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Catra had always used her claws. Even as a child, even when she was punished for scratching people, she had used her claws. She didn’t know if she could stop even if she tried. If she was in danger, if she was in a fight, her claws came forth as easily as her tail whipped back and forth or her ears swivelled to find a sound. She could control it, but... she couldn’t.
It was hard to explain.
She had gotten used to the feeling of her claws swiping through things; metal, stone, bots. It made her feel powerful.
What didn’t make her feel powerful was when she dug her claws deep into something. Someone.
The feeling made her stomach turn every time. Flesh trembled, it breathed, it quivered around her claws, and something about that sensation shook her to her core.
Even now, over a week after they had escaped Horde Prime, Catra found her mind drifting to that feeling, shuddering and clenching her fists so hard that it hurt in an attempt to force it from her mind. It wasn’t enough that it was just the feeling.
It had to be Adora.
Catra knew that there was no way Adora was still hurt. She-Ra had brought her back from the brink of death, she healed Adora too. She knew that Adora couldn’t bear the marks from it, but she could still feel her muscles convulsing beneath her claws. The sticky warmth of her blood against her hand. It made her feel sick.
The click of her claws against the floor was maddening, loud to the point that Catra was sure she was waking everyone up, but no one made a sound. No voice called for her to keep it down. No one appeared.
She stood at the door for a moment, swallowed, and silently slipped inside, her eyes not quite adjusting to the darkness. Maybe seeing her would help, even asleep.
“Catra?”
She squealed and jumped back, feeling her hair stand on end. “Adora?” Catra blinked, making out the shape of her sitting on the bed, her legs crossed. Her heart pounded in her ears. “You’re meant to be asleep.”
Adora rubbed her eyes. “So are you,” she said. “You okay?”
Catra hesitated, not even sure where to start. “Fine.”
Adora fiddled with the blanket. “Are you still getting flashes?”
She shook her head silently, eyes widening when Adora patted the bed beside her, inviting Catra to sit. She did, her tail wrapping around her waist nervously.
Adora bit her lip. She knew something was bothering Catra, that was pretty obvious, but asking about it… well, historically that hadn’t gone well for her. She wanted to be there for Catra, she wanted to help her, but she wasn’t sure that asking would do either of those things.
“Can I-”
“Are you-”
Both stopped speaking immediately and stared at the other. Adora laughed quietly and shook her head. “Sorry, sorry, you go.”
Catra gave a miniscule smile and chewed on the inside of her lip with a sharp fang. She didn’t know how to say it. Was still getting used to letting herself be vulnerable, even with Adora. She swallowed. “Can I… can I see your back?”
Adora froze. Whatever she had expected, it wasn’t this. “My- what? Why?”
Catra shuddered. “I just- I keep remembering- on the ship, with Prime, and…” Her hands curled into fists, har arms trembling. “I can feel it, and I don’t know if it’ll help but…”
“It wasn’t you.” Adora murmured, putting a hand on her shoulder tentatively. “That was Prime. She-ra healed everything.”
“I know!” Catra snapped, immediately stopping, forcing herself to take a breath. “I know. but I can feel it. I can’t even describe what it feels like, it’s like… Halfway through eating a ration bar you realise it’s alive.”
Adora recoiled. “Ew, oh my gosh, that’s… how’d you even come up with that?”
Catra shrugged. “It just feels like that, I don’t know.” She took a breath, trying to calm herself. “And I just need to- to check.”
Adora’s eyes shifted from side to side in an expression Catra could recognise but couldn’t quite name. “I-I understand, I do.” She said skittishly. Trying to figure out some kind of way out. “I just…”
Catra cocked her head. “Adora?” They’d never had issues with contact, with seeing each other in less clothes than their usual uniforms. They’d shared the showers in the Horde after all.
“You promise you know it was Prime, right? Not you.” She was looking down now.
Catra nodded mutely, not understanding until Adora pulled her shirt over her shoulders and turned, revealing the back of her sports bra and five deep wounds.
She stared for a long time, numb, her thoughts somewhere between running wild and stopping altogether. Catra raised her hand and let her fingertips brush the skin. “You said…”
Adora sighed and slumped her shoulders. “I’m sorry.” She muttered. “I didn’t want you… after everything that’s happened lately, I didn’t want you to feel guilty.”
Catra laughed, a hollow sound. “Kind of late for that.”
Adora said nothing. She wasn’t sure what to do. Did she pull away, did she put her shirt back on, did she leave? All she had wanted for a long time was Catra being with her again, but now she felt awkward and guilty. And scared. Scared that they couldn’t be like they had been.
“How come it didn’t heal?”
She bit her lip. “I don’t know. She-Ra’s not exactly easy to understand.”
“You can say that again.” Catra paused, then slowly let her fingers line up with the lesions. She could still feel the blood. “Adora, I-I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t… Catra you know this was him.”
“I know.” She said, pulling her hand away. “But it only happened cos you came back for me.”
Adora shook her head, turning around and putting a hand carefully on Catra’s shoulder. This was probably too much, she would probably snap at her or leave, but she needed to say it. “It was worth it, okay? I’d do it a hundred times to get you back.”
Catra felt her eyes burn and blinked heavily to keep the tears away. “You’re such an idiot.”
“I know.” Adora said with a laugh, wiping her eyes. “I know.”
Catra sagged against her with a sigh, resting her head on Adora’s shoulder. A quiet purr escaped her when Adora’s arm wrapped around her. “You got Sparkles to patch you up?”
The way Adora tensed and didn’t reply made Catra’s eyes narrow. “Adora.”
Adora sighed and turned, trying to hide the wounds. She knew this would come up. “Look, I’m fine, okay? It’s not- they don’t need to know.”
Catra scoffed and shoved her firmly. “You’re not in the Horde anymore, idiot. You don’t need to keep following their dumb rules.”
“I know that, I do.” Adore said. “It just feels easier. I don’t know how to explain it.”
Catra nodded slowly. She understood. Even when she was a Force Captain and had her own room, she felt a crawling anxiety going to sleep in a place where no one else was around. It was hard to get past, and Adora had always been way more of a stickler for the rules than her. The number of times she’d refused to acknowledge injury when they were growing up was staggering, and Catra could still remember all the times she’d stolen bandages and splints and antiseptic, all while Adora maintained that there was nothing wrong.
In fact… “I’ll be right back.”
“Wha- Catra! Where are you going?!”
“Just a second!”
Adora reached out for her as Catra darted out the door, but she didn’t follow. The wedge between them had been partly because of her not listening or seeing what Catra really wanted, so as much as she wanted to run after her, Adora waited.
Catra was right, she was gone for what only felt like a second, kicking the door open since her arms were laden with bandages, tape, and a bottle of what Adora assumed was antiseptic.
“I- Catra come on, it’s fine, I’m serious.”
Catra’s tail whipped back and forth. “I’m serious, Entrapta’s running this ship and it’s not what I’d call a smooth ride. If you fall over, you’re gonna open them up again and they’ll get infected, so just-” She forcibly turned Adora around and sat behind her. “Deal with it.”
Struck dumb, Adora did as she was told and sat still. She shivered when a damp cloth started dabbing at the first of the wounds, more gently than she remembered Catra ever being.
“Thank you.”
“Someone’s gotta keep you alive,” Catra muttered. “How’d you ever manage without me?”
It was a joke, but Adora had been asking herself that question for a long time. Hoping against hope... “It was really hard.”
Catra’s hands stilled. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s… it’s okay. I just missed you.”
Catra’s head rested against her shoulder and Adora turned her head to look at her. “I missed you too.” She whispered, the hint of a purr rumbling in her chest. I love you. The words echoed through her mind and burned in her stomach, but she shook them away, pushed away the urge to completely collapse against Adora, to move her head just a little closer, close enough to…
She pulled back. Grabbed the ointment as a cover, dabbing it against the gashes. “You know you can’t keep doing this.”
“I know.” Adora bit her lip. “But I… I haven’t told Glimmer and Bow what happened on the ship. That we… fought.” She felt her heart pounding just from the memory. “It’s hard to-to think about.”
“You’re telling me.” Catra muttered, holding the dressing against her back and carefully covering it with bandages and tape. “They can’t be that dumb that they couldn’t figure it out.”
“Hey, they’re not dumb.”
“I’ve lost count of how many traps they’ve walked into.”
“That just means they’re trusting!”
Catra snorted, breaking into soft laughter, which Adora found herself joining, not even sure why. How long had it been since they’d laughed together? How long since she’d heard Catra actually laugh, seen her real smile?
Catra’s laughter died down and she sighed. “You know, I thought you’d have figured out teamwork by now.” She said. “I mean, I thought it was me, you always had to cover for me, I was never any good at the whole team thing…” She shook her head with a smirk. “But you’re just as bad, huh?”
Adora smiled sadly and looked down. “Yeah, I guess so.” She murmured.
“It was Shadow Weaver.” Catra said, her tone suddenly icy. “She… I know I wasn’t fair. I know she hurt you too.”
“Not like she hurt you.”
“She did hurt you though. When we were kids it didn’t feel like-” She broke off to wrangle her thoughts, desperate not to say anything that would hurt Adora. “It sucks to be her favourite as much as being her least favourite, I mean.”
“Yeah.” Adora whispered, even if she wasn’t sure whether she agreed. “I still… I’m not sorry for leaving, but I am sorry for leaving you with her.”
Catra shook her head and leaned forwards, wrapping her arms around Adora’s waist and resting her chin on her shoulder. “We’ve done plenty to hurt each other. You still came for me.”
“I always would.” Adora promised, not sure why she couldn’t meet Catra’s eyes as she said it.
A purr escaped Catra’s grasp, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care too much. She ducked her head and, before she could stop herself, pressed a kiss to Adora’s back, just above the bandaged wounds.
Adora froze instantly. “Did you just…” She stopped. Best not to ask, with things still so untested between them. Especially when she wanted so desperately for them to be okay again, for them to be able to be as close as they’d used to be.
Catra flushed. On one hand she really, really wished she hadn’t done that. On the other…
“Scorpia used to- whenever I got hurt.” She fidgeted with her hands “I always told her not to, but it- it helped me feel better.”
“That’s sweet.” Adora murmured, smiling to herself, trying to remember the last time she’d felt this happy. “And you’re right, it does feel better. Thanks.”
Anytime. The word froze on Catra’s tongue, begging to be spoken and desperately held back. Her face burned, and with supreme effort, she managed to keep from stuttering as she choked out, “No problem.”
Adora could feel how warm her cheeks were, along with that strange happy feeling in her stomach that she couldn’t remember feeling since the false portal world. Since the last time she’d been with Catra, happy. She was so focused on that feeling that she almost didn’t notice the other one for a minute.
She grimaced and rolled her shoulders, taking her shirt back from Catra’s offered hands and awkwardly pulling it on, squirming.
Catra cocked her head. “You okay?”
“I don’t know.” She admitted, twisting slightly. “My back feels… weird. Itchy.”
“Maybe it’s just the medicine. You don’t exactly use it much.”
“Yeah, fair point.” Adora muttered, but contorted herself in a vain attempt to scratch at the bandages.
Catra chuckled. “Hold still.” She chided, slipping behind her once again. At least she could be gentler than Adora probably would be. However once her eyes locked on the bandaged wounds, she froze. “Uuh, Adora? You’re kind of… glowing.”
“What?!”
Catra laughed again, poking gently at the now glowing dressings, that familiar gold that she’d hated for so long. “Maybe She-Ra was mad about the medicine. Too good for that stuff.”
Adora rolled her eyes, grinning. “I don’t think it works like that.”
“You don’t know.” Catra joked, poking her in the side.
Adora felt her smile widen and that strange happy feeling in her stomach get stronger. “You don’t either!” She countered, turning around and mussing Catra’s hair, delighting in her squeal. “Maybe She-Ra just wanted you to kiss it better!”
“Wow, I didn’t know She-Ra was a two-year old.” Catra said, her voice tinged with barely contained laughter, which rapidly became uncontained as Adora pushed her down, playfully shoving at her. “Hey no fair! I can’t fight back when you’re hurt!”
Adora laughed; she couldn’t not. Even with everything else going on, she hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. “Then don’t insult the mighty She-Ra!”
“Only when the mighty She-Ra stops being a huge baby!” Catra exclaimed, taking advantage of Adora’s laughter to catch her hands, carefully pinning her. It was a lot, maybe too much, seeing Adora like this, so happy and close, feeling her hands in hers, even her breath, but Catra couldn’t bring herself to stop.
As their giggles died down and it became clear that the impromptu wrestling match was over, Catra released Adora’s hands and rolled over to lay beside her, trying to banish the blush from her cheeks before it became obvious.
Adora let out a long, happy sigh. She’d missed this. “Thanks.” She said, once she’d regained her breath. “For taking care of me.”
“It’s okay.” Catra turned her head to look at her. Adora. “It’s what we do, right?”
Adora’s eyes widened a fraction, but she felt herself nod. She wanted this. Had wanted since the moment she had left.
I promise.
“Right.”