Chapter Text
It was snowing.
Tang Fan only realized he’d dozed off when a whump from the courtyard started him awake. He was sitting out on the step, burrowed in the brown coat Sui Zhou had carefully draped over him before, and its warmth and lingering fragrance had lulled him to an easy sleep.
The whump repeated, this time followed by a mischievous giggle. A moment later, Dong’er scurried past him, casting a glance behind before stooping to gather another handful of the sparse snow. Cheeks lovely and rosy from the cold, she shot him a shushing gesture before hurrying away to hide behind one of the stone lamps that lined the courtyard.
Just as she finished tucking the hem of her skirt out of sight, Sui Zhou stalked in, brushing snow off his sleeve. His eyes flicked first over Tang Fan, and seeing he was awake, gave him a secret little smile. Glancing then at Dong’er’s hiding spot in the corner, he planted his hands on his hips and spun on the spot theatrically, ostensibly searching for his assailant.
Another snowball splattered him in the back, and Dong’er leapt out with a delighted whoop.
“Ah, you got me again!” Sui Zhou exclaimed, as Dong’er hopped around him victoriously. His face as he watched her was soft with fondness. “Okay that’s three hits, so now will you get back inside and work on your writing like you promised?”
“Okay!” she nodded eagerly, “But let’s play again in the evening!”
Sui Zhou settled down on the step beside Tang Fan. “Alright. And Tang-dage can join us too, if he ever stops lazing around.”
“Then you’ll have to wait till spring,” Tang Fan yawned, drawing the coat tighter around his shoulders.
Dong’er shook her head at him, but she seemed happy nonetheless as she skipped back indoors. It had been a long time since the three of them had been together at home and none of their lives were in mortal peril. It seemed almost too good to be true, yet there they were, and Tang Fan was content to believe that this is how they’d always be.
They were alone out on the step, and Tang Fan leaned his head against Sui Zhou’s shoulder. He felt strong and solid beside him, his warm breath fogging in the chill air. He pressed a gentle kiss against Tang Fan’s brow.
“Why don’t you rest inside for a while?” he murmured.
“This is enough for me,” Tang Fan whispered back.
Sui Zhou’s chuckled quietly, a reassuring sound, and his hand found Tang Fan’s inside the folds of his coat. It was cold, so Tang Fan closed it with both palms to warm it.
He let out a deep sigh, eyes falling shut again. Here in this small piece of land, was everything he would ever need.
The days passed, peacefully. Tang Fan returned to his duties, refreshed after a few days of rest, and for a while there seemed to be no devious plots or power hungry lunatics to worry about. Every day he would return home with Sui Zhou, arguing good naturedly about this and that, and every day, Dong’er would be there awaiting their return eagerly. His sister would visit, Pei Huai and her son in tow, and Wu Yun would come bringing his rumbling laugh and stories from the market.
Tang Fan and Sui Zhou would sit across from each other at dinner, stealing glances across the table, unnoticed in all the pleasant chatter. And as everyone bustled about to clean up after the meal, their shoulders would bump or their fingers would brush, each touch setting off sparks, again and again until the sparks caught and turned into a blaze, sending them careening into each other to meet entwined in shadowy corners.
And now, the soft and chaste kisses he and Sui Zhou had once shared when they passed in the hallways or sat quietly reading had turned into something more heated, more - uncontrolled - and vastly more unpredictable. Where once there had been only an occasional stolen peck on the lips meaning ‘I’m here’ when Sui Zhou was cooking and Dong’er had her back turned, there was now this: sudden, electrifying urgency that seized at inopportune moments, hands clutching at robes, muted gasps and searing, open mouthed kisses.
And with this change Tang Fan was realizing, every time they parted and Sui Zhou smiled softly at him before stalking off to cook or work or sit about handsomely, that he was completely out of his element. He wanted. For the first time, the need for physicality was making itself apparent to him. But what did he want?
He wondered if Sui Zhou felt this way too, and was just holding himself back because doing what he wanted was simply against his nature. He wondered if kissing Tang Fan made him...well...made him want to do more too.
During each of their trysts, Tang Fan was overwhelmed, eager but always uncertain. For all of his learning and his own (embarrassing) forays into romance literature, there were still gaps in his knowledge that, until now, he’d neither had the time, nor the interest, in filling. However, now he was constantly finding that his idle moments were full of frivolous contemplation, and he seemed to, after more than 20 years of existence, have gained interest in completing his education into adult matters.
And who better to educate him but Sui Zhou? The man had saved his life more times than he could count. He was his protector and confidant, selfless and noble. He had scars that might never fade, but never once asked for help, burying his own pain under busyness and activity, different in every way from Tang Fan who never hesitated to complain about his own problems.
Tang Fan had, after meeting him, become keenly aware of his own shortcomings - he was selfish, yes, and perhaps not as mature as the other man (or the child they lived with but that was irrelevant), and he had tried to improve himself. Sui Zhou’s patience for him had never wavered, always ready to wear out his tirades and responding with minimal violence for the most part. Tang Fan had taken a while to realize that his reliance on Sui Zhou might have meant more - his prickling jealousy when the subject of his engagement came up or when other people expressed interest in him, his pride when Sui Zhou’s mastery was recognized by others - it was all indicative of something else.
They could have gone on forever trapped in limbo, with Tang Fan cheerfully ignoring the possibilities of what they could become, and Sui Zhou never asking for more.
But he couldn’t ignore it any more.
During the last unplanned and passionate makeout session (against the study wall - Tang Fan had just had a breakthrough on one of his latest cases and he was seized with unbearable affection for the other man) Sui Zhou had moved in close enough for his thigh to slip between Tang Fan’s legs. There was always an abundance of robes offering padding for any incriminating sensation he could have felt there, but Tang Fan was obsessed with the idea that Sui Zhou had felt how hard he was then, and still willfully not mentioned it.
Which meant that Sui Zhou was perfectly content with just kissing, and Tang Fan was the only one who was always taken to the point where he needed a pitcher of water over his head and a long moment alone before he could return to society.
It didn’t help that Sui Zhou was staunchly against the idea of Tang Fan being anywhere near him when he slept. They hadn’t even discussed sleeping beside each other, but a few times when he had slipped under the blankets with him on lazy, frosty mornings, he had been undeniably stiff when Tang Fan burrowed closer for warmth. Maybe the few close calls they’d had when he’d been woken up from a nightmare were still haunting him, and he just wasn’t ready yet.
Needless to say, in the absence of other world shattering cases to worry about, Tang Fan spent hours overthinking, analyzing, and moping about his and Sui Zhou’s current circumstances. To finally be attracted to someone to the point of distraction, to finally want to do...things, have them done to him, he felt that he was the most tragic and wronged of all the court officials and heroes and heroines of his novels.
On one such day, Tang Fan had managed to work himself into such a foul mood by the time he returned home that his first words to the man, who was busy chopping radishes in what Tang Fan deemed to be an inappropriately sexy manner, were:
“Sui Guang Chuan, you are an evil and thoughtless man.”
Sui Zhou stared blankly at him, knife poised mid slice.
Tang Fan didn’t back down, planting his hands on his hips.
“If you can’t figure out what you’ve done, then I can’t help you! But know this! I might be inexperienced, but that only means you need to take responsibility! You can’t just toy with a man’s heart and then leave him hanging over and over!”
The other man looked even more puzzled by the end of this tirade, but then calmly gathered the slices of radish and dropped them into the pot bubbling on the fire. He picked up a ladle and stirred the mixture.
Tang Fan had never been very patient, and so he stomped over to glower at him from closer range. “Why are you ignoring me?!” he demanded, “Say something!”
Sui Zhou dropped the ladle, turning towards him, the space between them diminishing quickly.
“Tell me what you want me to do,” he said, his face unreadable, “Instead of shouting at me.”
Tang Fan’s cheeks burned. He stepped back.
“What I...want?”
But then Dong’er came in, diffusing the situation, and though Sui Zhou watched him curiously the rest of the evening, Tang Fan simply stuffed his face and refused to meet his eye.
Night had fallen, and the estate was quiet. Tang Fan, having considerably calmed down, returned to his room early, hoping to sleep off the rest of his embarrassment and indignation. He cleansed himself (half hearted because the chill was making him shiver), changed, and made to blow out his candle, when a knock at the door stopped him.
Sui Zhou was on the other side. He was in the soft brown robes he wore to bed, his hair drawn up into a neat bun. Stepping across the threshold to Tang Fan’s room, he cast a cursory glance around before looking back at Tang Fan. The candlelight flickered as the draft from outside crept in, casting dancing shadows across his elegant features. Tang Fan adored him in this unguarded domestic form, a version he was rarely treated to because Sui Zhou was so particular about privacy when he was sleeping. The golden candlelight made him softer, familiar, comforting.
“Um,” he wondered if Sui Zhou was mad about his outburst, “Is something wrong?” It did not escape his notice how Sui Zhou had shut the door behind him.
Sui Zhou took a moment to respond. He looked wary, his brow lightly furrowed.
“I dropped Dong’er off at your sister’s for the night. So I could...take responsibility for toying with your heart.”
Heat rose instantly through his body. “O-oh,” he stammered, glancing again at the shut door. He found himself quite lost for words - Sui Zhou had planned ahead, made sure they’d be alone tonight, and here he was in his room. Tang Fan’s huffing and whining had clearly stirred him to action (of course it had, when hadn’t it?) and he was proceeding with the same cool efficiency with which he handled everything else. He marveled at his dedication- it was really quite admirable. He felt the last of his annoyance melt away.
“Tang Fan”, Sui Zhou murmured.
His eyes snapped back to focus. Sui Zhou had moved to stand right before him, concern painted over his features. He touched his arm lightly at the elbow.
“Guang Chuan” he said, gazing up at him, smiling coyly. “So you’ve carefully planned to seduce me tonight.”
Sui Zhou didn’t respond, but his ears flushed in a way that Tang Fan deeply appreciated. Tang Fan leaned in and kissed him lightly, allowing the other man to trail his hand up from his elbow to cup his cheek. It was so easy now. Like music, quickening, the kisses getting deeper. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck, sighing happily into him. Sui Zhou’s other hand settled in the small of his back, drawing him even nearer. He drew his lips along Tang Fan’s, along his ear, down to his neck, and then shot away.
With effort, Tang Fan brought himself back from his blissed out reverie to find Sui Zhou smirking down at him.
“What was that sound Tang-daren?” he asked with great amusement, “It wasn’t exactly befitting of a court official.”
“Well tell me, Guang Chuan-xiong, did you learn how to do this at the Imperial Guards too?” he retorted instantly.
Sui Zhou’s eyes flashed. He steered him easily into the wall, giving him one last knowing look before plastering kisses across his neck and Adam’s apple, fixing Tang Fan in place with his arms.
It was a lot.
Tang Fan made a conscientious effort to keep from gasping out but quickly lost his resolve. Sui Zhou moved his collar aside, sucking just above his collarbone. Tang Fan moaned. They became a tangle of roving hands and mouths.
Sui Zhou was hot. His body pushed in closer, and Tang Fan felt a trickle of panic. He quickly stopped him from getting any closer.
“What’s the matter?” Sui Zhou asked. His eyes were glazed over, Tang Fan noticed.
He felt rather foolish, turning away, refusing to meet his gaze. “I...I’m…” His eyes flicked down and up incriminatingly.
Sui Zhou’s brows raised. “Oh,” he said, the corner of his lips quirking. He didn’t speak again. Instead, he took Tang Fan’s face in his hands, gently turning it back towards him before kissing his forehead. And then, hands still on his cheeks, he drew closer, so that their hips touched, close enough that Tang Fan could feel his hardness against his own.
It was a revelation. Tang Fan stomach did a complicated series of jumps. It felt like a gate had swung open - the night suddenly felt open with possibility.
They kissed. Sui Zhou slowly loosened the belt at Tang Fan’s waist enough to peel the rest of Tang Fan’s robe away from his chest, hands running over the delicate ridges of his ribs, the calluses on his fingers from years of sword training sending jolts of pleasure through Tang Fan’s body. Fingers digging into Sui Zhou’s hair, Tang Fan lost himself in sensation, until the brush of fingertips against his nipples made him buck his hips into the other man’s with an ‘Ah-!’
Mortified, he nearly pushed Sui Zhou away, but Sui Zhou instead held him steady, hands at his waist.
-
It was a lot.
Every groan that came from Tang Fan’s throat sent wave after wave of arousal through Sui Zhou until he felt certain his body would catch fire. His head and heart were a riot of emotion: excitement, elation, self consciousness, unsureness, all laced through with desire.
Tang Fan bucked into him unconsciously, the sudden pressure sending a shockwave up Sui Zhou’s spine. He faltered in kissing him, glancing over him. He was unquestionably beautiful, the colour rising all over his chest and up his neck and in his cheeks, his lips starkly red and kiss bruised, his pupils blown wide. His elegant neck had a darkening mark on it that looked brilliant against the porcelain perfection of his skin. He was beautiful, unsure, out of his element, practically pouting in that ridiculously endearing way.
Sui Zhou wanted him in a way that defied logic. He wanted to keep him safe, wanted to make him happy, wanted, wanted, wanted. The list was getting longer and his wants were getting harder to categorize. He was in love, and it was bleeding out of him uncontrollably.
He grasped Tang Fan’s slender waist and pressed back into him. Tang Fan reacted instantly, his head falling back into the wall again. He drew his tongue over his long exposed neck, and Tang Fan’s hands knotted in his hair, pulling, just on this side of painful. They grinded into each other, clumsy at first, and then, finding their rhythm. The friction was delicious, addictive.
Tang Fan moaned again, dropping his head onto Sui Zhou’s shoulder, his arms settling again around the man’s neck. His breath came hot and quick in Sui Zhou’s ear, and he knew he could probably come from that alone. He trailed his hands down, daringly, to cup at the other man’s bottom, and thrust hard into him.
“Guang Chuan-!” he gasped, sharply.
Sui Zhou held him firmer and kept thrusting. In this position, with Tang Fan’s head on his shoulder, all he could do was stare at the dark wall and let his body move how it wanted to. He wanted to be closer, to feel more skin, more heat. He bit the other man’s shoulder, drawing another wonderful little sound.
“St-stop-” Tang Fan pushed weakly at his shoulders, “I’m going to - it’s too much I’ll…”
Tang Fan’s forehead was, amazingly, covered in a sheen of sweat. Heat hung in a haze about them, the winter night unable to break through. Sui Zhou pressed another kiss to his lips and asked, “Don’t you want to?”
“No!” Tang Fan said immediately, “I mean yes I do but…” he trailed off, hand running down Sui Zhou’s chest.
“Will you let me...do it for you?”
Tang Fan didn’t seem capable of forming words, and nodded instead. Though he was himself on the edge and his body felt like lava, Sui Zhou couldn’t help but be pleased that for once the scholar had run out of words. He carefully undid the other man’s belt, letting his robe fall open, and lowering to his knees, trailed kisses down his chest to his navel. He gently, reverently, lowered his trousers down his hips.
Tang Fan was watching him with a mix of curiosity and embarrassment. He made no move to cover himself though. His hair had come loose and framed his face. The candlelight shone over the white of his bare skin, making him look otherworldly and exquisite.
Then Sui Zhou took him in his mouth and Tang Fan exclaimed so loud he clapped his own hands over his mouth.
-
It was...too much.
Sui Zhou crouching before him, his hair in disarray from Tang Fan’s own fingers. His hands on Tang Fan’s bare hips. His tongue running along his inner thigh, stubble scratching the sensitive skin. His warm mouth returning to close again over his erection, taking him so deep he felt the back of his throat.
Tang Fan’s head swam. So far this night had taught him about 20 new things about himself, and he was still learning. Sui Zhou pulled off him again, the motion making an obscene sound. It felt so good. He was drowning in pleasure. He felt another shock of sensation, and this time, his body couldn’t take it. Seizing the other man’s shoulders, he stumbled to his knees.
Now that they were at level, Tang Fan could see the beautiful mess that was Sui Zhou mid-blowjob. His lips shone with saliva, stray strands of his hair that escaped from the bun clinging to his forehead. He was surprised by Tang Fan’s sudden collapse, but with the fondest expression he stroked his cheek. Then, in another display of efficiency, he tugged off Tang Fan’s boots and pulled his bunched up trousers off past his feet. He quirked another one of those knowing smiles, his eyes alight, and taking one of Tang Fan’s ankles in each hand, he pulled him towards him, cast his knees over his shoulders, half lifting him off the floor so Tang Fan’s head ended up on the floor.
He bent forward and swallowed his cock again.
“AH!” Tang Fan made to slap his mouth shut again, but Sui Zhou’s hand grabbed his wrist before he could.
“It’s okay,” he murmured against him, and even that felt good, “There’s no one here but me.”
He started moving faster, and each movement of his mouth was agony and ecstasy both. Tang Fan gasped and moaned and writhed under him, his toes curling. He felt the heat gather in his stomach. Panic filled him, and he tried to push the other man off. He called out his name.
“Stop!” he moaned, “Guang Chuan, I’m - ah!”
He came so cataclysmically that he thought his soul was leaving his body. Sui Zhou held him in place until he was completely spent. In his haze, Tang Fan saw in perfect clarity how his throat bobbed when he swallowed. He then gently unhooked Tang Fan’s legs from his shoulders, laying him back on the floor with care.
Tang Fan lay panting on the floor, thoroughly undone. The floor was cold against his burning skin.
He slowly raised himself to his elbows. Sui Zhou was still kneeling down before him, watching him, his expression once again unreadable. Sitting down, the outline of his erection was all the more apparent. He looked about as dazed as Tang Fan felt, and for some reason, that filled him with confidence.
Tang Fan scrambled closer to him, hiking his robe over his shoulders as we went. He crowded into the other man, letting the robe trail behind him, settling half on his lap and throwing his arms around his neck.
“Guang Chuan,” he smiled wickedly, bumping his nose into the other man’s, “I think you definitely succeeded in your plan for tonight.”
Sui Zhou smiled back, arms snaking around to settle around his waist. “Is that so?”
Tang Fan settled more comfortably on his perch on Sui Zhou’s thigh. “Yes,” he said solemnly, “You might have stolen my heart before, but now you have also claimed my body.”
The older man’s face was soft. “I’ll treasure them both.”
Snow fell gently outside the window. Tang Fan teased Sui Zhou’s hair out of the bun so it fell out over his shoulders, trailing his hand through the strands with care. He ran fingers over Sui Zhou’s brow, his cheekbone, his chin, tugging experimentally at his beard, drawing a quiet huff of laughter from the other man. He felt his strong neck and his soft earlobes. Sui Zhou let him slip a hand into his robes to spread his palm over his chest, watching his exploration with an indulgent smile.
He undid the other man’s robe with rather less finesse than Sui Zhou had done, his pulse quickening as the fabric fell away from a muscled chest. Sui Zhou was a terribly handsome man, but unclothed he was illegally and maddeningly attractive. He touched and pressed at his torso, swirling fingers around nipples, nibbling experimentally at the sharp edge of his collarbone. He mouthed along the ridges of old and new scars, carefully feeling the uneven skin of his back. Sui Zhou pulled him into a kiss, and his wandering hand settled at last on the swell of his erection.
They didn't speak. Sui Zhou undid his pants enough to free his cock, and Tang Fan slid his fingers over it carefully, feeling the heft and shape of it. He stroked him gently, once, twice, and the other man grunted in response, his grip around Tang Fan’s waist tightening. Straddling his leg, Tang Fan felt his own interest perking up again, but focused again when Sui Zhou’s other hand joined his. He was setting a rhythm he realized, pressing Tang Fan’s fingers a little tighter, and Tang Fan, eager to learn, followed his lead.
The noise he got in response was ample reward.
He was slick under his fingers. Tang Fan swirled a thumb over the head, trying to mimic Sui Zhou’s moves from when he was sucking him off, and judging by the way he was twitching in his hand, it was working. It was getting hotter, Sui Zhou’s tongue was in his mouth. He felt like the wielder of immense power, capable of making this immovable soldier sweat with just his hand (and some guidance, but Tang Fan had never been very modest)
He was hard again, and started grinding unabashedly against the man's thigh. Sui Zhou seized hold of him with a low growl, stilling him, and re-positioned him, so that Tang Fan’s leaking cock was in line with his own. Tang Fan quickly caught on and bucked against him, greedy for friction. He held onto Sui Zhou’s shoulders, and Sui Zhou took them both in his hand, moving in tandem over both of them. They moaned and sighed into each other’s lips.
And then it ended, gloriously. They fell apart from each other, breathing heavily, limbs jelly. Cum dripped from Sui Zhou’s fingers like honey, and he was looking down at it in seeming disbelief. Dreamlike, Tang Fan leaned in, took hold of his wrist, and licked his hand.
Sui Zhou seemed too lost to care, or maybe the evening had somehow chipped away at his normal restraint. He kept his palm steady before him, watching him in wonder. Tang Fan held his eyes as he ran his tongue along his long fingers.
“Not what I expected from a gourmet like yourself,” Sui Zhou said gruffly.
Tang Fan fluttered his lashes, flashing him a grin, “There’s a lot to learn about me yet, Guang Chuan.”
Sui Zhou grinned back, “Well,” he gathered him back into his arms, “You’ll find I’m a quick study.”
Tang Fan awoke some time before dawn.
It was perfectly silent. His room was painted grey with wintry light. He was warm under the covers, except for one icy cold foot, which he drew under his blanket with a sigh.
He was alone. Turning, he felt the mattress beside him. It was cold. Sui Zhou had clearly left as soon as he’d fallen asleep.
He settled onto his back again, smiling stupidly at the ceiling, recalling the night’s events. It had been a night of discovery, sensual and sweet both. He touched a finger to his lips, ran it down his neck, remembering the feel of Sui Zhou’s mouth, his breath, his hands, his body. He remembered the sounds he made when he was close to the edge, his half lidded eyes, clouded with arousal.
Tang Fan let out a sound that was half laugh, half sigh. They might not have crossed to the far shores of physical intimacy, but he was deeply satisfied, and not even Sui Zhou’s unwillingness to spend the night beside him could ruin his mood.
He gathered his blanket to his cheeks and went back to sleep.