Chapter Text
The subtle shift of the wind upthrusts a flurry of leaves that seemingly dance to their own paper chime. Staying true to the haunting symbol of time, every uplifting tug of a new-found air current is met with the inevitable spiral when the breeze tapers to an end. Light shimmers off the waxy texture of a leaf, highlighting the venation and equally plunging the faceted surface into darkness as it flips over. He watches the descent, somberly marveling at how its slow swaying in the air deceptively instills a peaceful melody.
The leaf looses its luster as it swiftly hovers over the gravel, and just as quickly its captivity, during a vengeful mad dash to collide with the ground. The object of attention, which had previously been looked at with a knowing sad acceptance of its fate, is now the subject of disappointed shock from the vibrant green eyes of the beholder. For the enraptured focus on the single leaf had left the boy completely unfocused at everything that entailed his surroundings. Too quickly did the lone item of foliage ascend to meet the greedy depths of a puddle. Quite an ugly pool, created by the excess wear and tear of a roadside; the type that looks glassy and utterly still despite the unassuming depths concealed beneath it.
This surreptitious information is revealed as his foot sacrifices the first exploration, too focused on the leaf to process the distance relationship to himself. The resounding splash from the plunge overtakes the somber chimes of his winged friends on the breeze. Eren is met with the loud whirring of motors and the obnoxious honk of early morning traffic. His attention broken, he's forced to return his thoughts back to which he was trying to forget himself. The restlessness. The anxious, unforgettable feeling that he needs to be moving. Why? Where is this incessant notion coming from?
Not sitting in traffic, the brunette ponders as he passes yet another stationary car on foot.
It had started at night, long before his friends retired for bed. His close companions picked up on his inner turmoil, what with practically being family. Not wanting to perturb them (and maybe a little bit of tucking tail and avoiding conflict) he'd resolved to going to bed early. At least, that’s what he informed them. He knew he wouldn’t sleep. Couldn’t sleep. There was too much built up emotion that had begun as just an echo a few months prior. How did it get to this?
Eren had sifted through his thoughts trying to get a handle on the situation, attempting to get rid of the nagging pull to get up and move. The quiet click of the television and the hushing whir of the air-conditioner was the only savior to the ringing silence, notifying Eren that the two had gone to their respective rooms. Go. Go! His mind had shouted. Stop. Just as quickly, giving himself mental whiplash, Eren knew he wouldn’t be able to slip away unnoticed if he didn’t wait a few moments for his friends to fall into slumbers embrace. Jesus, listen to yourself. You sound like a toddler sneaking candy. But it didn’t matter. Somehow he knew deep down he had to do this.
He snuck out just after midnight. Didn’t waste another moment grabbing anything of necessity other than the phone in his pocket. It took more or less an hour to meander through town, redirecting himself this way and that as his internal compass led the way.
Did he know where he was going? Not back then he didn’t. Not until he reached the on-ramp to the highway. The oversized signage for I-10N was blazingly illuminated in the night, Eren's gut twisting in on itself at the visual. He knew then where this unknown pull was leading him, known as he walked within the dark.
Now, the breeze picked up again sending a cold draft that promised the visit of rain. Ever a fickle element of nature, there was no telling when the clouds would drift in to release its sorrows. Walking in the golden hour of early morn and gaining ever the more curious stares of commuters, he debates how he managed to walk on a nightly abandoned interstate unperturbed. Yet, he's got worse things to worry about, as the unpleasant feeling works its way back to his attention. It properly serves as a heading warning, an ever careful reminder of the fuzzy memories it surfaces from. But that was for another time. Now he's got to be satisfied at the concept that he's moving. To the source or resolution of his troubles? Well, he doesn’t know.
What he does know, is he'll go absolutely insane if he keeps thinking about it. The bottleneck of traffic begins to thin out, the staggered revving of engines having enough at the game of stop and go. The mechanical buzz increases to a constant thrum and the vehicles whirring past blur his peripherals. It drowns out his rumination and soothes him back to complacency once again. The speed of his not-so-involved traveling companions resonate with his own desire to cap the distance.
His phone rings in his pocket with the distant note of a familiar tune. He knows who it is without having to look. Judging by the fact the sun is only two finger’s width of a hand away from the horizon, Mikasa must have gone to check up on him first thing. He immediately feels guilty at the amount of worry and panic she must have felt.
Shit. Is still feeling. What do I tell her?
The truth, he reasons immediately. Mikasa can snuff out any white lie, especially when it comes to him. Nervously swallowing, he snatches the cell out of his pocket and swipes the call icon, purposely not giving himself time to rethink his decision. He really loves her, he can’t be doing things like this to her.
“Hello.”
“Eren.” She has such a gentle, soft voice. Quite the contrast to her guarded body language and warrior state of mind. That utterance of his name speaks paragraphs to him. Relieved that he answered, sad he hadn’t confided in her, and angry at his recklessness. Most of all, and what hits Eren the hardest- she's scared. Nothing rarely scares Mikasa, not unless it involves him.
“I’m walking down I-10N." He dives right into it, cutting out the bullshit. It scares him too when she's afraid. When Mikasa shows the most emotion is because she fears to loose something that won’t allow her to feel at all. He never wants to see her like that fateful day they met.
There’s a sharp intake of breath on the other line and a moment of silence to process the implications. “I’m coming to get you.”
“No.” He immediately interjects.
“There’s no arguing, Eren.” Her tone is matter-of-fact, lacking the hostility or disappointment that would normally accompany the expression.
Closing his eyes and enjoying the sun’s first warming rays hitting his skin, Eren resolves himself with the new addition of the vibrant energy. “Mikasa, I have to do this. You can’t stop me.”
“Why do you need to go to that house?” Her voice rises an octave to surmount her turmoil. Understandably, it’s not everyday that people take off for their abandoned childhood home. Even more irrationally, on foot despite the fact it takes a good hour and a half by car. He remains silent, not sure of the answer to that himself. He hasn’t been back since his mother died. He never planned on going back. “Eren please. Did something happen?” Mikasa and Armin have been using roundabout tactics all week to determine the cause of Eren’s odd and restless manner. She’s desperate and outright asking now.
“Listen Mika. I’m programmed differently than you and Armin. You both get by brilliantly using your head. You know I always react to instinct.” It sounds cringey to his own ears, but he doesn’t know how else to explain it.
“Go on.” The more direct translation would conceptualize 'if there’s not a valid enough reason to convince me then I'm going to be pissed off'. Mikasa could destroy entire countries if she wanted to when she's pissed.
“I have a gut feeling," his voice is lined with urgency as he attempts to convince her of a valid answer. "No, it’s like something is physically pulling me. I don’t know how I know, but I need to go to that house.”
“Walking. Instead of asking Armin or I for a ride.”
Yep, she’s pissed. Worse off, she’s just not getting what Eren’s trying to avoid having to admit. Guess we've never kept secrets before, why start now? “You should put me on speaker.” He knows Armin is listening in too, but he can’t be mad at the cute bastard. “I don’t want to repeat this twice.”
“Done.”
Completely ruthless, the two of them. Not even an apology for the covert inclusion. He drags out a sigh and runs a hand through his hair. Opens his mouth- closes it back shut. Tries again and ends up clenching his hair in his hands. “I don’t know how to… I need to…” He puts his head in his hands and reminds himself to just breathe. In and out like the slow rhythm of a heartbeat, reminding him that he's alive. When did this become important? It’s a bit unusual to contemplate the status of one's mortality, yet so is his current situation. “I need a moment to figure out how to correctly word this.”
It’s silent on the other end, which only enumerates his friend’s concern for him. He doesn’t want to screw this up. Throwing his head back in frustration, his eyes zero in on a soaring hawk. Its wings begins to tip slightly to the left, turning on the wind and then proceeding to make a lazy circle. It doesn’t linger long, straightening its course and flying over the trees to his right, disappearing out of sight. Enough playing around and just go for it, huh? Signal read loud and clear.
“It comes in bits and pieces.” He clears his throat, not anticipating how raspy the sentence comes out. “It’s hazy. Well, not entirely. I see everything clearly, but I just don’t know enough about what happens in-between to understand what’s going on.”
“Sorry Eren, you’re going to have to clue me in more. What is it that you're seeing, a dream?” Only Armin would apologize for seeking more information, like he was afraid that interrupting would somehow withhold him from the knowledge sought. It's welcomed though, it helps guide Eren’s words as Mikasa says too few of them to begin with.
“No Armin, that’s the scary part. I don't think it's a dream- rather a memory.” He sucks in a breath and begins to explain the overlying issues with the idea of having disturbing recollections. He makes sure to skim over the details of his vision, relying on the overall concept of having forgotten an important part of his past.
~~
Eren's feet scrape against the gravel as he skids to a stop, resounding a quiet echo throughout the forest. His gaze lingers with the fine dust billowing wistfully into the air from his disturbance. Reluctantly, he pries his emerald eyes from the floating orbs to observe his surroundings.
When did I depart the highway? I-10N sectioned to a split if you followed it far enough. Continuing straight, the merge of the highway is simply renamed and directed to the next neighboring city. Just before this merge is an off-ramp leading to a sad, broken road, society not deeming it important enough to bear signage. This nameless road is an open countryside, patches of barren meadows broken by strands of large lumbering forests. Noticeably throughout it all is the lack of human interference. The abandoned gravel trail that barely passes as a road is disturbingly empty, like there is an unseen force guarding against those who pass.
He'd been seven years old when he had last gazed upon these woods. Returning now, fourteen years later, Eren is rattled to recognize the meandering trail so perfectly. It’s like it hasn’t changed at all. Seriously. The dark and shifting branches of the trees outcompeting each other for the attention of the sun only ever shot higher up into the air. Never arching or spanning across the passageway to efficiently overshadow the understory, which would inhibit small shrubs and herbaceous plants from colonizing the trail. Despite this, it appears as it did exactly when Eren was a child. Like he never left.
Sucking in a breath, he steels his resolve to continue the trek. The sun now mirrors its stance from the morning- yet appearing as a traitor on the opposite end of the sky. Letting out his extenuating breath, he places one foot in front of the other. This is it, the last bend in the gravel path before he arrives to where he's anxiously destined. His gut reassumes its churning as he passes under the threshold of the trail where the tree line begins. Why do I feel this burning alertness of being sensed by something? It's like his foot set off an invisible trip line that two-folded as a doorbell.
Okay so maybe I really am going crazy. But he's always relied on instinct, knowing somehow that his feelings of skin crawling and hair rising with goosebumps is validated somehow.
Eren reflects great relief on the agreement his friends had settled upon. He didn’t want them here. He would never want to chance his friends into any sort of unexplored danger. Doubling his pace and adrenaline, he becomes increasingly grateful for the agreeance to give him space. A couple days to somberly revive his old home (who knows what the current state of the building is like) while reflecting on his personal situation in solitude. That was all he could've asked, seeing as any lengthier a piece of time would be unquestionable. The protective concern of his friends had led to the terms and conditions applied: consistent updates and constant communication. This is simply to ensure that Eren won't be lying dead in a ditch somewhere. After all, what is there to update in the middle of nowhere? If Eren ceased communication for any lengthy period of time, the two of them would fly the coop for an undiagnosed rescue mission.
Armin and Mikasa acted over the phone as if there was something they sought to tell Eren, a withholding of information. The drawn out silences in conversation were too frequent, implying the two were talking with the unspoken communication of the eyes. It was surprisingly easy to compel his friends to keep their distance and they were readily agreeable on the terms set. They know something they’re not telling me.
Eren is aware of his acquiring closeness to the property as he passes through a mirage of shifting light created by the branches of the forest. It’s just around this corner. Continually ignoring the eerie feeling of being observed, he forces himself to look down at his feet in an urgency to proceed with his quest. There would be no turning back now. Fight the bleary edges of darkness creeping in from the sun’s descent by focusing on one foot after the other. The anxiety, anticipation, adrenaline, and insecure emotions derived from the lack of situational security all weigh down on him with each additional footfall.
Continual effort to shut down his mind, which rationally is urging him to flee, makes the last one hundred feet of distance teasingly painful. The clunky, irritating rhythm of the rubber sole of his shoes scraping gravel gradually builds in annoyance. Instead of rushing the movement to hasten the time spent with the abrasive scratching, Eren slows down. His steps are loud and methodical, like a well-timed trail of bread crumbs. Except the crumbs are made of sound to seemingly give away his position, fear interpreting each footfall as a tracking update. Just when he can’t take the feeling of being observed any longer, with his gut clenching at the idea of his coming here being a mistake, his foot thuds to a stop onto a soft pad of moss to effectively absorb the sound.
It's a clearing, he realizes. Well, it's a front yard technically. Nontraditional in the sense that most people don’t live in the woods in the middle of nowhere, and that it could be debated the extent of the rocky driveway actually encompassed the massive expanse of a front yard. More importantly, and less debatable, was the solid revelation that Eren's arrived. The fading light of daylight casts a low glow on the foreboding property. Abandoned and dark, the house stands untouched in the center of the lawn, surrounded by an enclosure of trees.
It's as if the forest itself is scared of encroaching on the house, dare it receive backlash from a disturbing force.