Chapter Text
The file landed on top of the pile with a light thud, another report complete and revised. Enji dared a glance at the mountain of paperwork still sitting innocently at the other end of the desk and sighed in defeat. It was too early for his shoulders to be as stiff as they were.
He opened a new case file and got back to work.
One of the large windows to his right creaked but he kept his focus strictly on the page, barely noticing the flurry of red move around in his periphery. The words failed to register and he ended up going through the same line three times. The brat was such a headache.
“I see that apart from being a public nuisance, you’re also a picklock…” he muttered without ever as much as lifting his gaze.
“Just one of my many talents,” Hawks said in a bragging tone designed to raise the blood pressure of all those in earshot. Enji made the mistake of looking up into those half-lidded eyes of amber that always mocked him.
“You could have just used the main entrance like everyone else.”
“If I’d done that, an hour from now I’d still be chatting with your sidekicks. I am here on business today so there’s no time to gossip, even though we still haven’t concluded as to why a certain someone would ever hide his ass behind a skirt of fire. You know, it’s the greatest loss for Japan after All Might’s retirement.”
“Hawks, what business?” Sometimes – more like all the time – it was better to just ignore the birdbrain’s mad ramblings and attempts at riling him up. Slowly but surely he was getting better at staying calm even with the boy joking at his expense. Maybe therapy really did help.
“Briefing for our joint patrol tomorrow? We did agree on the 21st to look into those Nomu sightings. Checked it with your agency before flying all the way up here.”
Shit, he had completely forgotten about it. Was his memory starting to act up on him like he was some senile old man? He flipped through the case files on his desk, finding the awfully thin stack that included the information sent from Hawks’ agency. At the very least the briefing would be short.
“Let’s get this over with,” he grumbled. He had neither time nor patience to waste. Hawks plopped down on the sofa at the other side of the desk and opened his phone to probably look up the files. As much as he was a fool, at least the boy took work seriously.
Or so Enji liked to believe, but not fifteen minutes had passed and Hawks was already complaining about how he was starving. If the brat were his, he would have scolded him for such lazy behaviour, but fortunately for the bird, it was not Enji’s job to put him in his place – although sometimes he dearly wished to.
“What are you doing?” Enji asked as Hawks was getting his visor and headphones.
“Don’t look at me like you mean to kill me, Endeavor. There’s a nice food joint down a block or two. Let’s go grab a bite before we continue.”
“I’m not hungry,” Enji lied and his gaze fell from the blond tufts of hair sticking out everywhere to the report. Truth was he hadn’t eaten since midday, but he would just get something on his way home.
“Aw c’mon, big guy, humour this poor bird a little!” Hawks whined. “I have a long flight behind me. Besides, it’ll be my treat.”
Hellflame was threatening to erupt, simmering hotly right underneath his skin.
As if he’d let a kid half his age treat him!
And so he found himself walking alongside Hawks who was babbling on about some small-time villain he’d taken down earlier that week. It felt odd to be on the streets with another hero and not be wearing his costume, but the mild discomfort wasn’t enough reason to burn through a perfectly good suit. A small crowd recognised Hawks and rushed to get autographs and pictures. Enji stood back and watched the kid chirp pleasantries with ease he could never even hope to possess.
“Excuse me, sir,” a shy voice asked. A boy tinier than his Shouto looked up at him with inquisitive brown eyes. “You’re Endeavor, aren’t you?”
Was he really that unrecognisable without the flames and the costume?
He gave an affirmative grunt and the boy called over a few of his friends, all begging for autographs. For some reason he had lately found himself almost enjoying signing the schoolbags and merchandise of his young fans, which was something he had frowned upon for decades.
“Oh Endeavor-san, could I get one too? Preferably branded on my chest right over my heart.” And his good mood was gone again.
“Less talking, more walking. We still have work to do.”
His phone rang and he stalled to fish it out of his jacket pocket while Hawks grinned impishly.
“Look who’s talking now.”
His finger jabbed the green circle once he found out who was calling him at such a time.
“Yes?”
“Um, is this a bad time?” Fuyumi asked tentatively. Perhaps he should have used a less demanding greeting.
“Not at all.” He glanced at Hawks who was fidgeting around and playing with his crimson feathers, having them swish around them for no apparent reason. There was a sickening self-satisfied smirk on his face, but Enji ignored it. Fuyumi’s time was worth breaking his own rules.
“I was just wondering when you would be at home. Dinner is ready whenever. Shoto is already here but Natsuo is running a bit late.”
Enji swallowed thickly. How could he have possibly forgotten about dinner with his family? Even though he really did try, he was still nothing but a poor excuse of a father.
But work was work.
“Look, I’ve got a meeting with Hawks. It should be over in an hour.”
“An Hour? You’re leaving me no time to eat,” Hawks pouted. “I’m too hungry to go through the documents.”
“Ugh fine, an hour and a half.” Enji was too tired to argue. “Is that alright? Next week I’ll take you all out to eat to make up for today.”
“Is Hawks there?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Could you pass the phone to him?” Her warm smile was audible. Enji stared at the device for a while before thrusting it to Hawks without any explanation.
“Miss Todoroki, what a pleasure!”
The road of a repentant man was trying.
Enji sat quietly at the end of the table and concentrated on Fuyumi’s delicious cooking, attempting to identify the seasonings she had used. That way he could try to ignore the fact that Hawks had weaseled his way to his family’s dinner table, but no matter how hard he tried, such a loud and obnoxious creature demanded attention.
Though she was polite with everyone, it was obvious that Fuyumi had already taken a liking to the bird. Natsuo appeared a bit more guarded but made decent attempts at conversation which was more than either Enji or Shoto contributed. Occasionally Shoto gave simple answers to Hawks’ questions about his studies and internship, but other than that, his attention was fully dedicated to the food on his plate.
“How was your day, dad?” Fuyumi asked.
“Paperwork.” Technically he could have left most of it to his sidekicks and assistants but he liked to oversee and stay up to date with what his agency was up to. He paid for it with next to no free time and stiff shoulders that he was rolling gently to ease some of the pain.
“What? Getting old and your body can’t handle sitting all day? What kind of a Number One are you?” Natsuo scoffed. Lately, their relationship had gotten a bit better – there was less yelling – but his son never missed a chance to mock him and belittle the title he had achieved at the expense of his family. Enji had come to accept it. The words were mild compared to what he deserved.
“I can give you a massage after dinner,” Fuyumi promised with a smile. Before Enji had time to thank her, thin fingers kneaded into the muscles at the base of his neck. He had never even noticed the brat move.
“What do you think you’re doing?” He tried to shake the other hero off, but Hawks kept going.
“Giving you a massage,” Hawks laughed. “I’m quite good at it, so stay still, Number One.”
“Another hidden talent, I see.”
“Precisely.” Surprisingly strong fingers pressed down into the aching knots of his muscles with meticulous precision and Enji couldn’t help the slightly shaky exhale that escaped him. The boy chuckled to himself. “You should take better care of your health. This broad back is a beacon to the rest of us.”
His children were gaping at them wordlessly, but Enji didn’t know what to say in that situation. Thankfully one of them had social skills.
“So Hawks, any reason why you decided to become a hero?”
“The men in black just decided I had potential as a kid and decided to train me day and night,” Hawks said jokingly, but there had to be some truth to his words. The Hero Commission would sometimes find children with powerful quirks and take them in to hone their skills. Heroes like that were rare and all of them excelled at what they did.
“Ah, so you’re like me,” Shoto said in between bites, and suddenly a dark cloud settled in the room. There hadn’t even been any blame in Shoto’s voice but perhaps it was the ease with which he brought up his training that was more of a punch in the gut.
“I also really wanted to be a strong hero like our Number One here.” There was another sharp squeeze of his shoulders.
“I see… I’m more of an All Might fan.” This time Shoto’s tone bore a venomous drip, making the air around them poisonous to breathe. Enji wanted to tell Hawks to shut his mouth, but he couldn’t do that to a guest in his own house. Instead he continued eating, desperately trying to clear his plate so he could run away to wash the dishes.
“Most people are,” Hawks continued, and Enji was no longer certain if the social butterfly had any skill in reading the atmosphere. Or maybe he did, but he just found some sick enjoyment from poking the bear. “However, personally I’ve always admired how Endeavor never gave up, be it in his fights or attempt at reaching the Number One spot, even though everyone else deemed All Might’s back as unreachable."
Natsuo was the first to explode and shoot up to his feet.
“What the hell are you playing at, old man? Did you bring your toyboy home to convince us that you’re cool? Because it is most definitely not working!”
Enji slammed his hand on the table and tried to ignore the way Fuyumi flinched and Shoto didn’t even react. Hawks finally moved away.
“Apologise immediately! No matter your feelings, Hawks is still the Number Two hero, your senior and a guest at our home, so show some respect. I won’t have my son act in such an insolent manner towards someone of Hawks' status.”
The silence was excruciating and Enji immediately hated himself for yelling at Natsuo. It was no way to talk to his child. He breathed in deep and tried to remember everything he had learned in therapy about staying calm and trying to understand where others were coming from, but even now that Natsuo’s anger was justified, Enji had failed to keep his own head cool. He was the worst.
“Look, Natsuo, I’m –”
“Sorry,” Natsuo mumbled and bowed his head to Hawks. “That was rude of me. I’m most grateful for your service to our country.”
“‘S okay,” Hawks waved his hand dismissively and returned to his spot around the table to continue his meal. Eventually Natsuo sat back down next to the Wing Hero, but he was silent for the rest of the dinner, and conversation was left entirely to Hawks and Fuyumi and Shoto’s scarce comments.
“Your daughter’s cooking is heavenly! I might make the flight here more often now that I know what I’m missing out on,” Hawks chirped as he leaned heavily against the counter right next to Enji. The mere thought of Hawks joining them for dinner again horrified him.
“If the likes of you ever proposes to her, I will not grant my approval.” He scrubbed the plate in his hand with a bit more force than necessary.
“Whoever spoke of proposals?” Hawks smirked and his eyes gleamed with intent, like a bird of prey with its meal in sight. “Besides my tastes run in a completely different direction.”
Little sparks tickled Enji’s skin and he had to avert his gaze.
“Well, at least show your appreciation by helping her with the dishes.”
A surprised yelp sounded from behind him and he turned to see Fuyumi in the doorway fighting over the plates in her hands against a swarm of feathers while the rest of the tableware dashed through the air with support from red quills. The brat looked stupendously smug over yet another exhibition of his skill.
“I’ll be waiting for when you’re done, Endeavor-san” Hawks pushed himself up and thanked Fuyumi again as he passed her on his way out. The skin at the back of Enji’s neck was still tingling and he put his best efforts into getting the dishes as clean as possible. Plus Ultra and all that.
A while later he found the boys and Hawks all bundled up on the living room couch playing an action game as Fuyumi was serving them snacks and tea.
“Damn, you suck!” Natsuo slapped Hawks on the shoulder.
“Well sorry! I haven’t had time to play that many video games, being a hero’s kinda kept this bird busy!”
“Neither has Shoto and he just obliterated your noob ass to the last millennium!”
“Might I point out that he beat you too, Mr. High-and-Mighty!”
So they had settled their differences. The corners of Enji’s mouth pulled up of their own volition as he watched the trio start a new game. He was reluctant to interrupt them just yet when all of them deserved this moment of joy. It was such a stark contrast to the scene around the dinner table, the only difference being his absence. There really appeared to be no use for him except on the battlefield, and even that was filling up with heroes far more amazing than him.
Something soft brushed against his cheek and he spotted a tiny red feather making its way back home to the majestic wings draped over the back of the couch.
“Ready to work, sir?” Hawks asked and looked over his shoulder with a bright grin.
“Take your time.”
Natsuo turned to look at him in shock while Shoto remained focused on the game. Fuyumi who had settled onto the armchair smiled at him though there was something almost wistful about her expression. Enji turned away without another word and shut himself in his study.
Five minutes later the door opened and Hawks peeped in, hair tousled and cheeks rosy from laughing. Happiness suited him. It was a shame their reality was so bleak.
“You sure made up quickly.”
“Yeah, well who wouldn’t? Natsuo is fucking hilarious! He invited me over tomorrow after our patrol.”
Enji’s grip around his pen tightened. That would be Rei’s place, and for some inexplicable reason he did not want Hawks there. Enji was fully aware that despite all the jokes, Hawks looked up to him as a hero. Dinner must have already fractured his view of the man behind the mask of fire, but should he meet Rei, perhaps Hawks would grow to hate Enji just as much as his own children did.
Hawks was a nuisance, but at least he was one in whose company Enji always felt like he was better than his real self; this kid who went a million miles per hour took the trouble of seeking out his company, so he couldn’t be all bad. Life would be a lot quieter and lonelier without the occasional flap of wings beside him.
“Sounds great,” he muttered and clenched his teeth. The frail wall hiding his past was tearing at the seams. There was no one but himself to blame.
“Right,” Hawks said and walked over to his desk. “Too bad I had to decline because I’ve got to be back in Fukuoka to ward my poor sidekicks. But I did promise him and Fuyumi that I’d be back next Friday for another great dinner!”
Enji wasn’t sure whether this settlement was any better than Hawks meeting Rei.
They got to work, revising all the eyewitness reports and the rumours circulating about the nomu. Kamino was still a hot spot for the possible sightings, either because people expected to find things in the shadows or then there still was something, even though the police had scanned the area rather thoroughly after the battle. Someone had even claimed to have seen a weird looking dog in Jakku Hospital but that could be explained away with a feverish delirium. They would focus their efforts on Kamino.
The evening passed quietly in the comfort of work – at least until Fuyumi knocked on the door and brought them steaming cups of green tea.
“They really are such good kids,” Hawks sighed like he wasn’t the same age as Fuyumi. The comment made Enji's gut wrench. As if he didn’t know how kind-hearted and diligent all of them were, but he had always forced more out of them, especially Shoto. Good had never been enough – not until recently, not until it was too late, but hopefully he still had years left in him that he could dedicate to his family.
Amber eyes were focused on him, and Enji felt weak under their heavy scrutiny. There was no smile on Hawks’ face, but neither did he wear an expression of hatred or judgement.
“Speak your mind.” He didn’t mean to command. He just didn’t know another tone to use, and the heaviness between them was starting to bother him more than the nomu rumours.
“About dinner…” Hawks began but his mouth pulled into a line almost immediately. It was the first time the brat couldn’t find his words – or rather, the second, because he had also behaved skittishly and had trouble with words while Enji had been hospitalised after the battle against the High-End nomu. “Just know that I don’t judge Natsuo or you.”
Those weren’t the words he had expected, and he didn’t even know how to react. Did Hawks not have eyes on him to see how the kids had reacted to their father? Natsuo’s deep hatred, Fuyumi’s fear and Shoto’s numb indifference? Each of them were painful reminders of the decades they could never have back.
“I mean, I kinda guessed things at home weren’t all peachy for you, based on the rumours and pictures I’ve seen of you and your family on the internet, and a little bird has sung a song or two about how Shoto regards you… But these past months and today as well I’ve seen how hard you try to be good to them. You aren’t just the greatest hero but a man who endeavors to be the best he can in every aspect of his life. I think they can see that too.”
Enji’s face was scorching but not because of Hellflame; it was an entirely different kind of burn. He quickly looked away so that Hawks would never see the wet gleam in his eyes.
“Get your things. I’m taking you home.” Enji got his car keys and pulled his leather jacket on. The boys were already putting on their shoes while Fuyumi still gathered all her belongings. Hawks, however, was just lounging in the living room typing away on his phone. The sudden urge to throw the hero’s boots at him was difficult to fight back.
“You too. We’re leaving.”
“And here I was hoping I had earned the right to stay ov –” A dumbfounded expression overtook Hawks’ features when he turned to look at Enji, his eyes wide and jaw lax.
“What? Is there something on my face?”
“No-oh,” Hawks drawled and continued staring, which was perplexing. Maybe the kid was lying and finding amusement from his ridiculous state. “It’s just that your leather jacket really flatters you, Endeavor-san.”
“Huh?!”
On cue, the distinct sound of a phone snapping a picture reached his ears and Hawks was looking down at his screen with a triumphant grin plastered across his dumb face.
“Delete it this instant!” Flames engulfed his face, but he quickly brought them down before his clothes caught on fire.
“Nope!” The brat stuck out his tongue and gave his phone up for a few feathers to keep out of reach. Enji huffed, retrieved Hawks’ boots and threw them at him.
With everyone ready, he locked up and led them to the garage. Hawks was practically skipping as he typed on his phone and hummed to himself. If the birdbrain dared to upload that image onto his social media accounts, roasted chicken would be on the menu for next week's dinner.
Once the garage door opened, Hawks stopped in his tracks and Enji turned to see him with his eyes staring intently up ahead.
“Please please please please, can we go with that one?” Hawks pointed at the red convertible parked next to the rover. “I swear I’ll be such a good little bird tomorrow!”
Enji rolled his eyes and clicked the doors open. They were just cars. There was no need to beg when both vehicles had enough seats for the five of them.
“I’m calling shotgun, kids!” Hawks herded his children away from the front seat none of them even wanted in the first place, and hopped over the car door to claim his spot.
The drive to Rei’s place was short and filled with loud chatter between Hawks and his kids. Enji caught himself almost smiling on more than one occasion, and as opposed to earlier that evening, he was glad that the Wing Hero had promised to join them next Friday as well, because Enji had discovered how much he liked seeing his children smile and laugh, but in his presence they were usually solemn. Tonight had been different, and a warmth stronger than the flames he wore on him filled his heart.
That moment, as the car glided underneath the colourful city lights, was perhaps the happiest one in all the 46 years he had seen. The dream that had haunted him for months was there to see, to hear and to feel for real.
They pulled up in front of their destination all too soon.
As Hawks exchanged numbers with Fuyumi and Natsuo Enji allowed his gaze to wander up the driveway to the open front door. Against the light pouring out stood a slender figure, her white hair painted almost golden by the light. He quickly glanced away. He hadn’t even had time to buy a flower for her that week… Come morning and he would order a bouquet to be delivered to her. Maybe someday she’d dare to face him again. Theirs had always been a loveless marriage, but Enji had so many things on his chest he wanted her to hear, and he often wondered how she was doing. Fuyumi claimed that she was a lot more energetic in the new house.
“So ‘til next week!” Natsuo called out, more to Hawks than Enji.
“Goodnight, dad,” Fuyumi said and after some consideration reached to squeeze his hand.
They can see that too.
He squeezed back almost crushingly tight.
“Take care. And give my regards to your mother.”
“Of course. And Hawks, thank you for saving him.”
With a smile she was off running after her brothers, all of them flocking to Rei who beamed like an angel. Before closing the door, Shoto glanced back. Enji offered him a small wave and he got one in return.
And the door closed.
“Where are you staying?”
“So I really can’t come over? Have a few drinks?” Hawks leaned a bit forward and looked up with half-lidded eyes. He had allowed the boy many things that day, taking their business meeting far from strictly professional, and he had to put an end to it.
“No. Now give me the address.”
“Oh,” Hawks pouted and sank into the leather seat. He looked so small and young; Enji felt guilty over how attuned to his movements, expressions and little sounds his senses were, but he found he couldn’t stop being so hyperaware of the other no matter how hard he tried. “Well, at least show me how fast this beast can go!”
Enji snorted and turned the car back on.
Once they reached the motorway, he stomped down on the gas pedal. The motor roared fiercely and tires scorched the asphalt, leaving the few others still driving around in the dust. Cool air rumbled around them and Hawks turned up the bass so much that the harsh beat of the song vibrated through Enji's very being. The thrill of the speed and the clear starry sky above made him feel alive. He could breathe.
From the corner of his eye he could see Hawks grab hold of the windscreen and pull himself up, large wings pushed completely behind him by the force of the air. He was laughing.
What madness! Enji took his foot off the gas immediately and grabbed Hawks by his thigh to push him back down onto the seat.
“The hell do you think you’re doing?” he yelled, and got an inaudible sorry out of the other hero. Enji huffed hot steam out through his nose and clenched the wheel.
Hawks squirmed, the electrifying sensation of the movement shooting up the nerves of his arm. To his horror Enji realised that his hand was still firmly pressed against Hawks’ upper thigh and his face flushed hot with shame. He pulled his hand away in the blink of an eye, and at the next intersection he turned back to the city. Their fantasy of freedom was over.
The silence was filled with a gentle fizz as the beer can popped open. Enji knocked it back in one go and didn’t waste time in getting another can out of the six pack on his way to the living room. He turned on the TV for some background noise, to ward off the haunting stillness of the big empty house and the ghouls of his past residing in the shadows. One of the channels was playing an action movie he had never seen and he attempted to focus on it while emptying can after can.
He hadn’t drank properly in years, but right then he was looking to get drunk. For just a brief moment he wanted to forget all the guilt constantly on his shoulders, the horrors he had inflicted on his family in that very house where he abode with no one but Touya’s ghost keeping him company.
The beer did nothing and he retrieved the unopened bottle of whiskey from his study and returned to the sofa.
The movie went forgotten, his eyes on the armchair instead, tracing the outline of Fuyumi sitting on it hours earlier smiling and laughing. Shoto had sat with his back straight right where he now sat, Natsuo at the other end with a bright grin on his face, grey eyes sparkling. Hawks had been hunched between them competing in loudness with Natsuo. A part of Enji regretted driving him away. A TV wasn’t much company to distract from the deafening empty echoes around him.
A new kind of guilt boiled in him: the memory of his fingers pressing into Hawks’ thigh, the way the boy shivered and his eyes fluttered shut, cheeks red and mouth hanging open with a sigh drowned by the heavy bass of the music blasting over the speakers. A dirty part of him wanted to touch him again, just to see him like that one more time.
Maybe he was a little drunk, if such thoughts managed to slip into his consciousness.
The floorboards behind him creaked, and Enji shot up with flames burning on his face, lighting up the dark room and giving features to the easily recognisable silhouette standing in the doorway.
“I see breaking and entering isn’t beneath you on private property either.”
“Can I please stay over?” Hawks whispered with desperation so unlike the joking manner in which he had suggested it earlier. The mask of bravado and flamboyance revealed someone truly vulnerable. Enji allowed the flames to die and sat back down on the sofa.
Soon a small figure plopped onto the other end with wings discarded somewhere.
Neither of them seemed too focused on the movie, and from the corner of his eye he could see the other hero trembling and chewing on his bottom lip.
“Are you cold?”
Hawks snapped his head to the side a bit faster than he managed to pull up his usual grin.
“Quite the opposite actually,” he laughed as though there was nothing on his mind, nothing that had pulled him to that house in the dead of the night.
“Hawks…”
The boy had pulled his legs up to his chest in a guarded position, dwarfed in Enji’s shadow, but it didn’t seem like he was looking for a way to escape. More like he was struggling to keep something in.
“I can’t,” he said after a long silence. “I can’t say.”
For a while now, Enji had suspected the Hero Commission had Hawks on a heavy mission. Whatever it was had to be extremely draining on such a young hero no matter how capable he was.
The silence stretched on again, but this time they kept staring right into each other’s eyes in the dim light emitted by the TV screen, like they were both searching for answers in the other. Enji hadn’t even realised he had questions – he still didn’t know what they were.
He hadn’t noticed Hawks rise to his knees until he was close enough for all the different colours in his eyes to be visible: the brown specks in the radiant golden rings, the hints of white and green all mixing into a warm amber and sweetest honey. Too close . Too far from professional for him to come up with excuses to ease the guilt of breathing the same hot air as a man half his age, as old as his own daughter.
A delicate hand hovered over the left side of his face.
“Can I?” Hawks asked barely audibly. Enji’s face was burning, but he swallowed the flames, keeping them from surfacing in fear of incinerating that tiny hand reaching for him.
Then he nodded, not once questioning what he was agreeing to.
He relished in the cool trail the pads of Hawks’ fingertips left in their wake as they skimmed over his scar. His eyelids fell, heavy from the pleasure of how gently he was touched even if the sensation was nothing short of electrifying. Hawks moved from his hairline all the way to his chin and back up again to draw light circles around his eye, before returning down to the corner of his mouth. Fingertips settled along his bottom lip and jaw, holding his mouth open. Before a finger could slide in any deeper, Enji’s hand clasped around Hawks’ thin wrist, keeping his hand still – not allowing it any closer but not quite pushing it away either.
“Don’t,” he exhaled against the fingers.
“Why not?” Red wings had encapsulated them, guarding from the shadows beyond.
“I… You’re younger than Touya.” He let go of Hawks’ wrist.
“Who the hell is Touya?” Hawks asked and he appeared almost insulted as he pulled his hand away. The wings around them shifted. The spell was breaking.
“My eldest son.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.” The regret on his face was sincere and his voice was soft again. “I didn’t know. The others didn’t speak of him.”
“That’s because he’s gone.” Enji paused for a while to consider. Maybe it was better to lay his demons clear for the other hero, so Hawks could kill the false ideal of a man he had created in his head. “And he’s gone because of me… I’m not a good man, Hawks. You’re so young with a lifetime ahead of you. I don’t want to corrupt those years like I ruined all of theirs.”
“I’m willing to bet at this point I am far more corrupt than you, so stop treating me like I’m something pure and innocent. I might be young but I'm a grown-ass adult who's fought enough battles to be covered in scars. Besides, take a good look: I’m not your damn kids. You might have been a real piece of shit in the past but I’m accepting the present you – even if you are a little rough around the edges.”
“There are men out there younger and kinder. You deserve better,” Enji said, hoping to somehow reason with the other.
“But I don’t want anyone else. It’s always been you, Endeavor. As long as I can remember wanting.” The warmth with which the words were spoken was surreal in their sincerity. Enji’s gaze fell. How low could he still sink? Daring to dream in the face of his reality? Longing to reach out when he had no right to?
“You’re calling out to a hero, but the man in front of you is a far cry from one.”
A tender hand cupped his jaw and forced him to look up. Hawks was only inches from him.
“You are the very heart and essence of Endeavor, Enji,” Hawks whispered against his lips and closed the remaining distance between them.
Their mouths moved against one another in a shared slow rhythm, as though in a dance they had danced together for a long time. A hand sought support from Enji’s shoulder while fingers combed through his hair and pulled him closer. Enji wrapped an arm around Hawks’ waist to keep him steady as he pushed against him. He pressed on the boy's jaw to force his mouth open and invaded it with his tongue. It was so much cooler than his own mouth that was threatening to erupt into flames.
“Enji, Enji, Enji,” Hawks moaned his name into his mouth like a sacred mantra, and hoisted a leg over Enji’s thighs to settle into his lap. He was as light as the feathers in his wings but there was undeniable strength in his small body as he leaned against Enji’s chest while attempting to discard his hoodie. It was taking too long so Enji clutched it and tore it from the front.
“I liked that one,” Hawks whined but the small chuckle made it obvious he didn’t grieve over the destroyed garment that was thrown on the floor.
“I’ll buy you ten better ones, baby bird,” Enji muttered against the skin of Hawks’ neck as he pushed them up from the couch. Slender legs wrapped around his middle. His head was dizzy and he crashed them into a wall, thrusting up against Hawks who had gone limp in his arms, simply moaning and tugging at his hair in encouragement. Hawks' hardness rubbed against his stomach begging for attention. He pressed down on it steadily through the sweatpants and soon a damp spot began to form under his palm.
“So desperate…”
He kept rutting against Hawks’ behind and squeezing him. He sounded like he was already close, wings flapping insanely. Enji’s free hand hiked up Hawks’ back under his clothes and once he found the the stem of a wing, he pulled from it firmly drawing a beautiful scream from the depths of Hawks’ chest as the boy arched against him.
Breathtaking.
“Enji, please, I need more!”
They both did. Enji’s trousers had grown painfully tight.
He secured a firm hold of Hawks and started carrying him towards the stairs, only to remember he had no supplies.
“I don’t have lube or –”
“My bag. It’s in the hallway. I have a bottle but I don’t have condoms.”
“Well –” Enji supported Hawks’ weight with one arm as he flung the backpack over his shoulder, “– I don’t know about you but I’m clean.”
“Me too,” Hawks said eagerly and leaned in to pepper kisses beneath his jaw. “I’ve never done it raw with someone – been saving that honour for you, Number One.”
“You seem to have been awfully confident about how things would turn out,” Enji murmured into Hawks’ soft curls. Before that evening even he hadn’t known how much he wanted this – having locked away all attraction towards the younger hero. Apparently the door hadn’t been as strong as he had thought, and now that it was broken through he was unapologetically hungry, ravenous. The flames inside of him had been ignited.
“Oh please, I’m irresistible!” the brat giggled and caught his lips as they slowly made their way through the dimly lit hallway.
A sudden crash and the sound of glass shattering stalled them both. Enji put Hawks down and released Hellflame on his other hand to see the framed picture that had been knocked off a chest of drawers. There were several glass shards on the floor, but the picture was almost intact. Rei smiled with exhausted eyes, cradling a baby Shoto in her arms. Around her were Fuyumi and Natsuo, who held hands and grinned cutely, and Touya who stared blankly ahead with his bright turquoise eyes. Enji stood behind them like a dark mountain with a claw on Rei’s shoulder, face scratched out by the broken glass.
“I’m sorry. It was one of my feathers.”
He turned around to see Hawks crouched on the lowest step with his head hung low, hugging his own legs. The hero was an absolute mess with his clothes wrinkled, feathers ruffled and hair sticking in every possible direction. His wings were slowly closing around him like a protective shield.
Enji put the picture back where it had fallen from and let the shards be. He’d clean them in the morning before heading out to work.
“Come on. I’ll show you to the guest room.” Hawks got up, still hiding in his wings, and sniffled. “Don’t cry over a damn photo.” It looked better now anyway.
Light footsteps followed him upstairs, where they walked past the kids’ rooms to the one that was almost never used. Enji put the bag he was carrying onto a chair.
“There are clean sheets on the bed and towels in the drawer. Bathroom is on the other side of the corridor, and if you wake up early, feel free to use the kitchen as well,” Enji said, going through a mental list of anything Hawks might need to know. The other hero just stood still in the middle of the room and he seemed more hurt than when he had suddenly appeared behind him in the living room. Shit , he really had a way with people. “Good night, Hawks.”
Several large quills blocked his way out. He could have easily forced his way through them, they both knew that.
“Hawks…”
“I’m sorry,” Hawks repeated, voice a broken, weak sob.
“Don’t be pathetic. It’s just a picture. There’s probably a copy on a hard drive.”
“Not just that.” His wings trembled like his voice. “I’m sorry about everything.”
“Is it about what we did? If you feel regret over it, blame me. I’m drunk and took advantage of your confusion so there’s no need to apologise about it to me.” Enji’s voice was rising in volume as his patience was being stretched.
“I don’t regret it,” Hawks muttered with his back still turned to him. “Today, you made me really happy.”
“In that case, at least look at me.” Enji reached past the wings to spin Hawks around by his shoulder. He instantly wished he hadn't. Tears were rolling down his cheeks wildly, sparkling in the light, eyes shot wide open. Enji couldn’t read the expression – he’d never been good at recognising people’s emotions, much less such nuanced ones. "What is it?"
“I’m so sorry.” Hawks clutched the front of his shirt like his life depended on it and pressed his face against his chest, tears soaking through the shirt. “Please, just tell me it’s all going to be okay in the end. Tell me it’s all worth it.” Enji was caught off guard by the anguish in his voice, but after a while his arms settled around Hawks’ slender form, holding him tightly.
He still didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know what Hawks meant. He’d never been much for words, allowing his actions to speak for him, and he most definitely didn’t know how to offer solace to someone in pain. He wasn’t like that guy…
Enji swallowed his pride.
“It’s alright. I am here now.”
Hawks chuckled between sobs.
“I can’t believe you of all people quoted All Might. That’s kinda lame, Endeavor-san.” Hawks managed to smile at him.
“I mean it, Hawks.” The smile faded away and the shaking stopped. There was too much wonder and awe in Hawks’ warm eyes.
Wings fluttered, making the air in the room swirl around them as Hawks hovered in the air and kissed him lightly. Enji wanted to kiss him back, to chase that Will-o’-the-Wisp so close yet ever so unreachable, forbidden. He could run until the end of his days and that flame would always escape him.
Men like him didn’t deserve to even seek happiness for themselves. No amount of repenting would right the wrongs of his past and give him the right to a second chance. But who was he to deny himself from tiny hands holding his face like he was something precious?
Enji leaned into the kiss.
He would endeavor to catch that beautiful flame.