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The last thing Beatrice remembered was Ava screaming at her, furious. The shock of the arrow piercing her torso disoriented the nun, and she was confused why Ava sounded like she was reprimanding her. Usually, it was the other way around.
She seemed to have lost the use of her legs. Beatrice had each of her arms around the shoulder of a sister warrior, she no longer knew who. They were half-carrying, half-dragging her through a dark maze of stairs and corridors. The nun was going in and out of consciousness. A warm, sticky liquid trickled down the spot on her stomach where a wraith demon punctured her with one of Camila’s arrows.
She heard the creaking of a heavy door that sounded like it had not been opened in centuries.
“Come on, Mary, push harder, put your back into it!” Beatrice heard Ava’s voice, loud and desperate.
“Be quiet and help me,” Mary hissed. The door clanged when it finally opened in full.
“Take your off your robes, lay her down,” Mary instructed. She heard the swift sound of clothing covering a surface as she was being laid down gently on robes and leather cloaks. Someone placed their flashlight on the floor, illuminating the cobwebs on the walls and ceiling of the small room. Beatrice’ eyes adjusted to the light, focusing on Ava’s face as she approached her on the floor.
“Oh, Beatrice, Beatrice,” It was Ava at her side, whispering her name and cradling her head in her lap. Something wet touched Beatrice’ face one after the other. ‘Were those tears?’
“We can lay low here for a few hours, they’d think we escaped from the Vatican and would start their search outside. No one will bother looking in the necropolis for a while. We hide in plain sight until it’s safe to go out and blend in with the crowd,” she heard Mary say.
So that was where they were. Back in the City of the Dead, soon to be her permanent address.
“What are you saying? Can’t you see she needs help?” she heard Ava say. Gentle hands began pressing on the wound on her stomach. She knows it was too late. She had lost too much blood coming down here.
“Mary’s right,” Beatrice tried to speak, her voice cracking. Her throat was dry, and she knew it’s only a matter of time before she would lose the ability to speak as well. “It’s too dangerous to go out there now, and being wounded will just draw attention.”
“No!” Ava replied and Beatrice winced. The first time she heard Ava sound so worried was when she was almost shot by Sister Crimson. At that time, the halo released a force of energy so strong that it turned the bullet into pellets.
“Ava, you need to conserve the halo’s energy, it’s reacting to your emotions,” Beatrice reminded her.
“Damn my emotions! Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to take that arrow for me? You know the halo would heal me. It’s a stupid, stupid thing to do, and you can read Latin! You have no excuses,” Ava said through the lump in her throat.
So, that’s why she was angry. She’s mad I jumped in front of an arrow for her.
“You’d still feel pain, I don’t want you to feel pain,” Beatrice answered weakly and winced from the heat throbbing through her wound. “See, you don’t want that.” The room was thick with dust from ages of non-use, and some of it has entered Beatrice’ lungs. She began to cough up blood.
“Lilith, Camila, can you please wait outside,” Ava said. Beatrice sensed something shift in her voice. She wondered what the halo bearer was planning. Lilith and Camila’s faces disappeared and she heard footsteps shuffling out of the dusty floor.
“Not you, Mary,” Ava continued. “Close the door.”
“What are you planning?” Mary asked, uncertain. Ava carefully removed Beatrice’ head from her lap and gently laid it down the floor. She heard the sound of clothing being removed and spied Ava’s gray shirt on the floor beside her. Through the corner of her eyes, Beatrice saw Ava shirtless, presenting her back to Mary.
“No,” Mary said.
“You know what has to happen,” Ava replied.
“You’ll die! Stop this nonsense, I’m not doing it,” Mary said.
“What are you--,” Beatrice started but her cracking voice went unheard.
“I’ll rip it out myself if you don’t help me, and it will be a lot messier, so just do it,” Ava said, losing the patience in her voice.
“Don’t make me choose,” Mary warned. Beatrice tried to sit up, but her wound has drained her strength. She felt the infection spreading rapidly through her bloodstream, sending fire to her veins, and she began trembling from her cold sweat. Whatever that wraith demon did to Camila’s arrow, it changed the properties of the weapon. The resulting wound was not ordinary.
“I’m not making you choose. I’m making the choice for you. Choose Beatrice.” Ava said. “Quickly, she’s dying!”
“No-o-o,” Beatrice tried to say once she figured out what Ava wanted Mary to do. She felt a pair of heavy boots planted behind Ava and heard the sound of a knife unsheathed.
“This is going to hurt,” Mary said. Beatrice saw Mary raise a blue, Divinium blade above her head.
“I know,” Ava replied, crouching down beside Ava and staring at her eyes. Beatrice tried to shake her head, tried to plead to Ava to stop what she’s about to do, but no words came out. Tears lined her eyes when she heard Ava scream in pain as the halo’s yellow glow illuminated the place.
There was the sound of metal falling to the ground. She saw Ava pick up a circular object and move towards her, but the bearer only had time to place the other end of the halo on her upturned palm before she collapsed beside the nun. The heavy door swung open and a strong wind gushed inside, throwing Mary out of the room. The nun heard the door shut close once again, and it was just her and Ava and the glow of the halo in both of their hands as they lay catatonic beneath Vatican City.
xxx
Beatrice opened her eyes to a golden field of wheat. The loam was soft on her bare feet, and tiny dandelions tickled her toes as they swayed to the soft breeze. She glanced at the horizon, trying to figure at what time it was. The day was bright, and she would have guessed that it was high noon, except that the sun was gentle on her skin. Beatrice took a step, testing her bare feet. She found out she could walk, so she twirled to take a look around. It was acres and acres of wheat as far as the eyes could see. About a five hundred yards away were two orange trees set about two meters apart. Some of the branches met halfway to form an arch. To the left of the arch, about a few meters away, was a cave.
‘Wheat fields, orange trees, and a cave? Where am I?’ Beatrice thought.
She began to be conscious of her entire body. She was wearing white vestments similar to the ones she wore to her first communion, but apart from that, her body seemed bare.
Beatrice was deciding whether to approach the cave or the arch when she saw a child of about ten appear from within the field to the clearing where she was standing. She recognized the child’s hair, black and in a bob, and the round brown eyes looking at her. She was wearing the same vestments as Beatrice was.
“I know who you are,” Beatrice spoke. She extended her hand out to the child.
“I was you, and you will be me,” the child replied. She took the hands of Beatrice.
Beatrice looked around her. “Is this heaven?”
The younger Beatrice shook her head. “Welcome home. This is a place to rest before you decide where your next journey is going to be.”
“You see the branches of those orange trees? That is the gate to heaven. You only need to pass through. And then there is no more pretending, no more pain, no more reason to become a sister warrior,” the younger Beatrice pointed to the arch.
“And I get to decide whether or not to pass through?” Beatrice asked.
“Yes,” the child replied.
Beatrice swallowed a lump in her throat. It has not always been easy for her to make decisions. Somehow, she always knew what to do. Follow the plan. Get in line. Elbows off the table. Keep your legs together when sitting down.
It’s hard to decide when you were never given a choice.
“I know what you’re thinking,” the child said.
“You do? I’m sorry, I turned out this way. You had such huge hopes for the future,” Beatrice squeezed the hand of her younger self.
“It’s okay. If you decide to pass through the arch, I’ll know I’ll go to heaven, too, someday,” the child replied.
“And what of that cave?” Beatrice asked.
“Want to take a look?” the younger Beatrice replied.
“You of all people should know how curious we both are,” Beatrice said, smiling at her younger self. The child laughed in a way that Beatrice has never laughed in a long time and tugged at her, marching to the cave. Beatrice allowed herself to be dragged.
The cave was small and shallow. She could see the back end of it just as she was standing at the entrance. There was firewood and kindling by the wall on the right, but the fire has not yet been started. Beatrice stepped inside. It was chilly and the floor was damp, harsh winds entering and leaving the mouth that was sharp on her bones.
By the other wall adjacent to the firewood was a woman lying down. Her face was blank, staring at the ceiling, her skin pale and ashen, and her body rigid. She was wearing a dirty, white hospital gown. Beatrice approached to take a look.
“Ava!” Beatrice let go of her younger self to rush to the woman on the floor. She touched her face and it was cold. Her arms were chilled, and all her limbs seemed frozen.
“Hold on, Ava,” Beatrice reassured her friend as she ran to the firewood to build a fire.
“What is she doing here?” Beatrice asked the child suspiciously, as she tried to blow on the white smoke forming on the kindling.
“This place is a bridge, a doorway from the other life to the next. She is what’s anchoring you to the Earth. She is keeping you alive in the other world,” the child explained.
As soon as the fire roared, Beatrice was again at Ava’s side, rubbing her palms together before placing each on her friend’s cheek. At this, Ava’s eyes blinked and then stared at her.
“Beatrice, I-I can’t move,” Ava said with fear in her voice.
“Please, why is she like this?” Beatrice asked the child as she caressed Ava’s face.
“In order to keep you alive, she gave a part of herself. A part that brought her back from the dead. And now, she’s the same as when she was alive,” the child replied.
Beatrice saw Ava try to lift her head up to see who just spoke. Beatrice helped her, propping her head upon her lap.
“Wait, is that you as a child?” Ava said, suddenly sounding amused. “No offense, you looked super cute, in a creepy kind of way.”
xxx
“What happened?” Lilith said, rushing to Mary’s side as she was thrown out of the room. The dust that filled the air was thick, and the sister warriors coughed and gagged as they wiped rock debris from their clothes.
“Ava asked me to take her halo to place it inside Beatrice,” Mary said as Lilith helped her up.
“And you did it? That’s going to kill Ava,” Lilith said.
“She was going to do it herself, with or without my help. The least I could do was to make it less painful,” Mary shrugged, defeated.
“So Beatrice is now the halo bearer?” Lilith asked.
“I don’t know. The last thing I saw before I got blasted out of the door was both of them lying on the ground, holding the glowing halo,” Mary replied.
“So there is no bearer,” Lilith shuddered with the realization. “Let’s clear out the rocks and get them out of there.”
“No we can’t,” Camila spoke for the first time.
“What do you mean? Our sisters are there, they both are dying?” Lilith pleaded.
“Look,” Camila said, pointing towards the room where both Ava and Beatrice were trapped. A cloud of dust hovered around it, but beyond the dirt was a clean space that formed a vertical half dome around the heavy door. Camila took a step forward to touch it, but her finger couldn’t get through.
“Is it some kind of force field?” Lilith asked.
“They have entered another plane,” Camila replied, rummaging through the bags.
“What do you mean another plane?” Mary asked.
“The halo is doing it. Here,” Camila flipped to a page in the journal of the Warrior Nun.
“You brought that here? That was why your bag was so heavy?” Mary asked, appalled.
“Well, I can’t have everything memorized, can I?” Camila said with an unusual snark. “Come, look. It’s been mentioned three times. The Ostium.” She continued, pointing to a page with an illustration of an arch between two orange trees.
“The doorway?” Lilith said and Camila nodded.
“When the halo is shared by two people on the verge of death, it serves as a doorway, a bridge from this life to the next,” Camila said, trying her best to translate from Latin. “You said that the last thing you saw was Ava and Beatrice holding the halo together. Beatrice was dying, and well, I guess Ava is now, too, given that she was previously dead, and now, she has been separated from the halo that brought her back to life. They are sharing it, and the halo is now serving as a doorway to another world. The Ostium. That was why you got blasted out of the room. You don’t belong to that plane, you are still fully anchored to this world. And that is why we are being prevented from entering the room.”
“What do we do?” Mary asked, worry in her voice.
“We wait for one of them to come back,” Camila replied.
xxx
“She took the halo out to give it to me, I remember now,” Beatrice said, recalling the last moments of her, Ava and Mary in the dark room in the necropolis. “I was dying, slipping away. But I am not the bearer now, am I?”
“No,” the child replied. “She was not able to transfer the halo to you. She returned to her previous state, a quadriplegic. If it were not for the halo in her hand, she would have been killed by what she did. She was only able to get the halo to your hand, so now you are both holding it, sharing it in the world you came from.”
“Why would you do such a thing?” Beatrice whispered softly to Ava as she cradled her head gently. “I took that arrow for you, didn’t I? I was supposed to go. And now you are stuck here with me.”
“Not for long,” the child said. “You have a decision to make. She is anchoring you to the world. If you let go of her and cross-over, she gets to keep the halo on Earth and live, and you get to go to heaven.”
“Don’t listen to her,” Ava pleaded. “Hey, you!,” Ava said addressing the child, “Stop talking about me like I’m not even here.”
“Why can’t she pass through the arch with me? You said she’s also dying. She doesn’t seem to have that choice,” Beatrice said, motioning to Ava’s catatonic state.
“I’m sorry, Beatrice, I am here to fetch you, only you. She doesn’t belong in heaven,” the child said. “She was supposed to be dead. She was already at hell’s gates when the halo attached itself to her. Hell felt cheated, and now they want to claim what is due them.”
“That is cruel. Ava doesn’t deserve to go to hell. She’s been bedridden her whole life! What things could she have done to deserve eternal damnation when she couldn't even move her fingers?” suddenly Beatrice was angry at the kid. Why didn’t she have a filter when she was younger? How could her younger self talk about someone belonging to hell like it was routine when that someone was within earshot? Speaking what was on her mind all the time was what got her into trouble as a child, and she has learned to become stoic since then. Beatrice turned to look at Ava, worried about how she is taking the news. Much to her surprise, Ava did not look a bit concerned.
“Her second life was supposed to be her chance to prove that she belongs in heaven, and she gave it up for you. The only way you can help her now is by passing through. Let her have the halo for herself and give her a fighting chance,” the child advised.
“So I simply cross-over to the next life, is that it? I die and she gets to live a full life?” Beatrice said. “That’s not too hard.”
“Yes, it is that easy,” the child said.
“No!” Ava yelled. Beatrice felt that Ava would hold on to her dearly if she could only move, so she held her friend’s hand. “You have to live, you have to come back with me,” Ava pleaded.
“That’s not possible. There is only one bearer,” the child replied.
Beatrice felt the ground shake. Dust fell from the ceiling of the cave and she used her body to shield Ava from the debris.
“See, the longer you both are here, the more this plane becomes unstable. The halo is not meant to be shared. This is the way,” the child said.
“You heard her. Hell has laid its claim on you. I cannot let that happen. Not after all you’ve been through,” Beatrice reasoned with Ava.
“You can’t cross-over. You can’t leave me. You promised me that I would never be alone again, remember?” Ava pleaded with Beatrice.
xxx
“The Ostium has only been recorded three times in this journal,” Camila explained after scanning through the book from end to end. “The first was Sister Esmeralda in 1521, who shared it with another dying sister warrior as they recovered from a battle, and then Sister Lusiana, date withheld, who was terminally ill in a hospital in Castille, and who shared it with a young girl dying of tuberculosis. The most recent is Sister Sonia, post-war, who was then dying of cancer, and shared it with her mother who was also on her death bed.”
“And what happened?” Mary asked.
“Each time, only one came back from the other plane. In Sister Esmeralda’s case, the other sister warrior became the next halo bearer, a Warrior Nun called Sister Marina. Sister Lusiana did not come back. The young girl who got to keep the halo was cured of her tuberculosis and was raised by the OCS until she was ready to fulfill the duties of a halo bearer, she was Sister Lagrimas. Sister Sonia came back, her mother passed away a few moments after sharing the halo, with her,” Camila answered.
“Just because it has always happened that way doesn’t mean that both of them can’t come back,” Mary reasoned. She wanted to believe it.
“There is an explanation why, isn’t there?” Lilith asked.
“I can make an inference, and it would totally have a basis,” Camila looked at her sister warriors.
“What?” Mary and Lilith said at the same time.
“Isn’t it obvious? There could only be one halo bearer at a time,” Camila replied.
xxx
“You won’t be alone, you’d still have Mary and Lilith and Camila. I cannot let you go to hell, even if it means I’d die. Not when I know you haven’t lived your life,” Beatrice said, wiping dust off Ava’s face. “I have already lived mine.”
“Have you, really, Beatrice?” Ava asked.
Suddenly, the inside of the cave was thick with the tension and all the implications that question meant. Beatrice was silent for a while.
“No you haven’t,” Ava continued. “Remember what you told me.? You haven’t been found your true self. I still want you to discover it. I want you to see that what you are is truly beautiful, the way I see you.”
The young Beatrice stood up from where she sat by the fire and approached her older self.
“Is that true, what she said? You’ve never been true to yourself?” the child asked. Beatrice nodded solemnly.
“Then, I will never get to live the life that I’ve always dreamed of. I always thought it was possible. I thought things might change when I get older. But looking at you now, you never really had control over our lives, have you? Have you ever been truly happy?” the child asked. Her words stung Beatrice, who wiped tears off her cheeks.
“I’m sorry this is what you become. I’m sorry I am nothing more. I’m sorry I’m still like you, stuck pretending to be someone I’m not. A coward,” Beatrice said, and then turning to Ava, “I wish I had your courage, what you were able to overcome knowing what you’ve already been through…this is the reason that you have to live and I have to let you go.”
“Now I know there is no longer any reason for you not to cross-over,” the younger Beatrice said as she walked to the entrance of the cave. She held out a hand. “Come, leave the world that has only brought both of us pain.”
“She is right. I have nothing to come back to,” Beatrice told Ava. She saw a yearning in the halo bearer’s eyes that she has never seen before. Tears welled up in Ava’s eyes and Beatrice fought an unexplained urge to kiss those away. She settled with drying Ava’s cheeks with her fingers.
“I know that you are Sister Photographic Memory but,” Ava started. “You have never been more wrong. You have Mary, and Lilith, and Camila waiting for you. You have me. We’ll figure out how to go back together, okay? But if I come back without you, I wouldn’t be able to survive it.”
“Why, Ava? I am giving you a chance to rewrite your life. Why aren’t you taking it?” Beatrice said, frustrated. Of all the times Ava could be so stubborn, she chose it when they both are at the brink of life and death. Fuck. She’ll miss this. She’ll miss Ava, stubborn, and reckless, and unrefined, and unfocused, and beautiful as she is. Fuck, did she just say fuck?
“Damn it, Beatrice!” Ava said, and Beatrice winced at Ava’s tone. Ava was once again furious at her like she was back at the crypt. Beatrice did not want to do anything else but to make everything right. She’s worried it’s too late.
“Don’t you know why?” Ava continued, her voice hoarse and straining through her tears in her eyes. “Don’t make me say it now, I haven’t had time to figure out how I feel for you. Not with having to train to phase through walls, and fighting actual demons, and learning that the salvation of humanity rests on my shoulders, it’s all too much, too soon.”
A lump was caught in Beatrice’ throat, and there was a humming in her heart that she has never felt before.
“What do you mean?” Beatrice asked. And when Ava was silent, “Just say it!”
“I love you, Beatrice, okay!” Ava yelled. “There, I said it! I didn’t imagine I would tell you this in a shouting match with you. And the words don’t seem enough to convey the immensity of what I feel. But since I cannot move right now to touch you, I have no other way of letting you know.”
Beatrice was silent, she was kneeling beside Ava, her hands on her lap.
“Damn it, say something. I’d have ripped the halo from my back myself to give it to you if I could reach it, that’s how much I love you.” Ava added.
Beatrice remained silent.
“You don’t have to say it back. Not if you don’t feel the same way. This isn’t about me, I know that now. I just want you to come back with me. We could figure it out. Trust, remember?” Ava said, calming down.
Beatrice did not know what to say. Words wanted to come out, but for the first time in her life, she had no vocabulary to respond. When you’ve taught yourself to be silent for so long, you’ll forget how to say what’s been buried inside of you. She sighed as she laid down with Ava, propping her own head upon her hand to peer into Ava’s face. She brushed the few strands of dark hair that were stuck on Ava’s wet forehead and dried the top of her head with the back of her hand. She then took one of Ava’s hands.
Beatrice sighed. “I have a confession to make.”
“I’m not a priest, Beatrice. Not even a nun. In any case, you are forgiven,” Ava smiled at Beatrice. The tension that bubbled through the atmosphere finally fragmented and Ava once again found a reason to joke.
“I almost kissed you when you first made it through the twenty feet brick wall, did you know that? I’ve never allowed myself to be that tempted,” Beatrice recounted.
“I did. Although I didn’t want to be presumptuous. I didn’t want to think that just because you told me you liked girls that someone like you would be attracted to someone like me. Most of all, I didn’t want you to do anything that you might regret later on without thinking about it first, so I broke the contact.” Ava replied.
“That was kind of you, Ava. But even long before that, I’ve thought about it a lot. I thought about you a lot. Never in my wildest imagination would I think you’d see me that way,” Beatrice said. Her fingers treaded upon the skin of Ava’s cheek lightly.
“I know you told me you’ve been pressured into this version of yourself your whole life. I didn’t want to add to that,” Ava said.
“You’ve also been pressured into this version of yourself by the sisters, me most especially.” Beatrice started. “You had no obligation to the order and to the halo, yet here you are. The difference between us is that you are doing it because you know it’s the right thing to do. I was doing it because I was a coward.”
“Beatrice, you are the bravest person I have ever known,” Ava replied.
Beatrice chuckled. “You’ve known like, ten people. There’s not much to compare. Do you know you’re the only one I’ve ever told?” Beatrice revealed.
“I didn’t. Thank you for trusting me, then. I need you to trust me now. We can go back together.” Ava tried to reason again.
“If there is one thing I regret, It’s that I didn’t get to know you sooner. I would give anything in the universe just to spend more time with you,” Beatrice replied. There were now tears in her own eyes.
The ground shook again.
“I’m sorry, you don’t have that luxury, it’s time to go,” the younger Beatrice spoke for the first time in a while.
Beatrice considered and sighed. She looked at her younger self.
“Heaven, is it a place of love and happiness as we were taught it to be?” Beatrice asked.
“No happiness, no love, just eternal rest. Love is pain. No more of that there,” the child replied.
“Don’t listen to her, Beatrice, love can be great, too. It doesn’t have to hurt. I don’t have any intentions of causing you more pain,” Ava pleaded, feeling that her chance to win Beatrice over was quickly slipping away.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” the younger Beatrice said.
“Ava, if I don’t cross-over, you might die and go to hell, or return to being quadriplegic for the rest of your life,” Beatrice said, as she sat up.
“Then I’ll take my chance,” Ava replied.
Beatrice shook her head. She kissed Ava’s forehead and stood up.
“I can’t risk that, Ava. I’m sorry. Now, you go back and live a purposeful life. We’ll see each other again in the next life.” Beatrice said, standing up to look at Ava one last time. She took the child’s hand and the two versions of herself walked out of the cave.
“Noooo!, Beatrice, please, in this life! In this life!” she heard Ava yell, but Beatrice was sure it was all in her head.
xxx
“Those who came back reported of a place, comfortable, quiet, and peaceful. It was different for each of them. Sister Marina recounted being on a small wooden boat floating through a tranquil sea. Sister Lagrimas reported of a forest clearing. For Sister Sonia, it was hills so green and as far as the eye could see,” Camila explained to her sisters. “But one thing was common with their versions of the Ostium. Present always were two orange trees with branches forming an arch that they were told was the entrance to heaven. Each has been told by a messenger that the only thing they needed to do was to cross the arch to get to heaven.”
“Here,” Camila said, pointing to a page. “A halo bearer named Sister Flora studied the three accounts of the Ostium against the scriptures and the Catholic dogma, and she has made some conclusions. I’ll try to translate.”
Camila cleared her throat and started. “But it has been known since biblical times that the road to heaven is the road less travelled. Matthew 17:13-14 states: Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.”
“If this arch is a doorway to another world, it is not heaven. Anyone learned in the scriptures should know that the path to heaven is not easy. The recollection of those who returned from the Ostium, the peacefulness of the place, and the messengers that has reassured them that they only need to pass through the arch leads to the conclusion that this seemingly perfect limbo is nothing but knavery, a trick of the devil to try and lay claim on a Warrior Nun. The arch is actually a doorway to hell,” Camila translated. Her eyes turned to her sisters, wide.
“But the halo is a holy relic,” Mary reasoned.
“We now know it’s not. Adriel is no angel, therefore, this halo is an artifact from hell. That’s what’s causing it,” Camila replied.
“Ava and Beatrice are on the gates of hell?” Lilith asked.
“And only one is coming back,” Camila replied.
“No. Both of them are coming back. Trust your team.” Mary said.
xxx
Beatrice stared up at the branches that intertwined to form an arch. She couldn’t believe how simple it needs to be. Beatrice could see the rest of the golden fields through the arch. There was nothing special about it at all. No one would suspect that this was the gate to heaven, except for a faint energy that Beatrice could feel from beyond.
“Ready? This is where I leave you. From here you go on alone,” the child said, letting go of Beatrice’ hand.
“No, but I have no choice, I can’t let her go to hell,” Beatrice replied. She tested her bare feet on the loam before taking a step. She thought of all the things she had ever wanted to do, and all the things she will no longer be able to. Study a sixth language, go on a safari, smoke a joint, learn how to bike. Kiss Ava. But all of these paled in comparison to Ava going to hell if Beatrice didn’t choose to cross-over.
“That’s right,” the child said as Beatrice took a step in front of the arch, about to stride in. That was when she heard Ava’s voice in her head.
“Trust your team, right? Why can’t you trust me now?” the voice said.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s myself I don’t trust. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to allow myself to be happy, to be loved. I’m scared that if I indulge myself with my wants, I will make a mistake, or I will be the one wronged, and it would be more painful. I would carry that pain for the rest of my life. Ignorance is bliss,” Beatrice replied.
Suddenly, Beatrice found herself crouched before the arch. The feelings she refused to feel since she was ten coursed throughout her body, and she shook from the suppressed emotions bubbling to the surface. Beatrice had to hug herself to still the tremors as a torrent of tears fell from her eyes.
“I don’t know how to do this, either. I’m scared, too. But courage is not the absence of fear, it is forging through your fear to make it to the end, just like phasing through twenty feet of concrete. This much I learned from being a sister warrior. This much I learned from you because you are beautiful and perfect, and brave, and I know we’ll get through this,” Ava’s voice reassured her.
Beatrice did not speak. No noise could be heard through the fields but the sound of wheat rustling through the wind and her own gasps for air.
“I’d phase through death for you, Beatrice, if that means you get to come back with me.” the voice said through the silence.
That was it for Beatrice. If Ava, who has once already died, could face death again for her, why can’t she?
Beatrice ran all the way to the cave, her legs carrying her as swiftly as they could through the soft soil. She could hear the child shouting at her, but she did not understand what she was saying, nor did she care. The only thing that mattered was to get to Ava and to get them both out of this place.
And to tell her how she really feels.
“I love you, too, Ava! ” Beatrice shouted, rushing to the halo bearer’s side and taking her face in both hands. “Let’s get out of here.”
Beatrice mustered the tiny seed of courage that was slowly blooming in her heart and planted a kiss on Ava’s lips.
It was earth-shattering. Literally. The ground began to shake harder than it ever did. Chunks of rock began dropping from the cave’s ceiling, and the walls disintegrated into dust. The fire the Beatrice built a while ago was extinguished by a sharp wind, and darkness swallowed the pair as they fell through empty space. Only a bright yellow glow of hot metal guided their bodies to the ground.
There was a thud, and suddenly she was back laying on her side upon robes and leather coats, in the tiny room within the necropolis. Her lips were still moving against Ava’s, who was lying next to her with her back to the air, returning the kiss deeper. Beatrice discovered that she could move her arms, so she let go of the warm object she was holding in her hand to touch Ava’s cheek with her palm. She heard the faint clang of a metal object hitting the floor as she did so. She did not care. Beatrice’ world was now made of lips, tongue, and teeth, and of softness, and warmth, and wetness. And Ava. It was all Ava. The kiss was both sacrilegious and sacred, both damnation and salvation, both infinitesimal and eternal.
It was Ava who broke the kiss, gasping for air. She was still on her front, not moving except for her head.
“We made it,” Beatrice smiled at Ava.
“Beatrice, I can’t feel my legs,” Ava said in a panic. Beatrice looked at the halo in Ava’s hand.
‘So, that was the metal object I dropped,’ Beatrice thought.
“It’s the halo, we need to attach it on you.” Beatrice moved to Ava’s back gently. She felt for Mary’s Divinium blade around the area. Finding it, she raised the knife above her head and took the halo from Ava’s hand.
“I’m sorry, my love, this will hurt,” Beatrice said, caressing Ava’s circular scar as she drove the Divinium blade to her skin to create an opening for the halo. Ava smiled at Beatrice through the pain. The halo glowed as it attached itself once again to its bearer.
“Hearing you call me that is just like anesthesia,” Ava said. Beatrice blushed but returned to worrying for Ava.
“You might not feel anything for a little while, you rest now,” Beatrice said, stroking a tendril of dark hair off of Ava’s face, smiling. She couldn’t meet Ava’s eyes.
There was companionable silence in the room as Beatrice continued stroking Ava’s hair. It was the halo bearer who finally broke the silence.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Ava asked.
“That was… my first kiss,” Beatrice hesitated. “Was that even real? I think we were on another plane.”
“We were still kissing when we got back. And what does it matter that we were on another plane? It’s still you and me,” Ava said. “That was my first kiss, too.”
Both of them chuckled at their revelation, Beatrice unable to hide her blush. She continued stroking Ava’s hair, who was feeling sleepy, either from exhaustion or from Beatrice’ caress, she no longer knows.
xxx
The glow inside the room faded and the dust hovering about the invisible dome fell to the floor. Lilith took a step forward to check if they could now pass through.
“One of them is back,” Lilith announced.
“They both better be,” Mary said, making the sign of the cross as they barged in through the heavy door.
They found Ava lying face down on the floor, Beatrice sitting beside her, stroking her bare back. The scar from the halo has healed, leaving a circular keloid on the bearer’s skin that was still pink and fresh.
“Oh no, no, no, no,” Mary started. “Ava didn’t make it?”
“No,” Beatrice said, meeting her friend’s eyes. “But she is exhausted and fast asleep, you best not disturb her.”
Ava’s soft snores echoed through the tiny room.
xxx
It was two weeks before they were able to return to the Cat’s Cradle. Mary was able to make contact with Mother Superion, who found someone with a room to take the sisters in as they let the events in the Vatican cool off. Ava and Beatrice boarded up together to recover. It took two full days for the halo to recharge and for Ava to regain the use of her limbs. Beatrice’ puncture wound miraculously healed without needing stitches, but Ava still fuzzed over her, watching out for infection and making sure she drank her antibiotics on time.
Mary and Lilith went with Mother Superion to try and salvage the situation. Following Father Vincent’s betrayal, it turned out that it was in the best interests of Cardinal Duretti, now pope, to cover up what happened and proclaim it as an attempted terrorist attack. The new pope knew it would be an early crisis in his papacy if it was revealed that there were traitors within the Church. The sisters found out that although he was not on their side, being in it only for political reasons, he was at least not the enemy.
Camila was granted access by the pope to the Vatican archives to study Ava and Beatrice’ account of the Ostium. They figured out that it could be a clue to the true nature and properties of the halo. Of course, Ava and Beatrice’ kept the fact that they kissed to themselves.
The Order of the Cruciform Sword was given a boon by Pope Duretti to continue with the mission on the down-low. Its leadership and funding were transferred to a confidential section within the office of the pope. Blowing up a portion of the Vatican caused them to lose their independent status, but it was the best they could do for now. Mary, Lilith, and Mother Superion were able to secure these arrangements under the nose of the public and the rest of the Church, and within the two weeks it took Beatrice and Ava to recover.
Now they were all back at the Cat’s Cradle, and Ava was sitting at the foot of Beatrice’ bed, watching her pack clothes neatly into two duffel bags.
“Take me with you,” Ava whispered, looking up at Beatrice.
“You know I want nothing else,” Beatrice replied, halting her task to cup Ava’s face.
“But I understand,” Ava said, looking down. Beatrice lifted her chin to meet her eyes.
“I know you do,” Beatrice smiled, placing a light kiss on Ava’s lips.
“This is something I need to do on my own. I need to find the pieces of myself I shed in order to be the person my parents wanted. I need to be whole again before I make my next big decision,” Beatrice said. “And I need to do it on my own to make sure that I’m doing it for myself. You deserve nothing less.”
“I’m proud of you,” Ava said, standing up to give Beatrice a hug. She buried her face in the hollow of Beatrice’ neck, taking in the hints of peony and blush that she would miss.
“Just three months, I promise, and when Adriel, Father Vincent, or even Duretti gives you trouble, you know how to reach me,” Beatrice said, holding Ava at arm’s length.
“Yup,” Ava replied, taking out a smartphone from her pocket that Beatrice purchased for her.
“I also made you an Instagram account, and you’re already following me. Just so you see what I’m up to,” Beatrice said, winking at her.
“Where are you going first?” Ava asked.
“To my boarding school, in Bern,” Beatrice replied.
Ava reached down to intertwine her fingers with Beatrice. She brought her hand up to her lips and gave each digit a swift kiss.
“I’ll be waiting,” Ava said.
“I’ll come back for you. I already did once,” Beatrice replied with a smile.