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Natasha's pause as she moved into the community kitchen of the Avengers Tower wouldn't have been noticeable to most, but the figure that had been in the midst of stirring what looked like risotto was not so easily fooled. Natasha suppressed a shudder as Loki's bright green eyes turned to look at her. It'd been almost three months since the 'reformed' super villain had started living with them, but she still felt uncomfortable being in his presence.
The team had only found out about the god's supposed innocence because of a shouting match between himself and their very own Ironman. (This was the same shouting match in which they'd found out the two had been having sex and secretly dating for some time.) A month after the incident, Tony had waltzed into the living room to announce that Loki was moving in before making a run for it and locking himself in his labs. Ублюдок.
His sudden connection to Tony had improved his standing with several members of the team. Thor, for one, had been overjoyed to have his little brother around so often. (Though Thor, himself, was usually on Asgard dealing with royal business.) Bruce, who they had discovered knew about the affair almost the entire time, had been the most accepting non-family member. He'd at least had the advantage of warming up to the relationship before actually having to witness it.
The rest of them, though, weren't so sure. Steve, despite his initial words of acceptance, seemed to be having a bit of a hard time dealing with the regular sight of two men being together. Loki seemed to enjoy making him uncomfortable, but Tony kept things to a minimum. It was honestly surprising how understanding and accommodating the genius could be. For all of his arrogant, playboy attitude, he would do anything for a friend. Steve still tried to be cordial with the ex-villian, at least.
Clint was another story, which Natasha thought was entirely reasonable. He avoided Loki whenever possible, often leaving the room as soon as the other entered unless absolutely necessary. The tension between the two obviously bothered Tony, but Natasha could tell that he also understood Clint's point of view. (Loki had, after all, spent a good amount of time playing around in the archer's head.) At least Clint and Tony had managed not to let it ruin their friendship, though it had been a bit strained in the beginning.
As far as Natasha went, she wasn't quite sure where she stood on the issue. Loki had done horrible things during his fake invasion, not the least of which being what he'd done to Clint, but he seemed different now. He was calmer, often coming off as more playful than dangerous. Thor insisted that it was the kind of attitude that was more in line with the brother he had known. And he certainly made Tony happy. Still, the assassin couldn't quite get over the fear she'd felt during the attack, nor the worry. Trust didn't come easily to her, and she would be the last one to forget how dangerous the god could truly be.
Still, she'd just had a fight with the aforementioned archer and she needed some good, old-fashioned, Russian comfort food. And she'd be damned if Tony Stark's love life was going to get in her way. She and Loki could just ignore each other, as they usually did. In the last few months, they'd only ever been alone together a handful of times, all of which had been spent in silence.
The red head could feel Loki's gaze following her as she walked across the tile floor to pull open the freezer and retrieve a block of dough she kept there for just such occasions. It took a lot to get under her skin, being an assassin meant that she had plenty of practice when it came to controlling her emotions. Unfortunately, Clint had worked with her long enough to know exactly which buttons to press. It wasn't that he meant to, but…Well, it hardly mattered.
Natasha pulled a large butcher knife from the block on the counter and carved off a bit of dough before throwing it in the microwave to defrost. A quick visit back to the fridge got her the ingredients she needed for the filling of her back-home sweet. Loki continued to watch her as she mixed the cottage cheese, apricot jam, and condensed milk in a bowl.
The minutes stretched by in continued silence and Natasha felt like she could almost feel an actual weight from it resting upon her shoulders. Fed up and already irritated, she turned swiftly to meet Loki's gaze with a glare.
"What?"
He nodded once in her direction, a delayed greeting of sorts. His eyes flickered to the metal bowl in her hands.
"What are you making?"
His tone was neutral, with just a hint of curiosity. In her current state, though, Natasha couldn't quite bring herself to care. She turned back to her cooking and scowled at the mixture in the bowl.
"Why do you care?"
There was a brief pause as Loki considered his answer. She glanced over her shoulder to see he had turned back to his own cooking. He shrugged nonchalantly.
"Anthony is…distressed by my lack of peace with the rest of your little group. I seek to rectify the situation."
A derisive sniff tacked on to the end of his statement told Natasha exactly how much he disliked admitting his motive. Still, she wasn't quite convinced that his motives were so pure. Without turning back to him, she retrieved the thawed dough from the microwave. With moves long-practiced, she quickly dusted the countertop with flour and began rolling out the dough.
"Forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical. You did throw him out of a window the first time you two met and neither of you have bothered to share the story of how you got together. I'm still not sure I believe you're serious."
The glare she turned on him then was a warning. The threat of what she would do to him should she find out he was toying with Tony went unspoken. It was a threat that had been spoken in the past and she felt no need to repeat herself. For his part, Loki ignored the glare entirely. He hummed thoughtfully.
"Love is a very funny thing."
Were Natasha the type to show emotions, her expression probably would have been shocked. As it was, she kept all the raised eyebrows and gaping mouth locked up tight. They'd heard Tony proclaim his love numerous times; often announcing just as loudly that the God loved him back. However, this was probably only the second time Natasha had heard Loki actually say it.
"Love? You two seem to barely be able to get along. You're constantly calling Tony a moron and I don't think we've managed to get through a week without you two having a spat since you moved in."
The smile he sent her over his shoulder was pitying at best.
"You think getting along is the same as loving? Well, that certainly explains a few things. Love, Ms. Romanov, is often right where you are hating most."
"I'm sure." Sarcasm laced her words. "By that logic, the Avengers should all be dating supervillians."
Loki shook his head as though disappointed and moved across the kitchen to grab more cheese out of the fridge for his risotto.
"Rest assured, I have no doubts that plan would end disastrously. Though," he cocked his head to one side thoughtfully, "the mental image of Anthony and that Hammer fellow is quite…provoking."
"Whoa, there! More information than I need, thank you."
"Of course, back on topic. You have misunderstood my point with this supervillian talk, assassin. When you love someone, their power to infuriate you grows exponentially. Without them even being aware, they are given the power to influence you in countless ways." He grinned down at the risotto and Natasha could have almost described his expression as wistful. "Sometimes, you won't even be aware that it is happening yourself."
To someone who had spent their entire life reading people, the look in the god's eyes was quite telling. He was a thousand miles away from the kitchen, mind wrapped up in emotions and memories. For the first time, Natasha thought that perhaps she could actually believe that he loved her teammate. Perhaps. Before she could think about it too much, though, Loki was talking again.
"The point is, the more you care for someone, the more what they do can affect you. No one is perfect, not even a god." He threw a bemused smile over his shoulder at her. "Anthony and I fight a lot, but it is just a part of who we are. That's true of any relationship. Though you try to make peace and love, problems are still there. A person's annoying habits don't just disappear because you decide you like them. That's why sometimes you can love someone so much you'd like to kill them. I can't tell you how many times I've fantasized about throwing Anthony out of another window."
Natasha's eyebrows shot upward, alarmed despite herself at the ready admittance by Loki of wanting to inflict harm upon his lover. The look was lost on her inattentive kitchen companion as he bent down to check on something in the oven. The smell of salmon hit the assassin's nose.
"Throwing someone out of a window doesn't seem like love to me. It sounds more like hate."
Loki frowned as he rose, brow furrowed in a way Tony had called 'adorable' on more than one occasion. He seemed to be searching for a way to phrase what he wanted to say.
"Love and hate are…" He hesitated. "They're like two brothers, who go on a date." Ok, so maybe Thor wasn't the only one who hadn't completely grasped the English language. Loki was so much better at it than Thor that it was more off putting whenever he used a phrase incorrectly. Luckily, he wasn't finished speaking yet. "Where one of them goes, the other one follows. Much like Thor's incessant need to stick his nose into whatever I am doing. If you involve yourself with love, he will always bring sorrow with him."
By now, Natasha had her dough all pressed out and was spooning her filling into the center of each round. The movement of her hands kept her from feeling jittery. In truth, she felt more relaxed in Loki's company than she would have ever thought. That didn't mean she was exactly comfortable, though.
"So loving someone and wanting to kill them is the same thing?"
"In a way. Loving and killing fit like hand in glove."
The grin he gave her was all teeth, but managed to look somehow playful. It wasn't the first time that Natasha had been faced by the realization that Loki knew just how terrifying he could be. True to form, he knew just when to show it and when to reel it back in.
Instead of responding, Natasha focused on transferring her dish onto a sheet tray and carefully curling the edges. At the same time, Loki pulled two dished out of a cabinet and pulled a pan from the oven that indeed held salmon. A silence stretched between them.
"Vatrushka."
Loki looked up from where he was plating the meal, asparagus appearing from somewhere to accompany the dish. Confusion was clear on his face and Natasha motioned to the pastries she was moving.
"They are called vatrushka. It is a sweet bun from Russia, one of the oldest dishes of our culture."
A smile lit Loki's face, albeit a small one.
"It is good to know there is another member of this household who enjoys cooking. I must admit that I find your recipes and food variety here on Midgard quite fascinating."
"I find the skill can come in handy. What temperature did you have the oven at?"
"350."
"Good. That's what I need."
Natasha stepped around the god to slide her pan into the oven. Tony, of course, had multiple ovens in his kitchen, but she didn't feel like waiting for the other to heat up. Loki eyed her thoughtfully.
"So, will you be telling him?"
Natasha did not jump. She did not. But it was possible that she shut the oven door a bit harder than necessary. Loki grinned again and she found that she didn't like this one quite so much.
"I'm sorry?"
"You should be. Playing dumb truly does not suit you, Ms. Romanov."
She crossed her arms and remained stubbornly silent, checking the clock on the wall to time her dish. Loki rolled his eyes in exasperation. He picked up each of the plate now artfully decorated with his cooking. As he turned to leave, he looked back over his shoulder at the red head.
"I am taking these down to Anthony in his lab. He never remembers to eat once he gets into a project, something I find rather irritating because it gets left to me to see to his basic needs." His eyes flickered to the oven. "Perhaps Barton would appreciate you seeing to some of his basic needs, eh? He is, after all, the one you were so infuriated by when you first arrived, is he not?"
He swept out of the room before the assassin could answer. Natasha glared after him before sighing and settling one hip against the counter top. Stupid, know-it-all god thought he was so clever…Her gaze drifted to the oven door. She had made more than she'd be able to eat…perhaps sharing would not be such a bad idea.