Chapter Text
“I think we should break up.”
“What?” Lara Jean blurts out, the fork that was loaded with maple syrup soaked pancakes hits her cheek instead of her going in her mouth. She winces, wiping her face, but she’s sure she must have heard him wrong, “What did you just say?”
John Ambrose Mclaren leans over to take her hands in his and looks at her in that soft way that he always does, patient and understanding, “Lara Jean, we’re going to be at different schools.”
“So?” she asks, confused. She cannot believe this is happening.
“It’s going to be our first year, we’re going to be stressed from classes and pretty far away from home, I want to be practical about this.” she pulls her hands out of his and crosses her arms.
“You’re only going to be at Reed College, it’s only 2 hours away!”
“Lara Jean, we’re not gonna drive back and forth on weekends, we’ll be too busy for that, and I won’t even be allowed to have my car on campus until sophomore year.”
“That’s a dumb reason, John Ambrose. There’s skype there’s face time, we can always zoom and I can take the bus!” but John is already shaking his head.
She narrows her eyes and waits for him to continue. She will not start crying in public.
John sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair in a familiar frustrated gesture, “No! LJ can’t you understand that…”
“No, I get it John Ambrose. You don’t want to even try long distance with me.” her voice is thick with the effort of keeping back the tears. She flings down her fork and stalks outside before remembering that John drove them there and now she is going to have to sit next to him for the ten minutes it takes to get back to her house.
She cannot believe her boyfriend of 4 years is dumping her right before their first year of college.
*****
Lara Jean cries for about a week. She cried silently on the drive back to her house when he dropped her off. She was crying when she slammed the car door and flung herself on her bed. She’d be taking a shower and start crying when she remembered the first time she and John kissed or the time he tried to teach her to drive. All the sweet patient things he would do to show her how much he cared.
“Lara Jean.” Kitty yells through her door.
“Go away!”
“Lara Jean, you can’t stay in your room forever!”
“Watch me!”
In between crying she gets mad. She unfriends him on every platform, and untags him from all the pictures on instagram. But she’s not so mad that she wants to destroy every memento or photo. She knows she would regret it if she did, and what if they get back together? But she doesn't want to see them anymore, she takes their prom photos and the dried flowers from the corsage he put on her wrist, the ticket stub form their first date, the first valentines card he gave her, dozens of little physical memories that John had loved her and she had loved him and dumps them all into her teal hatbox. They will be there alongside the letters she wrote to her all her childhood crushes. She shuts the box and puts it up on a shelf in her closet.
“It’s for the best Lara Jean.” Margot soothes her, rubbing her back.
“How can you even say that Margot?” Lara Jean moans into her pillow.
“Look, I know you were with him for a long time but you’ll see! You’re gonna start college with a fresh slate and you're gonna make new friends and meet new people...”
“No.” she lifts her face up and her eyes are swollen and her face is red.
“You know mom always said, don’t go to college with a boyfriend.”
“Easy for you to say you, dumped Josh.” she mumbles.
“Lara Jean!” Margot snaps.
She looks up guiltily, her face still half hidden by her pillow.
“If John Ambrose had wanted to try he would have.”
Well, Margot has got her there.
*****
She gives in and calls John once.
“Are you sure?” is the only thing she asks him when he picks up.
“I love you.”
This makes her heart swell with hope before he continues, “But it’s for the best.”
She ends the call on her iphone, mad she can’t even slam a phone dramatically the way she wants.
***
“Lara Jean, you should use this opportunity to go through your hoe phase.” Christine picks at her slice of pizza, picking off the mushrooms and olives that Lara Jean guilted her into getting, using the “I was dumped, let me get the toppings I want.” defense.
“What?” Lara Jean took a big bite of her slice and nearly choked in shock at what Chris said.
“Yeah, you were with John for like, all of high school!”
She swallows with difficulty, “That’s four years Chris, I can’t just get over him overnight.”
“The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.”
“ugh…Chris.” Lara Jean grimaces.
“It was four years of the same dude’s lips. Go crazy, make out with a stranger, hook up and don’t call the guy after, be a college girl!”
“I am not even thinking about any one’s lips.”
“You will, there will be some tall handsome buff student athlete at school and you’re gonna wanna climb him like a tree.”
Lara Jean twists her face up, thinking about it.
“See! I’m just saying college is the time to experiment and have fun.”
“What was your excuse for all of high school?” Lara Jean laughs, teasing her.
“I was an early bloomer.” Chris smirks and slides her pile of toppings over to Lara Jean then finally bites into her slice.
****
“You’re gonna have a great time at college.”
“How do you even know?”
“I know,” Margot says and hugs Lara Jean, “you’re gonna meet new people and some of them will become your best friends. You’ll see.”
Margot waves and disappears around the corner.
“I’ll never get used to seeing her off.” Dad said.
“Yeah,” Lara Jean frowned.
“Can we get ice cream on the way back?” Kitty asked.
“Sentimental as always, Kitty.” she said and ruffled her hair before Kitty could slap her hand away.