Chapter Text
“Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!”
Ryan rolled his eyes but didn’t pull back, just kept on licking, his hand moving in time with his mouth as he sucked Chad off. He did close his other hand around Chad’s wrist, though, because seriously—if he didn’t ease up on that grip of Ryan’s hair, he was going to give him a hell of a headache.
Ryan knew this from experience.
Chad whimpered, then bucked against him frantically in the instant before he shot hard and hot into Ryan's mouth. Ryan winced but swallowed, then licked up the stray drops as Chad's thunderous breathing began to slow. It tasted... like crap, really, the way it always tasted. But Ryan smiled anyway, because triumph always made the flavor sweeter.
Easing back, he got to his feet and then brushed off the knees of his slacks. As he adjusted his hat to its customary jaunty angle, he eyed Chad in speculation. Chad still looked pretty dazed - Ryan couldn't blame him - but he didn't seem in imminent danger of bursting into tears or babbling a confession or snarking some or other stupid and totally fact-based insult at him. Good enough. "Have fun, man," Ryan said, and opened the laundry room door to head back out into the party, leaving Chad with his baggy jeans still around his ankles.
* * *
It should have been enough. Chad should have taken it like a man - well, so to speak, anyway - they should have been entirely through with each other, and things should have returned quite comfortably to the status quo. Except that Chad kept looking at him.
It was beginning to get irritating.
"Dude, seriously," Ryan muttered to Chad one day, stopping by his locker after chemistry class and pretending like it was a totally normal conversation. "All my discretion isn't going to do you a damn bit of good if you don't quit watching me like you're crushing."
"What? I'm not—“ Chad's protest was automatic, and Ryan just raised an eyebrow. “It’s just—“ he frowned, his gaze fixed on a spot somewhere beyond Ryan’s left shoulder. “I need to talk to you.”
Oh. God. Ryan drew in a deep breath. He’d had such high hopes that Chad wouldn’t go there… “Fine,” he said reluctantly. “I’ll meet you in the alley behind the gym at 5:30. If you make me wait, I’m gone.”
Chad nodded his understanding, meeting Ryan’s eyes for a panicked second before Ryan took pity on him and walked away.
* * *
The alley behind the gym was a surprisingly private place to meet up. The alley behind the theater, on the other hand, was pretty much never empty, what with there always being the strange affinity between drama geeks and cigarettes. Ryan didn’t smoke, of course, but then he was a singer and a dancer, not a mere foolish theater kid. Still, he was grateful that most of the jocks seemed to value their lungs more than his own crowd.
Chad didn’t make him wait, which was smart of him. Although Ryan still wished that they could’ve avoided this stupid conversation altogether.
“I need to—I think—“ Chad trailed off and swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously. Ryan struggled not to roll his eyes. “I want to see you again.”
“You’re seeing me right now,” Ryan pointed out, his tone bland. Chad shot him a pained look.
“No, I mean—you know what I mean,” he insisted, and yes, of course, Ryan did.
“It’s not what you think,” Ryan assured him, telling himself that he was expertly affecting kind condescension, his demeanor nearly paternal. “You’re not gay, Chad. It’s okay. Go home, and don’t worry about it anymore.”
“I’m not—what?” Chad looked at him incredulously. “Ryan, how could you… why do you think I’m not… you know!”
“Yes, I know.” Now Ryan did roll his eyes. He really just couldn’t help it. “Chad, you were curious. I get that. It’s a healthy curiosity, totally normal,” he said, slipping his hands into his pockets and rocking back on his heels. “I’m the guy everyone comes to, it’s my community service project, penance for my sins and all that. I blew you, you came harder than you ever had in your life, but that doesn’t make you gay, Chad. I’m pretty phenomenal.” He said all this in as matter-of-fact and straightforward a manner as he could; if he could only convince Chad not to argue with him, they might still both get out of this clean and easy.
But Chad just stared at him, his jaw gaping. Why oh why had Ryan ever thought he could get away with this? Chad was just so stubbornly earnest. Ryan should’ve seen the warning signs flashing a mile away.
“I don’t think that… I mean, just because you—Seriously, dude!” Chad interrupted himself suddenly. “You talk about yourself that way?”
Ryan shrugged. “It is what it is. We’ve all got our strengths.”
Chad kept staring. Ryan was uncertain just which emotion it was flashing in those dark eyes. Disbelief? Disgust? Mere paranoia?
“You think I’m just going to…” Chad trailed off, waving his hand in the air.
Complete a sentence. Any day now. Ryan sealed his lips, and tried to look attentive.
“Evans, seriously? You don’t want… I don’t know, something back? From me, I mean?”
“Really?” Ryan paused a moment, to make sure that Chad was finished. “Yeah, no. I really don’t. Not my gig, man.” Chad’s eyes clouded over – it might’ve just been confusion – and Ryan laid a friendly hand on his shoulder. “I release you of all responsibilities, real or imagined,” he declared theatrically, then gave up on that tack because it clearly wasn’t helping. “Go flirt with a cheerleader. You’re good at it. And the next time you’ve got one in the backseat, you’ll know better what to ask for.”
Chad couldn’t seem to come up with an answer, so Ryan gave up altogether. He just sighed and walked off towards the parking lot.
* * *
For a week, Chad chewed that one over. He still just didn’t get how Ryan could be totally casual like that, like nothing of significance had happened whatsoever. Because, yeah, it wasn’t like they were in love or something, and Chad was fine with no-strings fooling around. Actually he’d learned to generally prefer it, particularly during basketball season, when he really needed to focus and not go losing his edge by throwing himself into trying to sweeten up some girl. Taylor was cool. Taylor was attractive, and interesting, and she’d also made it clear that she was never going to screw Chad in the absence of some sort of defining commitment, perhaps symbolized by an eight-month anniversary celebration and a sparkly gift or something. Which Chad totally respected, and so they were just friends. Fine.
Other girls, not so much. Chad flattered himself that he’d gotten reasonably good at picking the ones who weren’t going to get all moony over him and expect flowers and fourth dates or anything. Certain of the cheerleaders were actually pretty well known for preferring to keep their options open, and Chad quite carefully had comfortable flirtations going on with all of those ones, and none of the other kind.
But still, this was something he’d never encountered before. This being the weird thing with Ryan, where Ryan blew his mind and Chad was still trying to figure it all out, and Ryan couldn’t even be bothered to give him the time of day, like, ever.
Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
After all, Chad was… well, he was the straight guy, to hear Ryan tell it. And Ryan should know, right? But so anyway, it was so totally obvious that Ryan was supposed to crush on him, in that ‘torturing himself with something he couldn’t have’ kind of way, and then they were supposed to hook up and it would be crazy hot, and then Chad was supposed to freak out and totally ignore Ryan, and then Ryan’s feelings would be all hurt while Chad remembered that he was totally and completely into girls.
Something like that, anyway.
But no, instead it was Ryan drawing the line in the sand and telling Chad to stay way way on the other side of it.
Not. Cool.
“What do you want?” He threw the demand at Ryan out of the blue one day, like a grenade.
Ryan blinked, and actually kind of flinched back against his locker, which made Chad feel like he was finally a bit more on even ground. Good.
“I… nothing,” Ryan answered, shooting him a look that was kind of half-paranoid and half ‘OMG Chad you’re a fucking psycho.’
Maybe that was just all paranoid, then.
“No. Seriously,” Chad insisted. “People don’t do that. They just don’t.”
Ryan glanced around like he was looking for an easy exit, then looked back at Chad again. “Do what, exactly?”
“What—what you did,” Chad said, and now he dropped his voice to a whisper. “Just—“ he waved his hand in the air to fill in the blank, because it wasn’t like Ryan didn’t know already, “and then—you know!”
“I see.” Ryan pursed his lips and studied Chad, and even though Chad had been pissed off that Ryan was ignoring him so thoroughly, that sudden careful inspection really kind of made him nervous. “Your ego’s hurting.”
“My what?”
“Your ego, Chad,” Ryan repeated, except that it had been more of a rhetorical question, because Chad so did not need that kind of clarification. “It’s actually bothering you that I’m not chasing you around and leaving you sappy notes in your locker and wishing you’d ask me out.” Grabbing a book, Ryan slipped it into his messenger bag and then slammed his locker shut before returning his attention to Chad. “Not to hurt your feelings or anything, but I don’t doodle your name with little hearts all around it, either.”
Chad stared at him incredulously, then shook his head. “Not cool, man,” he insisted, pointing at Ryan.
Ryan grimaced, and God if Ryan rolled his eyes one more time then Chad was going to… well, he wasn’t certain. But he preferred to think that he’d be above retaliatory violence.
Glancing around quickly at the near-empty hallway, Ryan stepped in close. “Exactly what do you want from me, Danforth?” he asked softly, his blue eyes direct and unflinching and just a little too cold for Chad’s comfort.
Frowning, Chad realized he wasn’t sure of the answer to that one. “You’re a fucking tease, asshole.”
Ryan’s eyebrows rose, but he didn’t even have the courtesy to look insulted. He just looked… mildly surprised. “In what way am I a tease?” he whispered. “You came onto me. I blew you. You came.” He paused for a moment, then shrugged. “You’re just pissed off because I didn’t call you the next day.”
He watched Chad for a second longer – that look, the one that made Chad feel like Ryan knew way more about him than he even knew himself – and then he turned and walked off down the hall.
It took Chad a while to see past his initial flare of fury. It took him that long to realize that Ryan was right.