Chapter Text
Dan’s blood boiled when he learned that the delusional idiot of a playboy was now an official consultant. To make matters worse, he was partnering with Dan’s wife. Sure they were currently separated, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t still work things out. It was a few days later before said consultant cornered him. “You hate me,” Lucifer said almost amused.
“No kidding,” Dan said with a roll of his eyes.
“Why?” Lucifer asked curiously.
“What? Can’t believe that there’s someone that doesn’t bow at your feet?” Dan scoffed.
“There are plenty of people in that category, but generally when someone hates another person there is a reason,” Lucifer pointed out.
“Fine. You want to know? You think you can just come in here and flash your looks and your money around and make us all dance to your tune, but your very presence here is an insult to those of us who are actually qualified to be here,” Dan snapped.
“And you think I’m not qualified,” Lucifer nodded in understanding. “And you’re qualified to judge that?”
“It’s completely obvious,” Dan told him.
“Then enlighten me, please. What qualifications exactly do I lack so that I might remedy the situation?”
“Well let’s see, you can’t shoot, run, fight, do paperwork…”
“I think you’re confusing can’t with don’t,” Lucifer pointed out. “I don’t do any of those things because I don’t see a need to.”
“Right,” Dan rolled his eyes again.
“I assure you, detective douche, that anything you can do, I can do better,” Lucifer said with a smirk.
“Oh really,” Dan said skeptically. “How about a wager then?”
“Name your terms,” Lucifer said smugly.
“A series of competitions. If I win then you quit.”
“If you win more than half,” Lucifer adjusted. “And for each competition that I win, you have to spend an evening in my company.”
“What?” Dan asked disgustedly. “You actually think I’m gonna sleep with you?”
“Who said anything about sleeping together?” Lucifer laughed.
“Then what could you possibly get out of that?”
“I have no problem with being hated in general. It’s something of a theme in my life, you might say. But I do prefer that someone have a valid reason for doing so. You can’t have a reason if you don’t get to know me,” Lucifer pointed out.
“So…what…just hang out and a have a few drinks or something?” Dan asked. He could live with that. Not that he would lose obviously.
“Precisely,” Lucifer said with a nod. “Say…four hours minimum just to put a time limit on it.” He didn’t want the other man to come, have one drink and then leave claiming he’d done his duty.
“Okay, fine. But I chose the contests,” Dan told him.
“By all means,” Lucifer said graciously.
Dan looked at his watch. “It’s almost quitting time for the day. Why don’t we head down to the shooting range,” he suggested.
“Very well,” Lucifer sighed. He despised guns, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t use them. His devil reflexes meant that he never missed a shot.
Once they got to the range and Lucifer checked out a weapon, they went to their lines. “I get five shots to warm up,” Lucifer told him. Every gun had minor differences after all.
Dan tilted his head in consideration before nodding and Lucifer took his five shots, all missing the target, and Dan laughed. “You sure you don’t want to go ahead and forfeit?”
“I’m positive,” Lucifer said with a smirk. He’d hit exactly where he was aiming. No need to give the douche too much insight before the competition truly began. “How many shots are we taking?”
“Ten shots each. Best score wins,” Dan said as Lucifer changed out his target. Once Lucifer agreed, they took their shots and called their targets back. “That’s impossible,” Dan said looking at Lucifer’s target.
Lucifer gave him a smug look. “There wasn’t quite room for ten distinct shots in the center there, so I had to put two of them a bit outside. I didn’t want you claiming that I cheated if I used the same spot again.”
Dan looked back and forth between the targets to see that Lucifer had beaten him. Not by a lot. He was a good shot, but he had beaten him. “You couldn’t even hit the target in practice.”
“I hit exactly where I was aiming,” Lucifer told him with a chuckle. “I believe that’s one evening you owe me.”
“Okay. Fine. But that’s just one round. Meet me in the gym at nine tomorrow morning for some hand to hand,” Dan said in irritation before turning and walking out.
Lucifer went to return the weapon, giving it a disgusted look as he did. He hoped to never use one of these things again. He headed back to his club to enjoy the rest of his evening and ensure Maze could accompany him in the morning. He didn’t just want to show the arrogant detective up. He wanted to put him in his place completely.
The next morning when Dan got to the gym, he saw both Lucifer and Maze sitting there waiting for him, Lucifer, as usual, in one of his fancy suits and he laughed. “You do know that you have to fight me yourself right? You can’t tag someone else in.”
“Oh I’m perfectly aware,” Lucifer said with a smirk. “Shall we?” he motioned to the ring.
Dan followed him in and took a fighting stance, amused when Lucifer just stood there without even making an attempt. His amusement faded slightly when Lucifer easily dodged half a dozen punches, lazily adjusting his cuffs. “Fine, so you can dodge. That doesn’t mean you can fight,” Dan pointed out.
Lucifer sighed, “Very well. If you’re truly in such a hurry to be beaten.” Lucifer spun to the side after Dan’s next punch and landed an elbow on the back of his neck and Dan crumpled to the floor.
Maze came over with the smelling salts she’d brought for this purpose and woke him up. “The hell?” Dan asked climbing to his feet.
“There are more than a dozen ways to render a human body unconscious,” Lucifer explained. “Most of those, unfortunately, have a risk of lasting effects and I have no intention of permanently harming you.”
Dan narrowed his eyes. “That was a lucky shot,” he accused and took another swing, only for Lucifer to sidestep it and grip the nerve bundle in his shoulder, knocking him out again. Once he was revived he huffed. “No more knocking me out without even trying to fight,” he said in irritation.
“If you insist,” Lucifer told him and caught the next punch in his hand and twisted, flipping Dan to the floor. “You might not be aware of this, but my club was an underground fight club before I got it.”
“And you’re saying you fought there?” Dan asked, starting to wonder if maybe he had been wrong about him.
“Won the championship before I bought it,” Lucifer said smugly. He didn’t mention that the fight was with his brother or that it was rigged. Dan had no need to know that information. “If you’re done playing, perhaps Mazikeen and I can give you a demonstration?”
Dan scrutinized him for a moment before shrugging and stepping out, as Maze came in. “This is gonna be fun,” she grinned.
“Just remember please Mazey darling, that the purpose of this is to prove that I can fight, not to prove that you can wipe the floor with me,” Lucifer laughed.
“I’ll think about it,” Maze laughed with him and started throwing punches and kicks almost faster than Dan could see and his eyes widened as Lucifer blocked and countered all of them. Neither of them landed a hit on each other, but he had never seen a better fight, and he watched a lot of kung fu movies. The stalemate lasted until Lucifer landed a lucky shot and caught Maze in the jaw. Then Maze hit a whole new level of awesome and had Lucifer pinned on his back in seconds. That statement about Maze wiping the floor with him brought on a whole new meaning.
Lucifer laughed and lazily ‘tapped out’. “I believe that was enough of a demonstration anyway. Thank you Maze.”
“You’re gonna pay for that shot,” she huffed as she stepped out of the ring.
“I don’t doubt it,” Lucifer said amusedly as he went back over to Dan. “I believe it’s safe to say that’s two evenings you owe me now, yes?”
Dan grumbled, knowing that he’d lost fair and square. Who could have ever guessed that Lucifer could move like that. “Foot race next,” he said.
“Very well. Sprinting or distance?” Lucifer asked, despite the fact that it hardly mattered.
“Both. Sprinting first,” Dan said walking outside and waiting for Lucifer to follow him.
Lucifer knew that his shoes were hardly fit for this, but it wasn’t as if he couldn’t replace them if they were damaged. Despite the lack of traction, he would still win. Dan set the distance and Maze counted them down and Dan was quickly left in the dust. When he returned to the starting point, he was even more irritated to see that Lucifer wasn’t even out of breath. “Distance run…tomorrow,” he panted with his hands on his knees.
“Very well. We’re up to three by the way, and I’m perfectly happy to make it four if you truly wish to continue this,” Lucifer chuckled as he turned to leave.
Once they were out of earshot, Maze started laughing. “It’s so fun to watch you toy with humans.”
“Why thank you, darling. It’s rather fun to do so as well. Even if it does mean doing such undignified things as running from time to time.”
“I get to watch tomorrow too right?” she asked hopefully. “I want to see if he’ll actually have a heart attack or something trying to keep up with you.”
Lucifer barked a laugh. “Like I would ever deny you such amusement.”