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It’s 6.50am. I am awake like clockwork. Over the last ten years, a lot has changed. Living under Dauntless rules, we awoke around the same time to prepare for morning activities. At the compound with a lack of duties, I woke up at whatever time suited me, and did so for the next year and a half. When we moved back to the city, I rose at 8am for work and in the last four years, 6.50am has been my fixed routine.
I wander down the hall to the bathroom, and as predicted, 30 minutes later I have showered and changed. I look into the room next to the main bedroom and carry a sleepy Elise to the bathroom, and return ten minutes later for Noah. Getting the children dressed and downstairs is a harder matter, when Noah puts socks on his hands and pretends they’re puppets, much to the delight of Elise. She puts her trousers on back-to-front while I’m not looking, and Noah does the same with his sweatshirt, and sometimes I can’t help but laugh because as we joke, these kids have a sense of humour which is alien to us; one we never thought we’d possess.
It takes another 30 minutes to get downstairs and it is pancake day; one that I dread every week. We’re running a little late today given the antics changing, I rush to mix the batter. In an attempt to avoid Elise walking around, I jerk the bowl too close to my chest and it splatters onto my shirt and trousers. Elise laughs while Noah runs up to me, swipes the batter from my leg and licks it, giving a hearty “mmm”.
I hear a noise and turn around, and see her. It is the same thought I think daily, either when I first wake up and turn over to the other side of the bed, as we’re running late and in the shower together, or eating breakfast. I wonder if she’s real, or if she’s still the figment of my imagination. If the Tris who walks over to me trying to suppress her laugh, wiping the batter from my shirt onto my nose is the same Tris I’ve kissed and touched over the last ten years, or whether she’s the voice and imagine in my mind who guided me when we were apart in the past.
“Hi” she smiles, tilting her head.
“Good morning to you too. I’m surprised you’re up so early.” I try to be sarcastic but she reads me like a book. There is no longer an edge in my tone, simply because it had turned into humour for as long as I can remember.
“I was enjoying my lie in until I heard the clutter of pots and pans and thought you might need some help.” She doesn’t take the bowl from me, however, but gets the chocolate sauce from the cupboard while I finally produce edible food.
Once saying good morning to the kids and setting the table, she sits by them waiting, a big kid in her own right waiting for the pancakes.
“For you, madam.” I curtsey, sliding two onto Elise’s plate.
“And for you, Sir.” Two for Noah as we emphatically high five.
“And for you, my queen.” Three for Tris, and a kiss on the nose.
While eating, we briefly discuss the agenda for the day; Tris and I will go to work, while it’s Christina’s turn to take our children and hers on the 25 minute walk to school.
After moving back to the city, we decided to be neither here nor there from our past lives. We settled in house near the old Amity area, with some of our friends moving within a three mile radius. Over time, shops and a school opened up with our help, we became a small community.
“The pancakes were great, thank you” Tris smiles as she leans in for a kiss, as I reciprocate.
“Ewww” Elise and Noah both chorus, which makes us laugh and pretend to dramatically kiss.
“Alright guys, get your shoes on and bags ready; Christina will be coming by in five minutes.” Tris and I begin clearing away, and five minutes later on schedule we hear the door ring. Just before answering, I kneel down and give both Noah and Elise a hug and kiss on the cheek, and we exchange I loveyou’s.
Although my past has slowly been disappearing from the forefront of my memory, I use it as lessons everyday on how to be a better parent. Since school started, I made it a habit to tell them before they leave, as well as before they slept. When we found out Noah was on his way, I didn’t think I was whole enough to give my all to another human being but like Tris and Elise, he has formed a piece of myself and my identity which has over time sealed the cracks I distantly remember wearing.
Moments later, Tris gathers her belongings and heads for the door, but I stop her and gently lean her against the wall. She drops her bag and wraps her arms around my waist while I brush a strand of hair with one hand while the other is gripping the back of her head. I lean in and kiss her softly on the lips as she slides her hands up my sides to my back, caressing the skin with her thumbs.
“I’m going to be late” She whispers into my ear as I’m kissing her jaw and her neck.
“I’ll see you in the afternoon” I respond. It has been 10 years and it is no longer a question; we no longer meet in secret in the Dauntless corridors or find a spot to ourselves at the compound. We have our own house- no, a home with our two beautiful children and very few obstacles disturbing the peace in our lives. For she is mine and I am hers and we are bound by the trials we faced and overcame.