Archive of Our Own

Jungkook was nervous. He always was. That was nothing new.

He was pacing around the small walls of his dorm room. Physically, he was ready to go, bag already packed and waiting by the door, but mentally, he wasn’t even close. Taehyung was supposed to come pick him up, a tradition they have before every volleyball game, he’d always wanted them to arrive together. It started in middle school when the elder came to him one day ranting about his coach and how the setter they were working with was bringing the team down, not wanting to cooperate with anyone. He had suggested to Jungkook to try out for the team, and Jungkook, distracted by one of his many video games, had agreed. At the time he didn’t quite know what he was getting himself into, but looking back at it now he wouldn’t regret it for the world.

Or maybe he would.

Before every game they have, Jungkook started off his pregame ritual by playing overwatch on his switch;  it was the start of their spring season and they needed every game to count. So Taehyung, being the caring team captain he was, he hid the younger’s switch, encouraging him to practice more for the upcoming game. Truthfully, the win was practically secured with their reputation among other universities, but the older didn’t want to risk any chance of jeopardizing their streak. And holy shit was Jungkook ever nervous. 

He confided in his games as a way to cope with anxiety, a way to hide until he didn’t need to anymore, but this time, he didn’t have that. Which is what led to him pacing his dorm room, back and forth, maybe twenty times over and probably annoying the tenants downstairs as he ran a hand through his raven hair as a way to calm himself.

It didn’t take much longer until there was a knock at the door, Jungkook stopping in his steps to look through the peephole even though he knew there was only one person that could be there. 

Taehyung stood on the other side, staring at his phone while he waited for the door to be opened. When it was, he walked in almost immediately, briefly glancing at Jungkook as he pushed past him to get the gym bag he left on the floor.

Jungkook watched him silently, then moved into the hallway to wait, knowing the elder would follow with his bag slung over his shoulders. This was also a part of the tradition. Taehyung didn't want him to strain any muscles before the match, always insisting on carrying Jungkook's bags. He was a setter, after all, his head is always up in the clouds, arms always raised to get the ball before he sent it off for a spike. And usually, Jungkook would protest and insist on holding his things himself, but with his nerves, he knew his words would be weak, useless almost, against the older's. Regardless, though, he loved it whenever the older doted on him, massaging his shoulders and constantly asking if he was okay. 

His best friend, who was always there for him and cared so deeply about him, gave Jungkook a fluttering feeling deep inside his chest whenever he did. He looked away from him then, glancing into the hall while he waited for Taehyung to close the door behind him. He couldn’t look at the elder without butterflies jumping all around inside him. His damp hair, that must’ve been from a shower before arriving, his black t-shirt that clung to the muscles on his arms, his loose sweatpants that seemed to hang off his hips in all the right places. Jungkook could feel a blush creeping up the side of his neck and could only pray that it wasn’t visible to prying eyes.

“You ready?” Taehyung asked, his voice deep and smooth like it always was. He had Jungkook’s bag in his hands, stepping out from underneath the arch of the door and moving out of the way so that Jungkook could lock it behind him. Taehyung always asked him this before games and no matter how many times he answered, his reply would always be the same.

“No,” he spoke nonchalantly, but he was almost anything but.

“Good, me either,” Taehyung smiled at the younger and shit. It was one of his boxy ones, the ones that were usually reserved for when the elder was really happy or whenever he spoke to Jungkook. If Jungkook could rename the seventh world wonders, he’d add Taehyung’s rectangle smile to be one of them.

“Are you nervous?” Jungkook asked him. He wasn’t expecting the elder to admit to being so, even though he could see the way his hands were shaking a bit on his phone earlier before he pocketed it.

“No.”

“So then why is your shirt backwards?”

“My– shi– what?” Taehyung paused, trying to turn his head so he could see the front of the shirt that was facing the wrong way. He looked like a dog trying to chase its tail, adorable while doing so, and sparking a laugh from Jungkook’s lips that he tried to cover up with his hands.

“You really didn’t notice?” Jungkook asked, a giggle slipping through his lips at nearly every word. They were still standing outside his dorm room, but thank God the hallway was empty. He didn’t like it when other people were around to witness the stars he had in his eyes for the elder.

“No,” Taehyung huffs, deciding to leave the shirt as it was and nudging his head forward to indicate Jungkook to start walking. They needed to leave soon to get to the gymnasium. “I can’t believe Jimin let me leave without saying something.”

“He probably did it on purpose.”

“He wouldn’t.”

“You know he would.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Taehyung pouted. “Probably to get back at me for the time I didn’t tell him his uniform was inside out.” Jungkook could feel the eye roll in the older’s words. He and Jimin were always bickering and playing pranks on each other, a lot more so since they lived together. 

While Taehyung was Jungkook’s best friend, they had a two year age difference between them and when the elder first started university, Jungkook was still stuck in high school so he had to learn how to make other friends while Taehyung was gone. 

The younger can still remember the day Taehyung came over to his house drenched in water, exclaiming about how he and one of his new teammates got into an argument over who could block the most balls. Taehyung had said that since the other was so short there was no way he could reach as high as him and Jimin, who had been the new teammate, had promptly taken one of the water bottles and squirted it in Taehyung’s face. Which had ensued a water fight and lead to the two getting kicked out of the gym. Taehyung was practically cursing his name that day swearing that he’d get revenge, but it didn’t take much longer until the two were bonding with each other and helping each other improve their skills.

At first, Jungkook was kind of jealous of Jimin since he got to be around Taehyung 24/7 when the younger couldn’t be, but Jungkook soon found Jimin growing on him too once Taehyung had introduced them to each other. The elder had to reassure him that his ‘Jungkookie’ always came first in his heart and that no one would ever take that away.

It wasn’t much longer until they were out of the dorm building and walking around the back to the resident parking lot. Taehyung had brought his car with him to university, it was an older model but it got the job done, Plus Jungkook was extremely fond of it, remembering all the good memories of the two bonding inside of it when they were in high school and his little crush was first blossoming. Or maybe it wasn’t so little even back then. Taehyung had driven them to lots of places back then, wanting Jungkook to get outside more instead of always being cooped up in his bedroom playing video games.

Sometimes Jungkook often wondered how he became friends with someone like Taehyung, a loud, social butterfly, who craved interactions with other people and always demanded eyes on him, while Jungkook was the complete opposite. The younger could go days without talking to anyone if he really wanted to and it was more than he’d like to admit that he actually did. 

If it wasn’t for Taehyung getting him into playing volleyball he’d most likely still be in his bedroom, holed up playing Overwatch instead of heading to his own sports game. And maybe that’s why he feels insecure sometimes. Jungkook felt stupid for liking someone like Taehyung, who was beautiful and amazing in every single way compared to the turtle-like, quiet person he was, always into his own shell. He owed so much to the older for sticking around him all this time, for always being by his side no matter how far apart they were.

Jungkook hadn’t even noticed when they got to Taehyung’s car. He was standing in front of it like a fool while Taehyung shoved his bag in the backseat, distracted and in love. He was smiling to himself as he thought of past memories, too absorbed in them to notice that Taehyung was trying to get his attention. “—Are you even listening to me?”

“Huh?” Jungkook snapped back to reality, realizing Taehyung must have been talking all this time.

“I asked if you were gonna get in the car,” the older repeated.

“Oh,” Jungkook responded dumbly.

“Oh?” Taehyung smirked at him, something he did often to tease Jungkook when he got like this, talking about how cute it was since Jungkook had a certain look in his doe eyes. That was something about the younger that Taehyung always said he adored, his eyes resembled stars for Taehyung. He was always looking at them as if Jungkook hung the universe.

The younger cleared his throat, looking away as a familiar blush turned his cheeks a light shade of red. “Yeah, um– yeah, sorry.”

Jungkook had gotten in the car after that, trying his hardest not to look in the elder’s direction. His crush seemed to be getting worse these days, harder to keep in and hide. Thank goodness Taehyung didn’t have a clue about what was up. If he knew even half the thoughts that went on in Jungkook’s mind he was almost positive Taehyung would be repulsed by the younger. He always teased him for being so shy and innocent all the time. Well if only he knew.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence, a comfortable silence you only got after being around someone for so long, only the sound of the radio playing in the background to pass the time. 

♕

When they arrived at the gymnasium, Jungkook noticed that the stands were already almost packed. They were usually always full, being that their volleyball team was pretty popular after having won a few championships in the past few years, but also because a lot of his team members are good looking.  He never really minded having an audience to watch him, it made him nervous to know so many eyes are always focused on him, but he’s become accustomed to it after so long. Tuning the crowd out does wonders.

Seokjin, their right-wing, usually gathered the most attention for his good looks. He’s tall and second on their team for collecting the most points next to Taehyung, but Seokjin is lean with broad shoulders that make everyone go crazy. Not to mention is face is flawless. Jungkook had been intimidated by him when they first met but warmed up quickly when Seokjin started telling his dad jokes. 

Then again Jungkook is intimidated by almost everyone. He’s known Taehyung the longest out of everyone on the team and even though they’re best friends now it took years before Jungkook was fully comfortable around him to trust him.

The rest of their team was already there by the time Taehyung and Jungkook arrived, already dressed and ready to play in their blue and white uniforms. The team banner already hung on the side of the stands, showing off the school’s mascot, a crane, and their volleyball team’s motto ‘teamwork makes the dream work.’

Jungkook followed Taehyung in the direction of the change rooms to get ready for the match. The pair got ready quickly, not exchanging many words. Taehyung left the room first as he had to go and speak to their coach before the match to get the information on what they should practice before the game started. Jungkook was left alone to finish putting on his knee pads and tying up his laces before going outside to start drills with the rest of the team.

Today’s court was pretty big, the gymnasium known for hosting big events like this. Seoul National University was famous for its volleyball team hence why the team was pretty heavily funded. The school they’re playing against today hadn’t arrived yet, but Jungkook can see his teammates practicing on one side of the net already. 

They had split the net in half lengthwise so that they could practice serving and spiking over it. Jungkook had looked up at the exact time Yoongi had done one of his infamous jump serves over the net where Hoseok was standing on the other side ready to receive it. 

Hoseok was their libero and he’s pretty damn good at his job too. He used to do dancing a lot in high school before deciding to give volleyball a shot in College. His movements were sharp and fluid all at the same time, and most of the time he was able to receive almost any ball no matter how difficult it was. 

Yoongi was the eldest of the two, the second oldest on the team next to Seokjin, and the team’s pinch server, only coming into the game to get them an extra few points when they needed it the most. Regardless of how much of a spin was on Yoongi’s serve, though, Hoseok still received it with ease, bending his knees low with his arms outstretched to bump the ball back up into the air. To anyone watching, the movement looked effortless. As he got closer, Jungkook could hear them speaking.

“Yoongi-ah!” Hoseok exclaimed cheerfully, always a smile on his face. He had been nicknamed ‘sunshine’ for always brightening everyone up on the team when they had even the slightest of frowns on their face. “That one was tricky, I almost thought I wasn’t gonna get it.”

“It’s looking good Hobi!” Taehyung shouted to them, ever so encouraging. He was over by the side of the court sitting on the bench, talking to their coach with Jimin, Namjoon and Yugyeom, the remaining members of their team. Taehyung was the captain, but it was Namjoon who often helped in creating plays and strategies for the team. He’s their left-wing and an amazing blocker. He had a remarkable ability of read-blocking, calculating where a spike was going before it even happened and stopping the ball before it can fall over the net. Yugyeom, on the other hand, was another middle blocker besides Jimin, and his tall height was extremely useful against the harder opponents, they’d get intimidated by his length since he was on the verge of pushing six feet. Jimin though, may be short but he can jump high as hell, it was a good advantage for them in matches since at first glance opponents can’t see his secret threat.

“Thanks, Tae,” Hoseok gave one of his bright smiles and went to collect the ball that dropped after he hit it. It rolled in the direction that Jungkook was standing, stopping right at his feet.

He looked up when he saw the setter, grin becoming wider. “Hey, Kook, how’s it going? You excited for today’s game? It’s against Yonsei, so you know it’s gonna be good.” 

Hoseok’s rapid-fire questions were hard to focus on (Jungkook was used to it since he spoke that way often), but there was only one thing that really caught Jungkook’s attention. Yonsei. 

Yonsei was their rival school. They were always competing against each other for almost everything. Volleyball was the only sport where SNU was always sure to secure a win against them. In the last year that Jungkook has attended the university, they’ve never lost a single game. Whether it was a practice match or an actual match, SNU always came out on top, which had caused a heated rivalry between the two teams. 

The setter could feel the taste of jealousy on his lips. He wasn’t jealous of Yonsei per se, but of a particular member on the team. One who could get the blood boiling inside of Jungkook in mere seconds by just taking one glance at him.

The look on Jungkook’s face contrasted his words. “Yeah, of course, Hyung.” He tries to sound confident, sure of himself, nonchalant even. “We’re gonna win.”

And they will. They always do. Yonsei can take a lot away from them, from Jungkook, but never when it comes to winning. Jungkook was a competitive person and he’d be damned if he let this match get taken away from him. It’s Yoongi who comes over to pat him on the back, Hoseok leaving after the end of their conversation to speak to their coach.

Yoongi was the only one who knew about Taehyung, how Jungkook felt for him. Yoongi was the only one who could relate, being in the same position with Namjoon, hopelessly pining in hopes that his love would be returned. The elder was the only one who knew about his hatred for a certain member in Yonsei, the only other person who Taehyung seemed to be cozy with that wasn’t Jungkook or Jimin. It made the setter’s heart beat faster just at the thought of it.

“You okay, kid?” Jungkook wanted to scream at the number of times he’d been asked that today alone. “There’s nothing to be in over your head with, especially with Hyungsik.”

“I know that, Hyung,” Jungkook answered, pouting just slightly. “I just can’t stand him.” The younger looked away, the stare of Yoongi’s eyes too intense on him. He could almost feel the stupid smirk on Yoongi’s face and Jungkook was thankful for him. He really was.

“Channel your anger towards the game,” Yoongi advised. “Whenever I think about Namjoon’s complete obliviousness, I try to picture the ball hitting the back of his head when I serve.”

Jungkook laughs. “That’s supposed to help me how?” It’s said jokingly, the younger knew Yoongi was only trying to lighten his spirits.

“Not help you, just to take your mind off of things.”

Yoongi treated him like a younger brother, and Jungkook loved him, thankful for him.

“Don’t go overthinking things like you always do.”

“Can’t help it, Hyung.” It was his subconscious, Jungkook didn’t mean to. If it were up to him, he’d try and erase all thoughts of Taehyung from his mind, try and stop them from taking up so much space in his mind.

“I know, kid.” Yoongi lightly smacked him once more on the back before he went to see where Hoseok had gone.

And Jungkook knew he should probably start getting warmed up too. He’d been standing around for too long, so, listening to Yoongi, Jungkook tried to stay motivated. He goes over to the ball bag and gets a free ball for himself to practice the drills with. No one was too surprised by this, leaving him alone to do his own thing. Mostly everyone knew that Jungkook got quiet before games. He was always quiet, but pre-match, it was usually his thoughts taking over, limiting the number of times he opened his mouth. He would worry. About the game, the outcome, how he played. Though it was all unjust since he knew the game would go fine and they would win and Jungkook could play and play right. He’d done it many times in the past, but today felt different and he wasn’t so sure why.

The sound of the buzzer goes off near the side of the court, signalling 5 more minutes until game time and taking Jungkook out from the pits of his mind. 

That isn’t what fully gets his attention though. It's the gymnasium doors opening on the other side of the court, the sound of footsteps entering the room.

When Jungkook looks up he sees Yonsei arriving.

And that’s when his stomach dropped.

♕

See, Jungkook didn’t look very athletic when he had first joined the volleyball team in middle school.

He was told by a lot of people that maybe volleyball wasn’t the right sport for him. His scrawny exterior made others look past his natural ability to play and instead obsessed over his looks, not quite understanding how someone so small could possibly be good at a sport that required height and athleticism.

He proved them all wrong, of course.

Jungkook’s natural talent for volleyball is what kept him going throughout the years. It was one of the reasons why he still played today. Volleyball had always been a salvation, a way to distract himself for a few hours at a time; to get him away from being hunched over his laptop all day playing video games. 

Taehyung wasn’t very surprised when he saw Jungkook succeeding. And when Jungkook asked him about it one day, the elder had only said it was because the younger was good at everything, turning Jungkook into a stuttering, blushing mess in seconds.

Jungkook was still blatantly nervous. There were butterflies covering every inch of his stomach, all the way up to his rib cage, and it felt like they were in his throat. He felt nauseous. Taehyung was calling everyone over for a small pep talk before they started, but Jungkook couldn’t hear a word he was saying. It was all white noise. Static. Silence. He was going to throw up. The pressure to prove himself was too strong. Too much. He wanted everything to be perfect.

“We’ve been looking forward to this for a while now,” Taehyung declared. “We’ve practiced hard for hours and we haven’t lost against them in a while now, so let’s not start today. Okay?” His words were sharp, voice bold and demanding. “We can do this”. 

And fuck, if Jungkook didn’t fall head over heels in love with him at that. His deep voice was like soulful music. It compelled him; forced the setter to listen to his demands no matter what. 

“Taehyung’s right,” Namjoon said. The assistant captain was shedding a few more words for encouragement. “I’m confident that we know what we’re doing. We can crush them!” 

Jungkook let out a deep breath, knowing he had to calm down before he went on the court. His team needed him. The setter was one of the most important positions. They were the ones who helped spikers score the points. Jungkook was the one setting up the scores, so their ace could hit them.

It was moments later that the ringing sound of the buzzer went off. It was loud, not louder than Jungkook’s pounding thoughts, but loud enough.  The team only had a few more seconds to do their cheer before they were off, Jungkook’s body feeling like it weighed a ton of bricks as he walked onto the court to take his position.

Jungkook was upfront, right at the net; Jimin was standing beside him in the middle and Taehyung on the left side, with Namjoon, Hoseok and Jin behind them. They were receiving so they had their libero in the starting lineup instead of Yugyeom.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

As if to make things worse, this line up had Hyungsik directly in front of Taehyung. The two wings were smiling at each other. Jungkook wanted to throw up.

The referee blew his whistle and soon the server on Yonsei bounced the ball on the ground a few times before tossing it into the air and serving it over the net and onto their side of the court.

The ball made a loud smacking sound as it came in contact with Hoseok’s hands, moving fast, his quick reflexes coming in handy as he bumps the ball effortlessly and sends it Jungkook’s way. But the setter wasn’t ready. Jungkook barely manages to hit the ball at the right angle, trying to send it off in hopes that it would reach Taehyung on its own, wanting the first point to go to him.

Taehyung had to stretch a little bit more on his jump to touch it, but he does it so lightly that it goes right over the net. For a second, it looked as if it wasn’t going to make it over, lightly catching the rim of the net, but it tipped over the side at the last second. 

Jungkook breathed a sigh of relief. That was close. A little too close. He needed to get his shit together. 

Taehyung sends him a small look of confusion, seeming to ask him what just happened, but Jungkook just looked away, too frustrated with himself for almost letting a point go for being so careless as to get distracted in the middle of a game like that.

Yet it goes on like that. 

Jungkook’s passes continue to be either too high or too short; not exactly getting to his target and making them resort to other measures just to even touch the ball. 

He was sweating. His heart pounding and his palms sweaty. This wasn’t going well.

Yonsei was in the lead now and Jungkook was panicking. He never panics during a game yet he didn’t know what the fuck to do. He felt like he lost control of himself. He had made the mistake of glancing over at Hyungsik too many times and that led his brain into too many directions, not being able to focus properly.

It’s right after another point, Yonsei’s point, that Hyungsik gets closer to the net, smirking at Taehyung jokingly, “What happened, Tae?” Jungkook scowled. He wanted to rip that stupid smirk off of his face. “Not so cocky now that you’re not in the lead?”

And it was always like this with the two of them. The friendly banter that they share, making everything oh so unbearable for the setter. “Shut up, Hyung. The game’s just barely started, we’re still gonna kick your ass.”

After he finished speaking, Taehyung turned around to look directly at Jungkook. The hard stare right into his eyes had Jungkook jumping up straighter in fright. The elder pointed two fingers at his eyes before turning them to face Jungkook. It was a small motion but it meant a lot. The next hit was going to Taehyung. He wanted to be the one to shut Hyungsik up in a way that was different from words.

Surprisingly, the setter doesn’t fuck this one up. 

The serve from Yonsei starts off easy, a light hit directly to Seokjin this time that has the elder bending his knees to catch it and send it toward Jungkook. His mind went blank for a second though, his body working off his reflexes and muscle memory instead, and maybe that was why it worked out.

Jungkook tossed the ball in Taehyung’s direction with an overhead volley and their ace smashed it down on the other side of the court in seconds, the ball hitting right in front of the outside line and making it hard to receive from even their best defender.

That was the easiest play all day.

If only Jungkook could turn off his mind for the rest of the game.

Their team lost two more points bringing the score to 8 - 19 for Yonsei. That was when their coach called a break, trying to stop the momentum before the other team hit 20. It didn’t look good, the one measly point Taehyung had scored earlier doing little to the overall score.

Jungkook could hear the sound of Hyungsik laughing behind him, but he didn’t chance a look back as he made his way to the benches along with the rest of the team. He couldn’t afford to make himself feel any worse. 

Jungkook kept his head down the entire time. Even when he could feel the eyes of his teammates staring at him. Their eyes felt like fire on his skin, boring holes into it that don’t leave any scars. 

He barely recognized the sound of his coach speaking getting cut off, Taehyung interrupting to say something about “handling it”. Jungkook was the problem. He knew he was. He was the reason why the team was doing so shit today. It was his fault only because he couldn’t keep his fucking jealously in check. He thought Taehyung was his, stating a claim over him. Jungkook was possessive over the fact that Taehyung was probably the only person that made him feel like himself and he didn’t want to give that up. Not for anyone and especially not for Hyungsik. He wouldn’t even want to give it up for himself. 

He didn’t want to recognize it when Taehyung took a hold of his arm, pulling him aside far enough that it would be just them, far enough from prying ears. 

Taehyung sounded angry when he spoke. “What the hell was that, Jungkook?” And oh his full name. 

“I don’t even—know what went on out there.” He was sighing now, running a hand through his hair with his hands on his hips, staring Jungkook right in the eyes. The younger couldn’t even look away if he wanted to. 

“I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know?” 

“No, I don’t fucking—” Jungkooks words come out strained. He was frustrated. At himself? The situation? Taehyung? He didn’t know. Didn’t fucking know anything. He couldn’t seem to explain anything he felt at the moment without sounding like an idiot. He sighed, took a deep breath in hopes that it would calm him down even the slightest bit. “I don’t know, okay? I just can't think out there.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung agreed.

“Yeah?” Jungkook looked at him in confusion. 

“Yes. I’m saying yes because okay, you don’t know? That’s fine, that’s valid, but save that for later okay? Can you do that?”

The younger found himself nodding.

“I swear, I’m not trying to be rude, but right now, whatever it is you don’t know can wait until after the game. And we can talk about it, alright? Don’t let it distract you from doing what you do best.”

Taehyung was right. 

“So,” the captain’s voice changed a little, going from firm to something a little bit softer, “I want you to pull your head out of your ass and get your shit together, Jeon.”

Jungkook didn’t know if the stinging he felt behind his eyes was from wanting to cry or from the intensity of the gaze that was still on him, the one that hadn’t wavered one bit since the start of their conversation.

“O-Okay,” the younger said, a bit defeated, but he knew that there was no room for argument with Taehyung’s tone.

“Oh, I’m not done,” the elder continued.

That had Jungkook raising his eyebrows, wondering what else the elder could want to say to him. Probably something that would either fill him with shame and embarrassment or something else he didn’t want to think about. It wasn’t the time nor the place for thoughts like that.

“Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean I’m not going to obliterate your ass if we lose this fucking game,” Taehyung promised.

And that didn’t sound so bad. Jungkook could think of plenty of reasons why he wouldn’t mind that happening, but he could feel a bit of disappointment behind Taehyung’s strong gaze and the urge to prove himself to the older grew even stronger. He felt like shit for fucking up, but Jungkook would feel even shittier if they lost. Which they wouldn’t. But Jungkook really did need to get his shit together. He could ignore Hyungsik if it meant focusing, if it meant winning. He just had to try not to think about who was on the other side of that net.

Soon, they got back on the court and the referee blew his whistle to signal the end of the break. 

They’ve done a full rotation around the court already and are back in the same positions that they were in at the start of the match. But this time Jungkook didn’t feel bile rising in his throat. He felt calmer, less panicky. He knew it was a result of his conversation with Taehyung and he was grateful. It meant Jungkook was finally getting his shit together.

He tried not to stare at Hyungsik now, pretending that the other didn’t exist at all, which wasn’t too hard. The setter would be glad if that even became a reality.

Their next point comes easy, as easy as the whole game should’ve been from the start.

Seokjin was the one to start it off, doing a simple jump serve that the younger knew he’d been working on for some time now. He even practiced with Yoongi, getting the younger to help him and make sure that it wasn’t easy to receive by their opponents. 

He aimed for the ball to land just inside of the backcourt. 

And it would’ve done just that, had one of the Yonsei members not received it at the last second; diving forward on their stomach to reach the ball and bump it up into the air to their setter.  But the pass must’ve been a little off and part of Jungkook wanted to laugh at the irony. Oh, how the tables had finally turned as the ball came over the net and was easily volleyed up by Hoseok and back to Jungkook.

And the setter did what he knew best.

He passed it to Taehyung, barely looking at the elder, just blindly trusting that Taehyung would be running up in time to catch it. It was a risky move, yes, but after the talk they just had, Jungkook knew he’d be ready for anything the setter had up his sleeve.

In the next second, Jungkook blinked and the ball was smacking down on the other side of the net, right in front of Hyungsik.

Jungkook felt a smile creep up his face. Not one that reached his eyes, it was small and barely noticeable, but it was there.

They ended up losing that set.

Jungkook glanced over to see Taehyung’s reaction before the scorers could flip the numbers to show 18 - 25. The elder didn’t look mad. Neither was the rest of his team. It was like they could all sense the change. They didn’t care if the Yonsei members were cheering all around them, getting their hopes up and thinking that maybe they were finally going to take a match from SNU.

None of that mattered, though, since Jungkook knew that he wasn’t going to let this game get away from him so easily.

Taehyung was right.

He could leave his thoughts for later, he needed to focus as of right now. His thoughts would always be there, his doubts definitely, but this game, this match, was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. They needed to get it right this first time, this only time. There were no chances for do-overs.

The game got better after that.

Before Jungkook knew it, they were scoring a point.

And another.

And then two more...five more.

Then they were taking the whole set.

Time flew quickly and it wasn’t much longer before they’re down to the last point of the last set.

Their positions weren’t the same as when they started. Yoongi was on the court now, his turn to serve. Jungkook was in the back row, so they couldn’t do one of their usual plays. Yoongi knew this. And he could’ve just taken the point for them with an ace serve, but he didn’t. Instead, he did a normal serve, his feet doing a step sequence before the ball was flying over the net and into a Yonsei member’s arms. The elder went easy, giving up a point he could’ve had for himself and deciding to let his teammates score it instead.

The ball wasn’t in Yonsei’s hands for long. They try to do a simple attack, the ball going to their left-wing as he tries to spike it over, but it’s stopped by a block. Namjoon bent his knees and jumped high to do an open-hand block against the ball, so it smacked back down on Yonsei’s court again.

But they were quick, perhaps learning from past mistakes. Their libero had jumped forward hastily to bump the ball back up, stopping it from hitting the ground. The ball was passed to another player, who set it up, and it was Hyungsik again who tried to spike it.

This time, the ball passed over the block, but fortunately, Jimin had moved to receive it, volleying it up so that it appeared right above Namjoon’s head.

And then, while the ball was still in the air, they started their synchronized attack. 

The back row ran forward with Jungkook in the middle and they all jumped at the same time. It was a decoy trick, a move to confuse their opponents since they wouldn’t be able to tell who was going to get the ball.

Namjoon took a step to the side and gently aimed the ball for it to fit comfortably right inside Jungkook’s outstretched palm.

Yonsei was expecting him to slam it down.

So he did the opposite.

It felt like he was floating midair for a moment, holding his jump longer so that the ball grazed his fingertips before he tapped it. The ball touched the net, balancing on the rim for a second before, just barely, leaning over the other side.

The court went quiet as the ball dribbled before coming to a stop. The silence of the crowd was prominent before it seemed as everyone started cheering at once, overcoming their shock.

The most satisfying thing out of all of it, though, was seeing Hyungsik’s shocked, exhausted face as he laid flat on the ground, arms reached out as if he was going to catch the ball before it fell.

He looked up and watched as Jungkook smiled at him.

Jungkook felt good.

The whistle blew twice for the end of the game.

There was cheering in the stands above the court as everyone celebrated the win.

His teammates gathered around Jungkook with grins on their faces.

It was another win.

They didn’t let Yonsei win again. They came through. Crushed their asses with a final score of  25 - 9.

It felt good.

Taehyung was clapping him on the back, giving Jungkook one of his big rectangular smiles that made his tummy hurt in the right way. He was saying good job. Congratulating him. 

Jungkook felt like he made it. He felt like he saved the world in a past life to have Taehyung smiling at him like that . He was happy. Elated even.

And somehow after this mess of a game that wasn’t really a mess at all, Jungkook allowed himself to be pulled into a post-game dinner.

He felt amazing.

♕

An hour or two after the game ended, Jungkook found himself and the rest of his team (minus the coach) at a semi-fancy restaurant down the street from their university gymnasium. It was decent enough that you couldn’t walk in wearing sweats but not fancy enough where it required formalwear and came with a large bill. Jungkook was still riding on the high from the end of the game. He was still a bit upset that he had let thoughts of Hyungsik get under his skin so much, but he was even happier that he managed not to let anyone down. 

Or almost anyone. 

There was still Taehyung and while the older was smiling at him and acting like everything was completely fine, the smile wasn’t reaching his eyes. He could tell that the older really wanted to have a talk with Jungkook. Ask him what the hell happened back there since it was so unlike him to space out in the middle of a game. 

And the younger was dreading it. Didn’t know what he was gonna say. Because what? Was he really about to tell Taehyung that he was on his mind every single second and he hated the way Hyungsik could just come along and suddenly it was like Jungkook didn’t even exist anymore?

Taehyung wasn’t a mean person, was far from being one and he always treated Jungkook with respect, but there was no telling how he’d react if he found out about the crush Jungkook had been harbouring for years. Their friendship was the only solid thing in his life and just the thought of ever losing that scared Jungkook immensely.

His post-game high was dwindling fast.

“Good job out there, Kook!” Jimin complimented, leaping into the seat beside him at the huge table that they all sat at. It was a tight fit. All eight of them tried to squeeze themselves into a semi-large table that was really only meant to seat six. But somehow, they found a way to make it work. 

Jungkook was in between Jimin and Taehyung. Not exactly the ideal seat to be in considering the talk they still needed to have. And also since Jungkook knew he wouldn’t be able to go a whole dinner with the elder beside him without letting his thoughts stray at least once. 

He could feel his cheeks heating up as he blushed. He was never too good at taking compliments. “Thank you, Hyung.” And if Jimin’s smile turned a little brighter at ‘Hyung’, he didn’t mention it. 

He chose instead to giggle a little bit. His hand came up to cover his mouth in an adorable way, using the other hand to poke at Jungkook's cheek and making the younger smile back and move away from his insistent finger. 

“You’re so cute, Kookie,” Jimin cooed, but then he pouted, recalling the game. “But you were so out of it at the start. What switched?”

It was an instant reaction in the way his body tensed up at the question. If he wasn’t ready to have this conversation with Taehyung, then he wasn’t ready to talk about it at all . 

And to make matters worse, Jungkook could feel Taehyung's body turn subtly, coming away from his own conversation to tune in more to theirs as if wanting to hear Jungkook's response too. Which would’ve been fine. But Taehyung wasn’t being subtle at all. It was almost as if he wanted Jungkook to have a breakdown in the middle of the restaurant in front of all their friends. The elder had gone as far as to put his hand on Jungkook's thigh. Not moving it but providing a constant pressure. If he meant it as a way to reassure the younger, it sure as hell wasn’t doing its job. He thanked God it was only Jimin looking at him and the rest of the table seemed to be distracted. Jungkook would most likely die on the spot if they could see the way his slight blush from Jimin’s compliment had turned into a full-blown tomato from just having Taehyung's hand on his thigh. 

The elder was torturing him unknowingly. 

He could feel his eyes closing as he practically begged his dirty thoughts to go away. 

The food comes just in time, serving as the perfect interruption for his thoughts and as a distraction that gets Taehyung’s abnormally large palm removing itself from his thigh. And Jungkook had no idea how he had managed to stop his thighs from shaking. 

Jimin had seemed to drop the topic for a bit, or at least until Jungkook got his food, because as soon as he got his meal, the elder was boring his eyes into the side of his face, chewing the alfredo pasta that he had ordered for himself. 

“I-I wasn’t… feeling well,” Jungkook mumbled. He was pushing around the chicken strips on his plate with his hand and he was exhausted from the match, but the nerves in his stomach were acting as a bigger meal than the one currently in front of him. 

“Okay,” Jimin said. He left it at that too. Maybe it was enough for him. The younger knew it wouldn’t be enough for Taehyung. “You’re okay now though, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” His response came easier this time. 

“I’m glad.” 

Jimin was smiling at him again, holding his fork in his hand as he gently nudged Jungkook with his shoulder. Practically would’ve pushed him into Taehyung if Jungkook didn’t tense his body enough to stop it from touching the elder. Bothering him even more than he had today. And Jungkook loved Jimin. He loved all his Hyungs, but he would’ve killed any of them if they made him do anything to bother Taehyung. He didn’t want things to be any more awkward than they already were. Even if the awkwardness was mostly one-sided. 

He didn’t dare look up from his plate, choosing instead to continue the rest of dinner with his head down, just enjoying the conversations flowing from around the table, listening quietly to everyone talk around him. It wasn’t until Jungkook felt an insistent tugging on his sweater sleeve that he finally looked up and saw Taehyung pulling on it to get his attention. He also noticed that Yoongi had gotten up from his seat beside Taehyung to allow room for them to exit the table. 

His eyes locked with Taehyung’s and that burning stare was back on him. The elders' eyebrows intensified the look even more from the way they were slanted on his face. It was almost unfair how beautiful he was. How beautiful he is . 

“I think we should talk,” Taehyung was saying. And it wasn’t so much how he said it that made Jungkook more anxious, but rather the way the look in his eyes emphasized it. 

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat. “We—um—we should.”

It didn’t take much longer for Jungkook to leave whatever chicken strips he didn’t eat behind (which wasn’t like the whole plate, he promised) before he was following Taehyung into the men’s bathroom, trailing behind him like a lost puppy. 

It was hot in there. Or maybe it was just the fact that he was alone with Taehyung after what felt like hours since the two of them were alone earlier in the day. But this time was different. Jungkook knew from the look in his eyes he was about to get it. And not in a good way. 

It was the way Taehyung leaned up against the counter when he spoke. His voice was as smooth as always yet he looked about a thousand times hotter under the lights of the bathroom. Maybe it was the way his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his hair was still messy from the game they played earlier. “So, you finally gonna tell me what happened back there?”

“I told you already that I don’t know.” And that was about as truthful as Jungkook could get without blurting out the actual truth.

Taehyung sighed. He ran a hand through his hair as if Jungkook frustrated him. Jungkook never frustrated him.

“There has to be something, Kook.” There was power behind his words. “You don’t just freak out like that without reason. God, you never freak out like that. I was scared out of my damn mind that we were actually going to lose that game for once and it freaked me the fuck out.”

“I’m sorry...”

He could tell the elder didn’t like that answer. He wanted more from him except Jungkook didn’t know what more to give.

“Why can’t you tell me?” He was asking Jungkook now. Almost pleading for an answer. His eyes turned from intense to something softer as he looked at the younger, begging him for an answer.

“It’s not that, Tae--I, I really just don't know how to explain it, okay?”

“You tell me everything.”

“Well, some things I just can’t,” Jungkook stated. His voice strained a little at the end. He wanted Taehyung to leave it alone. Just drop this and forget about it. The elder couldn’t find out. There was nothing to even say.

Taehyung ran a hand through his hair again, sticking his hip out a bit and moving his other hand to his side. He wasn’t looking at Jungkook. 

Jungkook didn’t know why he wasn't looking at him. He wanted him to look at him. 

“I just want the best for you, Jungkook.” And there was the full name again. The younger preferred it more when Taehyung called him Kook, or Kookie, or anything else that wasn’t Jungkook. The use of his full name made it seem like he was angry at him and Jungkook wanted anything but that. He didn’t want Taehyung to be angry with him.

“I know, Tae,” he wished Taehyung would look at him.

“Then why won’t you tell me?” Taehyung’s voice raised a bit and now he was looking at him, lifting his eyes so that they met Jungkook’s. But that’s not what he wanted. The younger wanted the softness back, he didn’t like the hard glare looking back into his eyes. “I want to help you, Kook, I really do, but I can’t do that if you won’t tell me how.”

Jungkook looked away. He couldn’t meet the stare. 

“You can’t help me. Not for this at least.”

Their breathing is heavy in the small room. He could see that Taehyung wasn’t too happy with him now, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to lie to the elder and Jungkook didn’t even know what lie he could tell since Taehyung would immediately see right through him.

They never fought. Jungkook hated this. 

They haven’t fought since that one day in high school when Jungkook was a sophomore and Taehyung was a senior and the younger said he didn’t want to play volleyball in the following year if Taehyung wasn’t going to be there to play it with him.

Volleyball had always been their thing. A way in which Jungkook could bond with the elder and it felt off if one day Jungkook would be left to play it without him.

Taehyung had promptly let him hear it for that one. He hadn’t taken a single word Jungkook had spoken in protest, he wasn’t hearing it. 

He instead encouraged the younger that if he really didn’t want to play anymore, then he didn’t have to, but he shouldn’t base his decision off the fact that Taehyung wasn’t going to be there anymore and to think about himself and if he would be alright if the sport wasn’t a part of his life anymore.

And he wouldn’t.

So he continued to play even when Taehyung wasn’t there, looking forward to the day they could play together again.

That had been the one and only time the two had ever fought with each other.

Until now at least.

The tension was high in the room and Jungkook didn’t know what he could say to make it go away. If it was a different situation he’d try and reach for a hug, but he could only see himself getting pushed away if he tried.

“Fine then,” Taehyung said. He sounded done. Done with Jungkook. “Don’t tell me.” He gave Jungkook one last look before pushing himself off the counter and leaving the bathroom.

Leaving Jungkook behind.

It took him a few moments to leave too, and when he did he wished he would’ve stayed inside that bathroom longer.

Jungkook had only taken a few steps out, still hiding under the archway of the bathroom door when he peered across the restaurant and spotted Taehyung talking with none other than Park Hyungsik himself.

Hyungsik was there with one other friend that Jungkook couldn’t remember the name of. He didn’t want to remember, felt as if it wasn’t important enough to remember such a detail as a name.

If Jungkook wasn’t angry before, the sight of Hyungsik sure as hell made him angry now. Just looking at him made the blood boil deep within him, as cliche as that sounded. It was like he had a timer set to appear at the worst possible moments and make his life a living hell. And maybe Jungkook was just being dramatic, but he really didn’t like him.

He wanted to be petty. 

He was mad at Taehyung for getting upset at him for nothing, but he hated the fact that right after their argument, he was talking with Hyungsik. And even if it did sound childish, he wanted to make Hyungsik feel exactly like he felt at that moment.

Hurt. Betrayal. Anger.

It didn’t take him long before he walked up to the two. He reached Taehyung first and directly ignored Hyunsik on purpose. He knew he was being rude but he didn't care. 

“I want my switch,” Jungkook demanded with his arms crossed but one hand outstretched, expecting Taehyung to hand it over to him. He wanted it back after Taehyung had taken it earlier in the week so that the younger could focus on the upcoming game. And look how that turned out.

The elder rolled his eyes a bit and Jungkook wanted to scoff, did scoff at him. “I don’t have it.”

“Why not?”

“It’s back at my apartment,” Taehyung stated, seethed almost but in the most Taehyung-like way. “And, you’re being rude Jungkook.”

“I don’t care.”

Jungkook could see Taehyung’s eyes narrow in response, but he really didn’t fucking care as he pushed past the elder and made sure that their shoulders brush to go back to sit in between Jimin and Yoongi, taking Taehyung’s spot this time.

He leaned his head on Yoongi’s shoulder when he sat down and the elder began stroking his fingers through his hair as a way to comfort him, a thing he always did when he knew Jungkook needed it the most.

“Can I have your phone, Hyung? Mine’s in the car,” Jungkook asked, pout strong on his face.

Yoongi gave up the device without fuss, and that was how Jungkook spent the rest of the night. Playing games on Yoongi’s phone and making sure to give Taehyung the stink eye every now and then.

“Don’t worry kid, Taehyung’s an idiot.”

“Tell me about it.”

♕

It was nostalgic the way Jungkook paced the floors of his dorm room again. He felt as if he was back at square one where he’d been yesterday afternoon. 

Things had been tense between Taehyung and him ever since their talk in the bathroom and especially since Hyungsik and his friend insisted on spending the rest of their stay at the restaurant sitting at their table. Right across from Jungkook. 

The rest of the night was difficult, to say the least. Jungkook had been eager to rush back home the minute the opportunity had presented itself. And thank God it did. As soon as their waiter had come by with the check, and the team split the bill evenly amongst themselves, Jungkook had hastily high tailed it out of there and speed-walked his way home, refusing a ride from anyone. 

The younger figured the walk alone would be a good way to clear his head, although it had hurt a little bit when Taehyung barely acknowledged him on the way out, choosing to not even utter a word to the younger yet seeming to have continued his conversation with Hyungsik long after the team had left. According to Yoongi at least. The elder had been kind enough to update Jungkook on what had happened after he left since he did it so abruptly.

Jungkook had gone to sleep with a heavy heart and woke up this morning with his body feeling even heavier. He barely slept the night through, thinking about how much he hated the fact that he had left things on a bad note with Taehyung. His mother had always told him never to go to sleep mad at someone since you never knew what the next day could bring, yet that was exactly what Jungkook had done.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur of a multicoloured screen and different game avatars. He’d been playing Overwatch for quite some time now after trying to get some school work done, needing a bigger distraction to take him away from his thoughts that were plaguing his mind. 

Honestly, after waking up, he hopped straight out of bed to get started with his day yet there was still a feeling inside him that left Jungkook emptier than usual. As of right now, he’d rather be playing Animal Crossing on his switch, but it was still in the possession of Taehyung since the younger had not gone back to his apartment last night in order to retrieve it. It was very lonely, to be frank, and Jungkook was someone who adored being alone, but it felt different this time. The loneliness wasn’t as welcome as it usually was. 

Taehyung was always the one to accompany him while he played games and it was just not the same without him. Jungkook could always text him of course, but after how they left off last night, the younger would rather do some grovelling first.

He had already thought about just biting the bullet and apologizing already, but he really didn’t know what he was going to tell the elder without saying that he was in love with him. Not to mention his emotions were all out of whack since yesterday and just the thought of seeing the elder made Jungkook hesitant to know how his body was going to react. He didn’t know if he’d scream or cry in his presence and both were extremely unpleasant and would only prompt even more questions from the elder’s mouth.

Jungkook heard himself sigh, lounging on his bed with his laptop propped on his lap when he felt his phone buzz from beside him. The ringtone was one had he had especially saved for Jimin.

Jungkook waited a few seconds before answering the call, not wanting to seem too desperate. “Hello?”

“Hey Jungkookie, I just wanted to see how you were doing? You haven’t replied to any of the messages in the group chat today,” Jimin greeted, his voice sounding a bit static-y coming from the phone. And shit that was probably the persistent buzzing that he heard while he had been in the middle of a match against DVa.

“I’m fine, Hyung,” he replied, keeping it short as always. Jungkook wasn’t really one for conversations, much less one to spend hours talking on the phone. Or even talking at all.

“... You were playing games again, weren’t you?” Jimin questioned, even if the question itself was quite obvious. Jungkook was always playing games. If he hadn’t gotten his switch taken away it would’ve been glued to his hands by now.

“I’m always playing games.” 

“I know, Kookie. I’m just teasing.” And he giggled his obnoxious giggle that wasn’t really obnoxious. “I just wanted to check up on you, really.”

And as if the phone call wasn’t weird enough. Jimin rarely calls him, always choosing to text instead. Jungkook could hear some rustling through the receiver as he asked, “Check up on me?”

Jimin was silent for a few seconds before he spoke again, almost as if he’s wording his reply very carefully. “Well, I figured after yesterday I would. You didn’t look so good when you left and I wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Okay...” Though if Jimin was already on the line, it would give him a chance to ask about Taehyung without the elder knowing. 

“I--um, how’s Taehyung?” It comes out a bit mumbled from the way the younger bit at his bottom lip.

“Taehyung?” There was a squeak over the line, more rustling sounds before Jimin’s voice was coming out of the other end. It was off the way Jimin squeaked his name, startled. “Oh, um he’s fine, yeah I haven’t, um… really seen him since yesterday though.” They lived together, Jimin and Taehyung, but if they really left late last night it wouldn’t be so abnormal for them not to run into each other yet. It was still pretty early in the day, Taehyung could still be asleep.

“Oh,” Jungkook replied, a little dejected. 

“Yeah...” Jimin trailed off. The line rustled a little bit more before Jimin was quickly saying goodbye and hanging up. “Uh, so I think I should go now….bye!”

And that was super weird.

Inspired by their conversation, Jungkook had come to the conclusion that maybe he should go see Taehyung. And it wasn’t at all because of the super sketchy phone call with Jimin that he was sure Taehyung was also listening to. It definitely wasn’t. Even if the younger could tell just by the rustles on the other side of the line that Taehyung was listening since they had been some very distinct rustling sounds.

So that had been what led Jungkook to take the short bus ride down to Taehyung and Jimin’s apartment that the two have shared for over a year now.

When Jungkook had first found out Taehyung would be living off-campus he had been excited to finally live with the elder like they had planned all throughout their childhood, but all first years of SNU had to spend their entire freshman year living in the dorms before they could move into an off-campus apartment.

Jungkook had just gotten off the bus and made the short trek down the street to stand in front of the small, five-story building.

He felt so fucking nervous, was so fucking nervous as if his brain wasn’t in communication with his heart and was instead sending nervous signals despite the fact that Jungkook didn’t need to be nervous right now. 

It was Taehyung. Taehyung who would understand him since he always did. Always would. He knew he didn’t need to be nervous and if it was up to him he would’ve damn well turned off his mind right now since it seemed to be the cause of most of his problems lately.

Jungkook had kept his head down the entire time as he walked to the front door. If he didn’t hear the approaching footsteps coming his way he probably wouldn’t have lifted his head. Yet he did. They sounded heavy on the tarmac causing his head to jerk at the tapping of feet.

It was Taehyung… and Hyungsik. And more of their group of friends, but that wasn’t really important.

His stomach dropped at the sight and he automatically wondered just what the fuck he was thinking by coming here. Why did he come to see Taehyung when it was obvious the elder didn’t need him. Because of stupid speculations that he most likely made up to put at ease the delusions in his mind? He felt stupid, ridiculous for even leaving the comfort of his dorm to come here and do something so foolish.

Taehyung looked good. He always did. His brown hair curled from the perm he recently got done and he had on black jeans with a white ribbon tied to one of his thighs and a dark green sweater to top it off. Jungkook’s stomach hurt. He got the feeling that he was going to throw up, get sick all over the sidewalk like the pathetic loser that he is for harbouring a crush on someone who clearly doesn’t like him back and never will. He felt stupid for thinking that he was Taehyung’s only close friend when there were signs all in front of him stating otherwise.

Jungkook stopped in his tracks, deciding not to go any further because there was no point. He was done. Taehyung hated him.

Almost as if the elder could sense Jungkook’s inner turmoil, he looked up and found the younger’s teary eyes from afar. But it was almost instant in the way Jungkook turned around, his feet changing direction to bring him back the way he had come.

“Jungkook!”

He walked faster. The footsteps increased behind him no matter how hard he wills them to go away, almost desperate in the way his shoes slap against the pavement.

“Jungkook!” His wrist was grabbed. “Hey, can you just wait a sec?”

He really didn’t want to. Jungkook could feel his throat getting blocked up. It felt harder to breathe. Like there was a lodge stuck in his windpipe. 

“Why?” His back was still turned. He couldn’t look at him just yet. He’d break down in tears right then and there if he did. 

“What do you mean why? I just—why are you here?” Jungkook can feel the pause in his voice, hear the gulp in the way his voice is unstable when he talks. “Why do you look like you’re gonna cry?” His voice is softer at the third question like he knows to be gentle when Jungkook gets like this, has been around him enough to know that he’s porcelain and his emotions can be the hammer that breaks him.

“I can’t do this, Tae,” Jungkook started, his heart breaking along with his voice. He wished he knew what he meant, wished the thoughts in his mind could just mindlessly transfer over without him having to communicate them out loud. “I just– I’m so tired.”

And Taehyung was right. He was crying. He didn’t know when he started, but he couldn't stop. His cheeks were wet, the tears sticky against his skin. 

“Jungkook, what—”

“I’m sorry,” he cuts him off, the words coming out rushed and hurried like they couldn’t come out fast enough. “I’m really fucking sorry okay, I just– I don’t know how to do this— communicate emotions— and you know better than anyone that I can’t do this. I don’t know how to, Tae, and I know you probably really hate me right now and I’m just sorry.”

“Woah, what?” Taehyung sounded confused. Why was he confused? Shouldn’t he know his feelings?

“Y-You hate me?” Jungkook said a bit wearily, he didn’t understand why the elder was so confused. He didn’t get it. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Taehyung was supposed to admit he hated him and they’d move on. At least Jungkook would. Taehyung would go back to his life and forget all about Jungkook. He’d go back to Hyungsik.

“Who the hell told you that?” Taehyung said, he sounded angrier now, taking Jungkook’s wrist gently despite the pierce in his words and turning him around to face him better.

“I can tell.”

“Your senses are way off then if you think I hate you,” Taehyung scoffed, looking away for a second before his eyes focus back on him. 

“Isn’t it obvious, Tae?” Jungkook ripped his hand away. He tried not to let it, but his voice started to rise in the middle of the street, in the afternoon, talking to someone he thought was his best friend. The only person he’s ever loved besides his family. “I just sit at home playing video games all day. I don’t like going out, I don’t like talking to people or even talking in general, but you do and I know you hate me for it. There’s no way you could want to be around me willingly because I’m just a loser who fucking lo—”

Taehyung is looking at him bewildered like Jungkook just grew two heads and thank God he cut himself off just before he could say it and ruin whatever was left of their friendship that hadn’t already been torn to shreds.

It was getting awkward between them and it hadn’t ever felt like that before. 

He could tell Taehyung was speechless and maybe under different circumstances, Jungkook would’ve felt proud for rendering him without words if it wasn’t for the bursting pain behind his eyes and chest, making it feel like both were going to come right out of his body at any second.

Maybe it would be better to just say it. Get it over with, so he could just go home and mope for however long it would take to get rid of the burrowing feeling inside of him. 

“Listen, Tae, I—“

“Taehyung!”

They both turned at the new voice. Jungkook’s stomach dropped further than it already had. 

“Hey man, are you coming or not?” Hyungsik asked, not seeming to grasp the tense situation, although Jungkook didn’t expect that he would. 

Taehyung looked awkwardly between the two of them. Back and forth and his eyes settled with Jungkook's teary ones before he responded. 

“Um, no. I think I’m gonna stay in tonight.”

“Oh, that’s cool, man. Don’t worry about it.” Hyungsik sounded cheery, the smile never leaving his handsome face, making Jungkook's insecurities come back tenfold. “I’ll text you tonight about what you missed during the movie?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

And then it was just the two of them. 

It was quieter now than it was before. Jungkook shuffled anxiously, alternating on each foot, hands in front of him tangling together. A sure sign that he was nervous for what was about to come. 

He took a deep breath. 

“Jungkook, I—“

“I like you—“

They stared at each other. Taehyung’s eyes grew wide in shock. 

“You? Like me?” He said it as a question, but they both heard what Jungkook said. 

“Yeah, I um...” He looked away, gave a flustered laugh. 

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Jungkook felt his heart break. 

He should just leave now. Save himself the embarrassment of crying in front of him. Letting his tears fall even faster. 

But for some reason, Jungkook looked up. And Taehyung was smiling. Why the fuck was Taehyung smiling?

“So you finally wanna admit it to me?” He asked him. The stupid fucking smile still plastered on his face, leaving Jungkook even more confused. He didn’t know what to say. What the hell was he talking about?

“What?”

Yet Taehyung went on talking in riddles. “I mean, I knew you did. I was just waiting for you to say it yourself. You’re not as subtle as you think.” 

Was he joking?

Taehyung was telling him that he knew. He knew all along about Jungkook's feelings and oh God... Oh Lord, he fucking knew . 

“Are you joking?” Jungkook asked. He wanted to make sure this wasn’t a joke. It felt like one, because why else would Taehyung go years without letting Jungkook know that he knew about his crush on him.

The smile dropped from Taehyung’s face a bit and he turned more serious. “No.” Taehyung’s eyebrow raised at him and it shouldn’t have looked as menacing as it did. “Do you think I am?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” It came out accusingly and Jungkook didn’t mean for it to, but it did anyway, like his words have a mind of their own.

“I wanted you to tell me.”

“Oh,” he whispered, the word just barely slipping past his lips enough for it to come out. “So... D-Do you, um, do you– you know…”

“Yes, I like you too.”

Jungkook could feel the weight drop off his shoulders. The relief that coursed through his veins. The tears that fell down his cheek were the ones that were holed up in his eyes. But he wasn’t sad anymore. He didn’t have to be. Taehyung liked him back. 

Taehyung liked him. Him. Jungkook. 

“You know,” Taehyung started. The smirk coming back to his face lightened the mood a bit. “I think that’s the most you’ve ever said to me.”

“Shut up!” Jungkook reached out to push his shoulder. It was the first contact they’ve had since Taehyung had grabbed his wrist to stop him, which felt like seconds ago, but they’d been standing there on the sidewalk for a while. 

“You’re still crying.” 

“I’m happy. These are happy tears.”

Taehyung reached for his hands and took them in his larger ones as he came closer. An inch of space left between the two of them. 

“Can I?” He asked. 

They were a breath away from each other. The slightest move and they’d be kissing. 

Jungkook nodded, not trusting his words to come out properly. 

It wasn’t clear who moved in first, which one of them pressed their lips against the others, but suddenly they were kissing. 

Taehyung’s lips soft against his own. It was heaven. 

It wasn’t heated yet it was perfect. It was them. 

Taehyung sucked a little on Jungkook’s bottom lip then, bringing it between his lips and biting gently, making him moan out and press in closer to him, grabbing his shirt and pressing their bodies together. 

They broke apart after a few more pecks and smiled at each other. 

Jungkook felt giddy? Happy? Content?  

It was Taehyung. It had always been him yet it was him right now with him. 

“You should let me take you out,” Taehyung declared, the smile never leaving his face and Jungkook wouldn’t want it to. 

“Like a date?”

“Yeah, a date.” He twirled their hands together. Swung them back and forth beside them. They were still on the stupid sidewalk, but maybe it wasn’t so stupid if it was the place where he got Taehyung to kiss him. 

“Okay,” Jungkook agreed. He didn’t hesitate. 

“Okay.”

“You have to leave your switch at home though,” Taehyung said cheekily. Lips pursed like he was gonna laugh any second now. 

“Don’t make me break up with you.”

And if Taehyung grabs his hand after that and takes Jungkook up to his apartment then it’d be their secret.