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It was going to be a bad day, or probably week, Crowley reasoned.
The adverted apocalypse was a few months ago and things have been going well, perfect even, considering Crowley finally got to be with the Angel of his dreams, his hereditary enemy that has never been anything else but.
And yet, the Demons in Crowleys head, the ones that have been there even before his fall, they never left as he hoped they would.
His mind was a grey colour at the best of times, and black and dark in the worst, just like it was now.
Crowley never liked having feelings, it always made things more complicated, more horrible for him.
The love he felt for Aziraphale had eaten him up from the inside for thousands of years, he wanted nothing more than be embraced by those soft and yet strong arms. It was the most lovely torture he’d ever experienced.
But with that love came the sorrow, the self-hatred. How could a perfect, heavenly and kind Angel like Aziraphale ever fall for such a vile, evil and horrid creature like Crowley? How could a Demon ever be enough?
At the best of times, Crowley could convince himself that he could try his hardest to earn the privilege of kneeling in front of Aziraphale. But mostly, the dark voices in his head laughed at the very thought, convinced him that as a Demon, he would never be worthy of that kind of love.
So, friendship was what Crowley aspired for a long time, telling himself that he was lucky to even get that close to the Angel. He never felt like he got close though.
And then, the night after they adverted the apocalypse, Aziraphale had kissed him. Even his dark mind was shocked that he’d actually managed it and for a while, it stayed quiet, letting Crowley have his victory. But it wasn’t to last.
Before the kiss, he thought…no, he knew he wasn’t ever going to by enough for the likes of Aziraphale, but he got that love anyway, throwing him into another sort of misery.
Now he was convinced that no matter how much he tries, no matter how often he’d worship the temple that was his Angel, it would never last. It wasn’t meant to, was it?
Aziraphale would inevitably realize that he was wasting his love to a damned thing, a being only worthy of hell and suffering.
Whenever these thoughts came back to invade Crowleys mind, he’d flee. He would stay away from Aziraphale until the voices had quieted down enough so he could function, so he could love Aziraphale with all that he had, just wanting to be enough.
And this is exactly what he was doing right now.
He was hidden beneath his covers, back in his own home in Mayfair instead of the bookshop were he mostly spend his time these days. His bedroom was usually rather gloomy, but now it was outright dark, all the blinds closed, no light allowed in Crowleys suffering.
But fate, or rather Aziraphale, had other plans.
Crowleys quiet fight with his mind came to an abrupt stop when he heard footsteps that came towards his bedroom. His heart began to pound as he realized that his flat would only ever let one being beside himself into his intimate living space; Aziraphale.
On pure instinct he pressed his eyes closed and cowered furthered under the blanked, trying not to let his breathing give him off as the door to his castle of solitude got opened.
Aziraphale didn’t know what to expect when he decided enough was enough, he needed to see Crowley.
But the wave of sadness and anxiety that hit him when he opened the door to Crowleys bedroom almost knocked him to his knees.
He still composed himself though, straightened his waistcoat and ventured inside, ready for anything, he hoped.
When he approached the figure of Crowley in the bed, he realized the Demon must be asleep.
Crowley didn’t move a muscle when Aziraphale sat down on the edge of the bed, didn’t even know why exactly he didn’t desire for Aziraphale to know he was awake.
Aziraphale let out a deep sigh, making Crowley wanting to shiver but he didn’t allow his body to do so.
Carefully, so he wouldn’t wake Crowley, the Angel raised his hand and let his fingers find a soft home in those auburn curls, watching the Demons face turn into a slight frown.
“Oh, my dearest love…How can I ever help you when I can’t hear your thoughts?”
Crowley wanted to whine at the words, didn’t see any reason for Aziraphale to want to see his mind like he had to.
“I want to see the happy Demon I grew to love, would love nothing more than to protect you from whatever it is that is haunting you so much that you feel the need to distance yourself.”
This time Crowley couldn’t possibly stop a reaction to the words. Silent tears dared to roll down his cheeks and his face contorted into a deep frown, as if in pain.
“Oh, my love. Open your darling eyes, you can’t possibly be asleep.” Aziraphale said carefully, brushing the tears away as these serpent eyes fluttered open.
As soon as he did, Aziraphale pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, which made Crowley sob and press his head against these lips.
“There you are, darling.” Aziraphale crooned, pulling his Demon into a firstly awkward hug because of the angle, until the Angel decided to lie down next to him.
Crowley pressed himself as close as possible to the warmth of his Angel, giving up on attempting to stop the tears and those horrendous sobs his throat dared to make.
And Aziraphale let him. He held him, caressed his back in soft and comforting strokes, combed his fingers through his hair and kissed whatever part of his body he could reach.
Until finally, Crowley had cried himself out.
The Demon knew that Aziraphale wasn’t here to just hold him, he wanted answers and Crowley wasn’t sure if he could provide them. “Can…Can we just forget this?”
Aziraphale pulled him even closer then, let out a deep sigh before he placed another kiss to his beloveds forehead. “My dear, you know I would never dare to force you to do anything…But I can’t help the desire of mine to sooth you, my love.”
“I love you.” Crowley sniffed quietly, burying his nose into his Angels baby-blue shirt to inhale his unique scent.
His head was pounding, his sinuses hurt from his fit of crying and he just wanted to stay right here in Aziraphales arms and sleep, even if forever. It sounded like a great plan, really.
“I love you too.” Aziraphale whispered, voice dripping with pity, which Crowley didn’t quite like. “You don’t have to tell me. But let me help you? Please?”
Crowley lifted his head to meet Aziraphales eyes, brows knitted together. “I-I don’t know how.”
Aziraphale used this opportunity to press his lips to Crowleys, kissing him with all the love he had. Carefully he pushed Crowley onto his back, hovered over him and never broke off the kiss. His left hand grabbed the Demons thin hip, the grip was gentle but grounding. His right knee slowly crept upwards until it pressed lightly between Crowleys legs.
Crowley gasped at the contact and instantly began rubbing his groin against the leg, chasing the friction. His troubled mind had finally found something else to think about, something far nicer and warmer.
Aziraphale broke their lips apart to kiss his way to his ear, whispering. “My love, may I help you?”
The request was sweet and innocent, if it wasn’t for the knee currently rubbing against his quickly hardening cock. Physical intimacy sounded way better than dwelling on the darkness within him. And well, Aziraphale was a great distraction anyway.
And so, Crowley nodded, heat burning through his body. “Please.”
Aziraphale didn’t answer with his voice, instead choosing to pull the hem of Crowleys sleeping shirt up and over his head. His lips immediately went for Crowleys neck, licked and sucked his way down towards his chest until he was able to tenderly suck a nipple into his mouth.
Crowley arched his back into the heat of that mouth, groaning softly into his fist. Tears were still drying on his cheeks and yet, the terrible sadness he felt moments ago was pushed away into the very back of his mind by his growing arousal.
Crowley soon felt the desire of more skin to skin contact and his shacking hands went for Aziraphales clothes. But he found his trembling fingers soon to be useless in the task, his actions getting more frantic which didn’t help at all.
Until Aziraphale took hold of them and pushed them down into the mattress beside Crowleys head, displaying a use of strength that made Crowley whine with need.
“My dear, you needn’t do anything. Be a good Demon and let me work.”
The twitch Crowleys straining erection gave after those words made it more than clear how affected he was from them. He wanted to be good, wanted to do anything for Aziraphale so he could feel worthy of receiving his love.
It was still embarrassing though, but luckily for the Demon, Aziraphale didn’t comment on it, even if he was certain the Angel knew.
Aziraphale gave one last parting lick over Crowleys right nipple before he sat up and began to peel away his many layers of his attire. Although the Demons wrists were free again, Crowley left them right beside his head, looking at Aziraphale through hooded eyes.
“You are the most gorgeous creature that God ever created.” Aziraphale whispered with awe at the picture Crowley provided for him. “And you’re all mine, aren’t you? Mine to touch, mine to hold and mine to love.”
Crowley sobbed again, hiding his face with his hands, heat burning through his cheeks. “M’not g-gorgeous!”
Aziraphale dropped his undershirt to the floor, finally freed his upper body from his clothing. He gently stroked along Crowleys arms until he reached his hands, carefully pulling them away from his face and interlacing their fingers.
The Angel silenced his weak protests by kissing him with a passion that made Crowleys head spin. Aziraphale lowered himself all the way down, their chest flush against each other, because he knew Crowley needed this closeness more than anything.
As Crowley felt Aziraphale push his tongue into his mouth, he also noticed that the Angel was rubbing his obvious erection against his own, making him moan from overwhelming pleasure.
Aziraphale was not done with his praise. “Oh, my beautiful Crowley. You most lovely creature, what did I do to deserve to hear you make these sounds? You are stunning, kind and my most beloved companion.”
Crowley gave a rather hard thrust with his hips, desperate for more and on the brink of loosing it if he didn’t get it soon. Aziraphale chuckled, like the bastard he was.
“You seem to be in need of something, love of mine.”
Crowley was expecting more teasing, maybe the Angel forcing him to actually say what he wanted, but even though Aziraphale can be a bastard, he is kind at heart.
Aziraphale pushed himself up again and moved down the Demons body until he reached Crowleys pants, smiling when he finally saw, rather than felt, Crowleys arousal. He noticed with delight that there was already a wet spot on the fabric.
Deciding to not waste more time, seeing how much Crowley needed this, he reached for the black pants and pulled them down and off in one go, along with his underwear. Finally having Crowley laid bare before him, Aziraphale let his eyes roam over the lithe body.
Crowley wanted to hide from those eyes, didn’t feel like their attention was worth to be brought down on him of all things. But he didn’t get the chance to, as Aziraphale lifted his foot up to his lips, kissing the scales he found there.
With tender slowness, Aziraphale kissed his way up Crowleys leg, whispering words of admiration on his way up.
“Beautiful.” He kissed Crowleys foot.
“Remarkable.” He kissed his shin, his hands massaging his calves.
“Fetching.” As he licked at the hollow of his knee.
“Breathtaking.” He kissed and sucked a mark into Crowleys inner thigh.
“Absolutely perfect.” Before he put his lips around the head of Crowleys cock.
Crowley was an absolute mess by that point. It was hard for his fears and dark thoughts to manifest again with Aziraphale right here, telling him that what his mind wanted to convince him of was utter bullshit.
The Demon moaned and withered underneath Aziraphale as the Angel gently sucked at his cock before he began to bob his head, taking him deeper with each new move down.
“Oh my dear, you taste delicious.” Aziraphale groaned before he swallowed him down again, flexing his throat to coax the most of pleasure out for Crowley.
“Fuck!” Crowley yelped, his whole body shivering with the onslaught of sensations. “A-Angel, I won’t (Hah!) …last like this.”
Aziraphale looked him in the eyes and let his cock slip out of his mouth, lazily licking at the head with a smug grin. “Dearest, you make it sound like that’s a bad thing.”
There was nothing Crowley could do as he watched Aziraphale deepthroating him and sucking hard, making him come with a startled howl, his back almost leaping off the mattress entirely.
His limbs fell boneless into the bedding, his chest rising with rapid breaths, mind blissed out. In his daze, he didn’t quite realize that Aziraphale wasn’t done yet.
The Angel gently ran his hands up the underside of Crowleys thighs until he reached the hollow of his knees. He used them as leverage to bend his Demon in half, raising his bottom up. He laid down comfortably on his belly, his face right at Crowleys arse.
When Crowley realized this, it was too late to prepare as Aziraphale dived in, his hot tongue insistently licking at the sensitive skin of his hole.
His body was already at the brink of oversensitivity at this point and Crowley wasn’t ready for more so soon, but he just couldn’t get himself to say anything. It felt so good, liquid fire running through his veins as his left hand grabbed the bedding and his right hand yanked at his own hair, lost in pleasure.
His body simultaneously wanted to grind down to Aziraphales tongue and yet pull away from it. Aziraphale noticed this and made a quick break, looking up at Crowley.
“Are you alright? Need me to stop, my love?”
Weakly, Crowley shook his head, eyelids too heavy to open. “N-No…Don’t…Please.”
“As you wish.” Aziraphale whispered and leaned in again, this time gentler though.
Goosebumps erupted all over Crowleys body when Aziraphale managed to slip his tongue inside, making the Demon sigh.
Aziraphale snapped his fingers and Crowley soon heard the sound of a bottle opening. The Angel warmed the lube in his hands and lifted his head up to give his fingers space to spread the lube over Crowleys entrance.
As the first finger pushed in, Aziraphale kissed Crowleys left buttocks. Aziraphale knew exactly where he needed to move his finger to inflict the most of pleasure, finding the Demons prostate with ease.
Eventually, he added a second and then a third finger, stretching Crowley with care and devotion, his goal set on making sure nothing they were about to do would hurt him in any way.
Crowley meanwhile had managed to breath through his oversensitivity, to the point of feeling another orgasm built in his belly. He didn’t think it was possible to come again this soon, frankly it seemed impossible really, but when Aziraphale sucked one if his balls into his mouth and his fingers pressed against his prostate, his cock jerked with another orgasm, shooting thick white streams of semen all over his chest.
Aziraphale slowly pulled his fingers free and gave Crowley a bit of space to calm down, aftershocks waving through the Demons body.
His blue eyes roamed once more over his lovers body. What a pretty picture he was; Limbs fallen to his sides, eyes closed and eyebrows arched, sweat pearls rolling down the side of his face, auburn hair a mess and cum painting his chest white.
He needed another taste. He leaned down and began to lick Crowley clean with his tongue, listening with delight to the shocked groans and moans he got in response.
Crowley almost couldn’t handle it anymore, just wave after wave of pleasure and love. Once his Angel was satisfied, he pressed his lips to his, realizing with curiosity that he tasted himself in Aziraphales mouth.
Despite being a bit dizzy, Crowley managed a loopy smile. “I l-love you.”
Aziraphale kissed him again. “And I love you. I always will, I promise.”
“Y-Yeah?” Crowley felt a new round of tears stinging in his eyes.
“Of course, Crowley. You’re mine just as much as I am yours.” He kissed his forehead, hearing Crowley let out a shivering breath of air. “Are you ready for more?”
Crowley was about to nod, but then he realized something that made his stomach drop. “Wait, what about you Angel? I-I can suck you or something, s’ only fair.”
Aziraphale shook his head though. “No need, my love. This is all for you, because you need and deserve this. I have all I’ll ever need right here with me.”
Crowley wanted to argue further, but Aziraphale silenced his attempts with more kissing, hot tongue sliding back into his mouth.
Carefully, Aziraphale moved him to lie down on his side and one snap later, Aziraphales naked body was pressed flush against his back, strong arms holding him in a tight embrace. He kissed Crowleys neck and stroked along his body with soothing touches.
Crowley pressed his hips back against Aziraphales, feeling the hardness there and trembling with excitement. “R-Ready when you are, Angel.”
“I know you are.” He kissed the spot behind Crowleys ear while he positioned the head of his cock against the Demons entrance, slowly beginning to push into him.
Crowley was pretty sure he blacked out during this process, and when he came back to himself, he was boneless in Aziraphales grasp. Aziraphale groaned into his shoulder, trembling with pleasure.
“You feel marvellous, my love. So tight and hot.” He moaned, nibbling at Crowleys skin as the Demon groaned with embarrassment at the words.
“You’re ridiculous, Angel.”
As a response, Aziraphale gave his first thrust, earning a startled, but pleasure-filled yelp.
“I may be ridiculous about many things, but certainly not when it comes to you, Crowley.” He began to thrust in easy and gentle movements. “When we’re connected like this, physically as close as we can be, I feel like I’m home. You feel like home, you are my home, whatever we might do together. More than earth or the bookshop could ever be. You make me whole, you fill my life with happiness and laughter and I miss you every second of the day that I don’t spent with you.”
“A-Angel! If you…continue like that – Ah!... I’ll dis-discorporate.” Crowley grabbed one of his pillows and hugged it to his front, trying both to hide his tears and bite into the material, liking the feel of it giving away under his teeth.
Aziraphale grabbed the hollow of his knee on his upper leg and lifted it up and pulling it towards him, creating at angle that got his cock in even deeper and hitting Crowleys pleasure points just right. Crowley was barrelling towards climax for a third time with nothing he could do to stop it, even if he wanted to.
After one especially right thrust, Crowley arched his back as best as he could, panting. “A-Angel I-I…Hah! Fuck! I’m going to…going to cum again.”
Hearing these words, Aziraphale sped his thrusts up and took a hold of Crowleys cock, giving another point for his pleasure to bloom. Crowley used this to franticly thrust his hips forward into Aziraphales fist and back to impale himself on Aziraphales cock.
“That’s it, fuck my hand, my dear. Take all this pleasure, all I can give you, it’s all just for you. Only ever you, my lovely Demon.”
This time it was more Aziraphales words than his actions that pushed Crowley over the edge, making him orgasm with a soft sob. After a few more thrusts, Aziraphale stilled deep inside him and filled his arse with his spent, something he knew Crowley enjoyed.
They just laid there for a moment, trying to catch their breath and just enjoying the warmth of the other until Crowley ultimately was too uncomfortable to keep still.
Aziraphale pulled away from Crowleys back, making him whimper with the loss of warmth and smell of Aziraphale. But it wasn’t for long. The Angel gathered him in his arms and stood up, carrying his beloved towards the nearby bathroom.
He didn’t let go of him, even when he began to prepare a bath for Crowley. He held him close, showering him with love and kisses, watching the last few tears dry on Crowleys cheeks.
Carefully, tenderly, he lowered Crowley down into the steaming water, reluctantly letting him go. For himself, he choose to use a miracle to clean himself and put a fresh pair of underwear on his body.
Crowley sleepily leaned against the bathtub wall near Aziraphale, his head coming to rest on its rim.
Aziraphale combed his hands through Crowleys hair. “Are you feeling better, dear?”
And Crowley did, of course. But he knew Aziraphale still wanted to know what brought all this on in the first place, and he wasn’t sure if or even how he should explain himself. So, he tried to deflect.
“Yes, thank you. I think I really needed that…Don’t know what came over me, to be honest.”
Aziraphale was done playing these games. Gently but firmly, he grabbed Crowleys chin and making him look at him. Crowley was uncertain what that almost stern look on his Angels face meant.
“Crowley, I know.”
“Know what?” Crowley asked with dread.
Aziraphale took a deep breath. “Do you really think I don’t know you after 6000 years? I know that your mind can be an awful thing to you, bullying you into believing things about yourself that are not true one bit.”
Crowleys eyes expanded with shock. “W-What are you even talking about?!”
Aziraphale kissed him into silence. “I love you Crowley. You are perfect in every way for me and I’ll never leave your side, nor will I let my hold on you lose if you don’t wish for it. You are my love, my best friend and my soulmate. And whatever your mind will try to tell you, you are enough.”
Crowley broke down once more, throwing his arms around Aziraphales neck to hug him tightly, sobbing freely. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear him say that, couldn’t even dream to think to ever hear him say these things.
Aziraphale was there and would be there for him in the future. He didn’t, and couldn’t, hide his Demons anymore, because Aziraphale knows him and still loves him. He didn’t have to fight his mind alone anymore.
And that was what their love was about; Knowing the other well enough to help them with all their needs without the other having to voice them.
For the first time since Crowleys fall, the voices in his head were gone, shooed away by his very own guardian Angel.