub over Louis once again. He let his own body rest against Louis’, laying the side of his face against Louis’ upper back. He waited patiently. It was quiet and warm in the room. The yellow glow of the bedside lamp cascaded over all of Louis’ beautiful curves. Harry took a deep breath of his own, still very gently rubbing his finger across Louis’ rim, but otherwise barely moving.

Harry let his mind wander. It was a curious thing, just between the two of them. He recalled the first time he had gotten Louis to relax by touching him in this way. It had all been so new still. Harry had been surprised how quickly Louis had gone quiet and calm, just from his touch.

Finally, and very slowly, Harry felt Louis sink into relaxation, and open up just enough. Harry slipped his moistened finger gently past Louis’ rim, just up to the first knuckle. He felt Louis react to the pressure, ever so slightly, but remained still.

Harry tried to remember the last time he had penetrated Louis, even with just a finger. Usually after shows they were too worked up to take their time like this, and often had to settle for rushed blowjobs before they passed out late at night. And they had been traveling so much, often separately. Yes, it had been too long.

Harry pulled his finger out and then pressed back in again, deeper this time. Louis took a deep breath.

“Mmm, that’s it, baby. Let yourself unwind,” Harry spoke as he began to build up a rhythm, in and out, only with one finger, and very slowly.

He knew he was moving agonizingly slowly, but he also knew that’s exactly what Louis needed. And he let himself feel into Louis as well. He felt Louis’ tightness and his warmth, and how soft he was. Harry had always loved how soft Louis felt. It felt delicate, and he liked that.

He let his eyes wander over Louis’ body. His torso was still covered by Harry’s large flannel shirt. The shoulder seams were halfway down Louis arms, and the fabric was draped over his waist, outlining the slender curve of it. He looked down to Louis’ bum, still clothed in his boxer shorts. He had the most perfect bum, Harry thought.

Just as Harry was contemplating this, Louis very gently pushed himself back against Harry’s finger. Harry brought himself back to the present.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked softly. “You want another finger?”

Louis didn’t respond right away, so Harry waited. He continued to open Louis up with one finger, pressing in and slowly out.

When Louis made a soft moan, Harry knew that was his answer. He added a second finger, feeling that tightness again. Louis moaned again at the pressure.

Harry worked Louis open with two fingers, varying his speed and depth, for another several minutes. He brought his hand up to lick himself every once in a while, each time Louis whining at the sudden loss.

He began to work his way down Louis’ body, kissing the back of his neck, and then down his spine, over the shirt. Harry inched slowly downward, his fingers still inside Louis, feeling him react.

He could tell Louis was still holding back a little, always hesitant to fully give in, but he was getting there.

Harry moved himself so he was face-down on top of Louis now, still working his way downwards. He kissed Louis’ lower back, the dimples in his back, the bottom of his spine, the curve of his bum.

Harry pulled his fingers out of Louis so he could grasp at his boxers with both hands, pulling the waistband down just below the curve of Louis’ bum. Lying on his stomach between Louis’ slightly parted legs, Harry grasped Louis’ bum with both hands and began to massage him once again, pulling his cheeks apart, and then back together. Louis pushed back against Harry’s hands, loving the sensation of Harry’s big hands cupping him.

When Harry knew Louis was ready, he leaned in and gave a tentative lick across Louis’ rim, making Louis startle just a little. Harry didn’t pull back, but used his hands to spread Louis further. He licked across Louis’ rim once again, using the flat of his tongue. He pulled back to look at Louis, already slick and glistening with saliva. Even with Harry’s fingers in him, having opened him up, he was still so tight.

Harry used his thumbs to pull Louis open, just slightly, and began to lick at him again. He pressed his tongue inside this time, thrusting shallowly in and out.

Louis began to let out little closed-mouthed moans and whimpers, with the feel of Harry’s tongue inside him. It had been so long. Too long. Louis willed himself to relax. It shouldn’t be difficult, he thought to himself. Just let go. It’s Harry. It’s just Harry. Louis repeated this to himself over and over again in his head. He wanted to be good for Harry, to give in to him. He took a deep breath, feeling his shoulders relax. He nuzzled his nose against the pillow. He felt Harry, his hot breath, his fingers stretching him. Harry moaned, and the vibration felt wonderful against Louis’ bum. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to get lost in the sensations, feeling profound comfort in knowing it was Harry doing these things to him.

Harry could feel the instant Louis let go. His body went almost slack, and he opened up even more for Harry. Harry took advantage of the moment, pushing both thumbs into Louis on either side of his tongue. Louis gasped and shuddered at the sudden fullness.

Harry swirled his tongue inside Louis in small circles, going deeper each time, relishing the intimate warmth of it.

Tiny close-mouthed moans escaped Louis’ lips. He moved his right hand, unclenching his fist and moving his hand downward. Harry noticed the movement and took a moment to glance up. Louis was sliding his hand under himself and Harry knew what he was doing. He quickly reached up and grasped Louis’ wrist.

“No, baby. Don’t touch yourself,” Harry instructed. Louis whimpered at the order, but obliged, moving his hand back up to push under his chest.

Harry loved that Louis listened to him like that. When he was in this state he was completely pliant, listening to Harry and always doing as Harry asked.

Harry went back to using his fingers. He pushed two in deep and decided to give Louis some needed relief. He curled his fingers and grazed Louis’ prostate, making Louis groan, a little louder now.

Harry brought his tongue back to Louis’ rim as well, licking several long stripes along him, around his own fingers. He let the tip of his tongue tease over Louis’ hole as his fingers continued to push in deep.

It wasn’t long before Louis moved his hand again, slower now. Harry caught him again.

“No, Louis. Don’t touch,” he said. Louis moaned into the pillow. “I know, but I want you to get off from just my fingers and tongue, okay?” Harry explained as he mercifully rubbed a finger against Louis’ prostate once again. Louis arched his bum into the touch.

Harry kept rubbing at that spot for a moment, feeling Louis react, getting so close, but not yet able to come. Harry wanted to keep him on edge, wanted to make it last.

“God, you’re so beautiful, Lou,” Harry croaked, his voice hoarse, as he took a moment to look at his fingers inside Louis.

Louis clenched around his fingers and Harry couldn’t help but smile. He began to lick at him again, moving his tongue alongside his fingers into Louis’ tight heat.

He continued to work at Louis for several more minutes, swirling his tongue and fingers, and occasionally mercifully grazing his prostate.

It wasn’t long before Louis sneakily tried to touch himself again, desperate now for relief.

“No, baby,” Harry said forcefully, pushing Louis’ hand away.

“Please, Harry,” Louis spoke softly. But it wasn’t his voice this time. It was different. The tone had changed. He sounded younger, more innocent. Harry paused for a moment.

“You okay, baby?” he asked gently, moving his fingers only a tiny bit to maintain the pleasure.

“Please, Harry,” Louis repeated in the same childlike voice. Harry watched him carefully, curiously.

He had slipped down into something else, some kind of new state that Harry hadn’t before seen, but he knew immediately.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re doing so good for me,” Harry spoke, surprising himself at how easily the words of praise had come to him.

Harry kept his fingers inside Louis, he didn’t want to lose contact, but he kept his head up, alert now. Louis had his face turned to the side, eyes closed. He had a concentrated expression on his face, but also one of deep relaxation. He looked almost like he was sleeping, but his brows were knit as though contemplating something. And he looked young, suddenly many years younger, his soft fringe falling across his forehead in a boyish way.

Harry took a deep breath and brought his tongue back to Louis’ rim. He was a little more aware now, knowing that Louis was not, and Harry suddenly felt a rush of deep affection for Louis, knowing that he was giving in completely, turning over everything to him with complete trust. He had never been like this before. Harry was not quite sure what had changed, but he made the decision to go with it.

He rubbed lightly against Louis’ prostate once again and Louis whined, almost catlike, high in his throat. It spurred Harry on. He pressed his tongue into Louis once again, and used three fingers this time. Louis was completely relaxed and open for him.

Harry continued to take his time. He used his tongue skillfully, pressing in deep, and swirling it inside Louis. He pushed his fingers in and out, only occasionally grazing Louis’ prostate.

Harry noticed Louis move his hand again, but upwards this time. Harry gently pulled his face back, careful not to startle Louis, and watched him curiously. Very, very slowly, Louis brought his right hand up to his mouth and began to bite his thumbnail.

Harry continued to press into Louis with three fingers, and licked across him another several times. Louis had gone almost completely slack, responding now only physically, when Harry rubbed his prostate directly.

When Harry looked up again, Louis had his thumb in his mouth, his lips closed around it, gently sucking.

Harry drew back a little, startled to see Louis with his thumb in his mouth, as he had never done that before. He hadn’t even talked about it.

Harry watched him for a moment. Louis seemed to be completely at peace, in his own quiet mind, thinking about nothing. Completely carefree, for the moment. He had never seen him so calm. Harry was surprised, but took care not to pull away or even stop what he was doing. Harry decided to let him be. He knew instinctually, he should continue.

He dipped his head back down and tongued at Louis again. He could feel Louis was very close, just another moment of concentrated pressure on his prostate and he would come. Harry adjusted his fingers for the right angle.

He curled his fingers once again, finding that perfect spot, and rubbed, this time with greater pressure. Before he knew it, Louis was arching his back and releasing onto the bed-sheets underneath himself. He let out a soft squeal as he came, never taking his thumb from his mouth.

Harry held him through his orgasm, keeping the pressure on his prostate, and holding his body down with the other hand so he didn’t squirm off the bed.

When Louis came down, he settled back down on the bed, thumb still in his mouth, his face completely relaxed. Harry might have thought he was sleeping if he wasn’t quietly sighing, very softly, almost to himself. Harry crawled up the mattress and lay over top of Louis, leaning his weight on his elbows. He let himself sink onto Louis, his chest to Louis’ back, and brought his own hand up and gently touched Louis’ hand at his mouth.

Louis’ eyes fluttered open at Harry’s touch.

“Hi,” Harry said softly, his mouth next to Louis’ ear. Louis’ cheeks flushed pink and he pulled his thumb from his mouth and blinked a few times.

Harry smiled and began to place soft kisses along Louis’ neck. He wondered if he should speak, but decided it would be okay. He needed to make sure Louis was alright. “I’ve never seen you so blissed-out,” he spoke tenderly. He knew he needed to be gentle still, and choose the right words.

Louis’ cheeks were still pink and he didn’t respond. He turned his face into the pillow and moaned softly.

“Are you okay, baby? Do you need anything?” Harry asked soothingly, petting up and down Louis’ arm now.

Louis quietly shook his head, although he pulled his arms into himself again and shivered lightly.

“Are you cold?” Harry asked. He immediately sat up and reached to the end of the bed, pulling the bedcovers up to Louis’ thighs, and then deciding he should do one more thing. “I’m going to clean you up a little, okay, baby?” Harry asked, though he knew he likely would not get much of a response.

Instead, Louis simply gave a shy nod, his face still flushed.

Harry reached to the bedside table and grabbed the tissue box. He plucked out several tissues and then turned back to Louis.

“I’m gonna turn you over, okay, baby?” Harry explained quietly. He grasped Louis’ hips with both hands and very gingerly pushed him until he was lying on his side. “Just want to wipe you up a little,” he whispered. Harry took the tissues and wiped up the stickiness on the mattress. He then cleaned up Louis’ chest, careful to be as tender as possible. Louis watched him, lying still and looking down with hooded eyes.

Harry felt like he was on autopilot. He needed to make sure Louis was taken care of. Nothing else mattered right now. He used several tissues to clean Louis up, wiping around the head of his dick as well, careful not to irritate the still-sensitive area.

“Doing so good for me, baby. Just a bit more,” Harry spoke as he cleaned Louis. He didn’t know why, but he felt an incredible need to talk to Louis, to told him and whisper to him and explain everything, and to let him know he was there.

“You look so beautiful, Louis. You did so good,” Harry whispered, making sure to keep both hands on Louis for reassurance, both for himself and for Louis.

Harry leaned down and gave Louis’ hip several kisses. He moved to Louis’ belly, pressing his lips into Louis’ soft abdomen. Louis giggled lightly at the feel of Harry’s eyelashes on the delicate skin. Harry looked up at him and returned the smile.

Louis looked the most beautiful Harry thought he had ever seen him. His fringe stuck to his forehead, cheeks still pink, lips puffy and glistening. His body was glowing in the warm light of the bedside lamp.

Harry was reminded of the first time. So many years ago. They had both been a nervous, giggly mess. When Harry had told Louis he wanted to try fingering him, Louis had gone practically speechless. Harry had done it to himself, and knew exactly what to do, he had explained to Louis. But when the time came, Harry couldn’t get his hands to stop shaking. They couldn’t decide on what position to go with either, and Louis ended up bent over the bed, Harry behind him kneeling on the floor. It was completely unromantic, but perfect just the same, because it had been with Louis.

When Harry was done cleaning Louis, he crawled back up the mattress next to Louis, spooning him now. He wrapped his arms around Louis’ shoulders, trapping his arms against his body. Harry kissed Louis again, sloppier now, along his shoulder and neck. Louis giggled again and squirmed at the ticklish sensation.

“You back? You back with me now?” Harry asked softly, squeezing Louis’ arm. Louis nodded very gently and allowed his head to rest back on the pillow.

“Yes,” he spoke simply.

Harry reached down and brought the bedcovers up to cover them both. Louis squirmed for a moment, pushing into Harry, and making his head comfortable on the pillow. He brought his hand up to his mouth again, but stopped, resting it on the pillow next to his face instead.

Harry watched him for a moment. But Louis didn’t move; he had caught himself, more aware now. Harry pressed his face up against Louis’ ear.

“You can do it, if you want to,” he whispered very, very softly, his breath tickling Louis’ ear.

Louis’ cheeks flushed pink again.

Harry didn’t know what he was doing. He hadn’t experienced this before. He didn’t know how to properly handle this. There was no rule book for such a thing, and there wasn’t time to think. All he knew was, he needed Louis to be able to have whatever it was he needed. All he knew was, he couldn’t bear the thought of Louis feeling ashamed.

So Harry reached up over Louis to the pillow by Louis’ face, and very gently took his hand in his own.

“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered, gently pushing Louis’ hand towards his mouth. He didn’t know what to expect, he hadn’t thought it out. But Louis pushed out his thumb, and opened his mouth just a little, and let Harry guide his thumb to his mouth.

“Good. So good for me, my baby,” Harry cooed.

Louis let his eyes flutter closed. Within moments his breaths were deep and regular, indicating sleep. Harry smiled as he watched Louis. He so rarely fell asleep before Harry. Harry squeezed him tight, feeling more calm and secure than he had in weeks.

***

They hadn’t had the chance to even touch one another all day. No sweet little kisses, no warm hugs, not even a quick squeeze of the hand.

Louis knew he was being loud, borderline obnoxious even, but he felt like he couldn’t control it. His obsessive need to keep up appearances, to hold it together, to keep everyone in good spirits, was the only thing keeping him going at that moment. He had to keep going. He felt like he might fall to pieces otherwise.

Louis pressed harder on the gas pedal of the golf cart he had commandeered with Zayn. They drove it in tight circles around the stadium’s parking lot, whooping and shouting in triumph as security shook their heads from a distance, having given up trying to control the boys.

“They’re so fed up with us!” Zayn shouted over the sound of the wind in their ears.

“We’re just having fun!” Louis replied, dramatically rolling his eyes, but slowing the cart nonetheless to begin to drive it back to the security guards.

Louis had an energy he couldn’t release. It was like water boiling in a pot on the stove, bubbling up, about to overflow, steam billowing out from under the lid. If only he could figure out how to lift the lid and let some of the heat escape, or how to turn off the stove entirely.

He and Harry also hadn’t talked. Louis didn’t even know if he wanted to. He knew that what he had done, and he knew it was strange, to say the least, but he couldn’t bring himself to bring it up to Harry. He didn’t know how Harry felt about it, but he knew that Harry most likely wanted to talk about it. The thing was, Louis didn’t know what he would say. He didn’t know why he had done it, and he didn’t know if it would happen again. All he knew was that whatever Harry had switched on in him that night, or switched off, it had been one of the most uniquely pleasurable things Louis had ever experienced.

Which was why Louis had been avoiding Harry. After their second Paris show, Harry had gone straight back to London for some business, and Louis had gone on to Amsterdam with Zayn. Louis had allowed himself to forget it all while him and Zayn lost themselves in a haze of pot and beer.

But tonight they would be together again like a proper couple, and Louis was anxious. And yet at the same time, he felt dumb for even letting something so little make him anxious. After all, it was Harry.

Louis knew, in the stark light of day, that he wanted it again. He wanted Harry’s mouth on him, giving him so much pleasure he almost couldn’t stand it. He wanted to be in such bliss that he could barely remember his name. He wanted to forget everything. He wanted to, for once, not have to think about the massive secrets they were keeping, the weight on their shoulders, the lies. He wanted to lie face down while Harry took complete control. He wanted to such his thumb like a child. He wanted to fall. And he wanted Harry to be there, to be the one to push him. But at the same time, he hated himself for needing that from Harry.

Louis knew the show would help get out some of his anxiety. Being on stage, singing, interacting with the fans, interacting with the boys, always helped to release the restless energy. But after that… after that it would be him and Harry.

They sat at the round table, the five of them, eating a healthy dinner before show time. Louis couldn’t stop talking. It was like an impulse. Anything to keep from silence. He kept stealing Niall’s food, and punching Liam’s arm, and throwing dinner rolls at Sandy and John.

“Harry, mate, keep your boy in check!” Liam finally joked towards Harry.

“Yeah, bed him down good tonight, Harry. He’s pissing us off,” Niall agreed with a snort.

“Oy, fuck off!” Louis retorted loudly, giving Niall a hard shove. He didn’t want to turn his head to look at Harry.

Harry merely smirked and slowly brought another bite of pasta up to his mouth. Louis knew Harry would never discuss their sex life in front of the boys, yet he still felt a compulsion to steer the conversation away from himself.

“I think it’s you who needs a good shag, Ni. How long has it been now?” Louis jabbed back, a sassy sneer on his face.

Niall shrugged casually. “I’m not the one pissing everyone off,” he retorted with a grin.

“Well, you can fuck right off then,” Louis snapped. He froze as he felt Harry gently grasp his knee and give it a subtle squeeze under the table. Louis could hear Harry’s voice in his head: calm down, baby. Louis swallowed hard and jerked his knee away, looking around to the other boys, but nobody seemed to have noticed Harry’s gesture.

But Louis didn’t want to address it all now, in any way. He didn’t even want to look Harry in the eye at that moment. Instead, Louis stood up with his plate and tossed it into the garbage. He left the table to go chat with some of the crew.

Despite the bickering beforehand, their first show in Amsterdam went very well. The boys spent time with the crew afterwards in the hotel’s bar, and were able to have a relaxing evening, although Louis still couldn’t shake his nervous energy. When Liam skipped out early to go to the gym, and Niall and Zayn went to go find a pizza place that was open late, Harry gave Louis’ leg another little squeeze, telling him he was ready to call it a night.

“Ready to head to the room?” he asked softly, leaning over and whispering into Louis’ ear.

But Louis couldn’t help but be stubborn. “You can go. I’m not tired,” he answered, not looking at Harry as he said it. He felt Harry stiffen just a bit, saw his shoulders rise and fall as he sighed.

“I want to spend some time with you… alone,” Harry explained, still speaking directly into Louis’ ear, his voice low and gruff. Louis shivered at the feel of Harry’s breath on his neck.

“I’ll be up in a bit,” he answered quickly. He could already feel his carefully built defenses coming down. That was the thing about Harry: he could tear down all Louis’ walls with once sentence. One sentence packed with meaning.

“Okay,” Harry answered wearily. He stood up, gave Louis a soft peck on the cheek, and quietly left.

Louis felt a sudden emptiness with Harry’s departure. He looked around the bar. Everyone there was part of their crew, but he knew immediately that the only person he cared about spending time with at that moment had just left. Yet still he waited. He tapped his feet in anticipation.

It was clear now. They both knew what would happen. They both knew what Louis needed. And perhaps Louis could bring himself to believe that Harry wanted to give it. He struggled with the idea. Louis knew he was supposed to be the strong one. He was supposed to be the leader. He didn’t know how to be anything else. And yet Harry could somehow rip away that façade with the right words, or even just a simple kiss.

Louis slowly stood up. He felt suddenly hyperaware. Aware of everybody around him, aware of his body, aware of Harry up in their room. He pictured him sprawled out on the bed, messing about on his phone. He had probably stripped down to just his little black briefs, his toned body on full display with nobody there to appreciate the beauty, black tattoos standing out against tan skin.

Louis thought he might get hard just thinking this way.

“Hey, babe,” Harry greeted sweetly when Louis entered the hotel room. It was a small room, but well-decorated with big windows and a big bed for the two of them.

“Hey,” Louis answered simply as he made his way to the bed. As he had pictured, Harry was sprawled on his back almost exactly in the center.

Louis crashed down on the right side of the bed, face down. He pressed his face into the mattress and sighed loudly.

“Been a long few days,” Harry said in response to Louis’ sigh. He rolled to his side, facing Louis, and immediately tossed his phone onto a pile of clothes on the floor. He rested a hand on the small of Louis’ back.

Louis turned his face to the side to face Harry. “Yeah,” he agreed simply.

“I missed you,” Harry said as he idly began to draw circles on Louis’ back with a finger.

“Missed you too,” Louis said softly.

“You’ve been kind of on edge today,” Harry said. It was not an accusation, just a simple observation.

“I’m just worried about this DRFC stuff, and the Trust, and everything. It’s a lot to think about, a lot of responsibility,” Louis answered. It wasn’t a lie, just a divergence from the full truth.

“But if anyone can do it, if there’s anyone who deserves it, it’s you,” Harry replied. He let his hand sneak under Louis’ shirt, and rubbed at the warm skin on his back.

“I know I’m just… over thinking it,” Louis replied quietly.

“Mmm,” Harry hummed in agreement.

“And… and they want Eleanor at the wedding,” Louis added.

“I thought that might happen,” Harry replied simply. They had talked about it, and predicted that would happen. It was no surprise.

“And I haven’t seen you in days,” Louis said, even softer now.

“I’m here now,” Harry replied, his large hand spreading across Louis’ back, thumbing over each vertebra. Louis let his eyes close, paying attention to the feel of Harry’s hand on his skin. It gave him goose bumps.

“I’m just complaining for no reason,” Louis softly protested.

“I’m always here to listen though,” Harry answered. They were quiet for a moment, Harry moving his hand across the landscape of Louis’ back, Louis very slowly beginning to calm down and let go, just a little.

“What do you need?” Harry asked, his voice taking on the same low quality as earlier.

“Just…” Louis tried, but his voice broke and faded as Harry ran his hand all the way Louis’ back to his bum, and slid the tips of his fingers under the waistband of Louis’ briefs.

“It’s okay,” Harry assured him. He knew that was what he needed. “It’s okay to like it, Lou. It’s okay to need it.”

“You don’t have to,” Louis said. It was their routine.

“What have I told you, Lou?” Harry asked confidently. His dominant side was already coming out.

“I know,” Louis replied quietly. He let out a soft sigh and squirmed just a little against Harry’s hand.

Harry understood. “Why don’t you go clean up and I’ll be here, ready for you,” Harry gently instructed.

“Okay,” Louis said softly as he pushed himself onto all fours and crawled off the bed. He knew his cheeks were pink and his dick was already half-hard, but Harry instructing him what to do was hotter than anything else.

Louis quickly scuttled into the bathroom, knowing Harry was watching him move, but unable to look his way.

He pulled off his clothes, turned on the water and stepped right into the shower. Now that they were at this point, he didn’t want to waste any time. He washed himself thoroughly, tugging at his dick a few times to stay hard. He washed his bum thoroughly as well, pushing a finger into his hole, using the soap as lubricant. He shuddered at his own touch, and couldn’t help but think of how Harry’s fingers would be there within a few minutes.

With that thought, Louis turned off the water and stepped out. He toweled himself off, watching himself in the bathroom mirror.

Louis had never been particularly fond of his body, until Harry came into his life. Harry worshipped Louis’ plump bum and meaty thighs. He loved being able to wrap almost his whole hand around Louis’ arm and press him into the mattress.

Louis held his arm up and clenched his fist, observing his bicep in the mirror. He frowned at the little muscle and shook his head at himself.

He ran his hands down his torso and the brought one hand down to cup his dick. He rubbed himself for a moment, but didn’t want to go any further, preferring to wait for Harry to get him fully aroused.

Louis turned around and looked backwards at his bum in the mirror. He brought both hands around and clenched his ass cheeks, spreading himself open. He looked at his hole in the mirror, backing up as close as he could get to the counter to see himself closely. He thought he looked pretty good: clean, and pink from the hot water. He shivered again, thinking of how he would be stretched by Harry’s fingers and tongue.

Louis wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the bathroom door, a billow of steam following him into the bedroom.

Harry was still lying on the bed, but this time he was palming himself over his pants. Louis took a sharp intake of breath, seeing Harry touching himself like that. He walked quickly to the bed and crawled once again over the mattress to situate himself next to Harry. Harry sat up and scooted his body close to Louis to kiss him.

“You don’t really have to do this,” Louis said quickly, ducking away from Harry’s kiss.

“To kiss you?” Harry asked with a smirk, though he knew what Louis really meant.

“No, no I mean…” Louis tried to explain. He knew it was silly to protest, but it was like a compulsion.

“Louis. It’s okay,” Harry said softly as he reached up to cup Louis’ jaw, kissing the other side tenderly.

“Yeah, but… but you don’t have to,” Louis spoke through Harry’s kisses. Harry was peppering Louis’ jaw and cheeks with kisses now.

“Of course… I don’t… have to,” Harry said as he kissed Louis, “But I want to. Now lie down, babe,” Harry instructed, taking Louis’ hands now to guide him up the mattress to lie down.

Louis did as he was told, lying face down on the mattress, as Harry quickly and expertly slipped the towel off his waist, leaving him fully exposed.

Louis moved to reach a hand under himself to grasp his cock, but Harry immediately grasped his bum cheeks hard.

“No, don’t touch yourself, baby. You know the rule,” Harry sad firmly, surprised at his own assertiveness. He had never spoken of any rules before, but it somehow felt right, and Louis responded immediately, moving his hand away with a soft, frustrated huff.

Louis drew in a deep breath as he felt Harry spread him open. Harry took his time, using his tongue first, and then fingers. He opened Louis very slowly. There was no rush. He knew it would take Louis time to unwind and fall down into that special relaxed state.

But Harry was patient, and he could tell the moment Louis finally went down. His legs parted a little more, his fists unclenched, his eyes closed, and he opened up even more for Harry. He began to moan high in his throat, the side of his face pressed against the pillow. And Harry was able to slip in three fingers around his tongue easily.

Harry felt Louis shift his weight, and knew Louis wanted to touch himself again. Harry lifted his head and watched Louis slowly move his hand downwards.

“No, Lou,” Harry said sternly. Louis moaned and wiggled his body, still moving his fingers closer to his cock.

Harry swatted Louis’ bum, giving a light, but still sharp little smack to his arse cheek. “No!” he repeated.

Louis scrunched his eyes closed and took a sharp intake of breath. Harry had a brief moment of panic, wondering if it was okay that he had just spanked Louis. But Louis did not seem to register it as something strange. In fact, the sharp little smack appeared to help him slip just a little deeper into relaxation and relinquishing full control.

Harry still took his time, not letting Louis get close to coming just yet. He wanted to keep him down as long as he could. And when Harry finally let a finger rub over Louis’ prostate, Louis gasped quietly and arched his back. He let out a soft sigh as he brought a hand up to his face and rested it on the pillow.

Harry knew what Louis wanted. He grazed Louis’ prostate again with a finger, and Louis’ hand immediately moved down to grab himself.

“No!” Harry said again, delivering another smack to Louis’ bum, a little harder this time so it bounced a bit, and immediately turned red. Louis moaned again at the feel of Harry’s spanking, and pressed his fist against his mouth.

“You know the rule, baby. No touching,” Harry said, bringing his fingers back to Louis’ bum. “And you want to be good for me, right, baby?” he added.

Louis nodded quickly, but kept his eyes closed. He clenched both fists, one up at the pillow next to his mouth, and one next to his hip.

Harry continued to lick at Louis’ hole, and press his fingers inside, curling and swirling them. Louis was getting close, Harry could tell, but he wanted to let him last a little longer. Harry too was hard and leaking onto the sheets, but he refrained from touching his own cock, or even rutting into the mattress. He wanted to focus entirely on Louis.

Harry knew he was teetering on the edge of being gentle yet assertive, keeping in control yet keeping Louis comfortable. It was a delicate balance that Harry was desperate to maintain.

Harry held Louis open as he pushed his thumbs inside him, firm but tender. Louis moaned at the feeling and squirmed against Harry’s hand.

“I want to be good for you,” Louis suddenly spoke softly, so softly that Harry almost didn’t hear. His voice had changed now, it was softer, and more innocent sounding.

Harry took pause, lifting his head again to check on Louis. Louis still has his eyes closed, his thumb centimeters from his mouth.

“Want to be so good,” Louis spoke again in the same childlike voice.

Harry took both hands and squeezed Louis’ bum and then gave another light smack.

“You are good, you’re so good for me, baby,” he said. He spread Louis’ cheeks wide and looked at his hole, pink and glossy with Harry’s saliva. “So pretty for me, baby. You’re so pretty, Lou. And such a good boy,” he spoke, not quite sure what he was saying. But he knew Louis liked it when Louis finally opened his mouth and slowly pushed his thumb inside, and then closed his lips around it.

“Good boy,” Harry repeated.

Louis responded to the praise with a little keen, almost purring, high in his throat. It was a sound of absolute pleasure and bliss.

“That’s right, baby. Such a good boy for me,” Harry spoke. He licked at Louis several more times. “Are you ready to come for me?”

“Wanna…” Louis said softly around his thumb as he moved his hand to touch himself once again.

Harry immediately gave Louis two more smacks on his bum, which was getting to be bright red now. Louis whined but moved his hand away.

“You know the rule, baby. No touching. I want you to come for me with just my fingers,” Harry instructed. He mercifully curled a finger to touch Louis’ in that sweet spot once again, and Louis arched and pressed into the touch. He continued to suck on his thumb, and pressed his bum against Harry’s touch, completely unabashed now.

“That’s good. Good boy,” Harry praised.

With another minute of concentrated pressure on Louis’ prostate, he came, releasing onto the sheets beneath him with a squeal.

Harry kept his fingers inside Louis, working him through his orgasm.

Louis collapsed back into the mattress with a deep sigh. He kept his thumb in his mouth. Harry pulled his fingers out and moved over top of Louis, grabbing his own dick now and quickly jerking himself off. He had been hard the entire time, and it only took a moment for Harry to come, releasing onto Louis’ bum.

“So good, baby. You make me so hot. Such a good boy,” Harry continued breathlessly as he came down from his own orgasm. He moved to Louis’ side, lying next to him now. Louis hummed softly at the feel of Harry’s warm body finally next to him.

Harry wrapped an arm around Louis’ shoulders and pressed his face against Louis’ face. He began kissing Louis’ all over his face, his cheek, his nose, his jaw, along his hairline. Louis smiled around his thumb and sighed happily.

“I love you so much, baby,” Harry spoke as he kissed Louis. Louis lay still, completely spent and not fully back to himself. Harry nuzzled into Louis’ neck with a happy hum.

It was a wonderful thing, seeing this side of Louis, and learning new things even years into a relationship. It felt so intimate, and so special. Yet Harry also knew it was complex. Louis could be so delicate. He could so easily retreat back into himself. And Harry knew if he did the wrong thing, or pushed too hard, Louis might never show this side of himself again. Because of that, he knew they needed to talk about this. They needed to talk as soon as possible.

***

They had forgotten to close the curtains. A beam of sunshine shone through the window, landing on Louis’ face, and stirring him awake. On the edge of consciousness, he knew his thumb was still in his mouth. He didn’t open his eyes yet.

There was a warm, solid presence next to him. Harry.

Louis blinked his eyes open now and let out a soft groan. He pulled his thumb from his mouth, the skin wrinkled and shiny with saliva. He could tell it was still early. He moved across the bed and sat up on the far edge, looking back at Harry who was still asleep.

Harry slept on his back with his mouth open, his head cocked to the side as though contemplating something. His long hair fell across his face and splayed over the pillow. The sight of him still in blissful sleep brought a smile to Louis’ face.

But the clothes scattered on the floor and the bottle of lube on the nightstand sharply jolted Louis back to the memory of the previous night.

He stood up quickly and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Louis hopped quickly into the shower. He felt like he needed to scrub off the memory of the night before.

Louis’ mind raced as he stood under the hot water. He told himself there was nothing wrong with wanting, and enjoying, to be spanked a little while he sucked his thumb. There was nothing wrong with wanting Harry to be in control, to be a little dominating.

But in the stark light of day, Louis scrunched his nose at the thought. It was a difficult concept to wrap his mind around. Why? Why did he need this, why did it bring him so much pleasure? It was so new, so delicate. It was something he hadn’t experienced before, and he was almost positive it was nothing Harry had ever experienced. And yet, he had gone along so willingly, so effortlessly. Harry had known exactly what to do and what to say. Somehow, Harry had known exactly what Louis had wanted. Louis hadn’t even had to ask.

How? How did he know? Why was this so easy for him, and so difficult for Louis?

Louis scrubbed furiously at his hair, lathering in the shampoo. It wasn’t fair. Harry had this effortless ease about the way he did almost anything. He never seemed to get caught up in anxiety or fear or apprehension. He had dived headfirst right into this with Louis, not asking questions or judging, or even hesitating. It was like he had known to expect this.

Louis knew he should feel grateful, but instead he felt angry. He nearly broke the faucet as he shut off the water, and shoved the shower curtain aside to step out. He grabbed a towel and dried himself quickly. He found himself relieved that the mirror was steamed up and he could not see his reflection.

Wrapping the towel around his waist, Louis walked out into the bedroom. Harry was still sleeping, sprawled on his back. Louis found clean boxers and a shirt that looked clean enough and threw them on quickly before crawling back onto the bed, making sure to move the mattress as much as possible.

Harry stirred at the movement. He groaned and yawned, stretching his arms over his head.

Louis watched him wake up. It was incredibly endearing, watching Harry slowly come out of sleep. It softened Louis’ anger, and he found himself smiling just slightly at Harry’s softness in that moment.

Harry groaned again and opened his eyes. He looked at Louis, who was sitting cross-legged next to him on the mattress, staring down at him.

“Morning, babe,” Harry spoke, his voice deep and hoarse from sleep. He stretched again and rolled to his side to face Louis. “You showered already?” he asked, still blinking sleep from his eyes.

“How come you just know,” Louis asked quickly, as though Harry would know exactly what he was talking about. Harry looked up at Louis quizzically.

“How come I know you showered? Because you smell good,” Harry answered with a soft but cheeky grin. He placed a tender hand on Louis’ bare knee, but Louis was not in the mood to be cute.

“How come you just know what to do?” Louis tried to clarify. Harry looked confused now.

“Lou, you have to be more specific,” he said as he reached to grab Louis’ pillow from his side of the bed. He tucked it under his head to sit up a little.

“Like… last night. You just knew,” Louis said, his voice a little softer now. The realization finally dawned on Harry. He slowly nodded his head.

“I didn’t know,” he said simply, looking up at Louis.

“Yes you did. You did everything perfect,” Louis responded adamantly. Harry put his hand back on Louis’ knee, and began to stroke up and down his leg.

“Well, I’m glad you think it was perfect,” he replied, “But I really didn’t know. I was just going along with it. I was just… responding to what you seemed to like.” Louis felt his face heat up and he looked away from Harry.

“Wasn’t it weird though?” he asked softly as he began to fiddle with the hem of his shirt.

“No,” Harry said confidently. He pushed himself into a seated position.

“Don’t lie, Harold,” Louis replied with a scoff, “There’s no way that wasn’t weird.”

“I’m not lying. Yes, it was different, but… it’s you,” Harry tried to explain, “I know what you like. We’ve been together for four years. Even if there’s something we haven’t technically done before, I knew… I knew what you wanted.”

Louis contemplated this for a moment. “But you’re so good at it,” he said. Harry couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well, that’s good,” he replied. They were quiet for another moment. Louis had another question he wanted to ask, he just was not sure how to ask it.

“So you, like… you don’t mind…” he tried, but couldn’t find the words.

“I definitely don’t mind,” Harry replied, still smiling. He gently rubbed his hand over Louis’ thigh.

Louis shook his head. “No I mean… I mean you don’t mind that I… if I put my thumb in my mouth,” Louis asked softly, the last part almost a whisper. Harry did not answer right away, taking a deep breath instead. He pushed himself up to lean on his elbow.

“I wasn’t sure if you knew you were doing that,” Harry said honestly.

“Yeah… yeah I knew,” Louis said with a nod.

“No, it doesn’t bother me. If that’s what you want, you should do it.”

“I just don’t understand… I don’t understand why I like it,” Louis said softly. Harry nodded, still keeping a firm hand on Louis’ leg.

“I think it’s just a comfort thing. A way of shutting down a little, and giving up control,” Harry mused.

“I still think it’s weird,” Louis decided.

“I think you should stop thinking so much,” Harry replied with a smirk. Louis chuckled. He appreciated that Harry could make light of this when it was appropriate.

“No, really,” Harry continued, “That’s part of it. You’re always thinking so much. But when you let me take control, let me make you feel good, you can relax a little, and get comfortable.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Louis replied apprehensively.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in his thoughts. The sun, higher in the sky now, cast a warm glow through the room. They could hear others beginning to awaken as well, doors opening and closing, hushed voices in the hallway.

“Is there anything else? Anything else you want?” Harry asked softly. Louis appreciated the question, and knew now was the time for honesty.

“Um. You can fuck me next time,” Louis said with a grin. Harry giggled lightly, but then quickly looked concerned again.

“You want me to fuck you while… while you’re…” Harry couldn’t think of how to describe the place Louis was in when he had gone soft and quiet, sucking his thumb and giving in to Harry like he did.

“Yes, I really want that,” Louis said quickly, as though if he didn’t say it now, he might never be able to get the words out.

“Okay, I just wasn’t sure…” Harry replied.

“No you can, I really want you to, Harry,” Louis said, moving closer to Harry now, neediness in his body language and in his eyes. “I want you to just take control and just… just fuck me.” Harry nodded. He understood. This was what Louis wanted, needed even, and Harry knew he wanted to give him everything he needed. And he knew he needed to agree before Louis closed off again and shut down.

“Okay, I will then,” he replied, “When we get home to London tomorrow. It’ll be nice. We’ll finally be back home together.”

Louis let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He hadn’t realized how hesitant he had been to admit that, and now that he had, it felt like a big step.

“So just so we’re clear, and I don’t like, fuck it up or anything… You want me to rim you until you get into that… that floaty headspace, and then I can fuck you?” Harry asked. Louis’ cheeks flushed pink once again, but he nodded softly.

“Yes, and…” he began quietly, “And you can, like… you can say some of the stuff you said last night…”

“Okay, I can do that,” Harry agreed quickly. He knew how big of a step this was for Louis, and he was trying desperately to get him to say exactly what he wanted. “I can tell you how good you’re doing for me?” he asked softly, leaning into Louis, their foreheads almost touching, his hand grasped firmly on Louis’ thigh.

“Yeah, I want you to tell me… tell me I’m good,” Louis said softly, looking down at the mattress and not up at Harry. “And you can say ‘good boy’ and ‘baby’ and stuff like that,” Louis clarified, his voice barely above a whisper.

“And do you want me to spank you when you’re a naughty boy? When you don’t listen and you try to touch yourself?” Harry asked, his mouth right against Louis’ ear. Louis nodded gently.

“But just a little,” he whispered.

“Just a little,” Harry repeated, “When we’re home, in our bed.”

“So we can do it when we get home on Thursday?” Louis asked, picking his head up now.

“Yup,” Harry agreed, “It’ll be better in our bed, alone in our house. I’ll take good care of my baby.” Louis’ face reddened again but he smiled and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.

Harry loved the way Louis’ eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled. He loved the way Louis was telling him this, and asking this of him. He loved the way Louis trusted him so much. There was no better feeling in the world.

***

By the time Louis and Harry arrived home the next night, separately, they were both so exhausted they simply threw themselves into bed, planning on sleeping well into the next day.

And they did. By the time Harry woke up on Thursday morning it was after noon. The sun shining in their large master bedroom windows had warmed the room to the point where they had both thrown off the bedcovers in their sleep.

Harry had awoken warm and slightly sweaty. He rolled over onto his stomach and looked over to Louis who was sprawled out on his side of the bed, his naked back on display, the sheets down at his low back and stretched across his bum.

A shiver ran through Harry, raising goose bumps on his skin, thinking about what would happen that evening. It had been Louis who had asked for it, but if Harry was honest with himself, he wanted it just as much. There was something so gratifying about Louis trusting him enough to give up complete control. It was completely new for both of them, yet somehow felt like a completely natural extension of their sex life.

Their day was as lazy as their morning lie-in. Both boys caught up on some phone calls, both work-related and family-related. They puttered about the house, and in the evening Harry made dinner for them. It had been too long since they had used their kitchen. Every time Harry fired up the stove he told himself he wouldn’t allow so much time to go by next time. But he knew it would. And it always did. The demands of their life and their careers would inevitably take over.

Four years of that was why they knew they had to appreciate the quiet time they had together, when they had it.

In the evening they took a bath together. It was another ritual they liked to share when they had the time, and Harry knew it would be a good way to help Louis settle down and eventually fall into that relaxed place. It had been a relaxing day, but the tension was ever-present. Harry knew Louis needed this as much as ever.

When they got out of the tub, Harry wrapped Louis in his oversize bathrobe. Already in take-charge mode, Harry told Louis to go get in bed and wait for him.

“And don’t touch yourself, baby. You know the rule,” Harry added as Louis scurried into the bedroom.

“I know,” Louis replied as he crawled onto their big mattress.

Harry took a moment to clean up the bathroom, draining the tub and blowing out the candles and mopping up the puddles of water on the tile floor. He let his mind wander as he worked, thinking about Louis waiting for him on the bed, already getting hard but not allowed to touch. It made Harry himself a little hard just thinking about it.

When Harry finally walked into the bedroom, Louis was obediently sitting on the bed, right in the center, his robe still tied tight. He hugged his knees to his chest with one arm, and the other rested across the top of his knees, and he had his thumb in his mouth, sucking on it idly.

He pulled it out when he saw Harry emerge from the bathroom, but kept his hand close to his mouth, resting on his knees.

Harry, fully nude, grabbed the lube from the top drawer of the nightstand and moved up onto the mattress next to Louis. He decided not to acknowledge what Louis had just been doing; choosing to act like it was an everyday occurrence. He knew that was the only way to keep Louis feeling comfortable.

“Before we start, baby, is there anything else you want? Is there anything else I can do for you?” Harry asked gently as he moved in front of Louis, spreading his large palms across Louis’ chest and rubbing up and down the soft fabric of the robe.

Louis thought about it for a moment before speaking.

“Um, can I… can I suck my thumb, like, the whole time?” Louis asked softly, his cheeks going pink.

“Of course, baby. I want you to do whatever is comfortable,” Harry replied.

He gently pushed Louis back into a lying position. “You do whatever makes you happy. And you can tell me what you want, as we go, yeah?” Harry said, lying on his side next to Louis. But Louis shook his head.

“No, I don’t want… I don’t want to, like, to talk,” Louis said, beginning to bite on his lip out of anxiety.

“Oh? Okay, that’s fine, baby,” Harry replied quickly as he began to rub a hand up and down Louis’ tummy over the thick fabric of the bathrobe.

“I just want you to talk to me,” Louis clarified, his voice already beginning to take on that softer, childlike quality.

“Okay, baby. Whatever you want,” Harry spoke confidently, “I’m so happy you’re telling me what you want. That’s a good boy.”

Louis hummed softly at the praise, and gave himself permission to relax a little more. He let his legs fall open a little, and his eyelids began to go heavier.

“Good boy. Just relax for me,” Harry instructed, his voice deep.

Louis breathed a deep breath and allowed himself to slip down to the sound of Harry’s voice and the touch of Harry’s hands.

Harry worked slowly, running his hands along Louis’ body, first over the robe, then underneath it. He kissed Louis gently, across his cheek and jaw, and over his lips, whispering words of praise between kisses. He slowly untied the bathrobe and let it fall open. He gave Louis’ cock a few gentle tugs before sitting up and pushing Louis to turn him over.

Louis turned onto his stomach, and Harry reached up to his shoulders to pull off the bathrobe, pulling it slowly down his back until his arms were free, and then tossing it off the bed.

When he was fully naked, Louis brought his thumb to his mouth once again.

“That’s a good boy. So good for me,” Harry praised. He was beginning to learn how important it was to acknowledge that it was a good thing, what Louis was doing. It was the most important thing. This was about Louis being good for Harry, and Harry could see that now. And Harry couldn’t help but grin when he thought about it. This was so important for Louis, but it involved Harry, Harry played a crucial role. And he knew he could play that role well.

Harry moved between Louis’ legs, pushing them open to fit between. He worked slowly, opening up Louis expertly, not too fast, but not too slow. Louis pressed back against Harry’s fingers and tongue, keening at the feeling that was so familiar yet somehow new every time.

Louis squirmed against the mattress, trying to get friction on his cock, and Harry immediately gave him a sharp little smack on his bum.

“None of that now, baby,” Harry instructed.

“Mm, Harryyyyy,” Louis whined around his thumb.

“You’re a good boy, right? Good boy for me?” Harry said, lifting his face away from Louis’ bum for a moment to speak.

“Mmm, good boy,” Louis repeated softly.

Louis tried to touch himself a few more times, each time getting a swat on the bum from Harry.

“I’m not gonna fuck you if you touch yourself, baby,” Harry warned gently, his fingers just grazing Louis’ prostate.

“No, please, Harry. Please fuck me,” Louis whimpered softly.

“Then be a good boy,” Harry replied. He dove his tongue back into Louis’ tight hole, earning a groan from Louis.

“Mm’ a good boy,” Louis spoke softly, more to himself than to Harry.

“So good for me,” Harry hummed against Louis’ rim, “And so tight. You’re so tight and perfect, Louis.”

“Say ‘baby’,” Louis asked softly, wiggling his bum to get Harry’s fingers in the right spot.

“So tight and perfect, baby,” Harry corrected himself, unable to keep himself from smiling at Louis’ instruction.

He licked and fingered Louis for another few minutes, listening to him whine and moan with every curl of his fingers or tongue. When Harry knew he couldn’t last much longer, and when his own dick was hard and leaking, he pulled his fingers out. Louis whined at the loss.

“Harry.”

“I’m gonna fuck you now, okay baby?” Harry explained as he grabbed the lube and began to coat his dick. He knew it was his call, that he was in complete control, that Louis wouldn’t verbalize what he needed at this point.

Louis didn’t respond, just continued to suck on his thumb. Harry used his index finger to rub lube over Louis’ hole, pushing in once, but quickly pulling back out.

He moved over top of Louis, holding himself up with one hand on the mattress, and lined his dick up to Louis’ rim. He gently slapped his cock over Louis’ hole a few times and teased Louis’ hole with the tip.

“You ready, baby? Ready for me?” Harry asked. Louis nodded softly and pressed backwards into the touch of Harry’s cock.

Harry knew Louis was ready, and didn’t hesitate any longer. He pushed gently into Louis. Even with the thorough preparation, he was still incredibly tight. Harry groaned deep in his throat as he pushed in deep. Louis squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered softly.

“God, you feel so good, baby,” Harry said as he adjusted to the tightness, wiggling his hips a little.

He began to slowly fuck in and out of Louis, mumbling words of praise as he pressed in deep and pulled out over and over.

“God, you look so good, baby. Such a pretty bum,” Harry rambled, giving Louis’ bum another few smacks as he fucked him. Louis let out breathy moans and hums of pleasure as Harry rocked into him.

Harry knew Louis was completely down when he didn’t respond verbally, simply arched and pushed back into Harry as he fucked him.

It was not long before Harry was just on the edge of orgasm.

“Gonna come for me, baby? Gonna come like a good boy?” Harry babbled as he fucked into Louis, trying to hold himself from coming for another moment.

“Wanna come, yeah,” Louis whined as he arched his hips off the bed.

“You can come, baby. Come for me like a good boy,” Harry instructed. And Louis came right away, clenching himself as he did, driving Harry over the edge as well. He spilled inside Louis, and continued to fuck him through their orgasms.

When they both came down, Louis still sucking his thumb, Harry panting on top of him, Harry hadn’t pulled out yet. He relaxed his body on top of Louis and petted his hair gently.

“Good boy, baby. So good for me,” he praised as he stroked Louis’ hair. Louis hummed sweetly as he felt Harry pet him, moving his head into Harry’s touch.

Harry realized then how long it had been since he had properly fucked Louis, in their bed, able to take their time and do it exactly how they wanted, raw and unabashed.

He could already feel his come beginning to leak out of Louis’ ass around his dick, and he got an idea. Harry moved so his face was against the side of Louis’ face, his hand now stroking up and down Louis’ forearm.

“I want to eat you out, baby,” Harry spoke, his voice low and gravelly.

Louis moaned softly, his thumb still in his mouth. Harry took that as permission, and he moved his body slowly downwards. His cock slipped out of Louis as he moved, and Louis whined again at the loss.

“Harryyyy-” he groaned quietly.

“I’m here, baby,” Harry assured him. He positioned himself back between Louis’ legs and spread his bum cheeks with both hands. Harry’s come was leaking out of Louis’ hole and down towards his cock. “God, you’re so beautiful, baby.”

Louis wiggled his hips again in a desperate attempt to get Harry to do something. “I know, baby. Just wanted to look at you,” Harry said before leaning down and licking the flat of his tongue across Louis’ rim.

He loved tasting himself on Louis’ ass. They hadn’t done this in ages. He dove his tongue inside Louis and swirled it around, taking in and swallowing all of his come.

Louis began to buck his hips off the bed and squirm under Harry’s touch.

“I know it’s sensitive, baby,” Harry said as he used one hand to hold Louis down, pressing his palm into Louis’ low back.

Harry pushed his tongue as deep as he could go inside Louis, coaxing a high whine out of Louis. Louis was so open and stretched for him that Harry was able to lick in as deep as ever.

“Can you come again, baby? Do you think you can be a good boy and come again for me?” Harry asked, momentarily replacing his tongue with his fingers.

“Wanna be a good boy,” Louis said quietly as he nodded. Harry took a moment to look up at him. His face was flushed and shining with sweat, his hair plastered to his forehead.

“You are, you’re such a good boy, my baby,” Harry babbled. He licked along Louis’ rim again and down to his balls, then back up again.

When he had licked all his come out of Louis, Harry concentrated on making him come a last time. He put pressure on Louis’ prostate with two fingers and swirled his tongue over Louis’ rim.

Louis came again, loudly this time. He arched off the mattress and Harry had to hold him down with one hand as he used his middle finger to rub Louis’ prostate, hard and ceaselessly.

Harry finally pulled out a moment later when Louis had settled back onto the mattress, utterly spent. He crawled up the mattress once more and off to Louis’ side.

“C’mere, baby,” Harry asked as he gently pulled Louis’ shoulder to roll him onto his back.

Louis’ thumb fell from his mouth and he softly groaned as he rolled towards Harry.

“Look at what a mess you made, baby,” Harry said affectionately as he pulled Louis into him, referring to the smears of come on the sheets where Louis had been lying.

Louis gave a pleasurable squeak as he snuggled against Harry. “Messy,” he repeated, his cheeks pink.

“We’ll clean you up in a bit. I wanna snuggle with you now. Wanna snuggle with my good boy,” Harry said as he enveloped Louis in his arms and began to kiss him once again. He placed gentle kisses on Louis’ nose and forehead and the apples of his cheeks, still pink and hot. Louis hummed at the gentle kisses. He grasped Harry’s arm that was stretched over his chest.

“Harry?” Louis whispered softly.

“Yes?” Harry asked, not taking his lips from Louis’ face.

“I love you, Harry,” Louis said quietly, allowing Harry to kiss him all over.

“I love you too, Lou,” Harry replied. He kissed Louis tenderly on the lips. “Was that good? Was that what you wanted?”

“Yes,” Louis replied. Harry kissed Louis once again.

“Harry?” Louis asked, even softer now as he closed his eyes.

“Yes, baby?” Harry replied, nuzzling his nose against the side of Louis’ face.

“Was I good?” Louis asked sleepily.

“Yes, so good. You were such a good boy for me,” Harry replied, whispering into Louis’ ear. He held Louis tight against his chest. Louis sighed softly.

“Harry?”

“Mmm? What is it, baby?”

“Can I suck my thumb again?” Louis asked, his voice slurring with sleepiness.

“Of course, baby,” Harry replied, blinking a few times to keep himself awake, if only for another minute.

Louis brought his thumb to his mouth and began to slowly suck on it, falling deeper and closer into sleep, his body relaxing against Harry’s body.

“Good boy,” Harry hummed, pressing his lips against Louis’ soft hair.

Louis’ breathing was heavy and deep within minutes. He was curled on his side against Harry, his thumb in his mouth, fist pressed against Harry’s chest to prop his hand in place.

Harry hugged him tight. It was all he wanted, to hold Louis so close. He knew in that moment they had everything they needed.

…