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He fell, hands scraping, on the cracked pavement. It’s at this moment that the feeling claws its way up inside him. He’s only four the moment the words escaped his mouth and saw the look in his friend’s eyes. He’s only four and the hand that pushes him to the ground is explosive and hits him hard enough that he forgets the cold hollow feeling resounding in him. He’s on the ground and staring up, tears of heartbreak falling down his cheeks.
Katsuki frowns and walks away, never looking back-- not bothering with a goodbye.
Izuku feels his throat close up as the frozen feeling spreads, he feels like he can’t breathe--
He claws at the feeling as he’s left alone. He doesn’t know why Kacchan is so mean to him.
Izuku felt him love him and it was like the feeling was suddenly gone as soon as the word quirkless came out of his mouth. The feeling of cold and hollow only reminded him of the split moment shift in feeling.
His mom picks him up sitting alone by the swings of the school’s playground. She worries and asks why he’s alone, where’d his friends go?
He doesn't have an answer, but his chest finally grows warm as he hugs his mom tightly.
“You should probably give up,” The doctor says bluntly. Izuku can feel a draft like a ghost stuck a hand through his chest.
“That’s…. Is something wrong with him after all?” The concern is carved deep in the lines of worry between his mom’s brows. The warm feeling in his chest burns flames licking inside his ribcage.
“Normally, by age four, he would have manifested one of those quirks, or some combination of the two”
He doesn't understand what the doctor’s saying, but he knows it’s not good.
“You can see by looking at this X-ray Izuku has two joints, but that means he most likely has no Quirk,”
There’s a stutter in the warm feeling in his chest as he watches the realization dawn on his mom and her face falls. His chest doesn’t feel quite as warm.
He’s in middle school, and he has no one. The room around him always feels so cold, like frozen shrapnel trying to protrude from his chest. It gets especially bad around Kacchan who glares at him, eyes burning a hole on Izuku’s forehead, but his chest won’t stop tormenting him. It goes hot and cold, frigid, and burning. It doesn’t make sense, and it just makes Izuku dizzy. He doesn’t like being around Katsuki that much anymore.
When Katsuki shoves Izuku, he might be imagining it, but the weight and cold pressure on his chest get lighter for a split second, until he’s on the ground, and sees Katsuki sneering at him.
“Pathetic.” Izuku’s eyes well up in tears, and they spill when Katsuki suggests he kill himself. He trembles from the frost that digs between his ribs and over his lungs.
Izuku coughs and hugs himself close while Katsuki and his friends leave him in the mud.
It’s the same day that that feeling repeats itself when All Might tells him he can’t be a hero.
When he tries to save Katsuki, he feels heat pulsating, every other beat is cold, but he doesn’t care. What matters is Izuku saving him. Kacchan can’t breathe, and he rips at the jello substance. His hands keep slipping through, close enough to reach Katsuki, but too far to grip him but every time, he’s pushed back.
All Might comes and Izuku’s heart swells with relief. He takes the villain down in one punch, and Izuku walks home.
Katsuki follows him and makes him feel so conflicted. The warm feeling is back, tinged with some frost. He’s angry and Midoriya is worried he’ll set another explosion off in his face. He doesn’t say sorry and he never has, and Izuku sighs.
It’s not even two minutes later when All Might appears in front of him, applauding his valor, and apologizing for his earlier statement.
Then, All Might tells him what he’s always wanted to hear.
You can become a hero.
Izuku tries to hold back the tears, but his dream can come true and All Might believed in him. He’s holding his chest so tightly, trying to get a grip on the glowing feeling inside him.
What hits him harder is that All Might told him he could be a hero in his deflated true form and that means something. Something so deeply authentic, Izuku can’t help but cry harder.
Since the sludge incident, Katsuki hasn’t bothered him. He’s grateful, but whenever he passes by him in class or in the halls, he feels numb inside. He tries not to think about it too hard. He learns not to care. After all, training is his number one priority.
He studies and relentlessly trains with All Might. It’s no easy task to receive power from eight generations of heroes.
Ten months come and go, Izuku has never felt more tired or determined before. It’s the morning before the exam, and he’s standing victorious on top of the cleaned beach trash.
He gets a warm feeling, similar to what he gets from his mom around All Might, like pride unfurling in his chest. All Might is proud of him.
Aizawa warms up to him over time, and vice versa. Izuku has learned that his teacher wants to dredge out the most potential, as quickly and efficiently as possible. He knows that his teacher cares about all of them, and Izuku is starting to catch on to what the changing temperature in him really means. More importantly, people don’t feel the temperature fluctuations as he thought.
Weeks into the school year, Izuku can tell Ochako has a crush on him. He tells her kindly after school that he doesn’t feel the same way, but loves her so much as his friend. Uraraka cries and smiles, happy with just his friendship. It takes time, but the flame he gets from her levels to a simmer, and Izuku is starting to catch on to what this feeling he has, really meant.
At UA, Izuku meets Katsuki again. He’s just as determined and angry as he remembers. He admires the drive, the ferocity, and passion to win.
He remembers when they were friends, and he loved him. It hurt when he realized that the cold was really just Katsuki’s hate. How could someone hold so much hate for someone who didn’t do anything but exist? It was so wrong of him to have loved him anyway, desperate to get a spark of what used to be a wildfire in his chest. He missed him so much, for much too long.
They become friends later, hesitantly. Izuku is careful this time. He doesn’t let him hurt him like he used to. He doesn’t love him like that anymore. Katsuki’s feeling towards him is more level now, like when Iida or Tsu give him a thumbs up. He’s happy with this. Four years ago he would’ve thought this tentative friendship wouldn’t be possible. They’ve both grown, and he doesn’t crave that love anymore.
He tries to make amends, but the only thing Katsuki wants to do is walk in silence, and this just reminds Izuku of every time his comments have gone ignored by him.
"Do you want to borrow my sweater, you must be getting cold," Izuku doesn't hate him, but he's feeling a very strong dislike towards him at this moment and, he's trying to be considerate--
"Deku, it's almost May, why would I need a coat?" He seems off-put, almost confused by his question.
"Isn't your chest like- cold?" Izuku frowns.
"The fuck are you talking about?" Izuku leaves him on read out loud, meanwhile thinking about the implications of Katsuki's statement.
His mom is able to pull small objects close to her, and his father can breathe fire. Izuku thinks that the fire in his chest makes sense, and being able to realize others' feelings could come from the “pull” his mom is able to do. Izuku Midoriya wonders if this can even be considered a quirk at all. It doesn’t change anything about how he’s experienced his everyday life. He can’t think of any applications outside himself, especially none that can be used to save anyone.
"Whatever," Bakugo turns the corner to his home, and Deku his, waving a brief goodbye before returning to his thoughts.
When Todoroki tells him about his mother at the sports festival. Izuku doesn’t understand why, until he feels the simmering heat surrounding his heart. Izuku is frustrated because how can Todoroki not see that all the shit his father’s done, all the pain he’s inflicted isn’t his to pass down. He doesn’t carry his father’s sins, but Todoroki trudges with his father’s world on his shoulders. Izuku wants to ease his pain, lift the weight because the look in his eyes--
He looks so sad .
And so when they fight, he wants to make Todoroki see, he’s so much more than his father, that he isn’t his to claim. Todoroki is his own person, not some experiment or means to an end just for Endeavor. Todoroki actually wants to help people. It’s his quirk, and Izuku will be damned if Endeavor gets to take one more thing from Todoroki Shouto.
So the moment Todoroki’s left side is overcome with flames, Izuku smiles.
“Amazing,” He’s in absolute awe. Todoroki is--
He’s beautiful.
“Don't blame me for what happens next,” And then Izuku is reminded of the fight, and he grins wider. He rushes forward with everything he’s got, and he knows Todoroki does the same.
“Izuku, isn’t that the boy who you fought at the sports festival?” Inko asked, after Izuku’s question of whether Todoroki could come over the following day.
“Well, yeah,” He laughs and scratches his head. “But we’re friends! We fought with all we had because it was a competition.”
She frowns. Izuku knows that she worries, especially after Katsuki and he had a falling out, and Izuku’s always had trouble making friends. But it’s different now, he has a quirk, and his classmates don’t know he was quirkless. He’s kind to everyone and everyone’s kind to him, with the exception of Bakugo who’s still so distant.
She hesitantly agrees finally, and the next day Todoroki comes over.
“Thank you for having me in your lovely home,” Todoroki is polite and his mother is warm and welcoming as always.
Izuku opens the door to his room and feels slightly embarrassed by all the All Might memorabilia and figurines. Todoroki doesn't comment and Midoriya is grateful.
They do homework, and Izuku can’t help the feeling that erupts from his chest every so often. He realizes it’s in beat with whenever Todoroki glances over to him, or whenever Izuku speaks.
When they finish their homework, Izuku notices the uncertain look on Todoroki’s face.
“Hey, Todoroki, what’s wrong?” His brow furrow and Izuku wonders what he’s thinking.
“Midoriya, when you got your quirk, how did you use to deal with your broken bones?”
“Oh,” Izuku is caught off guard and answers quietly, “I didn’t, I was uh- quirkless.”
Now it’s Todoroki’s turn to seem shocked.
“Oh,” He echoes.
“Is- Is that a problem?” Izuku prepares himself, fidgeting his fingers, and looks down almost ashamed.
“No, of course not,” He replied. Izuku looked back up, and Todoroki seemed flustered ? There’s an awkward silence between them.
“So, is All Might your dad?” Midoriya looks at him in horror.
“No! I-” It’s Izuku’s turn now to blush, and Todoroki laughs . Midoriya feels warm, and it’s not from the feeling in his chest.
Inko calls them over for dinner, and Izuku the smile in Shouto’s eyes. He’s still burning inside when they wash their hands and then sit to eat.
“Thank you for this meal, Midoriya-sama,” Inko smiles at Todoroki, pleasantly surprised by his manners.
It’s early May and warm out. Inko sets cold soba noodles, and Izuku notices the way Todoroki’s eyes light up just a bit. Izuku carries most of the conversation, recounting the events of the day. Todoroki nods in agreement at parts but is reserved for most of the meal, save for the loud slurping on the soba noodles. They wrap up dinner, and Todoroki thanks Inko for the meal, and mentions he has to head home.
“Feel free to come by whenever you’d like,” She says as Todoroki waves goodbye.
Inko smiles brightly, at Midoriya.
“He seems like a really nice kid, Izuku,” he smiles at her, slightly relieved that everything went so well.
Todoroki comes over frequently after that. The days he doesn’t, he visits his mother. Izuku wants to ask about her, but he thought it might be too personal. He’ll wait for Shouto to approach him about her if he ever wanted to. Izuku knows that it’s so new, and so he doesn’t press or pry, but he knows when Todoroki is ready if ever, he’ll come. This friendship is just blossoming, but they both treasure it more than anything.
Izuku hasn’t smiled so much since before kindergarten.
Shouto burns Izuku when he’s around him. It’s a different burn from his mom’s or All Might’s. It starts like magma, spreading through his chest, and when he laughs, the feeling is set ablaze, he feels like he’s the sun, or an exploding star, higher, better than any of that. Always around Shouto, he feels like his world has always been winter but with him, he’s laying next to the fireplace, the wood crackling, and he’s so loved-- so warm all over.
He reached for the hand in front of him. And looked at Shouto in his eyes. The constant heat in his chest flares. He weaves their hands together. Taking a deep breath, he says.
“I love you Shouto,”
Shouto looks at a loss for words, he chokes a tear slips from his eye.
He smiles and wipes the tear off Todoroki’s face, “You deserve the world, you deserve happiness, you deserve- you deserve love ,”
He hugs him tightly and tries to give all the warmth that he’s held his life, everyone who’s ever loved him, to Shouto.
Todoroki seems overwhelmed and looks at him like he’s everything .
Izuku pulls him for a kiss, and Shouto burns too.