Work Text:
Not Okay
-This is Force-talk-
Ben offered Vestara his hand to help her up, and she accepted it with a grateful smile. They didn’t talk out loud. It was an unnecessary unconvinced, at times, to have a Force-bond with Ben. It made it ridiculously hard to bock him from her mind, but at times like this she loved it. When she had things to say that were for him only.
-I don’t want to sleep alone again , not tonight.-
Between night terrors and a simple growing lack of ability to be in a small room alone, how could she?
-I know. You don’t have to. Not anymore. - His words came with a mental caress; the Force equivalent of a smile.
“Eww! You two are Force-talking again!” squealed Allana, indignant. Vestara half wondered when the girl had woken up.
“Mom told me that when boys do that to girls it means there talking dirty to each other!” she leaned forward as if to impart a great secret, “I know your talking about kissing.”
“Your right Allana,” said Ben sagely, and pulled Vestara in for a kiss.
“Eww!” Allana yelped again, louder this time.
-Come on Ves, let’s go to bed.-
* * *
Ben’s gentle snoring was not usually enough to keep her awake, tonight, however was not a normal night. She didn’t want her new family to know the gory details of all she’d done. As much as she hated to admit it, she loved them all (except for maybe Han Solo.) Vestara looked down at her hand. Most of the time she didn’t wear her ring, most of the Solo-Skywalkers didn’t have a clue how far her relationship with Ben had gone. She’d herd the arguments for the reasons Ben shouldn't have done it, they were too young, she was an ex-sith, Han Solo still held a grudge against her, and the list went on and on.
Vestara shook her head, dislodging the line of thought. Ben grumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, rolling over flailing his arms. He, like her, had trouble sleeping alone. She was not the only one the war affected. Vestara took his hand and felt Ben settled down through the Force. She felt more than heard the door open with a whoosh. Jaina stood leaning in the doorway.
“You’re still up?” asked Vestara, not bothering to try to hide her weariness.
“I could ask you the same thing.” Jaina tipped her head to one side, she unlike her father had forgiven the young women for her role in reviling Allana’s (then known as Amelia) true identity. It had been Uncle Luke’s own fault really. The girl had had no training in the light. It had been the equivalent of taking a new cadet out of boot-camp, and sending them to the front lines.
“Jaina?”
“Hmm…?” Jaina broke out of her reverie.
“You were staring at me funnily.” Jaina had to strain to hear the girl’s voice.
“Sorry. You should try to go to sleep Vestara,” She smirked slightly. ”Oh, and you might want to take off that ring before someone comes to wake you two up.” And with that Jaina stepped back, and shut the door, Vestara, deciding the older woman was right-about sleeping anyway- and curled up against Ben, feeling his arms wind around her. For now nothing could touch her, and with a smile she drifted off to sleep.
* * *
“EWWWWW! BEN! MOM TOLD ME WHEN BOYS SLEEP WITH GIRLS THEY MAKE BABIES!” of all of the possible ways to be woken after only four hours of sleep, her little cousin-in-law, screaming and giving the wrong impression to the entire house was perhaps the last one she wanted. For how cute the little girl, was she extremely annoying. According to Jaina she was jealous of Vestara. Allana was used to being Ben’s favorite, but that all changed as soon as Vestara came into the picture. Ben groaned, cracking one eye open.
“You wanna yell a little bit louder, there might be some hutts on Tatooine that didn’t hear you.” He opened the other eye. ”And go away! We’re not doing anything wrong.” That was when a snort came from the door.
“Sure your not. I suppose having kids before marriage is the tradition now is it?” Sneered Han from the corridor. Ben sat up slightly shocked going from half asleep to fully awake in the span of a few heartbeats.
“We didn’t do anything and-“Allana interrupted before he could finish.
“When’s the baby gonna be born? Can I see it? Will it be a boy or a girl? Can it be a girl? Jaina and Vestara are the only other girls in the family besides grandma. I really wa-“
“Allana, were not having a baby!” Ben suddenly broke into her rant at the same time as Han said, “she’s not part of the family!”
Vestara felt a flash of pain through her heart, subduing it quickly before Ben felt it through there bond. Allana was continuing her tirade, wile Han and Ben argued and tried to get them both out of his room, but she tuned it out. She’s not part of the family. For over half a year, the Skywalkers were the only family she’d had. Not part of the family. Luke hadn’t actually adopted her, but he’d kept her out of a foster home. Not part of the family. Did he feel this way too? Not part of the family. She’d given up the dream of becoming a jedi, but she wasn’t bad. Not really. In fact she’d practically won the war for them, by reviling the location of Kesh; she’d helped negotiate the peace treaty between the lost tribe and the GA once she’d been released from prison. Not part of the family. What more could she do? Would they ever truly accept her as her? She doubted it. She couldn’t change, she’d already tried.
It took months before Ben had understood that. When he finally did, he pulled what Jaina call an ‘Anakin Skywalker’ and eloped with her. She looked down at her ring. It was slender, studded with three small stones. The stones, in a pattern of blue, purple, and red, were just as-if not more-symbolic than ring it’s self.
If Ben loved her why couldn’t they at the very least accept her?
“Ves?” Vestara felt a hand on her shoulder. It had suddenly gone very quiet. She looked up, into Ben’s concerned eyes.
“Are you okay?” he inquired gently. Vestara forced a smile, though the scar on her mouth made it look like a sneer.
“Of course.” She didn't like lying to Ben, but she wouldn’t, couldn’t tell him the truth. It had been a long time since she’d ever been ‘okay’.