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Ozai was not expecting another visitor at this hour.
Of course, he had expected his son to visit and taunt him over a victory he had not earned, a title he had not earned. He had expected his son to kneel on the stone floor and glare and demand to know about the fate of his mother. He had expected his son to plead and beg but not have the guts to actually do anything to earn that information.
Ozai did not say a word about it, and eventually his son once more did as he expected and retreated a failure.
As a result, another visit that night was not an event Ozai anticipated. He faced the wall, his nearly bare form huddled on the floor attempting to sleep, when he suddenly felt a presence behind him. He turned around to see… that girl.
He didn’t remember her name, but he couldn’t forget her appearance, her eyes. He knew from the moment he first saw her she was an earthbender, and the way she manhandled him, treated him with complete disrespect during the airship ride back to the Fire Nation only confirmed what he already knew at a glance.
It may have been the Avatar who took away his bending, but it was this girl who bound him in chains, pushed him around, spoke to him as if he was nothing, and somehow managed to glare at him even through those dead, glazed over eyes.
As he felt that same glare once more, he idly wondered why her parents didn’t just snuff her out the moment they learned of her disability. It was the rightful thing to do, the only way to keep the family unblemished. Well, he figured he shouldn’t be surprised. Earthbenders were savages, after all.
“Sparky tells me you’re not cooperating,” she said casually, as if her presence here was an inevitability he should’ve been aware of.
He understood who this ‘Sparky’ was immediately. He smiled. “So, my son, not strong enough to face me, decides to send a little blind girl in his stead? His lack of strength is even worse than I thought.”
She smirked, unmoving eyes staring at the wall behind him. “He doesn’t know I’m here. In fact, I only know he met you because he’s a terrible liar. But, for the record-”
She stomped on the ground, and the stone of his cell floor broke apart and constricted around his arms and legs in a vice grip, pinning him to the floor.
“I may be little, and I may be blind. But I’m not helpless.”
He pulled at his newfound shackles. Once, he could’ve broken free with ease, but now he could do little but writhe around like a worm on pavement. He internally cursed the Avatar for the hundredth time that day. “You want me to cooperate?” he asked with a grunt, refusing to let the smile leave his face. “This won't be enough!”
She barked a laugh at that.
“You may be a piece of shit who doesn’t know anything about his own son, but you’re right about one thing. Deep down, Sparky’s a big softy. Of course, that’s not a bad thing. Part of why I love him. But, in that aspect, we’re very different.”
Before he could process those words, she dug her heel into the ground and the stone reacted in turn. It tightened, digging into his limbs until he could feel the circulation cut off.
“You want to continue using those? Then you’ll tell me where Zuko’s mother is!”
He jerked his head to the side and spat in her direction, taunting her with the grin he knew she couldn’t see.
Apparently, she did not like that response, as the very ground under him raised up and rammed his body into the ceiling. He was certain he broke some things. Definitely his nose, maybe a rib or two, but that was nothing. He was used to pain, much as his children should’ve been.
“You want to hear a fun little story? Sparky finally told me where his scar came from.”
Another trip to the ceiling. All of his ribs were definitely broken now.
“At first, I didn’t even know it was there. Because, you know, the whole blindness thing. But he mentioned it offhand when we went to see this play.”
This time it was into the right-side wall. The metallic taste of blood stained his tongue.
“And ever since, I always wondered. Where did he get it?”
He tried to tune out her blabbering, but found it impossible. Even through the rumbling noises of the constantly shifting cell, her young voice reverberated with command and power.
“I didn’t bug him about it because I’ve got some tact. But he knew I would be there to listen. And, when the time came, listen I did.”
No matter how much pain he felt, he endured. She wouldn’t kill him. She couldn’t kill him.
“And… shit. I already knew you were an asshole. But you always find ways to make yourself worse, don’t you?”
By this point he couldn’t tell if he was being raised to the ceiling, or if it was coming down to him. And then, finally, as he returned to his original position, there was a pause. Silence, the only sound his labored breathing.
“Well? Do you have anything to say?”
He turned his head to her once more, his mouth a blood-stained grin. “He was weak. He lacked respect. Really, I showed him mercy.”
The stone dug further into his limbs. He could barely feel them anymore.
“Wrong answer.”
He was beginning to realize she wasn’t bluffing. And now it was his turn to laugh, the sharp pain in his ribs doing little to extinguish his mirth.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her approach the cell bars and grip them tightly. “What’s so funny?”
“You… were correct. You have some of the guts my son doesn’t. The rage, the passion, the urge to destroy, it’s burning inside you! You’d be a fine firebender.” And really, that was the greatest compliment someone like her could receive.
She clearly didn’t take it that way, a sharp frown contorting her features. “Sparky and Uncle say that’s not what firebending is about. That it’s much more than that.” Unlike her previous yelling, this was so soft he could barely hear it.
“Oh, please. Do you think the Fire Nation reigned supreme for a hundred years doing it their way? No! And now that my son is Fire Lord, all that strength and glory has been replaced by weakness and complacency. Yes, it is rage that granted me my power, it was where I hoped my son would be granted his. And now, it grants you yours.”
The stone bindings retreated, Ozai hissing in pain as his battered limbs fell to the floor, limp but salvageable.
“I’m nothing like you.”
He licked some blood off his lip. “You’re right about that. For some reason, you waste your rage on behalf of others.” He thought of his son’s outburst in the war room. Petulant child. “It’s much more effective, much more powerful, when it is purely your own.”
Her eyes moved their unseeing gaze from the wall to his prone form, all emotion removed. “…Tell me where Zuko’s mother is,” she said again.
It seems the fight had gone out of her. How pathetic. “If you want to know, you’re going to have to try harder than that!”
Her hands slipped from the bars and returned to her side, fists clenched. “I try any harder and you’d be dead,” she spat.
“Hm, I suppose you’re right,” he said with a chuckle.
Her eyes shut and teeth audibly grinded together as the cell began to rumble around him. He closed his eyes in turn, accepting of whatever fate awaited him.
But, nothing came.
Soon enough, the cacophony ended. Opening his eyes, he realized she was gone, the room left as if she had never been there.
Unable to move, he closed his eyes and passed out, the smile having never left his face.
…
As Toph stormed down the halls of the prison, ignoring the knowing gazes of the guards who didn’t dare to deny her entrance, she thought of Katara.
Katara had confronted her mom’s murderer. It was a story quickly told to the others, clearly something she didn’t enjoy discussing, but it was fascinating regardless. She had the guy right in front of her, at her mercy, prepared to strike, and… spared him. She barely even hurt him, if she did at all. Toph didn’t know all the details.
Why did you spare him? Why didn’t you at least beat his ass? she had asked.
He was pathetic. He was pathetic, and sad, and empty. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. There was no closure, nothing to gain in doing it besides some sick pleasure in his suffering. I will never forgive him, but I will also never stoop to his level, Katara had said, tone chillier than any of them had heard before.
Obviously, Toph didn’t have such a connection to Ozai. Oh, she hated his guts, but almost everyone she knew, certainly everyone she loved, hated his guts. She spent most of her life sheltered from the war, and even after she joined up with Aang and the others there was no personal grudge to be found between a young Earth Kingdom noble and the Fire Lord himself.
She thought bitterly of Zuko’s scar. Well, now there is.
Still, that only reinforced her point. If anyone was going to have such a connection to Ozai, it would be Zuko. And she wondered if that life changing field trip with Katara was why he did little to his father besides leave him to rot in a jail cell, even when his relationship with his beloved mother depended on doing something, anything. Even when there was something to gain, all he apparently could do was utter some harsh words.
She had decided she would act in his stead, and… she failed. Perhaps that’s what Zuko understood from the beginning. When it came to the worst individuals like Ozai, ones filled with spite, it now felt like an inevitability that it would be for nothing. However, if she was being honest, her brutal attack wasn’t just about that potential gain. It was about Zuko and her and Katara and Sokka and Aang and Suki and the countless innocent people (who Toph didn’t really know but still felt like she did after her world-spanning travels) whose lives were made worse by his mere existence. She had hurt him for herself and for them. And yet… it all still felt useless.
The words pathetic, sad, empty, repeated in her brain over and over. There were no words more apt to describe Ozai. Not just as he wasted away in his cell, but also as he ordered scores of soldiers to their deaths in an endless vanity war, as he opted to burn the world to the ground to suit his needs, as he scarred his own son for simply speaking out of turn.
Back then, when she held no true personal grudge beyond a vague dislike of the war, he needed to be taken down. She remembered when they witnessed Aang succeed in that goal, and, while it was satisfying, part her felt that Aang was weak for not finishing the job. She remembered feeling the heat of the fire all the way from the airship, the warming of the metal under her hands and feet. It was then she truly understood the reality of what she was fighting against, what would happen if they failed.
That’s a LOT of fire, she had said.
Of course, she knew the plan beforehand, and she bore witness to the effects of the war in many ways. But it really took feeling the licks of the roaring flames decimating everything that she finally got the idea through her thick skull that Ozai wasn’t just some vaguely evil overlord, but a terrible, real person who was hell-bent on turning everything she and her friends loved to ash. And so, seeing him alive after all that… she didn’t know what to think.
And then, Zuko explained his scar.
Now that she both truly and personally understood the depths of Ozai’s depravity, now that she understood the depths of her hatred and, yes, anger concerning him, now that she had a chance to do anything about it, there was no satisfaction to be had. She always loved earthbending, she always loved a good fight, she always loved throwing rocks at people who consented or could handle it, but never had she turned her power so deliberately and so harshly on someone so defenseless. She expected to enjoy enacting some revenge, but it only made her feel a little pathetic and sad and empty herself.
Ozai had picked up on that. He kept laughing through the torture, and she could just tell he was wearing a great big smile through it all. She wanted nothing more than to snuff out that joy, to bash that stupid grin out of his mouth and to the floor. But no matter how much pain she inflicted, that smug contentment only grew stronger. Right before she left, she knew he was ready to die. His heartbeat had never been calmer.
Despite herself, she wondered. If Ozai didn’t have important information to divulge, would she have been willing to kill him during her rage-induced torture? Would she have been able to do what Aang, Katara and Zuko couldn’t? She was unable to say for sure, but the churning in her stomach made her uneasy.
Ugh. Toph wanted her head to stop its pesky thinking.
As she approached the entrance to leave, she paused. There was a presence waiting not far outside, thus far unnoticed because of her intrusive thoughts. Its stance, rapid heartbeat, and general shape informed her of who it was in less than a second.
“Hey, Sparky,” she said nonchalantly as she stepped into the cool night air. She focused on his heartbeat, which slowed down somewhat once he processed she was in front of him. Only somewhat.
“Toph. What happened?” he said sternly, but with no lack of concern.
“Relax!” she said as she moved forward and grabbed one of his hands. “You really need to work on loosening up. I’m fine!”
“I know you can take care of yourself,” he said as he squeezed her hand, and began to, well, not guide her forward but instead walk side by side with her down the dirt path. “But I am worried about you. Because a girl your age shouldn’t-“ He cut himself off, his voice barely above a whisper. There was an edge to it she couldn’t really discern. Anger? Sorrow? …Shame?
“Shouldn’t what? Take part in a war? Almost die multiple times? Have to deal with an abusive ass of a parent?”
Zuko winced so hard she could tell from his body vibrations alone. She immediately felt remorse, as she knew it was a low blow. Those first two could’ve applied to either one of them, but the third… Toph’s parents were far from perfect, but she couldn’t imagine them laying a hand on her.
Before she could apologize, he sighed. “None of that means you need to add on to the list.”
“And what exactly do you think I did?”
“You got me to open up about my visit here, and I saw the look on your face. I realize now I should’ve done something, but-“
“But nothing. You think I killed him?” She hoped he didn’t hear the waver in her voice.
“W-What? No!” And she could tell with relief that was the truth.
“I thought…” Zuko paused. “I just know how you get sometimes. If something doesn’t go your way, you stick your ground. And if you were to interrogate my father, the stubborn bastard… Well, that could easily end... poorly.”
She snorted. “I may have roughed him up a bit. Maybe get some people to look at him soon.”
Another obvious wince. Clearly, it was what he feared, and that churning in her stomach returned.
“If you’re uncomfortable with it you don’t need to explain, but... I must ask. What did you do?” There was that concern again, and it was unmistakably for her.
Her hand instinctively tightened its grip on his, and she found her mouth going dry. “I… I threatened to mangle his limbs so hard they wouldn’t be usable again. I threw his body around like a ragdoll, until he couldn’t even move. He implied he would rather die than explain where your mom was, and I think deep down part of me wanted to do it.” She released a noise and couldn’t tell if it was a laugh or a sob. “He couldn’t stop a thing...”
“Toph-“
“And it was all for nothing. None of it made a difference. He didn’t tell me anything!”
Zuko’s hand released hers and, for a moment, pure terror filled her being. Was he disgusted with her? Was he horrified at what she had done? She realized how irrational those fears were when his arm wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her into his side. She wrapped her own arms around his body, absorbing its warmth. Zuko of all people, she knew, would understand how she felt. He wouldn’t judge her so harshly.
“I don’t care if you succeeded or not, Toph. I’m just worried about you. Understand?”
She nodded into his clothes. They held that hug silently for a few moments before breaking it and continuing their walk. This too was silent for a minute, as the pair simply took in the beautiful night and each other’s company. Still, she could feel Zuko occasionally glance at her, and his heartbeat was erratic.
As such, she felt the need to end that silence. “I get Katara’s decision now.”
“Huh?”
“When she confronted the guy who killed her mom.”
“…Oh.”
“I couldn’t understand why she would refuse revenge on someone who wronged her so deeply.”
She felt Zuko’s grip on her hand stiffen.
“But after what just happened, I… Zuko, be honest, do you think what I did makes me a bad person?”
He immediately scoffed. “No, Toph, I don’t.”
“You weren’t there to witness it. I-“
“Yeah yeah, you threatened him and beat him up. But the important thing is that you stopped yourself before it was too late. The fact that we’re even having this conversation proves you’re anything but a bad person.”
“But-“
“Toph, this is exactly what I was worried about. Whatever you did in there… that’s not you. Not deep down. No matter how you act I know you’ve got a big heart.” His free hand poked her chest, and she was too invested in his words to make a token effort to retaliate. “I’ve never seen you question a decision like this, and that you did it for my sake… well, all I can say is that I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you.”
“Don’t even go there, Sparky,” she said through gritted teeth, a tear running down her cheek. “It’s not about deserving, I wanted you as my friend, my family, and that’s all there is to it. That you can treat me beating up your piece of shit dad like it’s some selfless act says a lot about you. It wasn’t selfless, not really. I was angry about many things, and I took it out on him.”
He clucked his tongue. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling anger. And the 'taking it out' part... really, your concern about hurting said piece of shit father says a lot about you.”
She smiled as she wiped away her tears. “…OK, you got me there.”
“Did the great Toph just admit I got her?” She made a vaguely sad noise and he apparently decided to take mercy on her. “Still, I don’t blame you for feeling angry. Honestly, this is nothing compared to me. I used to be angry all the time.”
It was the perfect comment for revenge. “You? Angry? Now that’s just unheard of.”
She imagined he rolled his eyes right about then. “I mean, it used to be much worse before you showed up, as you may have heard. When I chased Aang around the world I’d yell at Uncle and my subordinates constantly for even the slightest thing. What was I angry at? The world? Myself? My father? My uncle? Aang? All of that at once? It didn’t matter. It all just… blended into a disgusting soup.”
His heartrate began to raise. He was getting into his regularly scheduled self-loathing, and she would have none of it.
“That’s all in the past, you idiot. No one gives a shit!”
“I get that, but… sometimes, I still feel that anger. And I try my best to hold back. I really try, Toph. Even when I see my father. Especially when I see my father. If I didn’t, then would I just revert to who I was before? To who my father wanted me to be?” He took a shuddering breath. “I just keep thinking about my decision tonight. I knew deep down what you were going to do, and let you do it anyway. And now you’re hurting. Why did I let this happen? Was it my anger finding some sick, indirect form of revenge?”
She huffed. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You know I like to make my own choices, and I gotta live with them. None of this was your fault, and, if I’m allowed to be angry, then so are you!”
A pause. Zuko’s heartrate slowed as he mulled that obvious, to her at least, statement over.
“…I suppose I’m ignoring my own advice, huh? You’re right.” He hummed in thought. “I guess… it just matters how we channel that anger.”
“And thus, we’ve reached the obvious conclusion we should’ve known from the beginning,” she said with a dramatic flourish of her free arm.
He tried and failed to hold back a chuckle. Even so, he recovered quickly. “It’s easier said than done though, right? I know better than anyone that anger can be impulsive, can make you do things you regret.”
“Meh. I usually love my impulsive decisions. Guess this was a fluke,” she said, puffing out her chest.
“I guess it was,” he said with a snort.
By this point, they had entered Caldera City. It was so late that they felt as alone traveling wordlessly through the city square as they did on the remote path from the prison. Once the palace of the Fire Lord, Zuko’s palace, loomed above them, she realized there was still something that had to be said and stopped in her tracks. Zuko continued until he felt her arm go taut and turned around to face her.
“What’s the matter? Not as mentally and physically exhausted as I am?” he asked, tone light.
“…He’s not worth it.”
Zuko didn’t respond, and she kept going.
“He’s never gonna say anything. Just forget him. That’s all we can do, and I know he’ll hate that.”
Zuko sighed. “I figured. If I’m going to find my mother I suppose I’ll need to look elsewhere.”
All she could do was nod, any possible response failing to form in her brain.
“…Has anyone told you that you’re very wise for your age?”
“I think some people have said that,” she muttered with a slight grin. She faced down towards her feet, shuffling awkwardly. “…Thanks, Zuko.”
“I’m sorry, what was that?”
“I said thank you, Zuko!” she exclaimed with a punch to his arm.
He laughed, a laugh that was so much more open and complete compared to what came before, and pulled her into another hug. Two Zuko hugs in one night? She knew she was being spoiled and returned it with gusto.
Even without touching it she could sense the blinding smile on his face. She was wearing one too.
“Thank you, Toph. You’re a good person, perfect as you are. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“Right back at you, Sparky. Right back at you.”