Archive of Our Own

1. Denial

Lance almost runs back to the hangar with Pidge behind him. Keith, Shiro and Hunk had just gotten back from their 3 day mission, and he just wants his bro™ to make him some cookies (or something with the good chocolate fruit he discovered a few weeks ago) and after that cuddle with his boyfriend.

Expect, when he gets to the hangar, only two of the named men are there.

Shiro is there, talking to the princess with a dejected face, and Keith is behind him with his hands crossed on his chest looking like he’s about to burst into tears. Shiro’s face is a little red too, and not because he's blushing. 

“Hey hey, what’s going on? Where’s Hunk?” Lance asks and the three of them turn towards the younger ones. Keith actually does burst into tears then, and Lance’s anxiety shoots up to the roof. 

“Woaah what’s wrong Keith?” Pidge asks and Keith just shakes his head and heads over to Lance still in his paladin armor that even has a little blood on it, and wraps his arms around Lance’s waist almost in a bone crushing hug. “He- Hunk. He’s not.. oh god.” Keith mumbled and pushed his face deeper onto Lance’s neck.

“Wait Keith? What the hell are you on about?” Pidge asks again and glares at Keith while Lance pets his hair. Shiro speaks up after a sob escaped his mouth, “Hunk, he’s, he- he didn’t make it”.

Pidge inhales quickly and shakes her head. “No nononono, what do you mean? Did he get captured or something? W- well what are you waiting for, we need to go get h-!” Shiro finally let the tears as he shakes his head and crosses his arms around his chest in an attempt to hug himself.

“No, I mean as in he didn’t make it- he’s. Hunk’s gone. He’s dead,” Shiro says in a quiet voice, so quiet that you wouldn’t even recognize it as his. “What?” Lance whispers and untangles himself from Keith.

Keith sniffs and opens his mouth to talk but Lance continues. “No, no that can’t be. No he’s not- Hunk’s not.” He sobs and the tears start flowing down his cheeks before he could stop them. “Lance…” Keith reaches out with his hand to comfort Lance but Lance slaps it away.

He can’t breathe. Why can’t he breathe? 

Hunk can’t be dead. He was just… he is .

“Lance I’m so sorry, I tried I really d-” Keith starts as tears fall down his cheeks like waterfall. “No! He’s not dead! He can’t be, he’s not…” Lance starts to mumble towards the end of his sentence as he chokes on a sob. 

Hunk promised him. Hunk promised him that we wouldn’t leave him like the others somehow always ended up doing. 

Hunk promised him that he wouldn’t die. They promised each other that they would die of old age, cat lady like or not.

He can’t breathe. His heart is racing and head hurting from the lack of oxygen. 

Someone is shaking him, asking for him to just please Lance, answer me .

“-ce? Lance?” That’s Allura’s voice. Lance looks over at her and starts shaking his head when he sees how much she is crying too. 

Lance wants to ask her that why is she crying? Everything is okay, nothing bad has happened. 

He can’t be there anymore,

so he runs.

He wakes up on someone's chest, instantly knowing it belongs Keith’s and snuggles closer.

He really doesn’t want to open his eyes. He knows what happened yesterday (3 days) isn’t a dream, since then he has cried so much his eyes are hurting and they would hurt even more if he opened. 

(He also doesn’t want to acknowledge the reality that his best friend since 8 is dead)

“Lance? Honey, are you awake?” Keith murmurs and brings Lance higher on his chest. Lance shakes his head and lets out a deep sigh. Keith let out a watery chuckle, “We need to go and make something to eat baby.” 

Eating. Food. Hunk, he used to make the food. He used to,,,

Lance lets out a sob and shakes his head, “nonono, Hunk makes the food, we don’t, we don’t.” Keith seemingly realizes what he said and sniffles, “Lance,,, you need to eat something. It’s been nearly 3 days since you’ve last eaten,

“Hunk wouldn’t want you to avoid the kitchen and eating.” Keith tries to reason but Lance just shakes his head, “No, ‘m not hungry”.

“Lance you have to eat something,” Keith says raising his voice slightly. Lance sits up on the bed after he painfully opened his eyes and stares down at Keith, 

“No, I don’t! Hunk makes the food, he- he won’t let me because it would always fail and his tasted so much better anyway and then we would laugh and joke and!-” Lance stops his shouting when he can’t get enough air in his lungs and a sob gets caught in his throat.

Keith looks up to him in sympathy. Keith sits up and lets Lance lean over and cry onto his shoulder. Keith puts his cheek on top of Lance’s head and lets his tears fall as well.

“It’s okay Lance, it may not look like it right now, but it will be. I promise.”

     2. Anger 

“How would you know that? You also promised that you would all , come back safely and now Hunk is gone! Gone!” Lance shouts and starts to cry more as Keith stares at him with his eyes wide open. 

“Excuse me?! I can’t keep all of us safe all the fucking time! I have a need to live too!” He shouts back and stands up with Lance following. “So promises really mean nothing to you huh?! I don’t even know why you make them then anymore!” Lance throws his hands in the air frustrated before he wipes the tears away from his eyes. 

“Oh fuck off! You don’t even know how Hunk died!” Keith shouts and Lance looks like he’s ready to punch Keith. “Stop saying that! I don’t want to know how my best friend died! All I know is that you or Shiro didn’t do anything to stop it!” He shouts back and Keith takes a step back.

“I did everything I could! Just like I’m doing right now!” He shouts and starts walking towards the doors “You’re not the only one who lost him Lance! And thinking that is just selfish.” He says before he leaves and when the door closes Lance falls to the door staring at it.

I know! , he wants to say. You would act the same if it was Shiro in Hunk’s place , he wants to argue.

But he can’t. Because he knows neither of those are true. 

Keith would react much more maturely than Lance is. Deep down, he knows that he’s being selfish, he knows he shouldn’t blame Shiro or Keith, but he still does. And he hates himself for it.

Maybe if he had agreed to go too, Hunk would be alive. Hunk would still be here and he would be cooking something weird out of some fruit he found, but it still would turn out to be so tasty, and him and Pidge would be begging for more.

Maybe he isn't only angry at Keith and Shiro, maybe he’s angry at himself too. Maybe if he had tried just a little bit harder to go, he would have gone and Hunk would be here, in the castle, safe, 

alive .

Him and Keith don’t talk about the fight, to be fair they don’t talk much at all after it.

Still they sleep and cry on the same bed, every night they would curl up each other and mutter quick ‘good night’s.

But tonight, Keith hasn’t come to bed, and only having silence there, since he can’t hear Keith’s breathing or his heart beat right on his ear, his thoughts can once again take over.

Why him? Why the most sweetest and nicest and best , out of all of them. 

Why not him? Is he not even good enough to die now. Why Hunk?! 

He didn’t even do anything to deserve it! Fuck god or whatever they worship in space. 

Lance kicks his legs in the air angrily as the doors to his room open, and Keith steps in with a towel around his neck. His hair is still damp from taking a shower, and he's wearing his black jeans and the boring old black t-shirt that shows off his muscles perfectly. They make eye contact and nod to each other. 

Keith changes to red boxers and a loose fitting black t-shirt. He comes to bed and lays down next to Lance after he mutters quick ‘hello’ and a ‘goodnight’.

Lance sighs and moves to straddle Keith’s thighs. “Lance?” Keith raises an eyebrow and Lance grinds down making Keith grab his waist to stop him. “Mmm, I’m angry and horny, I need this…” Lance explains before dropping his hips down again.

He leans down to drop kisses to Keith’s neck, and whispers in his ear, “Keith, please .”

     3. Bargaining

Lance wakes up in the bed alone for the first time since, um, the thing . 

His back hurts like hell, but his head hurts more, he decides when he tries to open his eyes only find that he cried so much last night that they’re all gross and it feels like there’s fucking sand in them.

He can’t get up, he doesn’t want to get up. He just wants to lay there all day, and sleep for the rest of the day (or forever).

But he can’t, they’re taking a small break, and risking everything to go back to earth to bury Hunk’s body in Hawaii (and to find a new yellow paladin, not that Lance acknowledges that).

With a groan he throws the covers off, and stands up on the cold floor. Before he would’ve jumped from the floor to the bed and whined for Keith to come and ‘rescue’ him, but now he just lets his feet get used to the numb feeling before getting used to it and warming up again.

He goes and grabs his blue robe from its hanger and ties the ribbon to a small bow so the robe doesn’t fall off. He then puts on his red fluffy socks and leaves his room without even looking in the mirror, he already knows what he would see,

a failure.

He walks towards the bridge through the empty and cold hallway. When he arrives at the bridge, he notices that everyone else is already there doing something. He groans and everyone turns to look at him, “Why didn’t anyone wake me up.”

Allura turns to look at her and speaks up with her obnoxious British accent (it’s never bothered him before), “Well, we know you haven’t been doing that well lately, so we decided to let you sleep a little longer.”

“But I want to help, just because I’m feeling low doesn’t mean that I’m useless” yes it does , Lance argues. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. Losing someone is always tough, especially when it was someone as close as you and Hunk were.” She responds calmly, the area of her eyes turning red hinting she’s about to cry.

“So what you’re saying is-” Lance takes a deep breath and doesn’t finish his sentence. He's just too tired to fight, too tired to bitch at the Princess about everything she thinks is right but is actually wrong, so instead he settles on a quiet ‘Thanks’. 

He walks over to the couch where Keith is and cuddles to his side. Keith gives him a tired smile and puts his arm around Lance’s shoulder, the other one still holding on to the orange pad (that Hunk and Pidge designs, Lance almost starts crying again). 

“So, what are we doing?” Lance finally asks and Shiro turns towards him from his spot on the couch. “We are trying to figure out the fastest course to Earth,” He explains and Lance nods, “I want to help.”

“Lance I don’t think-”

“I don’t care, I want to help.” Lance insists again, “What can I do?” 

Shiro sighs and gestures to the one orange pad on the couch next to him, and Lance instantly snatches it and opens it. “So I just look at the map and uh, admire the view?” Lance questions and Pidge chuckles slightly.

“Yeah doofus, just don’t like go too far on the map, or it’ll throw you off and you’ll never find earth.” Pidge teases and everyone gives a wet chuckle before they get back to work.

Doofus , that’s right. He couldn’t even save his best friend. 

If he had just tried harder to get to that mission with them.

If he had tried harder to get into Hunk’s place.

If he had gone, maybe he could have prevented his death..

If … 

He lets out a sob and pushes his face to the crook of Keith’s neck. Keith puts his pad away and wraps his arms around Lance and starts running his fingers through his hair. “Shh, it'll be okay Lance. It’s going to be okay.” He murmurs and presses a kiss to the top of Lance’s head.

Lance just shakes his head and whispers ‘I’m sorry’ all over again until his vision goes black.

Huh, he fell asleep.

The same night when they’re supposed to be sleeping, Keith’s arms around his waist, Keith breathing on his neck, feeling Keith’s heart beat on his back from where his chest is pressed against. 

Keith being alive.

Lance wraps his hand around Keith’s wrist harder. 

Keith is here, Keith isn’t dead. Yet , the voice in his head taunts.

He will leave too, just like Hunk , It torments

Lance starts crying again, how pathetic , he thinks and turns his face towards the pillow so he can hide his sobs in it.

(Deep down he knows that Hunk didn’t leave him, he just died. But isn’t that almost the same thing?)

He could have stopped it, he’s sure of it. It’s all his fault anyway.

     4. Depression

He doesn’t want to wake up. 

He doesn’t want wake up to another day where Hunk isn’t there, or where he is afraid of losing someone else too. 

He just can’t take it.

Keith is still holding him close to his chest. Keith is alive, he isn’t going to leave.

He wants to (needs to) get up, showers and do his skincare routine, maybe then eat some. But he can’t find the motivation to do any of that. 

He’s hungry, but he doesn’t want to eat. When’s the last time he even showered?

Oh right, before getting ready to greet them after the mission where Hunk,, left.

Keith stirs behind him and gives a kiss to his neck. Lance groans and intertwines their fingers together. “Morning sweetheart.” Keith murmurs and Lance smiles. “Morning, did you sleep well?” He asks and Keith squeezes their intertwined hands. 

“Did you? I woke up to you sobbing at one point?” Keith asks instead and Lance bites his lip. Lance shakes his head and turns in Keith’s arms, “Yeah, I’m fine.” I’m not, I don’t know what to do and I’m scared .  

Keith nods and kisses his forehead. “Okay, I love you.” Lance smiles.

“I love you too” He says and rests his head on Keith’s bare chest, “I have a feeling you don’t want to come to the kitchen with me?” Keith asks and Lance nods. “Okay, you don’t have to, I’ll bring you food here.” Lance nods again in response and let’s go of Keith when he starts to get up.

“I’ll be right back” He hears before the door closes and leaves him in the silence alone with his thoughts.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to go the kitchen anymore, it’s more like he’s too tired to cry to go to the kitchen because he knows he would burst into tears the minute he arrives there.

Actually he doesn’t think that would anymore. He’s too tired to even cry anymore. 

Now he’s just laying on his back staring at the ceiling with his hands folded over his stomach. 

What is even real anymore? Everything seems to be just blending together, and the numbness in his chest won’t go away.

He feels selfish, he feels disgusting with the way he can’t cry anymore.

Or how he isn’t feeling ‘sad’ over it, it’s just numbness (and yearning for his best friend, anger towards himself and the feeling of being the pathetic man he has become). 

He feels like he doesn’t deserve anything. Doesn’t deserve to eat, sleep or breathe.

As those thoughts stuck him he thinks of something else to: What would it be like if he would be dead too?

Better , one part of his brain screams. Everyone would be crushed and it wouldn’t fix anything , the other part argues back.

His eyes scan the room for Keith’s knife. Blue eyes fall on the knife on the chair where both of their jackets also lie. 

What would it be like if he used it on himself? 

Just a few cuts, it wouldn’t hurt too much and it wouldn’t be so noticeable.

Would the team be even more disappointed in him if they would find out?

Lance starts to sit up but is interrupted when the doors open and Keith steps in holding two plates of space goo.

Thank god, I didn’t do anything stupid , he thinks.

“Hey, sorry it took so long..” Keith apologizes as he sits down and hands the other plate for Lance to take.

“It’s okay, thank you.” He thanks and puts a spoonful of food goo in his mouth. Keith just smiles at him and digs into his goo. Lance’s eyes find the knife again and he breathes in a sigh of relief, he didn’t do anything with it.

It’s okay .

Lance smiles back.

He can’t do it. He changed his mind.

He can’t do it without Hunk. What’s the point if he can’t see his best friend?

Well there are many points, but there’s no one in the entire universe who’s like Hunk. 

He wraps his arms around Keith almost crushing him and Keith starts wheezing. “Woww, easy there Lance, what’s wrong?” He finally asks and Lance shake his head and looks up to him. 

“I can’t Keith… I don’t think I can go back to earth to tell- tell them that..” Lance says and Keith gives him a sad smile. “I get it, we can all come with you okay? You don’t have to do this alone, you don’t have to go through this alone. Were all there for you.”

Lance gives him his first genuine smile in months. “Okay.” He hugs Keith and nods, “okay” Keith whispers back.

     5. Acceptance

They finally reach the Earth after 6 months. 

It’s been 6 months since Hunk died.

6 months since he lost his best friend.

And now it’s the time to tell Hunk’s parents that he failed as a best friend. 

They walk down the street that leads them to the Garrett household. They arrive at the stairs that lead to the huge black wooden door with a glass window on the top and a hatch to let their cat in. 

Lance knocks on the door and hears a faint ‘in a second’.

The door opens and there’s a tall woman with dark skin and even darker hair. Her eyes are dark green and she’s wearing a white loose t-shirt and blue leggings.

“Lance?” She asks in amazement and wonder, her eyes start to look behind him as if searching for Hunk and Lance’s eyes start to tear up. “H- Hi Mrs. Garrett, I- we have something to tell you and Mrs. Garrett…” He says letting a tear fall down and her eyes open wide as if she knows what he’s talking about.

“C- come on in… ohgod.”

When the day of the funeral comes, no one keeps their eyes dry. 

That day it really hits Lance for the first time. His best friend, the person he knew he could count on since day 1 is dead.

Dead , never coming back to them,

to him.

He only cries harder after that thought hit him. 

They made a huge statue for him. There are so many flowers for him by the statue, Sunflowers, Daisies, Lilies and even Roses. Hunk is buried next to the statue, since the Garretts wanted to bury their son on their own.

It really happened. Now they officially had his funeral. Hunk’s gone, for good this time. No going to him for advice on how to surprise Keith, or no asking him to teach him to bake. No nothing.

Keith has his arm on Lance’s waist, and Lance has both of his on Keith’s mullet, trying to distract himself from, everything.

“It’s really over now, huh?” Lance asks and Keith makes a questionable sound. “I mean like, he’s really gone now? He’s never coming back…” 

“Oh baby, it’s going to be okay,” Keith says quietly and hugs Lance tighter. 

yeah, maybe this time it will be , Lance thinks and looks up at the statue with a smile. 

     + Acceptance  The Aftermath

 Lance is walking around the graveyard with a bouquet of Sunflowers, the ring on his left hand shining under the sun. 

The yellow shirt he’s wearing too baggy on his form even when tucked into his black high waisted sweats (he stole them from Rachel a few days ago in a hurry, don’t judge). The shirt still slightly showing from underneath his green jacket with the white hood. 

He comes to a stop on a big statue of a Hawaiian man in his armor and holding his bayard as a cannon, ‘Tsuyoshi “Hunk” Garrett, 2143 - 2161’ carved on the stone below the statue.

He puts down the Sunflowers on the ground next to Hunk’s feet, then he sits down and leans on the other leg. 

“Hey buddy. Sorry it’s been a while since I visited you…” He plays with the ring on his finger and smiles. “But this time I have good news for you.” He chuckles and closes his eyes and lets a few tears fall. 

“Keith proposed to me yesterday, on the beach. It was so pretty, he had-” Lance leans back and lets out a long sigh. “- he had Curtis make us some food, since Shiro or Keith can’t cook at all.” He laughs and takes the ring off looking like he’s showing it to Hunk’s statue.

“It’s so pretty isn’t it. He said that it has our colors on it,, He even got Mama here to see the ring on person, can you believe it?” He asks, and waits for an answer knowing he isn’t going to get one. 

“Hunk I’m so sorry, I know it’s been years since you,, since you, left .” He says and puts the ring back on, letting a tear fall down his left cheek. “I miss you so much, and even though you aren’t here , you were still the first person I wanted to tell about this.

“I still think about you almost daily, and oh! And I found your yellow shirt and the orange bandana you were obsessed with.” Lance laughs and puts his hands inside his pockets. “I love you buddy, I’ll come visit you soon again when I have time, mmhm?

“I have to get going now though, Keith’s coming to pick me up and then were going to the Garrison to tell everyone, you were the first one to know.. haha” He jokes and stands up, “Bye Hunk,” He says with a smile and starts walking towards the exit.

There he sees Keith already waiting for him, leaning against the car. Yeah , Lance thinks, Keith still looks so good in that tight T-shirt, his tight fitting dark blue jeans and his leather jacket .

“Hi baby,” Lance greets and gives Keith a kiss on the scar on his right cheek. Keith smiled and opens the door for him to get in to the car.

“Hey, how was it?” He asks once he sat himself down too and started the car. “You don’t always need to ask that, it’s not like he can speak back to me.” Lance jokes and smiles when it gets a small chuckle from the older one. 

“So? He’s still listening, and you look like you cried? Did you cry? Are you okay?” He then aks worriedly and Lance shakes his head. “I’m fine, I cried just a little” He explains and Keith takes his hand and starts rubbing his thumb over his knuckles.

“I’m sure he’s happy for us, for you.” Keith says and stops at a red light. He turns to Lance and looks at him with a smile so sweet that Lance almost passes out. “I love you, and even if Hunk’s not here here to tell you, he loves you too.”

Lance blushes and gives a grin to Keith. “Of course, I love you too.” He says and kisses the tip of Keith’s nose when someone honks behind them, hinting that the light has turned green. 

“Oops,” Keith says with a grin and starts driving again.

Yeah, I love him, Lance thinks as he starts fiddling with the ring again and looks up through the window, I really do.