Chapter Text
Ian Gallagher had always lived in a full house, surrounded by family, so when he got his own apartment downtown, it took some getting used to.
It was only his first night on his own, and Ian couldn’t relax. Something was nagging at him, keeping him from sleep. He looked at the alarm clock beside the bed; it was only 10 ‒ still early, by Gallagher standards. With a start, he realized he hadn’t said goodnight to his siblings. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed his sister’s cell.
“Ian! Ian!” Liam shouted from the other end of the line. Ian smiled, feeling instantly at home just by hearing the little kindergartener answer so happily.
The next voice Ian heard was Fiona’s. She must have heard their little brother’s screaming and picked up the phone. “Hey kiddo, hold on a sec‒ CARL! I SAID LEAVE DEBBIE ALONE!” she screamed before he even had a chance to speak. He smiled at the apparent chaos of his home, already missing it. “How’s it going?” Fiona asked. “Did Lip finish helping you unpack?”
“Yeah, he left ‘bout an hour ago. Said he had to get back to the robotics lab for some kind competition,” he informed her, though what his brother and his assorted nerdy friends would really be doing in the university’s lab on a Sunday night was beyond Ian. “What’s going on there?” he wondered, still hearing way too much noise in the background.
Fiona sighed. “Debs is upstairs with a friend ‒ a boy ‒” she amended, “from school, and Carl won’t stop banging on her bedroom door, making kissing noises… and of course Liam is all riled up now because he has to know everything that’s going on. Welcome to another night in the Gallagher house of endless drama. Hey, shouldn’t you be sleeping? Your first class tomorrow’s an early one, isn’t it?”
“Yeah…” he admitted, albeit reluctantly.
“Well, what’re you waiting for?! Go on, get off the phone and get your ass to sleep!” Fiona ordered with a laugh. Of course his sister would pick up on his nerves, even over the phone. “I’ll tell them all you said goodnight as soon as things calm down a bit. Good luck tomorrow! Call me when you get back to your apartment after class,” she told him. “Oh, and don’t forget to take your meds,” she added, always the parent.
“I already did,” he assured her.
“Good. Hey, before you go, you got a postcard from Nick today. Want me to send it over to your new place?”
Ian sighed audibly. “No, s’fine,” he muttered. “I’ll just get it next time I’m over. ‘Night.”
He closed the phone and plugged it into the charger beside his bed before turning the light off, but the room was still perfectly illuminated by the city’s lights, streaming in unhindered through the tall windows. Ian sighed again and made a mental note to add “curtains” to the long list of things he still needed to buy in order to make his new apartment livable.
Nick had been Ian’s best friend since high school. They’d met in Junior ROTC and had hit it off right away. He considered him his best friend, and having a friend who was also gay had helped Ian become more comfortable with himself and who he was. Nick had been there for Ian throughout his numerous failed relationships, including Kash and Ned, and had been the first one to notice when Ian’s manic symptoms started to manifest in their senior year.
The problem was that Nick had gotten in to West Point, the school of Ian’s dreams, and in four years, he would be an officer on active duty, stationed wherever the government decided to send him.
Ian tried not to think about it much. He was happy for Nick… he really was… but that didn’t stop him from feeling like a terrible person whenever he did think about it, because he knew deep down that he was jealous of his best friend for doing what he couldn’t.
He stared around his nearly empty bedroom. Most of his things were still in the boxes he’d left untouched in the corner of the living room. It felt strange being surrounded by the plain, white walls, a sharp contrast to the many posters he and his brothers had had plastered all over their walls growing up.
Ian let out a deep breath, and it felt strangely good to do so. If he was being honest with himself, he almost felt relieved, and was surprised by the feeling. Gone were the constant reminders of the military bullshit he’d been so obsessed with throughout his teens; the fact that his dreams of becoming an officer would never become reality wouldn’t be the first thing he saw in the mornings and the last thing he looked at before going to sleep. He hadn’t realized the effect looking at those posters day-in and day-out had been taking on him until this moment.
He tried to concentrate on happier thoughts, like the fact that when he woke up the next morning, it would be his first day of college. Lip had set the bar high, what with getting a full scholarship and all, but even without a full ride, Ian hadn’t done too badly. He’d spent most of his senior year building up his grades and applying for scholarships, and had actually managed to get enough of them to cover his tuition. He used his savings from bartending all summer and dancing at the club to put a deposit down on his new apartment.
“His new apartment...” The whole concept felt so foreign to him. He would have never even found such a nice place without Jimmy’s dad’s help and the magic of rent control. The place wasn’t too over the top, but most importantly, it was clean and even had a small office that he was looking forward to using after years of having to do his homework on his bed or on the kitchen table.
He’d used what little money he had left to buy second-hand furniture to fill up the place, focusing on the essentials: a dresser, table and chairs. Ned had left him a bed frame and mattress when he’d moved out, and although it was a little weird to use an ex’s bed, Ian was still grateful to have one less expense.
He knew it was going to be difficult being in school full-time while still working nights, but he was determined to make it work. He closed his eyes and turned away from the windows in an attempt to block out the lights, and eventually fell asleep once thoughts of cramped bedrooms, fighting siblings, failed dreams, faraway friends and the overwhelming amount of work he had ahead of him slipped away from his mind.