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Everything was supposed to be getting better

Summary:

So why is it getting worse?

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Everything was supposed to be better.

The tides had turned and the oppressor had relented, even if just a little.

Everything was supposed to be better.

So why does it feel like everything is getting worse?

Shoto Todoroki didn’t need much in life. He never asked for much. His life had been dictated and he was forced to follow a constricted path. He used to wish for it to disappear. He used to wish that he could have a normal life. But those are all the wishes of a child who grew up too fast, who learned the world was unfair too quickly. A child who was expected to do too much because of a gift he never really asked for.

See, when you grow up being told you are the perfect creation, a child’s mind can't help but believe it and want to stick up to it. A child will want to stay in that ray of light that lets them be so loved… but it only takes so much time for you to slip up. And once you do your body falls into a pit and shatters like a delicate glass structure.

And its your fault.

It’s your fault because “you can do better”
It’s your fault because “you are half-as sing it”
It’s your fault because “you have every door open for you and all you do is waste them”
It’s your fault because “you are useless”
It’s your fault because “you are a waste of time”
And its all your fault because you can never live up to the expectations of perfection.

And Shoto had accepted that. He had accepted that everything his father said was wrong. He has opened his eyes and seen what kinda of abusive asshole he was. HE had accepted that he wasn’t perfect. He had finally accepted his life, his role, his eternal torture. And he was fine with it.

But then… then came the “I’m proud of you Shoto.” Then came acceptance and him making the corridor less constricted. Giving room, wanting to change.

And that was supposed to be good.

That was what he had asked for so long ago.

That was what Fuyumi never stopped believing in.

But you see, when the person you blame for everything that’s wrong in your life suddenly decides to “be good.” When the person who trained you not to show weakness finally decides that what was weak before is now acceptable it all changes. Because now the voice in your head who tells you everything that's wrong with you isn’t his anymore, but your own.

Now Shoto can't blame his father for his failures and shortcomings. Now he can't blame his father for every hurtful thought that crosses his mind. Now he can't blame his father for every “your worthless” that gets repeated over and over and over and that DOESN’T LET YOU REST PLEASELETMEREST

Because now that he doesn’t have his father to blame he realizes all the mistakes he made. Shoto realizes that he was a boy who had the world in his hands and decided to let it all go to waste. He was privileged in many ways and he let it go. And he failed over and over and over again.

And the worst thing is…

 

That he realized….

 

That maybe all along…

 

Endeavor was actually right...

Notes:

I know this is super short and there are many things I wish to convey but I’m tired both physically and emotionally. Anyway, this is just a vent fic so it doesn’t really matter.