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“I need a haircut,” said Elias, grimacing at his reflection in the mirror. Elias Bouchard hadn’t cut his hair in months, and it tangled down to his shoulders in an unkempt mop. He swept it back from his face and held it out of sight, trying to imagine what it would look like gelled back in his usual style.
There was a rustle as Peter got out of bed and came to join him. He gently unclasped Elias’ hands, letting the hair fall back around his neck.
“It looks nice like this, though I agree that it doesn’t seem like your style. What kind of cut are you going to get?”
“What?”
“Something new?”
Elias shrugged. “I’ll probably just get something classic, like James’.”
“The same haircut? Don’t you think that might look a little… suspicious?”
“No one will question it.”
Peter frowned.
“Jame—Elias, Elias, I’m still working on that. Elias, how long have you had the same haircut?”
“… A long time? I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure?? About how many bodies, then?”
“Oh I don’t know. But it’s hardly a problem. The short slicked-back look is classic.”
“Elias, Elias, are you telling me that you’ve kept the same haircut since the 1800s???”
“Not precisely the same, no. You squeamish modern folk have stopped using bear grease, so I’ve had to adapt, but I can’t really say I mind.”
Peter made a high-pitched wheezing sound. “Bear grease. Right. Okay, but how’s this? You’ve got a new body, you should try a new haircut!”
“Like what? I am not keeping it long like this.”
“Alright, don’t do that then, but there are a lot of things you could try that aren’t a boring barber shop quartet look.”
“Peter! You think my hair is boring?”
“No, no, I phrased that wrong. It does look very sleek and nice and it fits you well, but it’s exciting to change things up every once in a while, isn’t it? I mean, goodness, you’ve just changed your entire body.”
“Yes, and I think that’s quite enough changes for one day. What other cut would you suggest, anyway?”
“Oh I don’t know, hm, undercuts are popular with the kids—”
Elias visibly shuddered. “An undercut? You mean one of those horrible things with the shaved sides?”
“Okay, maybe not that. But you could have something with more shape to it—”
“My usual cut has plenty of shape.”
“Elias, it’s basically a bowl cut with half a pound of pomade in it. Maybe something more natural, less heavily styled—”
“I will not have hair in my eyes, it’s distracting.”
“Right, so get something short! Short and fun. You’ve got wavy hair now, you should do something with that instead of just slicking it back!”
“The waves will still be visible slicked back.”
“Yeah, well, not as much. It’ll be nice and fluffy if you just let it keep its natural shape—”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“Oh I just think it’d be fun,” said Peter. “Consider it a remarriage gift?”
“Who says we’re getting married?”
Peter considered this for a few seconds. “Oh, I’m a widower? Has my dear James left me forever?”
“Fine, I’ll marry you—”
“He’s been dead less than a day and already I’m on the rebound, goodness, how scandalous of me! I must leave at once,”
“Peter. It was a joke.”
“You’re not my husband!”
“Do you want me to propose again, you insufferable man?”
“I don’t recall that Elias ever proposed to me to begin with!”
“Well maybe I’m waiting for you to take some initiative,” said Elias, pulling his hair back into a messy bun with one of the former Elias’ hair bands. “Get a ring. Do it yourself. I did the proposing last time, now it’s your turn.” His Sight pinged him suddenly. Something unusual was happening behind him. He turned.
Peter was on one knee, fumbling with a small box.
“…You’re joking.”
“Elias, would you do me the honor,”
“Where did you get that? That’s not the same ring you gave me last time, is it?”
“Goodness, no! What do you think I am, cheap?” Peter finally got the box open, displaying a excessively large dark sapphire in a plain silver setting. Elias had to admit he was impressed. Not only had Peter managed to get something in his style, but he’d somehow kept it a secret from him. He wasn’t sure if that pleased or irritated him. He liked to know things.
“I got it as an anniversary present, actually,” Peter continued, “but, well, that was the anniversary that the Vast showed up—”
“God, don’t mention it.” That had nearly been another divorce, but they had patched it up again after a few months of mutual avoidance. They were both getting used to the idea that they were happier married than not. Maybe one of these days they’d drop the charade and get married for real, but for now, Elias was too busy drafting cunningly-written prenups and calculating how much money he could get out of the next divorce. Not to say the marriages weren’t pleasant in the meantime, goodness no, he wouldn’t have repeated the process so many times if he didn’t enjoy it, and Peter definitely ought to have learned his lesson by now. But neither of them had learned anything. So Elias knelt, joining Peter on the ground. “You’re serious?”
“Yes! Stop interrupting me. Dear Elias, would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”
“Goodness, Mr. Lukas, we’ve only just met. Isn’t this moving a bit fast?”
“You weren’t saying that half an hour ago. As I recall, you were saying something rather different.”
Elias dramatically draped a hand across his heart. “Don’t be crude! Your virile charm won me over completely, alas, I could not resist such a beautiful stranger.”
“Elias.”
“Peter?”
“Will you marry me or not?”
“Yes of course I’ll marry you you idiot.” He stuck his hand out and Peter slipped the ring onto his finger, then lifted his hand to kiss it.
“And my marriage present?” said Peter.
“Greedy,” said Elias, “And I’m getting a bit suspicious. What do you have planned for me?”
“Oh nothing in particular, I just think it’d be fun. Read my mind if you like. I don’t have anything dastardly planned.”
“I know. Alright, as long as I don’t walk out with blue hair or something equally unprofessional.”
“Ooh, hair dye! Now that’s a good idea.”
“Peter, what did I just say?”
“Right, not blue. Maybe… purple?”
“Peter.”
“Bright green. Oooh, maybe pink?”
“Red or nothing.”
“Red? Oh, now that’s an idea. I think you’d look quite nice with red hair.”
“I think so too. If I hate it, I’m going to make them put it back the way it was immediately.”
“That’s fair,” said Peter.
“Good, then it’s settled,” said Elias. “I’ll even add a bonus.”
“What’s the bonus?”
Elias leaned forward and kissed him primly on the cheek. “There.”
“Lovely. Thank you, dear.”