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You don't ever notice me turning on my charm, or wonder why I'm always where you are.
Despite what the general population may be led to believe, Kwon Soonyoung is not just another stupid, immature frat boy.
Sure, he can be inappropriately loud and rowdy at the wrong times, brazenly led a few of those ill-advised year-end pranks on unsuspecting individuals and has a dating history far longer than what a typical college student might have but it’s simply because he believes in the essence of experiencing everything that college life has to offer. If it doesn’t endanger the safety of the mass or illegal in any form, then it’s up for consideration. For someone like him, nothing is really out-of-bounds. After all, he’s only in college for four good years before he has to leave for the working world and he plans to make full use of it.
But it’s not like he’s against structure or limitations. He knows they are there for a reason and he’s not stupid enough to forgo them just because he has an affection for pool parties, amazing one-night stands and crazy fun. He’s not allergic to rules and regulations and he definitely knows when enough is enough.
Case in point, the predicament he’s in right now. Soonyoung is pretty sure there’s a rule under the Bro Code that dictates a Bro is not allowed to mess around or sleep with another Bro’s sister or girlfriend. He’s sensible enough to understand why doing such a thing would be problematic and damaging to one’s friendship. But to be fair, there’s nothing feminine about Seokmin’s brother. Because if there is, he’s positive his gay ass will not be facing this dilemma right now.
“Take a fucking picture, Soon, I'm sure it will last longer than staring at his ass all night long.” Kim Mingyu, a fellow member of 97-line, chastises him.
See, that’s the problem with having friends who know you oh so well and can see right through your bullshit. Soonyoung glares at his friend who's casually sipping on a glass of mojito, wholly unaware of his inner turmoil. “You kiss Wonwoo with that filthy mouth of yours?” He snaps.
It’s a regular activity between Soonyoung and his band of brothers to hang at a nightclub on every Friday’s night. It’s a celebration of sorts on surviving yet another grueling school week but mostly, it’s simply a reason to party till wee mornings and drink bucketloads of alcohol. And today should have been like any other typical hangouts of theirs with the usual suspects. With the exception of Minghao, who couldn’t meet up with them tonight because of a group assignment that he needs to rush for, everyone is present tonight. It's supposed to be a chill and relaxing time as they gradually enter into the weekend.
Leave it to Seokmin to mess it all up by arriving with an uninvited (but not unwelcome) plus one.
“Wonwoo-hyung loves it just fine.” Mingyu grins because he's a nasty idiot. “Really dude, just a piece of advice; if you don’t want to be so obvious about your crush on Min’s brother, try to look a little less murderous. Hyung is only dancing with that girl. What would you do when they start making out?”
The truth is, contrary to his playboy persona and partying ways, Kwon Soonyoung has fallen in love with someone. Now, in normal circumstances, it’s a win for the team, right? It’s not always that Soonyoung can admit his heart has skipped at least a thousand beats whenever he's within the vicinity of this lovely soul. For the first time in his life, he’s prioritizing someone else’s happiness over his. His mother’s prayers of wanting to see him become a much more mature version of himself is finally coming true. He should be rejoicing, right?
Wrong. It’s all so horribly wrong.
Because the person he has fallen for is none other than Lee Jihoon, his childhood friend’s big brother. And that's not only it. Seokmin’s brother is painfully heterosexual, as evident by the fact that said person is currently grinding against a pretty, blonde woman. If his heart isn’t metaphorically breaking all over the damn floor, he would have cheered for Jihoon on successfully getting some tonight.
“I should go.” Soonyoung sighs, knowing there’s no point in trying to salvage what's left of the night. It’s ruined the moment Jihoon starts flirting with the (admittedly hot) stranger.
“Wait, I was just kidding! Stay, please?” Mingyu pouts.
Soonyoung shakes his head “It’s not you, Gyu. I’m just tired.” Tired of seeing someone he’s crushing on dancing with everyone else but him. It’s detrimental to his mental physique to continue being part of this narration.
“Why don't you just confess to Jihoon-hyung? What’s the worst that could happen?” Mingyu says. “I did the same with Wonwoo-hyung and look where we are right now.”
“Except there’s one big difference between him and Wonwoo, Gyu. Your boyfriend is as gay for your bisexual behind as you are for him since the beginning whereas hyung is as straight as a fucking arrow and I have absolutely no chance with him!”
“How do you even know if he’s hundred percent straight?”
Soonyoung points his finger to the dancefloor. “Gyu, are you forgetting the fact that I’ve known Seokmin since we’re four, and by extension, Jihoon-hyung too? Trust me, there’s nothing remotely gay about him, that much is obvious to me. Just drop it, Gyu, there’s no way someone like me will end up with someone like him. It’s not the end of the world, I’ll learn to deal with it.”
“Soon-”
“MY PRECIOUS FRIENDS, ARE YOU HAVING FUN?” Seokmin, the epitome of sunshine, happiness and everything nice, grins at them as he takes the empty seat besides Mingyu. “Soonie, you’ve been looking down ever since we get here so being a good friend that I am … I bought us a round of shots!”
Soonyoung smiles, his earlier outburst forgotten. It’s hard to feel sorry for himself when he’s reminded of how precious his friends are, even Kim nasty Mingyu. “Thanks Min but I don’t feel like getting drunk tonight.” He says dejectedly when Seokmin pushes a shot glass of what looks like questionable greenish liquid towards him.
Seokmin frowns at Soonyoung’s attempt to push away the offered alcoholic drink. “What’s wrong, Soonie? Do you want to talk about it?”
Mingyu, ever the loving asshole that he is, just snorts. “Yeah Soonyoung, wanna talk about it with us?”
But before Soonyoung can come up with a witty comeback, he is once again interrupted for third time that night. “Hey uh … sorry for interrupting.” Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a warm, rousing welcome to the one and only Lee Jihoon; an award-winning music producer, the eldest son of the Lee family, older brother to one Lee Seokmin and Soonyoung’s hopeless, gay crush.
Soonyoung doesn’t know how Seokmin’s expression can get brighter than it already is but it apparently can when he looks up at his older brother. Everyone knows how much the younger Lee adores his brother. “Hyung, come and sit with us!” He motions to the seat beside him.
“Another time, Seokie.” Jihoon says. “I come over to apologize for bailing out this early-uh, I’ve somewhere to be.” He says, eyes trailing to his left where the woman he’s been grinding against for the past hour or so is patiently waiting for him a few feet away from their table.
“Oh.” Seokmin glances at his brother’s date. “That’s okay, hyung! You go and have fun.”
“Thanks for understanding, Seokie.” Jihoon replies, fondly ruffling Seokmin’s hair. “Let’s have breakfast tomorrow, ya? I’ll message you.” Jihoon says, being the exemplary big brother that he is. “I’ve ordered another round of drinks for you and your friends. It’s on hyung. Be safe and call me if you face any problems.”
"Okay, hyung!” Seokmin smiles.
“Goodnight, everyone.” Jihoon says to the group at large. The three friends watch as Seokmin’s brother walks over to his date, presses a kiss on her lips before leaving for the exit together. It doesn’t take a genius to know where and what they are about to do tonight.
“Here.” Mingyu says softly as he pushes the shot glass that Soonyoung has rejected earlier towards him. “Drink up.”
Soonyoung doesn’t need to be told twice as he quickly takes it and downs the shot.
Drowning your heartache with alcohol; isn’t that always the ‘in’ thing to do?
---
True to his words, Jihoon comes over the next morning.
Because life sucks and fate has it in for him, Soonyoung has been crowned the reigning champion to answer the door since he's the least sick among the three of them after yesterday’s shenanigans. Thinking that it’s only Minghao who finally decides it's time to come back home after a night of cramming, he stumbles over to the front door of their shared apartment and swings it open. He instantly regrets doing so when he realizes who the morning guest is as he swallows the urge to slam the door back shut. “Hyung.” He says, surprised at the other man’s presence.
Last night’s Jihoon is dangerous for his sanity, remembering how the older man was dressed in a combination of shimmery black silk shirt coupled with brown leather pants that clings to his thighs and ass like second skin. It renders Soonyoung into a useless simpleton, helplessly captivated by the aura of confidence and slight arrogance radiating from him. That Jihoon knows he’s there for a good time and by God and sheer will, he will have one. But this morning’s Jihoon is a completely different story altogether. Clothed in a white sweatshirt whose sleeves are long enough that it gives him ‘sweater paws’ and faded blue jeans, Jihoon looks like the ultimate boy-next-door. If last night’s Jihoon is meant to seduce him, this morning’s Jihoon simply annihilates all rationale thoughts.
“Hey Youngie, is Seokmin in? I called but he didn’t answer.”
“Yeah, he’s definitely in. Come in, hyung.” He says as he steps aside so that Jihoon can enter the apartment. Soonyoung leads them to the living room, bypassing Mingyu who’s stretched out on the floor, half-awake and pathetically trying to recover from a brutal night. “Min has a date with the toilet bowl all morning. I don’t think he has any energy left to look at his phone.”
Jihoon chuckles. “Ah, that’s why. Why are you the only one not looking like death warmed you over?”
“I chugged down at least 2 bottles of water before passing out last night.” Soonyoung shrugs. “It’s a habit of mine. I only have to suffer a small migraine this morning.”
“Lucky you. Good thing I’ve enough foresight to bring breakfast.” Jihoon says as he places the white carry-on he's been carrying on the dining table. “I’ve bought kongnamul-guk from one of my favourite restaurants. Eat it while it’s hot. It will be good to cure what's left of your hangover.”
"Hyung.” Soonyoung gasps, deeply touched by the sight of sustenance. He automatically takes one of the seats by the table. The aromatic smell of the bean sprout soup gradually fills the apartment as Jihoon unpacks the individual soup and rice bentos. “You’re a godsend. What would I do without you?”
“Starve probably?” Jihoon jokes, pushing one of the bentos over to him.
With much gusto, Soonyoung digs in, loving the crunch of the bean sprouts over warm white rice. Korean foods have always been the best cure for hangovers.
“Yah, slow down or you will choke.” Jihoon laughs.
“But hyung, this is so good.” Soonyoung whines as he takes another big bite of the rice. “I wish every morning is like this.”
“Well then, hyung better works a little bit harder to bring you food as often as I can.”
“Hyung, I’m just kidding. You don’t have to.’ Soonyoung stammers.
Jihoon grins. “I don’t mind if it makes you happy.”
Soonyoung would like to think it’s heat of the soup that causes him to choke on his food instead of the meaning behind those adorable and sweet words.
“Aigoo, didn’t hyung tell you to slow down?” Still showing that pretty eyesmile of his, Jihoon gently presses one of his sweater paws on Soonyoung’s lips where some of the soup has dribbled out when he'd coughed earlier. It’s not fair for Jihoon to act like an absolute boyfriend material when he has no idea how much it makes Soonyoung's heart races. So unfair. “There you go, all clean up.” Jihoon utters. “I’m going to check on Seokie, okay? Need to make sure my brother is not choking on his own vomit. Eat up the rest of the soup, you will feel better.”
Jihoon absently ruffles Soonyoung’s hair before striding over to where his younger brother is, seemingly unaware of the chaos he has caused in Soonyoung by doing so.
---
“He’s fricking adorable, Gyu. Sometimes, I’ve this urge to pick him up and put him in my pocket and never let go.” Soonyoung complains on the next day over lunch with Mingyu and Wonwoo in attendance. “And why does he always wear those sweaters that are too big on him? Also, don’t even get me started on those sweater paws. He’s torturing me with his cuteness. How can I survive this?”
Wonwoo looks up from the game he’s been playing on his phone. “Is he always this dramatic?”
Mingyu nods. “Always. I told Soon to confess like I did with you but he says Jihoon-hyung is undoubtedly straight.”
“Everyone is a little bit gay.” Wonwo offers unhelpfully.
“But he’s not, Wonu-hyung. He’s not and I’m suffering.” Soonyoung whines as he rests his forehead on the table, frustrated over his current situation. “And he’s so nice and helpful and sweet all the damn time. What is it with the Lee’s genes that make them so inherently good? This is killing me. I’m dying. Please send help.”
Wonwoo leans over to Mingyu to whisper into his ear. “Baby-” Soonyoung’s moans continues in the background, oblivious to the scene he’s causing. “-is your friend for real?”
“Unfortunately.” Mingyu sighs. Looking over at his friend, he smacks Soonyoung’s shoulder. “Yah Kwon, you need to get laid. Let someone fuck all the frustrations and sadness out of you. This is getting pathetic, even for you.”
Soonyoung scowls at the advice he receives. “You are the worse, Gyu.”
---
There's secret that Soonyoung has never told anyone before. Not to his parents. Not to his friends. Definitely not to Seokmin.
Looking back now, he understands why he had been so embarrassed to confide in anyone. He's just a young, nerdy kid back then who craved for acceptance and respect from his peers. So when he received a party invite from a senior of his Dance Club at his dorm, he didn't think twice about accepting it. Ride or die, he will do whatever it takes to attend said party. But it turned out to be the second biggest mistake he'd made in his life. Too young to be able to withstand the weight of peer pressure, he crumbled fairly quickly. By the fourth round of drinks (it was vodka mixed with something), he's already puking his guts out in one of the bathrooms. He cried like a baby, feeling so sick to his stomach. He remembered how much he didn't want to return to the living room because he knew he will be goaded once again to consume more alcohol.
So he did the only thing that made sense.
He called Jihoon.
His best friend's brother appeared like a knight in shining armor within thirty minutes. He recollected how relieved he'd felt when he saw Jihoon squatting down in front of him as he placed a comforting hand on Soonyoung's shoulder. “Youngie, are you okay?” The other free hand touched his forehead, feeling the hot, sweaty skin. “You don't look so good. Let's get you out of here, okay?”
“Hyung.” He whined. “I can't stand.”
Jihoon stared at him for a moment before turning around, showing Soonyoung his back. “Climb on my back.” He said. “Hyung will carry you.”
It took him several precious seconds to understand what Jihoon meant. Slowly, he crawled over Jihoon and draped himself over his back. He wrapped his arms around Jihoon's neck as Jihoon grabbed the back of his knees. “Are you good?”
“Hmm.”
Together, they left the compound of the party without another backward glance. Safe. In Jihoon's hold, Soonyoung felt so damn safe. It was there and then that Jihoon proven himself to be someone he could lean on. Someone he could trust. He wondered if that's the spark to everything. Because in the same night, he made the biggest mistake of all.
He fell in love with his best friend's brother.
I more than adore you but you never seem to see.
Not to flex but Soonyoung knows he is a darn good friend.
He’s willing to do anything to aid his friends who are in need, within reason of course. He treasures every friendship he makes, trusts that they will have his back when the time arises and vice versa. He's loyal to a fault. One just needs to look at his years-long friendship with Seokmin to understand the depth of his loyalty. So, when his best friend approaches him later that day with a simple enough request, he couldn’t find it in him to reject. It's Seokmin, after all.
“Soonyoung, please please please. I don’t want to go alone.” Seokmin begs as he pulls on his friend's arm.
Soonyoung frowns. “Why do you even need someone to go with you when it's supposed to be a group date, Min?”
“Because I still need someone to back me up in case I screw up. You know how gullible I can be. Please, you are the only one I can trust.”
“What about Gyu or Hao?” He asks instead.
Seokmin pouts. “Gyu has plans with his boyfriend and Hao has another study group session. Come on, Soonie, it’s not often that I ask you for help.”
That’s true. It’s in Seokmin’s selfless nature to give more than he receives. “Okay fine.” He says, defeated.
Seokmin instantly grins. “Yes, yes! Let’s go then. I promise to be there by seven!”
---
It's not that Soonyoung has anything against events such as this.
Some people, his best friend included, prefer to attend group mixers in an effort to meet new people and potential dating mates. He sees nothing wrong with that, to each their own. He, on the other hand, prefers to meet his hook-ups or dates through traditional methods. Go to a club, get drunk and dance till you meet someone you have a connection with. So, he's not really keen of the fact that he's sitting in one right now. There's an uneven number of girls to boys ratio (7 to 6) because one of the guys are running late. The mixer starts promptly at seven and they kick it off with formal introductions and typical drinking games to let loose. One hour in and Soonyoung is incredibly bored as conversations flow all around him. The lady who he is matched with tries to engage him into another topic and he half-heartedly answers. Besides him, Seokmin is already getting tipsy from the few rounds of somaek they'd played earlier. Soonyoung grins fondly, looks like his best friend will have another lovely date with the toilet bowl in the next morning.
“Min, slow down, okay?” He advises as he intercepts another shot of soju and drinks it on behalf of his friend.
"Thanks, Soonie." Seokmin's eyes twinkle as he turns back to his dating partner of the day.
Just like that, the mixer goes on. Halfway through the event, the last male member finally arrives, uttering out heartfelt apologies.
“Wow.” Seokmin mutters under his breath.
Soonyoung turns to his friend, distracted from the commotion that's happening at the other end of the table due to the new appearance. “What is it, Min?”
“Who's that? He's so pretty. Soonie, did you see how pretty he is?”
He grins at his friend's trance-like voice. It's not a secret that Lee Seokmin is a bi. He's an equal opportunist-kinda guy. “Hey Min, are you sure you are sober enough for this conversation?”
Something sparkles in those orbs. “I need to talk to him.”
“I don't think...” Soonyoung starts, unsure if that's a wise thing to do. But a drunk Seokmin (even if he's half-drunk) is a determined one. Before he can be stopped, Seokmin is out of his seat and ambling towards the other. “...that's a good idea.” He says into the empty air.
By the time Soonyoung reaches over to his best friend, Seokmin is already reaching out his hand for a handshake. “Hello! I'm Seokmin. What's your name?”
If the stranger is surprised at the sudden introduction, he doesn't show it. Instead, he only grins as he accepts Seokmin's handshake. “I'm Joshua.”
“I bet you've heard this from a lot of people but you are really really reallyyyyyyyyy pretty, Shua-sshi.” Uh oh. Apparently, Seokmin's filter is out of order tonight.
“Not often enough.” Joshua says, smiling adoringly at his best friend. “So it's always nice to hear it now and then. Thank you, Seokmin-sshi.”
Seokmin has the audacity to blush. Really, his friend better be ready to get teased once he's back to his sober self. “You're welcome. Someone should tell you that everyday. You deserve it.” A pause. Oh wait, is Seokmin trying to- “Someone like me.” Oh yes, there it is.
Yup, it's time to take Seokmin away from the general public. Soonyoung enters into the picture as he wraps his arms around his friend's waist. “Okay, that's it, buddy. It's time to go. You must be really drunk to be speaking like this.”
“What? Noooooooo. Wanna talk more to Shua-sshi.” Seokmin objects as he tries to release himself from Soonyoung's grip.
Soonyoung chuckles. “You will thank me tomorrow when you are sober.” He spares a glance at Joshua. “Thank you for indulging in my friend's drunken antics. You are a saint.”
Joshua grins. “He's cute.”
A loud gasp as Seokmin hits Soonyoung's chest repeatedly with his hand. “Did you hear that, Soonie? Pretty boy says that I'm cuteeeeee.”
“Yes, yes.” Soonyoung pats his friend.
“Here's my card, he can give me a call if he likes to. Once he sobers up, of course.” Joshua says as he hands over a name card.
Soonyoung pockets it with a murmured thanks. “It's a pleasure to meet you. On behalf of my friend, we hope to see you again.”
“Likewise.” Joshua says.
Standing outside the restaurant with a drunk friend in his arms, the reality of how they are going to go back home hits him. A brief search on Seokmin's self shows that his friend is not carrying his wallet. He must have forgotten to bring it yet again, that idiot. Soonyoung is still a week shy of his monthly allowance from his parents so taking a cab is out of question. He doesn't favor taking the subway or bus either, considering Seokmin is out for the count. He would have opted to call his roommates but he bets they are nowhere near where he is right now. Oh wait, he knows of another person who lives around here and will definitely be obliged to take a drunk Seokmin in for the night. Scrolling down the contact list in his phone, he presses on a familiar name.
“Hi, Jihoon-hyung, sorry for calling you this late. Am I interrupting you?”
“Not really. What's up, Soonyoung?”
“We went for a group mixer and uhm, well .. Min got drunk and our apartment is too far away from where we are. We are quite close to your apartment so I'm wondering if I can drop Min there? We don't have any early classes tomorrow so he doesn't need to rush back.”
“Has my brother been causing trouble again? Where are you? I'll pick you guys up.”
“That's okay, hyung. We are only a few blocks away, we can walk.”
“Soonyoung, I get the feeling that my brother is passed out right about now. It's the least I can do. So let me do this, alright?”
“Okay, hyung.”
“Hold tight, I'll be right there.”
---
The three of them arrive at Jihoon’s apartment at a quarter past twelve. In spite of his daily routine at the gym to keep himself fit; he still struggles to carry the hundred-thirty pounds of deadweight on his back. It doesn’t help that Seokmin is blissfully unconscious since their timely exit from the restaurant. It's as though Seokmin has spent whatever that's left of his energy to flirt with Joshua before conveniently passing out on him. Seokmin is lucky that Soonyoung loves him dearly or he would have left him high and dry.
“I’ll put him in the guest room, hyung.” Soonyoung calls out as he troops over to one of the only two rooms in the apartment.
The guest room is clean and tidy, rarely in use except to house the occasional guests. Soonyoung tries his utmost best to lie Seokmin gently on the bed, even though his back is screaming at him to release the heavy weight as soon as critically possible. He removes Seokmin's shoes and jeans, leaving him in his shirt and boxers. Deeming his friend comfortable enough for the night, Soonyoung covers his body with a blanket before switching off the light. He leaves the room, softly closing the door behind him. He then strolls over to the kitchen where Jihoon is at.
“I don't think he will wake up till the night's over.” Soonyoung says as he settles on one of the chairs by the kitchen counter.
“I bet.” Jihoon replies. “Thank you, Youngie, for taking care of that drunk dork instead of leaving him by the curb. I would have left him behind if I was in your shoes.”
“Are you sure you should be saying that, hyung?” He grins.
“Eh. Knowing Seokie, he will find his way home one way or another.” Jihoon answers. “Do you want anything to drink, Youngie?”
“Just water will fine. I think I'll need to swear off alcohol for the rest of the week. We've been partying too much lately.”
Jihoon chuckles as he takes out a chilled bottle of water from the refrigerator and hands it over to him. “Tough day at school?”
“It's a tough week, hyung and it's only Tuesday.” Soonyoung groans as he uncaps the bottle and takes a sip. “To make it worse, we are supposed to start working on our final project.”
“Oh, really? What is it about?”
“Well, it’s something on-” Soonyoung trails off when something catches his eyes.
He must have missed it upon his first entry into the apartment since he's busy juggling between carrying his friend on his back and keeping himself steady so that he doesn't trip. But now, with nothing to distract him from observing his surroundings, his eyes fall on an opened bottle of wine and two used wine glasses standing innocently on the coffee table by the living room. Soonyoung licks his dry lips as he turns to Jihoon. “Did hyung, uhm ... are you with someone when I called?”
Jihoon looks up. “Huh?”
“Those wine glasses...” Soonyoung points to the incriminating evidences.
He watches as Jihoon’s eyes slowly widened, the gravity and implication of the spoken words hangs tensely in the air. “Yeah, uhm, hyung, well uh-”
It truly pains him to know that the one he’s in love with is having romantic, intimate dates with someone else but him. For Jihoon, who treasures his privacy above all else, to invite someone over to his sanctuary, it speaks highly of how comfortable he must have felt with said person. “Yah, hyung, why are you so awkward for? Is that person someone I know?” Soonyoung says, each word is like a sharp dart to his heart.
Jihoon blushes. “Stop making fun of me.”
Does that person make you happy, hyung? Is she the reason why you are blushing so prettily like this? I envy her, hyung. I wish it’s me. Do you even know how much I love you? “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to.” Soonyoung smiles. “It’s not always that I'm able to tease you like this. Does Min know?”
“No, he doesn’t. It’s still new.”
Ah, could it be the same blond girl that Jihoon met the other night at the club? Did they manage to move beyond a one-night stand? “I get it, hyung. Your secret’s safe with me.” He mimes zipping his mouth shut.
“It’s not like that. I just don’t want people to know when we are still trying to get comfortable with each other.”
“Hyung, I completely understand. You want to solidify the relationship a bit more before announcing it, right? Don’t worry, hyung, I got you. These lips are sealed until further notice.”
“Thanks, Youngie. You know, I sometimes wish that I have a sensible, mature younger brother like you.”
But I don’t want to be your younger brother. I want to be your love, your everything. I want to kiss you when I’m happy and hug you when you’re sad. "Aish hyung, I can already imagine Min’s sad pout if he happens to hear this.”
“Well then, let’s make it another secret between us then.”
“Careful, hyung. You’re giving me too many ammunition to hold it over you.”
“I trust you, Youngie. I know you will never use them against me.”
Because I’m weak for you, hyung. I’m willing to set myself on fire if it means keeping you safe. “It’s late, hyung. I've to get back home.”
“What, why? It's late. Stay over at my place tonight, Youngie.”
“It’s okay, hyung. I’ve an early class tomorrow and our apartment is closer to the university.”
“Didn’t you mention earlier that the both of you don’t have morning classes? Even if you do, stay anyway. I’ll drive you over to the university tomorrow morning.”
“I prefer not to.” Soonyoung shakes his head. “My lecture notes and books are at home.”
“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to make you stay?”
Say you love me and I swear I will. “It’s okay, hyung.”
“Let me drive you back home then.”
“I'm not a kid, hyung. I'll be safe on my own. Besides, you need to take care of Min and make sure he doesn't choke on his own vomit. Goodnight, hyung, sleep well.”
“Goodnight, Youngie. Message me once you're back home, okay? I want to know that you are safe.”
“I will.”
---
“He’s dating someone, Gyu.” Soonyoung cries into the phone, uncaring that he’s in a public setting. “It hurts. No one ever says that it would hurt this bad. I don’t want to love him anymore. I don’t want to keep pretending that I’m fine when I’m clearly not.”
“Soon, where are you?” Mingyu says on the other end, worry evident in his tone.
“You should see how happy he looks when he talks about her.”
“Soon, you are making me very worried.”
“He-” Soonyoung chokes as another rush of tears fall down his cheeks. “I’ve never seen him looks so smitten when talking about someone before. Why can’t it be me, Gyu? Why can’t he choose me? If he does, I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make him happy.”
“You know it doesn’t work like that. We don't always have control over who we fall for.”
“I hope she treasures what she has. Hyung is the most perfect person I've ever met. She won’t find anyone else like him.”
"Soon, I’m tracing the GPS on your phone. Stay where you are, okay? Wonwoo-hyung and me are driving over to pick you up. Promise me you will not do anything stupid.”
Soonyoug chuckles bitterly. “The only stupid thing that I’ve done is falling for a straight person who will never fall for me. Gyu, will this pain ever stop?”
“Oh darling, I promise it will. We will do whatever we can to make sure you are okay, alright?”
“I changed my mind, Gyu. You are the best.”
And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone or wonder why I keep you on the phone.
When the whirlwind of pain and heartache settles into a dull ache, spring has unknowingly passed him by.
By then, he has mastered the art of avoidance whenever the topic of Jihoon arises. It’s easy enough for him to drive a rift between his relationship with Seokmin’s brother. After all, he’s the best friend of Lee Seokmin, not Lee Jihoon. Soonyoung no longer lusts after any opportunity to spend time with Jihoon and steers clear of any potential circumstances that might lead him to interact with any member of the Lee family, besides Seokmin. It’s not that there are many opportunities to begin with. Jihoon has an accomplished, successful career to keep him busy and Soonyoung reckons any free time that he has will either be spent on his romantic relationship with his girlfriend or friends and family. In the grand scheme of things, Soonyoung is only an acquaintance of his brother at best. There’s no reason to interact any further than necessary.
Soonyoung accepts the changes in their status quo with an open-mind. He knows now that his feelings for Jihoon will head nowhere good. They are at the end of the road and the two options are either to plunge to an untimely death or turn around to where it all begins. The choice is simple and straightforward. Soonyoung wisely chooses the latter. His weary, bruised heart deserves a break from the constant stress and ache.
Everything is all good now. He’s getting better, he’s sure of it.
Right?
---
It is an idiotic move.
He is too focused on trying to keep himself busy that he forgets why taking a break is sometimes justified and necessary. One wrong mis-step and he ends up with a fractured ankle. His dance team rushes him to the hospital but that doesn't stop him from winding up with a cast around his ankle. And even though he thinks his injury is not that serious to warrant an overnight stay at the hospital, his doctor insisted. To sum it all up, he's effectively screwed.
“HOW IS MY BEST FRIEND DOING?” A voice booms. “Do you need a hug? I will give you one anyway!”
Soonyoung chuckles at the loud, energetic tone of his best friend as Seokmin enters his wardroom. Seokmin places a big basket of fruits by the bedside table before engulfing him in a warm hug. Ah, will anyone ever reject such comfort from Seokmin? Like magic, the tension he has felt earlier leaves as he’s surrounded by unconditional warmth and love. “Thanks, Min.”
And because nothing is ever easy for him, someone else brings the tension right back up.
“Ease up on the hug, Seokie. You don't want to accidentally smother Youngie when he's already injured.” A familiar chuckle rings into the air as Seokmin breaks away from him.
It's clear now that no number of distance in the entire world can extinguish the flame in his heart. Seeing Jihoon once again after months of staying away is akin to the feeling of drinking water after fasting for eons. The immense sense of relief washes over him as Jihoon steps closer to him with that pretty eyesmile of his. “Jihoon-hyung.” He says with bated breath.
Satisfied that he has given his trademark hug, Seokmin takes the empty chair by his bed. “Hyung insisted on picking me up from the dorm and drive us over to the hospital straightaway once he knows that you are hospitalized.”
“How are you?” Jihoon asks after him, overriding his brother's comment. “I heard you fractured your ankle. How did it happen?”
“It's a stupid mistake.” Soonyong shrugs as he unconsciously rubs the back of his neck when he thinks back of how he has gotten hurt. “I was ambitious and tried a new move before I was ready. Mom isn't happy that I got hurt while practicing.” He says, thinking of the sternly-worded conversation he'd with his mother an hour earlier.
Seokmin frowns. “How long will this cast stays on?”
“The doctor estimates around 6 weeks or so till the bone heals.” Soonyoung says.
“How will you get around then?” His best friend continues.
And that's the crucifix of the issue he's facing. “I'm not sure.” He sighs. “Mom suggested I take a break for at least a semester and come back home so that she can take care of me. I'm thinking about it. It seems like the best opinion for now.”
“Aw, that sucks.” Seokmin moans.
Soonyoung couldn't help but agree. Taking a break would mean he wouldn't be able to graduate at the same time with his friends and that really, really sucks. But there's no way around it. His family doesn't stay in Seoul and he doesn't have any relative in the city to render assistance. His roommates will be busy with school and extra curricular activities for him to burden them with his injury. He knows his friends will be scrambling to take care of him if he just asks but he doesn't feel good about it. This injury results from his carelessness. He shouldn't let someone else suffer because of it.
“You can stay with me if you are okay with it.”
Soonyoung's head shoots up at the suggestion from the one person he doesn't expect. “Huh?”
Jihoon shrugs. “I've a car so I can drive you to and fro between the university and my apartment. I've an extra room anyway. Besides, my work is flexible enough that I'm sure I can work around your schedule. Also, I'm sure you will have to go to your medical appointments and such. It will be hard to toggle from your family home to the city each time you have to go for one. Living with me till you recover seems like the most obvious option.”
No, it's not. It's the shortest option to put an end to Soonyoung's sanity. “I don't think I should burden you with my injury.”
“You are not. I'm the one who offered to help.” Jihoon smiles. “Youngie, you are like a younger brother to me. It's the least I can do for family. So say yes, okay?”
“Hyung is right, Soonie.” Seokmin adds. “You should stay with him. That way, I can visit you whenever I have free time too.”
It's easy to reject if it's only a single Lee he's dealing with but he's powerless against two of them. “Okay.” He agrees. “Thanks, hyung.”
And just like that, Soonyoung is back to square one. Goddammit.
---
Soonyoung is used to sharing his living space with someone else.
In fact, he prefers it in that way. Having roommates mean having someone else around so you will never feel lonely or a listening ear when you need someone to share your frustrations or problems with. So, more or less, he knows what it takes to be a considerate roommate. It's no biggie. He's an adult, he knows how to share. But never in his wildest dreams would he have thought he would be living under the same roof as Jihoon. The person he's in love with. The one he wants to share the rest of his life with if only the other will let him. The irony is not lost on him. His heart mourns for the fact that he finally gets to be with Jihoon but not under the capacity he longs for.
Life has it out for him, he's sure of it now.
Because it's excruciating to know that he's falling harder in love. This is not what he wants. He doesn't want to know how Jihoon has a special affinity for rice and will never go through a meal without it. Or how Jihoon has an aversion for piping, hot food and will throw them into the freezer for a little while after microwaving them. He hates how he knows that Jihoon will work till late hours into the night once inspiration strikes but will never put work above the needs of the people he cares for. Or how Jihoon is a natural grump in the mornings and will never speak till he has his first cup of black coffee. Or how stir-fry octopus is Jihoon's choice of breakfast and he abhors dipping his fries in ketchup.
It's getting harder and harder to remind himself that he's supposed to draw a line between his feelings for Jihoon and the friendship they share. He's not even sure if he wants to.
“Hey, Youngie, do you want to watch a movie on Netflix?” Jihoon asks one day after dinner.
Soonyoung pauses mid-way to his room. “Is it another rom-com, hyung? Because I've enough of those when I was living with Min.”
Jihoon laughs “We can watch an action flick or horror one. I don't mind.”
“Sure, hyung.” He says as he changes direction and skips towards the couch with his good leg. The crutches are there for him to use but it's easier to move around without one when he doesn't need to walk far. “Let's watch The Conjuring. I heard that it's good.”
“Okay, set it up. I'll make the popcorn.”
In ten minutes, the two of them are settled comfortably on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between them as the movie starts to play. It's good and all till the ghost witch starts to appear and by then, he realises he has severely underestimated how scary the movie can be. He hugs the cushion in his arms a little bit tighter as another loud scene scares him.
“Scared, Youngie?” Jihoon whispers teasingly over the movie.
Soonyoung huffs. “Pft, this movie? Are you kidding me, hyung?” But before he can continue, the movie lets out a loud shriek and he screams. Damn it, there goes his chance of acting cool in front of his hyung.
“Liar, liar pants on fire.” Jihoon says with a laugh. “Well, come over here then.”
“I'm sorry?”
Jihoon places the bowl on the coffee table in front of him and pats his arm. “You can cuddle with me, I don't mind.” Wait, what? “Seokmin cuddles with me all the time when we watch horror movies, I'm used to it.”
Right but I'm not your brother, you selfless ignorant bub. “That's okay-”
But then, the movie emits another loud boom and he's instinctively scrambles for the safety of Jihoon's arms. It's warm, he thinks. Jihoon doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Soonyoung's waist and pushes him to lean against his chest. This close, he can almost feel Jihoon's heartbeat.
“Comfortable?”
Soonyoung blushes as he nods. “Thanks, hyung.”
“Anytime, Youngie.”
He should stop this. He should pull away and puts as much distance as physically possible between them. He should do all of these and more.
He really should.
But he doesn't.
---
“Hyung.” Soonyoung shakes the lump as he sits on the bed, allowing his bad ankle some reprieve. “Hyung, wake up. You're gonna be late.”
The lump groans, moves a little bit and settles still once again. “Five more minutes.”
Soonyoung chuckles. “You said the same thing fifteen minutes ago, hyung. It's close to eight.”
“Hmm.”
“Hyung?”
“Hmm.”
“Do I need to call Min?”
Here's the thing about Seokmin. Everyone loves him dearly. His sunny, happy disposition leaves people with no other choice but to adore him. But when you are struggling to gain your bearings in the morning, the last thing you would want is Lee Seokmin's booming voice in your face. Oh no, anything but that.
It does the trick as the lump jumps suddenly, revealing Jihoon from under the covers. “I'm awake.” He yawns. “Please don't call Seokie.” He says as he rubs his sleepy eyes with his fingers.
The picture Jihoon makes in the morning with his rumpled hair that's sticking out in every direction while wearing an oversized baby blue pajamas is one he will treasure for a very long time.
“Hyung, you should really invest in an alarm clock or two. You keep waking up late for work.”
“But I have you, don't I?”
The questions seems harmless enough but to Soonyoung who wishes for it to be more, it saddens him. I will not always be here, hyung. “I'll start on the coffee. Take a shower.”
With cautious skips, he gets out of the room.
“Be careful, Youngie! I don't want you to fall.” Jihoon calls out from behind him.
Too late, hyung. I'm already falling.
---
“Soonie, can I ask you something?”
Soonyoung looks up from the problem he's been working on for the past hour. It's a Friday's night and Seokmin has come over for an overnight stay. They have decided to work on their assignments together while waiting for Jihoon to cook dinner. It's homey and cosy, a reminder yet again of what it could have been if Jihoon ever reciprocates his feelings.
“Sure, buddy, what's up?”
“How do you know if you're in love?”
Soonyoung tamps down the urge to freeze. His eyes glance quickly at the figure that's moving around the kitchen, a few feet away from where he is. “Why do you ask?”
“You know how I've been hanging out with Shua-hyung for a while now. Lately, whenever I'm around hyung, I feel so happy and giddy all the time. I crave to be around him and I get so jealous when he couldn't spend some time with me. Crazy, right? We have only known each other for less than a month and here I am, spewing my feelings all over the place.”
“Min, I know for a fact that there's nothing wrong or crazy with what you are feeling.” Soonyoung says. “I think falling in love is a different experience for everyone. But I do know that when I'm with them, it feels like nothing bad can touch me. That no matter how busy I am, I will still find myself thinking about them constantly. And when we are alone, I can't help but stare. I keep asking myself how can anyone look this beautiful? This ethereal? Like a helpless fool, I yearn for them always. No matter the place and time. It's like this lingering ache that never really goes away.”
“Wow.” Seokmin breathes out. “Are you in love, Soonie?”
Soonyoung can only smile. “Maybe.” Yes, yes. I'm so in love that I'm breaking from the weight of it. “I'll tell you about it one day, Min.”
Seokmin nods. “So how do I tell Shua-hyung that I want something more? That I don't want to be just friends?”
“Sit down and talk to him. Let him know how you feel. Communication is the key, Min. So be honest with him, I'm sure he will appreciate it.”
“But what if he doesn't feel the same?”
“Then you learn to accept it and try your best to move on. You cannot force feelings, Min. It will hurt, for sure, but at least you know. And if you need time away from him, then that's okay too. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.”
“Thanks, Soonie.”
“You are welcome, my precious friend. Chin up. We'll get through this together. I promise you.”
It's a pity he doesn't take his own advice though.
In that moment, he feels like the biggest hypocrite in the world.
---
It all comes to a head two weeks later.
Everything has been going on so well between them that it almost slips his mind why this living arrangement has never been a stellar idea in the first place.
It starts off like any other nights. Jihoon is reading a book he's been meaning to finish since a week ago but not really, considering he's sneaking glances at the television. Soonyoung, on the other end, has given up all pretenses of working on his schoolwork and is studiously watching the entertainment program that's on. Once in a while, he lets out a soft giggle, amused by the content. Too absorbed, he grunts in annoyance when he feels a finger pokes sharply at his side. He ignores it, keen on concentrating on the show. Another poke attacks him and he pouts. “Hyungggg, stop it. I wanna watch the show.”
Jihoon gives another poke. “Youngie, I'm bored.” He laments.
“Then watch the show, hyung.” Soonyoung snaps, slapping the hand when it tries to attack his side again. But his comments go unheeded as he feels another poke. “Hyung.” He warns.
Another poke.
Soonyoung turns, glaring at the other. “Okay, that's it.” He says, the only warning Jihoon gets as he reaches his hands out to grab Jihoon's arms. He pulls hard, propelling the other towards him.
Not expecting the pull, Jihoon loses his equilibrium as he crashes against Soonyoung's body. Before he can regain his momentum, Soonyoung's hands are already on his waist, mercilessly tickling him. Jihoon guffaws as he tries his best to avoid Soonyoung's attacks. “Stop it, Soonyoung!”
But Soonyoung doesn't let go. “Who's the best dongsaeng in the whole world?” He asks, instead.
“Seokmin!”
“Beeeep. Wrong answer, hyung. Try again.” Soonyoung says with an devilish grin.
“Fine, I give! I give! It's you! Now let me go, you devil!”
Soonyoung releases his hold, chortling. But it dies off once he realizes the position they are in. Unbeknown to them, during the short tickle fight, Jihoon has moved from sitting beside him to straddling him. One of his hands is on Jihoon's waist, supporting him from falling backwards while the other is resting firmly on his thigh. The atmosphere turns silent as they stare at each other, each unwilling to move. “Uh-”
Jihoon swoops in to press his lips against his. The kiss is hot and insistent and everything Soonyoung dreams it to be. Jihoon's hand curls around his nape, tilting Soonyoung's head just the way he wants it so that he can press deeper to reach the crevices of Soonyoung's mouth. Soonyoung moans, undeniably turns on as his tongue slides over his. The kiss turns heated as Jihoon shamelessly grinds his ass against his dick. It's a torture to have these many layers between them when all he wants to do it to tear them away and kiss those honeyed skin. When it all becomes a bit too much, Soonyoung breaks away, gulping in much-needed air. But unlike him, Jihoon has no qualms in continuing the kiss as he latches on the Soonyoung's upper lips and bites hard. “Fuck, Ji.” Soonyoung groans as he moves forward to close his lips against Jihoon's yet again.
Is this what heaven feels like? If so, he wonders why it has taken them this long to enact it together. If this is the reward for winning a war, he will gladly sign the hell up. But wait. There's something that's nagging him at the back of his mind. Something is not quite right. What is it? Ah right, Jihoon-hyung's girlfriend. Jihoon's in a fucking relationship with someone else and here he is, acting every part of a homewrecker.
It feels as though a bucket of icy, cold water has emptied over him. “Stop, Ji.” His hands push against Jihoon's chest, breaking the kiss. But Jihoon is nothing but resourceful as his mouth latches on Soonyoung's neck next. And oh God, if he's a lesser man, he would have let the mouth continues its sinful journey down his neck. “Stop.” He repeats, this time with a harder push. “Stop, please.” He whispers.
And just like that, everything stops.
Everything fucking stops and Soonyoung feels like crying.
---
“Min, can you pick me up? Please.”
You are my very first thought in the morning and my last at nightfall.
The aftermath is brutal.
It's like everything has burned into flames the moment Jihoon's lips touched his. Seokmin couldn't understand why his best friend has stopped eating or couldn't sleep without crying himself to submission. Going to Jihoon for an explanation is no help either because that front is kept shut. And of course, even after all of this, Soonyoung is still deeply in love with Jihoon. Because even if his hyung is an asshole who kissed him while in a committed relationship with another, he is still perfect and beautiful and everything Soonyoung wants but could not have. He wants Jihoon so much that in some nights, he feels like he could drown from the pain of it. And it hurts. The wound is bigger and painful than ever before. This love of his is continuously taking so much out of him and never really give anything in return.
“I really wish you would tell me what's wrong, Soonie.” Seokmin whispers, brows furrowed.
It's the end of another week and Seokmin has decided that a cuddling session is in order. Soonyoung snuggles deeper into his friend's embrace, offering nothing but silence.
“I screamed at hyung the other day for hurting my best friend like this. That if he hurts you, he hurts me too. I made it clear that until he makes this right, he's not allowed to contact me.”
If not for the gaping hole in his heart, Soonyoung would have smiled at Seokmin's protectiveness over him. He profoundly loves his best friend.
“Shua-hyung says I should let you heal on your own. That you will come to me when you're ready.” A pause. “I sure hope so, Soonie, because I've to admit that I really miss my loud, annoying friend. I love you. Please get well.”
Soonyoung's only answer is another round of silence.
---
It takes him another two full weeks to re-learn how to stand on his own two feet.
Only to see it all crumbling down when that one person reappears after weeks of radio silence.
---
Soonyoung opens the door and immediately feels a sense of déjà vu.
Have they not been in this position once before, with him standing on one end and Jihoon on the other? Soonyoung's heart clenches, the feeling of fear and trepidation is threatening to consume him at the thought of being anywhere near Jihoon right now. He's not ready at all. He tries to slam the door, hoping it will relay a clear and direct message that he's not in the mood to receive the surprise visit. But alas, it is ignored as Jihoon places his hand on the door to keep it from shutting on him. At an impasse, the two men could only stare at each other in silence.
“Youngie, can we please talk?” Jihoon asks a moment later.
Soonyoung snorts in disbelief. The time to talk would have been a week ago when that kiss had happened. Or even the day after when Jihoon has woken up to an empty apartment because Soonyoung is forced to flee like a criminal in the middle of the night. It's too little too late to try to heal the situation when everything has turned to dust. And the other man very well knows that.
“I'm not asking for forgiveness.” Jihoon says quickly when he sees the storm raging in those eyes. “I swear I'm not. I just want a chance to explain why I did the things I did. So please, hear me out. If you ask me to go after this and never come back, I will.”
At the end of the day, Kwon Soonyoung will always be weak for Lee Jihoon. That's a fact. It's one he has been trying to change but for now, it remains as one as he steps back to allow the man in. Together, they take the same steps as they'd made countless times before to the living room as the front door auto-locks behind them. He hates how each step feels like they are getting closer to the end. Will it end after today? Upon reaching the main space of the apartment, Jihoon takes the couch while he sits on the love seat besides it, not willing to be in close proximity as the other.
“I want to begin by saying that I'm sorry for everything. It's never my intention to hurt you.” Jihoon says bitterly. “And uh, Seokmin said I should be very clear about this with you-I'm not in a relationship. I never was. Youngie, you didn't ruin anything that night when you kissed me back. I'm so sorry for ever letting you to think that you did. God, how shitty must you have felt all these while?”
Very. But knowing it now takes a whole lot of weight off his shoulders. He can finally let go of the guilt he has been feeling for these past weeks. “You kissed me, hyung. Why did you do that?” You kissed me and you ran away. Why?
“It was a mistake.”
Soonyoung breathes in sharply. Okay, fine. He should have expected that answer from Jihoon. Really, he should. Because what else could it be? But it still hurts though. It still hurts like a bitch to hear it from Jihoon himself. How careless and selfish could Jihoon be to tear him apart like this? “You're an asshole, hyung.” He croaks out.
“I am.” Jihoon agrees. “I'm the biggest asshole alive for kissing you even after knowing you don't feel the same about me as I do for you. It's just that-you have to understand, Youngie-I have been in love you for so long that I can't even remember a single day when I'm not. I know the past few weeks of living with me meant nothing to you but to me, it's the only happy ending I will ever get. That night was never supposed to happen the way it did. I was supposed to magnanimously let you go, even if that's the last thing I ever want to do. But I was coward. I got a call from the doctor informing me you'd healed well enough to remove your cast within a week and I panicked. I know you will be leaving soon and I thought to myself, what do I have to lose if I kissed you, right? Well, I was so wrong. Not only have I lost your trust, I lost you completely.”
“You love me?” Soonyoung repeats, not really able to process it fully. What the hell? “But aren't you dating someone?”
Jihoon huffs. “It was a stupid idea. My friends said I should stop wasting my time mooning over you. That it's a one-side infatuation and I'm better off dating someone else. So, I tried. That time when you came over with Min, it's our second date. Mark was nice and everything but he's not you. I put a stop to it a week after that.”
“Wait, Mark? You dated a man? But hyung, aren't you straight?”
“No, I'm not. I'm bisexual actually.” Jihoon says. “It's not common knowledge. I don't try to hide it but I don't actively tell people either.”
“And why did you think that I don't feel the same?”
Jihoon frowns. “You said it yourself.”
“Huh, what?”
---
(Two years ago)
Soonyoung was getting too old for this.
Seokmin should really learn how to control his alcohol intake. It's exhausting to keep carrying him from one point to the other. Tonight, like many other nights, he was forced to drag Seokmin's drunk ass from the bar to his brother's apartment just because of the close distance between both points.
“Soonieeeee.” Seokmin slurred. “SOONIE, YAH!”
“Oh God, what Min?” Soonyoung complained as he tried to untie the shoelaces to get his friend's shoes off.
“Promise me you will be my friend forever.”
“Are we five, Min? Why are you asking me this?”
“Promise meeee.” Seokmin whined. “Promise me you will be with me forever and ever. That I'm the only Lee for you! Not even hyung, okay? Don't fall for that voice, Soonie! I forbid you.”
“Min, don't worry, you drunk doofus. I will never ever fall for your brother. I will be yours forever and ever, okay?”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.”
Unknown to them, someone had laid witness to Soonyoung's declaration.
---
“I was trying to placate your drunk brother, hyung! You know how immature he can get when he's inebriated. Why would you take that seriously?”
“How would I know?” Jihoon groans. “You sounded so sure. I thought you could never be attracted to me. That I will never have an ounce of chance with you.”
“So you are saying we wasted all these years just because I made a false promise with your drunk brother that one time and you believe it?”
Jihoon shifts in his seat. “Well, when you put it in that way, it sounds a bit stupid.”
“Because it does!” Soonyoung says. “Listen here because I will only say this once. Lee Jihoon, I am irrevocably and hopelessly in love with you. I don't even know how you could miss that but damn, Ji, you should know how far gone I am when it comes to you. I thought you could never feel the same. Not when you aren't interested in men in that way. I've my fair share of relationships over the years but nobody can make me feel the way you do. As cheesy as it sounds, while you are not my first love, you surely are my last. I don't think I can love anyone after you, Ji. I'm fairly certain because I sure as hell tried to for the past 4 years but failed.”
“You're right, that is cheesy.”
“That's the only thing you can say after I laid my heart to you?”
“You're not allowed to get over me. Ever.” Jihoon smiles as he edges closer to Soonyoung and takes his hands into his. “I love you so much, Kwon Soonyoung. Let's start over. Will do me the honor of becoming my boyfriend?”
A bright grin. “I thought you'd never ask.”
The kiss that comes next is pretty much perfect.
---
The next time they are in a club, Jihoon is seated right beside him with his arms wrapped snugly around him. Soonyoung is not going to lie, he kinda loves the picture they are forming right now. Jihoon is undeniably his. That despite how rocky and tough the road has been, they are finally here, in each other's arms. Soonyoung loves how their hands are clasped together, fingers interlaced as he leans comfortably against Jihoon's chest. If he has a choice, he wouldn't even step out of their apartment tonight, preferring to spend time together in their own world. It's only because of their mutual love for Seokmin that they're here after the other complained about how rare it has been for them to hang out together since Soonyoung became his brother's boyfriend.
“I still cannot believe my best friend and hyung are dating each other.” Seokmin says with such wonder in his voice.
Jihoon, having the full honorary right to tease his brother as his hyung, snorts derisively. “I still cannot believe you are finally getting some. You are less annoying now. Thanks, Joshua, for doing the grunt work.” He directs to the man who are settled comfortably in his brother's arms.
It's true. A week before, Seokmin has followed his hyung's footsteps and gathered enough courage to ask Joshua to be his boyfriend. Soonyoung has no doubt whatsoever that Joshua will say yes to Seokmin. Everyone sees how fond and in love he is for Seokmin. Sometimes, Soonyoung feels like he has found a kindred spirit in Joshua. The other man clearly knows what it feels to have a Lee swept you off your feet without your permission.
“You're welcome.” Joshua grins.
“Shuaaaa.” Seokmin protests.
“Yah, stop teasing my best friend.” Soonyoung interrupts.
Jihoon raises his eyebrow. “My boyfriend is supposed to defend me. Seokie has his own to do it for him.”
Soonyong smiles. “Will a kiss soothe the ache, baby?”
“Ewwwwwww.” Seokmin intervenes as he fakes a gag. “Can the both of you not be lovingly sickening in front of me? Please, I beg you.”
“It's your fault for asking us out, Min. We are happy enough with staying in and watching Marvel's Civil War.” Soonyoung says, not looking away from his boyfriend's extremely handsome face. “Besides, I need to mark my territory to let people know that this sinfully handsome man is taken.” He whispers as he leans in for a kiss.
It's hard to believe how much they'd to overcome, what they almost lost to get this far. But that's okay though. He's willing to undergo all the pain, suffering and confusion just so he could finally call Jihoon his.
It's all worth it.
You are my love that came without warning. I need you, I want you to know.