Chapter Text
Kim Hongjoong is kind of a little bit all over the place. If he’s not comfortably hunched over practicing the piano, then he’s painting; sheets of random newspaper flung on the floor, living room windows cracked open with pigment-stained palette in hand. If he’s not working on lyrics while (more than likely) snacking on junk from the convenience store, then he’s reforming a jacket or a pair of sneakers into something one of a kind. One minute he’s working on completing orders for Hearts Awakened, his online custom clothing and accessories shop, and the next minute he’s off to his paid internship at KQ Produce, a well-respected record label for producers and singer-songwriters.
The weather this year took its damn sweet time to warm up in Seoul, and the gradual melting away of the agonizing winter goes hand in hand with Hongjoong’s growing excitement ever since starting his internship and meeting his boss Eden a few weeks ago. Sure, he mostly does a lot of not-so-inspiring tasks around the record label during his shifts, but he is getting mentored by Eden several days a week and even working on a song with him. The song is really starting to sprout its wings, it’s shaping out to have this badass pirate meets youthful dance battle in the desert sort of vibe? It is, something, he really isn’t even sure, but Eden is a fucking genius and Hongjoong is hyped about it and eager to learn and do good. When he’s immersed in music he’s thriving.
Life loves to throw opportunities at Hongjoong, and it hadn’t always been like that, growing up, but he’s in a really good place right now and grateful for it. He’s not the type to turn down any opportunity with potential, in fact he’s afraid of what he might miss out on if he doesn’t do everything that’s possibly within his reach. He’s never necessarily thought that he excels at any one thing in particular, but if one thing is for sure it’s that he is determined. And he’s further grateful that his roommate- well, roommates tolerate his chaos.
Mingi is Hongjoong’s best friend and roommate, and Yunho is Mingi’s boyfriend? Emphasis on the question mark but not really because they are beyond obvious at this point it’s almost infuriating. Instead of throwing one of them a surprise birthday party Hongjoong really just wants to throw both of them a surprise wedding. Yunho is over at Hongjoong and Mingi’s apartment all the damn time, he is practically the third member of the household. Hongjoong thinks that it would honestly be better that way anyway; rent would be cheaper split between the three of them and he knows with total certainty that those two wouldn’t mind sharing Mingi’s bedroom.
He just doesn’t know how sensitive the concept might actually be to suggest, so he continues to hold back and pray for one of the abnormally tall and blundering fools to confess already. He also doesn’t know exactly how Yunho maybe feels about the whole living-room-basically-being-Hongjoong’s-extended-music-and-art-studio/workplace situation. All of his projects that he tries to keep behind the doors of his bedroom always manage to spill out into the rest of the apartment where there’s more space. It’s kind of a fucking mess, Hongjoong admits, but it really be like that sometimes.
Hongjoong is a tiny whirlwind of creative energy in the wake of two giraffes. Although Mingi would be quick to fight on that one, protesting that he looks nothing like a giraffe. Lately Hongjoong has gotten Mingi to rap for some of his tracks and he’s actually pretty damn good at it.
Sometimes Hongjoong walks the neighbor’s dog when she makes day trips to the countryside to visit her ill mother. Sometimes (a lot of the time) he stops by Horizon Table to pester his long-time friend San during his shift and to grab some food. They talk about random shit until San’s manager threatens him or until Hongjoong feels like he can’t procrastinate any of his responsibilities for the day any longer.
Hongjoong is a lot and doesn’t sleep much.
Not only does he not sleep as many hours each night as he probably should, he also has difficulties falling asleep with just about a trillion thoughts and ideas running miles through his head evening after evening. He also has nights where he honestly feels so utterly alone and insufficient. He’s glad he’s got his friends to confide in when it comes to big sad boy hours. But sometimes it just feels easier to not be a bother and to let the bad feelings eat away.
“Pretty sure sleep deprivation will stunt your growth Joongie.”
It’s going on 11:30PM on a mundane Wednesday and Mingi and Yunho are eating frozen desserts in the kitchen and smiling a whole lot and giving Hongjoong a slight headache.
“It be a little late for those warnings,” Yunho says with a breathy laugh, scrunching his nose. “Nothing can save him now.”
The two of them had gotten off their shifts at work a few hours ago and had been telling Hongjoong about earlier that day when they were at the dance studio with San. They showed Hongjoong bits and pieces of their progress on some American rap song they’re choreographing together for fun. They had been insisting that he join them, saying that it’ll look cooler with more people. Hongjoong misses stopping by the studio that Mingi’s family owns; he hasn’t had as much time for dance lately and he can legitimately feel his heart nagging at him for it. He’s promised to at least design outfits for them if they ever wanted to like, film the dance and put it on YouTube or something.
Hongjoong rolls his eyes theatrically and runs a quick hand through his dusty brown hair.
“Yeah yeah, sure. Goodnight buttholes,” he half-says, half-yawns while turning around to head towards his bedroom.
“But we’re your buttholes!” Mingi shouts lovingly.
“Love you hyung, sweet dreams!” Yunho’s honey-dipped voice follows.
Hongjoong is actually kind of proud to say that he’s turning in for the night quite a few hours earlier than he typically does. He brushes his teeth half-heartedly while walking around his bedroom, closing up the window that had been cracked open to air out the smell of glue, tossing some random shirts that had landed in random spots on the floor to different random spots on the floor. He puts so much effort into keeping his shop stuff organized, his own things tend to lack that same orderliness.
After he’s nestled in bed he thinks about taking out his study books to practice some Japanese or English but no- he needs to take advantage of the fact that he got everything done that he absolutely needed to at a decent hour that day and catch up on some sleep.
He doesn’t watch them every night or anything, but more nights out of the week than none he finds that ASMR videos help knock him out like some sort of strong as fuck cold medicine. If anyone would’ve asked him a year ago what ASMR was he wouldn’t have had an answer, but he had gotten into it and these videos truly helped him feel relaxed and drowsy despite the fact that he was staring at a screen which is supposedly not the greatest thing to do right before bed. But by some miracle he’s typically sound asleep before he even reaches the end of a video.
Hongjoong makes a mental note to change his winter flannel bed sheets to regular ones tomorrow because it’s getting kind of hot for them. It’s the material of the sheets that’s making him a little warm, definitely nothing else.
He actually starts sweating a little when he realizes that his earbuds aren’t plugged in to his iPad and he was about to press play on a video. Not like Mingi and Yunho would’ve heard anything, they’re loudly chasing each other around the living room for god only knows what reason. How dare they send him off to bed and speak of his lack of growth when they had no intention of turning in for the night themselves. The audacity. Hongjoong hopes they’re being careful around the pile of packages that he needs to mail out tomorrow and the various projects involving drying paint.
He makes an additional mental note to breathe.
Hongjoong kind of maybe has a crush on his favorite ASMR YouTuber. It’s nothing really, for Hongjoong it kind of feels like having a crush on a celebrity or something of the like.
Mars ASMR is like, really good at ASMR. An actual sentence that had come out of Hongjoong’s actual mouth when he had told San about ASMR, back when he first stumbled upon it.
Hongjoong has really been able to see Mars make progress with his YouTube channel. He’s watched Mars’ videos for a while now and he used to be a little listless a little shy, unintentional with the triggers he tried, no strategy or approach to how he made his content. Mars is so much more comfortable and confident now, Hongjoong can tell. He can feel Mars’ presence and character through his videos. He now has a regular uploading schedule, sets up some really spectacular and aesthetically pleasing backdrops, and ended up investing in a higher quality camera and microphones at some point. His YouTube channel has grown quite a bit, nearing 500K subscribers. Mars is platinum blonde right now and Hongjoong is kind of living for it.
He tries not to scream as he gets himself sorted out and finally presses play on Mars’ newest upload. It starts out with his typical intro that reads:
MARS
ASMR.
relax with me ^_^
I’m devastated, Hongjoong thinks to himself.
The intro dissolves and there’s Mars with a mellow smile on his face. His blonde hair is styled to perfection, and he’s wearing a form-fitting black turtleneck with a silver necklace overtop, and grey contacts.
Lord he looks pretty and dangerous but that’s just like, a side note. Just a perk. Hongjoong is here for health purposes.
Mars is sitting at a wooden table, towels placed before him; a pleasant balance of ivory candles, strings of fairy lights, and fresh plants in the background. There’s a nice natural low light captured in the video and Hongjoong wishes he could transport himself to the exquisite setting for more reasons than one.
“Hello everybody, welcome back,” Mars whispers into his microphone, in a tone that one might speak in to a child or an elderly person or someone who requires extra patience or care. It’s me, Hongjoong thinks to himself with bated breath. I’m the someone who requires extra patience or care.
“My dear friend Yeosang is back with us again today to help me out with this soothing hand and arm massage,” Mars continues gently.
Hongjoong realizes that he was so distracted by Mars’ ootd and voice and lips and everything that he didn’t even notice Yeosang sitting across from him on the other side of the table. Hongjoong is embarrassed. He almost clears his throat awkwardly in the dark of his bedroom.
And admittedly, his heart drops just a little bit. Yeosang has appeared in many of Mars’ videos over time and no one seems to know if they are just friends or what. Not that it’s anyone’s business, including Hongjoong’s. The two of them are very soft together and it’s not at all an unpleasant thing to watch them interact. The last video that Yeosang had been in was around a month ago and Mars had brushed through his hair and given him a scalp massage. It had totally helped Hongjoong relax and put him to sleep easily and he absolutely has nothing against Yeosang but damn… he is a little jealous.
But a hand massage though? Like please. Sign him the fuck up.
Hongjoong clings onto his Minion plushie as Mars and Yeosang’s massage gradually pulls him out of consciousness. Even though he’s not the one receiving the massage, there’s still something so incredibly relaxing about just watching it happen. He doesn’t understand how the sound and sight of some guy whispering or repeating certain words or moving random objects in front of a microphone is so brain-melting, but it is. Hongjoong thinks it’s pretty fascinating. He’s not thinking of what he needs to get done tomorrow, he’s not thinking of failure or success….
When he wakes up the next morning around 7:00AM there’s some dried-up drool on his pillow and his eyelids no longer feel heavy. He had slept quite well.
//////////
It’s two days later when Hongjoong is approaching the burnished doors of Horizon Table, velvet ball cap on backwards, long-sleeve tee tucked into his bleach-washed jeans.
Horizon Table isn’t an overly trendy or eye-catching cafe but the food is actually really, really good. San has been working there for almost two years now and enjoys it a lot.
“WANNABE” by ITZY is playing at low volume inside as Hongjoong makes his way through the entrance, instantly spotting San bouncing around and tidying up behind the front counter. He’s wearing a sly grin and his cute work apron overtop a slouchy mauve sweater.
“Oh my god did you see my text,” San sputters as soon as he sees Hongjoong, his grin breaking free into a huge smile as he leans over the counter.
“Good afternoon to you too,” Hongjoong answers as he swings his backpack off and sets it down on the floor. “Sorry, been a wild day so far, you texted?”
San makes a noise that could easily be mistaken for the cry of a tiny creature as Hongjoong fishes his phone out of his pocket.
“Oh my god I thought you were here hoping he’d still be here? They just came in to pick up their takeout and left right away.”
Hongjoong’s heart rate quickens just a tad as he furrows his eyebrows at San and looks down at the text notifications on his phone from around 20 minutes ago.
(sannieee):
HOLY SHIT JOONG
GUESS WHO WAS JUST IN HERE
SEXY ASMR
IM AT WORK HE WAS HERE
Hongjoong can legitimately feel his eyes widen as he snaps his head back up to look at San.
“What?” he asks lamely.
“Your ASMR boy! The blonde guy?” San explains, not even trying to keep his voice down. “I gave him his takeout and almost asked him if he happened to be YouTube famous but didn’t know if that would be weird or if those questions make him uncomfy?”
Hongjoong tries to swallow but his throat is suddenly annoyingly dry. Had San actually seen Mars? Why hadn’t he or San ever seen him at Horizon Table before? Maybe it was San’s shifts? His shifts at work are never consistent. Maybe it was Mars’ first time stopping by the cafe?
“Are you sure it was him?” Hongjoong hisses, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as pathetic as it feels in his mind. San nods his head with almost too much enthusiasm.
“He’s hot he looks like an idol but even better and his friend too, his friend was really out here looking like a prince.”
Shit, Yeosang does look like a prince. It must’ve really, actually been Mars and Yeosang. San’s words are painfully true, but almost comical hearing them come from San, who is quite a ridiculously attractive guy himself. Hongjoong startles a bit and awkwardly shuffles away from the front of the counter as San happily greets a small group of women with toddlers who are ready to place their orders.
Mars isn’t the type of YouTuber to have a side channel where he does vlogs or anything like that; his viewers really only know the setups he has indoors, with no real hints as to where he might actually be from. There’s no info like that in any of his social media bios either, which is entirely fine, privacy is totally cool. He could’ve been a Korean guy living abroad in Switzerland for all Hongjoong knew.
Hongjoong is not about to lose his shit over this. Mars is just some guy on the internet when it comes down to it. Whether he lives all the way across the world or in the same city as Hongjoong shouldn’t change anything. He’s always put-together and dresses really nicely and Hongjoong respects that in a person. He seems like a decent human being and he helps him fall asleep it’s cool it’s whatever.
“So… what- what was he like?” Hongjoong asks after San is finished with the customers, trying to come off as casual but in actuality sounding rather delicate.
“Just hang around here as often as you can and find out for yourself!” San smirks, playing with his little blonde patch of hair, twirling it around his finger.
Hongjoong’s jaw drops. “That’s stalking!”
“No it’s not it’s just loitering!”
Hongjoong sighs deeply. He’s not sure at what point his face had gotten so damn warm but it is. He’s tempted to ask San for a cup of water but he knows he’ll get teased for it.
“You’re cute, I want you to meet your ASMR boy,” San coos.
“N-No I would fucking die if I saw him in real life it would not be a good time,” Hongjoong pouts. “And stop calling him my ASMR boy it’s weird.”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t want the chance to talk to him.”
Hongjoong glares at San. He’s quickly regretting his decision to stop by the cafe before his shift at KQ.
“What about online, have you ever tried to interact with him?” San questions as he squirts the countertop with some cleaner, wiping it down with a towel aimlessly.
“No? What would I even say, like… neat video, you’re really soothing and you make me feel a certain way.”
San’s bubbly laugh bursts throughout the room. He’s enjoying this far too much.
“Hey now, you’re a funky little art boy, like, maybe film yourself doing something ASMR-ish? And tag him in the post as inspo?”
Hongjoong pauses, glaring at San even harder. Mars is usually pretty active when it comes to liking and responding to comments on his videos or Instagram posts and stuff. There’s a pretty decent chance he might see the notification if Hongjoong tags him in something. And if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t be the end of the world or anything.
It’s really not an awful idea, if anything it could be Hongjoong’s little way of saying thank you to Mars for helping him with one of the basic human necessities known as sleep.
“I’ll think about it,” Hongjoong says under his breath, picking his backpack up off the floor and turning to head out.
“Tag me in the post too!” San calls out with a wink and a wave goodbye.