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The thick humidity and crackling power lines overhead made the rundown countryside bus stop seem all the more unnatural. It was like Dex was on an alien planet, the sound of cicadas replaced with electric buzzing and familiar clear air swapped for an almost Venusian atmosphere, or so he amused himself imagining as he waited.
He checked over his summons again. It was a neatly typewritten message on cardstock, addressed from the US military, and Dex found it peculiar. He wasn't fit for duty as a soldier, he'd been skipped over in the draft several times, but that was better than getting flown off to god knows where. He could stay focused on his work that way. The message didn't say much, just that his presence was requested. It referred to him with his doctorate. And it led him here.
A drop of sweat wove its way down Dex's back and he shuddered in disgust.
The road had been completely devoid of cars since he'd gotten off the bus about - he checked his watch - an hour prior. Maybe he should have gotten water or eaten when he'd still been in the city.
Just as Dex was starting to doubt, a military Jeep came over the slight hill in the distance. Dex stood, reshouldering his knapsack and collecting his briefcase, stepping out from the small awning to get a better look at the vehicle with a hand to his forehead to minimize the glare.
The Jeep pulled up alongside him and the man inside leaned over to get a better look at him, “Doctor Dyatlov?”
Dex pushed up his glasses, studying him right back, “Who are you?”
“Grabowski, sir. I'm here to take you to the base.”
Dex didn't have much choice. He looked both ways up and down the road, trying to look for a metaphorical way out, “I don't suppose you know what this is about?”
“What I do know, I'm not allowed to tell you until you're at the facility.” The man shrugged, “Sorry, doc.”
Dex got in reluctantly and strapped on his seatbelt. The soldier wasn't wearing his own and seemed to think it was funny that Dex bothered. They made a U turn and started back, Dex watching closely for landmarks for later.
“Would you say I'm in trouble?” Dex hazarded.
“Have you done something that would get you in trouble?” The soldier asked.
Dex kept his face neutral but his heart was pounding. He thought of himself as fairly good, quiet and unassuming, but it seemed like a large portion of the things he involved himself in were considered morally depraved by society at large.
“Dyatlov. That's a Soviet name, huh?”
“I'm an American first.” Dex glanced over, “And Grabowski would be… Polish? Jewish?”
“Jewish.” The soldier nodded, “That's why I enlisted. Had to do something.”
“Ah…” Dex didn't usually think too highly of soldiers, but that was a noble enough reason, “Glad someone's fighting for something.”
“You think most people aren't?”
“It's not that…” Dex frowned, “I'm a theoretical physicist and these past few years there's been a big stir about nuclear weapons. I suppose it seems the potential there is… not something I'd like to think about.”
“Wars have to be fought.”
“Maybe… It seems more humane to kill each other one on one like God intended.”
The soldier eyed Dex, then shook his head in annoyance, “Anything that minimizes the deaths of good people is a good step.”
“Bombs kill indiscriminately. They can cause the deaths of good people too.”
“You should probably watch the way you talk when we get to the base. I don't… mind the free thought stuff, you've got a good point, but that stuff just won't go over inside the fence.”
The ride was quiet. Grabowski switched on the radio to fill the silence and Dex was somewhat relaxed by the familiar music. So far from home, but they still played the same stuff.
They turned off the main road at one point. The dirt road was barely visible, it seemed like this wasn't the usual way people came and went. They were in the middle of nowhere and Dex continued to watch the outside world pass, trying to calculate his chances of escape.
The base was as hidden as something that massive could be. Nestled against the base of a hill, walls and fences around the perimeter. Only once they got past the security checkpoints did the buildings inside become visible.
Grabowski parked by one of the entrances where a group was waiting, some higher up military men and some people in lab coats.
A man stepped forward to open Dex's door, offering a hand to help him out, “Professor Dyatlov. It's good to finally meet you.”
“General Bauman?” Dex said hesitantly, allowing himself to be escorted down. The man wasn't much taller than Dex but he exuded so much power and confidence it was intimidating. He had an eye patch but it didn't completely obscure the scar that cut up his eyebrow and down his cheek. His remaining eye was at a glance dark brown, but as Dex looked closer it seemed almost a dull red.
Grabowski came around and stopped by Dex's side, saluting Bauman, but he was ignored, the general's full attention on Dex as he clasped his shoulder firmly and directed him towards the building.
“Come. It's better if you see it firsthand.”
Grabowski was left behind and Dex stumbled a little to keep up with Bauman’s quick pace. There was another bigger man that introduced himself as they walked but Dex was so preoccupied with studying their surroundings that he couldn't remember his name. The building was an airplane hanger but the only plane inside was a large B-29 Superfortress, the bomb bay doors on the underside open and people stripping out parts. It seemed odd, all the fuss for just one plane.
They led Dex into a freight lift and it descended a few floors. Just as he was beginning to feel claustrophobic, the weight of the earth above him, they opened to reveal a laboratory workspace. Dex immediately forgot his discomfort, the familiar equipment and chalkboards were like a second home.
Bauman pulled Dex forward, closer to the table where a small model was waiting. An elongated sphere with stabilizing fins on the back, Dex recognized it as they got closer.
“This is where you're going to develop the atomic bomb.”
“I…” Dex blinked, “Can it really be done?”
“You tell me.”
For as horrific the task, Dex's analytical side kicked in and he felt compelled to do it. He had to take part. This was groundbreaking science, on the cutting edge of history. A new age was before them and his work could herald it in.
“I expect we'll have no limit to funding.” Dex said.
Bauman grinned at him, he could see Dex was on the line, “None.”
“All the necessary supplies. Plutonium, uranium, and people trained in the proper safety procedures.”
“Everyone will be trained as you ask.” Bauman said.
Dex blinked, “As I ask?”
“Professor Dyatlov… You're going to be the head of the project.”
-
Dex was unaccustomed to being in control. He fumbled throughout the first few days, speaking to the staff and then pausing for objections, but there were none. His team was huge. Not only was he given unrestricted access to the laboratory, but also the other floors as well as the entire base, from the underground storage rooms to the mechanist workshop.
The first few months revolved around the actual theoretical aspects but as his understanding increased, he began to widen his scope, spending time studying the dimensions of the Superfortress bomb bay to improve the design of the device.
The entire base was centered around the project and everywhere Dex went, people listened and watched. He took to things easily, he only needed a cursory explanation of the bomber to know how he would operate it. He became less shy but his suggestions were still offered quietly and people would stop talking as soon as he started, wanting to hear every word.
And it thrilled Dex.
-
Radioactive material was so fickle, stable in one moment and supercritical the next. Dex felt similar. Often gentle, kind, but a switch could flip and he'd be someone ruthless.
The development led to questions of the effects of the bomb. Of course it would detonate first, it was a bomb after all. There'd be an explosion, anyone close would be vaporized instantaneously. Further out there would be the firestorm, a blaze ignited by the blast, but what about further?
In a high enough dose it wouldn't take long to succumb. The thought fascinated the dark side of Dex. What would it feel like? To have your body poisoned at the cellular level?
They weren't often let off the base, but after a few months there was a small get together at a dance hall in the closest town, some twenty miles away. The physicists didn't seem interested in attending, but Dex requested permission and a few days later got confirmation.
It was late when Dex finished up. He'd lost track of time and as he took the freight elevator up he checked his watch, feeling nervous. Would anyone still be there? Not to mention he didn't know many of soldiers, would they mind him being around?
Dex hurried through the hangar and out into the early dusk base. The sky a brilliant deep orange but getting darker.
“Doctor!”
He looked over, noticing Grabowski laying across the hood of a parked Jeep, propped up by the windshield and admiring the sunset, and Dex stopped short.
“Were you waiting for me?”
Grabowski shrugged, “I figured I could give you a ride. I don't think you'd be able to walk there.”
Dex smiled coyly and made his way over to the vehicle, tilting his head, “You don't think I'm tough enough?”
“I think you failed your army physical three times.” Grabowski flicked ash from his cigarette with a grin.
“You went through my files?” Dex’s smile faltered, “Has everyone?”
“No, I'm just friends with the record keeper.” Grabowski hesitated, “I don't think the general needs to know that though. I was just curious why you hadn't been drafted, that's all.”
“It's alright.” Dex nodded, “Mind if I get a smoke?”
Grabowski pulled out a pack and offered Dex one, then sparked up a match for him.
“Thanks.” Dex turned to the sunset as he exhaled, thoughtfully considering the growing darkness, “It's beautiful.”
“Yeah.”
They smoked together for a bit, then Grabowski nodded and jumped down, “Ready?”
“Yeah.”
It was strange to get away from the base. Dex had gotten so used to living behind the walls, he felt a bit exposed out here with the flat ground for miles.
“Did Bauman tell you to babysit me?” Dex asked after a few moments.
Grabowski let out a long sigh through his nose like he really didn't want to talk about it and Dex nodded to himself, “I thought so.”
“I got the feeling you might run off when I first picked you up but now…” Grabowski glanced over to look at Dex’s profile, his eyes watching the road blur past, “I think you might actually like this.”
“I've never done anything so groundbreaking before.” Dex murmured.
“You know, I've been trying to do a little reading about it. To understand what exactly you're trying to do.” Grabowski said slowly.
“What do you think so far?”
Grabowski scowled, “I think maybe I'm too stupid to really get it.”
“Don't be hard on yourself, I'm studying it and I barely get it. We're making something completely unprecedented.” Dex said gently.
“But what you said before, about it being indiscriminate… I don't think I realized. It's not just a bomb.”
“No. It's not.”
-
The dance hall was still packed when they arrived. Dex was about to head inside but Grabowski whistled him back, beckoning him to take off his lab coat and tie.
Dex complied, watching as Grabowski took off his camo jacket and tossed it into the front seat. He was wearing his pants and boots still, but he untucked his slightly sweaty white undershirt and rolled up the right sleeve to hold his pack of cigarettes. Dex looked away quickly.
“Come on.”
As they made their way to the door, Dex unbuttoned his top button as well, figuring it might help him seem less obviously out of place.
The music was loud and fast paced, couples were swing dancing in a frenzy. They got drinks at the bar and watched.
“Did you ever do this before?” Dex asked, gesturing out at the people.
Grabowski laughed sarcastically, “Yeah but I'm not good at it. I've stepped on the feet of too many girls back home, they've got restraining orders on me now!”
Dex giggled, “Where are you from?”
“Chicago.”
“You know, I doubt word traveled this far about you. If you want to do a little more damage.” Dex said between sips.
“Maybe.” Grabowski snorted, “I need a little time to pick my next victim first.”
“Find the woman with the strongest feet.”
Grabowski rolled his eyes, “Well how am I going to test that?”
“I'm not sure. I'd probably just ask them to their face. Seems like a good ice breaker.”
“True. I have to…” Grabowski hummed thoughtfully, “I don't know. I'm kind of picky I guess. I might not like the one with the strongest feet.”
Dex nodded somberly, “Star-crossed lovers.”
“It's truly the next Shakespearean tragedy.”
“So what's your type?”
Grabowski took some time to think and Dex wondered what about it seemed to be causing him trouble. Most men he'd met were pretty forward about it. They'd start with blonde or a color of lipstick. Respectable, usually. A nice respectable girl that wasn't trashy but still ready to put out quick, so a complete contradiction in their own minds.
“Tall.” Grabowski said at last, his brow furrowed.
“Taller than you?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Good ego strength.” Dex smiled, he was feeling much more relaxed after his drink, almost like a normal person that could fit in here, “Most guys get intimidated by that.”
“Yeah.” Grabowski nodded, “I don't think it's too bad. Sounds kind of nice.”
“You want to be held?” Dex teased but it was such a gentle ribbing, “Feel small?”
“What about you?” Grabowski nodded, “What's your type?”
Dex considered. He didn't know much about women. He'd had some small affairs back home, no women involved, secretive by necessity, and by all appearances he was a complete bachelor.
“Blonde.” Dex offered.
Grabowski looked at him. The way Dex had said it perhaps. Without much enthusiasm. Just a statement. But he didn't ask further and Dex felt a drop in his stomach, like he'd made a terrible mistake. How much did he know?
Another song began and Grabowski waved towards the floor as people broke off to get drinks, leaving it empty, “Do you dance?”
Normally Dex would say no, but he was also a terrible lightweight. He liked dancing. That was the problem. He really liked it and normally he was too shy for it but now he was walking forward, pulling Grabowski’s shoulder affectionately, “Come on! If we'd dance alone no one will get damaged by our incompetence!”
It was nice to loosen up for once. Trying to mimic the way Grabowski danced and attempting to do his own moves, Dex laughed and let himself be spun and then pulled in close. Grabowski was smiling at him and Dex was smiling right back. It felt like the night went by in a flash, a spectacle of music and dancing and lights, and too soon they were back in the car, riding through the dark desert, and Dex dozed off, happy.
-
There was a man in Dex's laboratory the next day when he managed to get himself together enough to get down there. His head was still pounding once he was washed and dressed but he figured he deserved it for acting so foolishly. Grabowski was probably annoyed.
Dex squinted as the freight lift doors opened, the florescent light hurt his eyes, but past all the bustling scientists he could make out someone new.
“Are you lost?” Dex stepped up beside him as he studied the diagrams scrawled across the blackboards.
The man looked over and his face lit up, he offered a hand to shake, pumping Dex's arm much too enthusiastically for Dex's hungover state, “Dr. Dyatlov, a pleasure! I was told you typically show up at six but after some time waiting at the hangar door, I was invited by Jules to come observe inside.”
Dex blinked, discomfort washing through him, it was almost nine. Was this an inspection? Would Bauman remove him from the project for such a misstep?
“I'm… so sorry to have kept you waiting, I didn't realize there would be someone here, Mr…?”
“Captain Jacob Spaulding of her Majesty's Army.” The man removed his cap and bowed slightly at the waist.
“Oh.” Dex nodded, feeling pale and dizzy as he realized his mistake, “I'm… terribly sorry, I…”
“No no no, there's no harm done!” Jacob clapped Dex's shoulder warmly, “I'm afraid I don't understand much of what's going on either way, all this atomic nonsense goes over my head and pay grade. But I was asked to take a look around. I'll try not to get in your way.”
Dex nodded and adjusted his glasses, pulling himself together and gesturing for Jacob to follow, “Here, I'll try to explain.”
They left the laboratory and descended deeper, to the lowest level. The doors opened to the catwalks above the massive chamber where the construction of the reactor was taking place.
Jacob moved right up to the railing, eyes huge, “Dear God.”
“For testing purposes, we're assembling a small reactor. It's fairly simple how the bomb itself will work though. At the center we have a sub-critical sphere of enriched uranium or plutonium, and around it is the explosive lens, a charge sculpted to implode towards the fissile material. When the lens detonates, it compresses the material, sending it into a state of supercriticality and triggering an exponential growth of nuclear chain reactions.”
“Exponential growth?” Jacob looked over his shoulder, “Could it last forever?”
Dex shook his head, stepping onto the catwalk to get a better look at the construction, “It lasts for as long as the fissile material lasts. It's the fuel of the reaction and a careful balance needs to be struck to make sure the explosion doesn't happen so quickly that the fuel isn't all used. But inevitably it will become so large that none of the neutrons released will find more material to fission with. We just need to prolong that window for the most… bang for our buck, if you will.” He was smiling without even realizing at the thought.
Jacob stared at him, “There's no real way to target with something like this.”
“Bombs have never been meant to target. They're made to do the most damage to the most people.”
Jacob looked down at the reactor again, a chill going through him, “What if this thing goes supercritical?”
“That would be very bad.” Dex laughed, “If we follow procedures, it probably won't.”
“Probably?”
“Probably.”
“Remind me to be back in England when you switch it on.”
“The reactor is designed to plateau, rather than exponentially build. But it can be a source of amazing power. Humans have always been afraid of power we don't understand in the beginning; fire, electricity. But we can learn it and then harness it.”
Jacob nodded, “A new age…”
Dex grinned, “Exactly.”
-
Dex didn't really like the pilot they'd selected. He and Jacob were eating in the cafeteria, Jacob asking for clarification on something, but Dex was watching over his shoulder, the stupid asshole in the bomber jacket sitting on one of the tables, surrounded by admirers. And Grabowski was one of them, listening to him bragging about something with a reserved but still impressed expression.
Cocky son of a bitch.
“Dr. Dyatlov?”
Dex blinked, looking back to Jacob who was looking at him with concern.
“Er, sorry. What was that? Something about… dollars?”
“You mentioned dollars in one of your explanations yesterday and last night I was trying to figure out what you meant by that but none of the books I have seem to know.”
“It was coined by Louis Slotin, it's just…” Dex scowled as Grabowski reached out to feel the pilot's flexing bicep, “It's the name for a unit of reactivity.”
“What's wrong?” Jacob started to turn his head.
“Don't look!” Dex hissed.
Jacob did anyway, turning his whole body too, and Dex put his head in his hands.
“Oh…” Jacob looked back, “Interesting.”
“Interesting?” Dex muttered.
“Who is he?”
“The pilot they picked.”
“You should go talk to him.” Jacob said.
“Talk to him?” Dex narrowed his eyes, “I'm not looking at him because I'm intrigued, I'm no sheep, Spaulding.”
Jacob cleared his throat awkwardly, “My mistake. I thought he seemed… a handsome enough young man.”
“He's so disgustingly smug.” Dex continued through gritted teeth.
“Aren't you friends with Private Grabowski? If he doesn't mind him, maybe he's not so bad.”
“Why are you trying to get me to like him?” Dex snapped, “Why do you like him?”
A blush was starting to creep across Jacob's face but he kept his expression neutral, “He's very popular with the men… There must be a reason for it.”
Dex looked over at him again, the charming smile, the way he would affectionately lean in close. He patted Grabowski's cheek and they shared a smile and to anyone not paying attention it seemed harmless enough, but it made Dex's stomach drop.
“You see it?” Dex said suddenly, looking at Jacob.
“I see a lot of things, what do you mean?” Jacob said haltingly.
“You're an officer, you haven't reported it?” Dex felt anxious at the realization, was he just building a case? Figuring out who all the perpetrators were? Had Jacob been baiting him to implicate himself by going over?
Jacob swallowed tightly, pulling at his collar, and Dex stared.
“I thought… I suppose it's harmless. If it makes men more loyal on the field…”
Dex suddenly had a moment of clarity, looking at how flustered Jacob was. And Jacob looked at him and realized and smiled apologetically.
“You don't need to report this, do you?”
Dex shook his head, his heart in his throat, “No. I'm just… relieved.”
Jacob tilted his head, “Are you…?”
“Yeah.” Dex felt a rush, “It's hard to lie. I'm… really glad you're here.”
Jacob broke into a smile, reaching out his hand slightly, and Dex gripped it, shaking it firmly, and he let himself feel comforted by the broad warm hand of another man.
-
“I heard you're going to be flying my bomb.” Dex called up to the pilot.
The man was at the top of a ladder leaning against the nose of the Superfortress and he looked down at Dex far below. His face lit up and he scampered down, running over to shake his hand.
“You're the head scientist guy, right?”
Dex reluctantly took his paint spattered hand, “Dyatlov.”
“Sid Dagger.” Sid grinned back, “I've heard all about you.”
“You've been on site for a few weeks now and you never introduced yourself.”
“I was told not to bother you.” Sid said, wiping his hands on his uniform, “Finally come to see what the commoners are up to?”
“I know what you're up to.” Dex rolled his eyes, “Do you have experience with bombers?”
“Like you wouldn't believe.”
“This is going to be unlike anything you've ever dealt with before. It's so dangerous it's not even going to be armed until about thirty minutes before the drop, so someone will be on board to prepare it. It's…” Dex trailed off, “Were you painting that?”
“The nose art?” Sid asked, gesturing up at the cockpit, “Yeah, that's mine! I was considering Let Me Atom for the name but it seemed a little simple.”
“Better SCRAM.” Dex read aloud. The words were done in white paint, the “better” part in beautifully stylized cursive and “SCRAM” in bubble letters overlaid on art of a big red button, and underneath was the mushroom cloud of an explosion in vibrant red and yellow.
“SCRAM like the name of the kill switch on a nuclear reactor? And also probably what the targets should do. I don't think most people get it though…”
Dex grinned slowly, “No no no, it's good. I like it. You've done your homework.”
Sid smiled back, “Thank you, sir.”
“It's beautiful, you're a real artist.” Dex nodded, looking back to Sid, “I'm very impressed. Most people just do a naked woman with awful anatomy.”
“They wouldn't let me paint a man with big balls so I had to improvise.” Sid joked.
“I wouldn't mind seeing those preliminary sketches.” Dex snorted.
“I wouldn't mind showing them to you sometime.”
Dex looked at Sid, expression guarded, but Sid was looking back calmly, like he didn't think anything of it.
“You're very open.”
“I'm the best pilot they've got. I can afford to be.” Sid smiled faintly, “Maybe we can all have dinner sometime.”
“We?”
“You're friends with Ray Grabowski and Jacob Spaulding.” Sid explained, “I've seen you all around, it would be nice to get to know some people a little better. It's up to you, sir. I'm not trying to interfere.”
Dex realized Sid thought they were all together. It wasn't a bad idea honestly. And Sid wasn't so bad either.
“Dinner…” Dex nodded, “I have my own quarters. We can do it there sometime.”
“It's a date.”
-
“It's a growing industry, I'm very excited to see how it develops.” Sid said, “Have you seen it?”
Grabowski and Dex shook their heads but Jacob was nodding. They'd moved from the dinner table to the couch since finishing their meal, comfortably full and chatting with the radio playing quietly in the background. Dex had been issued a decently sized living area, the living room they were relaxing in and the bedroom. It was also private and away from the barracks.
“Then you know what I'm talking about! It's amazing isn't it?” Sid said warmly, reaching out to clasp Jacob's hands between his own, “I never thought I'd like something like that, a feature length animation about a fairy tale, but it's definitely fantastic.”
Jacob blushed but gripped Sid's hands back, smiling at him, “Y-yes!”
“You know they're going to rerelease it soon, to raise revenue for the Disney studio.” Sid said, leaning over to see Dex and Grabowski, “We should all go see it together!”
“If they'll let this one off the base.” Grabowski ruffled Dex's hair.
“What's the deal with that?” Sid said, “You're basically in charge here, you go everywhere you want.”
“I'm not enlisted, it's possible they think I'd run off.” Dex explained.
“Would you?” Jacob asked, looking a bit worried, “Would you leave?”
“I'm not sure.” Dex confessed, “I'm fascinated by the work. It's been almost a year and I still feel like I learn something new every day. There's little restrictions on spending, everything I request is approved…”
“You don't sound happy.” Jacob said.
Dex frowned, “Well, it's… lonely at times. I worry about being watched, having my activities or beliefs questioned.”
“Beliefs?” Grabowski raised an eyebrow.
“I'm a socialist.” Dex shrugged, “But it seems like the tides are turning on that.”
“I knew Dyatlov was a Soviet name.” Grabowski smirked.
“You guys can call me Dex, you know.” Dex said softly, glancing at each of their faces, “None of my friends back home call me Dyatlov, it feels a little alienating.”
“Then you should call me Ray.” Grabowski said, “We're friends here, right?”
Jacob smiled, pulling Dex into a hug, “Dex. Thank you, it's a very nice name.”
“Friends. That's nice.” Dex smiled shyly, “I have some wine if you all wanted to stay a bit longer. Tomorrow is a holiday so there's no need to head back yet.”
“Sounds good to me, I'll get some glasses.” Sid pulled himself up, following Dex's directions to the right cabinet.
“I had a really good time when we went dancing, Dex, we should do that again sometime.” Ray said thoughtfully.
“Dancing?” Jacob asked, accepting the glass Sid passed him and holding it steady as he poured.
“There's a dance hall not too far from here. Little diner close by too, though we didn't manage to get over there that night.” Ray explained.
“We can move the coffee table and have our own little competition right here.” Sid said, swaying his hips and shoulders suggestively, “I'll certainly show you boys a move or two.”
“I believe it.” Jacob muttered into his drink.
“I'll take you up on that if you can find something that actually sounds good.” Ray challenged, nodding to the radio.
“I have some records if you'd like something more personalized?” Dex said, pulling himself up and giggling as Sid took his hands and did a few steps with him.
“Hey, no charming the judges!” Ray said.
“Try and stop me.” Sid winked, allowing Dex to duck away and go to his bookshelf where his few records were kept.
Ray got up and got in Sid's face but the both of them were laughing and Sid took one of Ray's hands, the other on his waist, and started to waltz with him. Jacob was watching dreamily and Dex admired all three of them as he got the music set up, pleased that they were all so close and comfortable. He'd never known multiple men intimately like this at one time, but it wasn't worrisome, there was no jealousy.
The music began and Sid switched to swing, easily pulling Ray whatever way he wanted him, and Ray seemed a lot less clumsy on his feet with someone directing him. Dex trotted over to Jacob and offered his hand.
“Mind if I have this dance?”
Jacob set his glass down and stood, taking Dex's hand and lifting it up to kiss his knuckles. Dex’s mouth fell open a little but he was glowing with happiness. It was like a dream.
They weren't particularly good at it, but it didn't matter. It was fun. Dex grabbed Jacob's shoulder for support and shrieked with laughter as the man picked him up and spun him. And after a few songs they switched, Dex now clinging to Sid, the charming devil.
Jacob and Ray weren't entirely sure what to think of one another, Jacob defaulted to being led and Ray kept getting his feet, both of them looking down to be careful, but their faces were close. A slower song started and Jacob moved against Ray to hug him, just swaying, nuzzling his cheek and murmuring something Dex couldn't hear, but Ray’s eyes were shining.
And Sid was spinning him, swooping him like Dex weighed nothing, and Dex let himself be pulled back up into Sid's chest, eyelashes fluttering as he felt Sid's lips skim against his forehead.
And then he was with Ray, his loyal friend, looking unsure. Dex took Ray's hand, guided the other to his own waist for him, then started to move.
“I'm glad you're here.” Dex whispered.
Ray ducked his head shyly, “Yeah? I didn't want to get in the way of this, you seem close with them and I-”
Dex kissed Ray's cheek to cut him off, “Shh. I like all of you.”
“Yeah.” Ray blushed, “I like all of you too…”
“Even though I'm not tall like you said you liked?” Dex giggled.
“Okay, enough of that.” Ray scoffed, “None of us are blonde either so I don't know where you get off.”
“Hopefully in the bed.” Dex hummed.
“Bad joke.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Dex had never felt safe like this. To drink around people without worrying he'd give away his tendencies. To let himself be held. They moved into his bedroom and got comfortable on the bed, drinking and chatting, exchanging long brushes of the hands. It was peaceful, the room had a warm glow and the music filled the space between their conversations.
Dex wasn't paying much attention, he was telling Ray some story, but he glanced over and it took him a few moments to realize Sid and Jacob had dozed off. He blinked, then nodded and went back to what he was saying but suddenly Ray was kissing him, a hand petting Dex's mousy brown hair back affectionately.
Ah. That was nice too. Kissing, holding hands. Cuddling up together, a big pile with Dex in the middle, and slowly drifting off to sleep.
-
They were inseparable. A happy group, finding their way back to Dex's room most late nights when the coast was clear. They had lunch together, making sure to keep up appearances as only friends, but even that was comforting.
Jacob would bring Dex coffee during the times he had to stay up to finish the latest stage in the design.
Ray always drove when they went off base, listening to Sid yell along to the music and fighting a smile.
Dex sometimes caught Sid watching the sunset.
-
The Jeep stopped and Dex was the first to climb out, smoothing out his neatly folded collar. Bauman came out of the ramshackle house, the only sign of life on the entire desert ranch, and he was dressed down more casually than Dex had ever seen because of the heat, still sweltering this early in the morning, but he was still very much intimidating.
“How are preparations coming?” Dex asked, crossing to shake Bauman's hand.
“The core arrived last night and they've mounted it now.”
Dex nodded, “How soon will we be ready to test it?”
“Whenever you're ready.”
“I heard on the way over there's a chance of rain. We should hold off until later to be safe.”
“Are we taking wagers?” Sid asked, coming over to Bauman, “Between destroying just the state or the whole planet, who's in?”
Bauman glared, “You need to watch what you say, the physicists may know better but you'll scare good soldiers with talk like that.”
“Let's aim for 0500.” Dex said decisively, “Start moving it out to the tower.”
It was a few hours off but they still had so much to prepare. It was a mad rush to finish up and Dex got caught up in his work, barely realizing what was happening until they were safely in the shelter, a final few moments of silence, and he suddenly became aware of his violently racing heart.
“Welding goggles everybody.” The man from Dex's first time on base was there, the one that had introduced himself and Dex had forgotten.
He noticed Dex watching him and nodded, crossing over, “Professor, it's good to see you again. Major Stoklasa, we met about a year ago.”
They shook hands and Dex nodded, “Yes, I remember. Will you be watching the test?”
“I'm a bit worried about going blind, but it's a once in a lifetime opportunity.” Stoklasa shrugged, “If I do lose my vision, at least it's a great story. The first nuclear weapon detonation in history.”
“Hopefully it's not a failure.” Dex said.
“Are you concerned?”
“I'm mostly worried about salvaging the plutonium after.” Dex laughed, “It would be such a waste if we don't manage it.”
“Hang on.” Stoklasa held up a hand, moving to the window and gesturing for Dex to follow, “Here we go. Goggles on.”
Everyone watching obeyed. The rest took their positions on the ground, face down, eyes closed, and it gave Dex such a profoundly eerie feeling, like people getting into their graves before they were even dead. He put his sunglasses on and then the goggles, before turning his eyes out to the desert, the distant tower barely visible with the two layers of darkness.
It was almost thirty past, but the threat of rain had eased and the countdown over the radio began. Was this his tomb? A dark bomb shelter half set in the ground, full of already reclining bodies?
Sid took his hand.
The bomb detonated.
One second there was silence, and the next everything was lit up, a shockwave shaking everything around them. An expanding bubble, glassy and pristine, first yellow, then red, then purple as the air around it was ionized. Dex could scarcely breathe, he could feel Sid's hand clamped on his own in a sweaty death grip, the darkness all around, and the mushroom cloud, billowing upwards, curling in on itself like a snake. A hole had been punched through the clouds above and Dex could feel the force in his heart still even as the blast faded slowly from his ears, and it was as if the world had been set still.
It was a god. A world swallowing god. And Dex had built it.
-
It was odd to return to the base. Something in it felt like home now and after the Trinity test, Dex was glad to see the familiar sight of the laboratory and his rooms, but he was still deeply unnerved.
No one had spoken on the drive back. Even Sid, usually so quick to fill the silence with chatter, just stared out the window at the endless sand.
Dex wondered if they hated him. Seeing that power, the power he'd sculpted from simple motionless radioactive material into an unyielding, unstoppable detonation. He loved them with all his heart, but how could they love someone who had designed something like that? That brilliant light in the endless darkness, bringing on the end of days.
At the base, Sid headed into the hangar, fetching his paint supplies and mixing a new color. And Dex watched as he climbed the ladder and added purple to the yellow and red.
Everything they loved, hated, every memory, every kiss, every human life, wiped away.
There was no Atomic Age coming. Only death.
-
Jacob held him that night but it felt like nothing could reach him inside.
What was left? The test was a success. In less than a month, the weapon would be used properly.
Dex got out of bed in the night, made his way down to the reactor and watched its glow with haunted eyes, legs hanging from the edge of the catwalk. Was this hell? It felt like it. How had he managed to be the happiest he'd ever been before and also the most sick with guilt in just one place, in just one year?
It was a sick joke it seemed.
He needed to act but there was nothing to do, he was drowning. How could he possibly rid them of the radioactive material without suspicion? The aircraft? The bomb casings? And all the plans here at the base, they could use them again…
Dex was making his way down the stairs in a trance, closer to the core. The control station was unmanned and it had a phone. Dex's hand moved to the phone and without thinking, dialed his room. After a few moments, Jacob answered, barely conscious.
“Hello?”
“Get Ray and Sid and take the plane.” Dex whispered.
“Dex? What? Wait, where are you-?”
“Jacob. Get Ray and Sid and take the plane. Get them off the base. You have five minutes.”
Dex hung up and left the phone off the hook so no other calls could come through, then began to flip switches and turn knobs. He activated the emergency alarm and the blaring bells made his head throb, but someone needed to get as many people away from the base as possible. He couldn't have any more blood on his hands.
The core was lifted from the pool and Dex came closer, feeling it soaking into his body. His skin crawled with pins and needles, he could taste metal on his tongue, just as Louis Slotin described after his own fatal radiation overdose. It was inside him, breaking him down at a molecular level, and there was something so fitting about it. Material that they exploited, broke apart so fundamentally, did the same to them. They split one another at the core. And mentally too, from the start Dex had been both drawn in by the pursuit of progress and the fear of power.
Dex reached out and took the core in his hands.
Just as he had seen the future of the world, a broadened scope of time, he now saw the particles that made them all, a new scope of space. The atoms that made up his body weren't ever really his, just his to use for the briefest moment. He was going back.
The freight lift door above opened but he didn't move. It was too late anyway. The meltdown was beginning. There were clanging footsteps down the stairs and Dex turned to look and his heart lodged in his throat.
It was Sid, out of his mind scared with wild eyes, barely dressed, and he was reaching out for Dex.
Dex came back to himself, it felt like a knife in his trachea, “You can't be here.”
“Dex…” Sid moved closer, wincing as Dex backed away, “Come with me.”
“It's too late. You should have left, oh god, Sid.” Dex's eyes welled with tears, “I've killed you.”
“Dex.” Sid repeated, “Let it go. Come with me.”
“It's no use.”
Sid kept his hand out.
He wouldn't leave otherwise. Dex let go of the core, it fell back into the pool, and he collapsed into Sid's side, taking his hand.
They moved back up the stairs, Dex stumbling over his own feet. He couldn't coordinate them, if was as if only half of his body obeyed and the other was under the control of something else.
Into the lift, upwards with the alarms. Sid's hair was glowing and Dex couldn't tell if it was his deteriorating brain or reality.
Out into the hangar, towards the Better SCRAM. Jacob and Ray were already there, waving them over. The rest of the base was lit up with floodlights and the last of the fleeing soldiers were racing off, leaving them completely alone.
Into the plane. Sid handed Dex up to Ray and Ray grunted audibly at his weight, dragging him onto the floor of the plane. Sid swung up and shut the bomb bay, then scampered up to the cockpit. They were moving.
Dex could barely see, one moment everything was doubled, the next only one eye was working and everything else was blackness, and it switched back and forth. Ray was holding his hands and Dex could only feel it on one side.
The plane swung around out on the tarmac and Sid flipped some switches, starting the engines. The plane began to race forward, picking up speed.
“Ray?” Dex felt sick, only half of his mouth obeyed him, “I love you. I love all of you.”
“We love you too, Dex, fuck… Why did you do this?”
“It had to be stopped. We both agreed.”
“We?”
Dex didn't know what he meant. But his headache was growing stronger, a pounding between the two halves of his brain, like a knife stabbing them apart over and over, and down his entire body.
“Jacob!” Ray screamed.
Dex was barely conscious. The plane lifted off and they shot up, away from the base and the reactor and there was an explosion that rocked them but Sid held steady.
“Jacob!” Ray screamed again, “Get back here!”
Jacob unbuckled from the copilot seat and hurried back, expecting the worst, but instead was confronted with the scene of Dex's head splitting apart at his scalp, cracks forming in the exposed skull.
Jacob instantly felt nauseous.
As they watched, the split grew, tearing down the dead center of Dex's face in a perfectly even line, the skull cracking down the same way like he was being bisected by a divine force. Dex's head finally broke into two halves, each displaying a perfectly even side of his brain.
The line continued to work slowly down his body, but the two halves of his head were both still breathing and the two separate brain hemispheres were throbbing, expanding, creating an entirely new other half. Liquid skull was oozing in and solidifying, muscles and tendons and skin were weaving across it, and hair grew. Four pretty amber eyes distributed between two identical heads.
It continued on and on, the line breaking the body into two pieces and then the two sides growing again. Like two cells splitting or a starfish regrowing a limb. First one body with two heads, then two torsos that extended to one pelvis, until finally they were two whole bodies, curling in the fetal position back to back in the blood.
Dex was panting, he could see again and Jacob was pulling him up into his chest gingerly, taking care not to hurt him.
“I'm sorry.” At least his mouth was cooperating again. Jacob was cradling him and petting his hair and Dex started to cry, “I'm sorry. I had to save us from it.”
Dexter was staring, almost catatonic, and Ray reached out to touch his shoulder, making him suddenly tense.
“Hey, I'm here.” Ray whispered, not sure what else to say. Were they the same? Did he even remember?
“Ray…” Dexter pulled himself up slightly, looking up towards the front of the plane, “Sid… I had this feeling, I wasn't myself, I was someone else, they were speaking and I was there but I wasn't me…” He looked over, “Jacob… My work, it took me over, I…” He saw the crying double Jacob was holding and he suddenly felt as if the ground had dropped out from under him.
“What is that?” Dexter whispered.
“You broke apart, he's you, I think.” Jacob said, wincing sympathetically as Dex's sobbing got louder and his hands clung even more tightly.
“Did the base explode?” Dexter asked. He felt uncomfortable about all of it, whatever had happened was wrong, but he needed to know his endeavor had been successful first.
“Seems like it.” Sid called, “Felt it go off and the radio buzz seems to confirm it. They're not happy.” He wasn't looking back for their safety and he just prayed hearing that familiar voice meant Dex was going to pull through.
“Let's hope it was enough.” Dexter said, flopping back onto the floor.
-
Sid set the plane down on the salt flats outside the town of Zzyzyx. They were running low on gas and it seemed better to take advantage of the empty space rather than try to push further and risk having to land someplace with more obstacles.
He unstrapped and moved back to the cabin, eyeing the scene. Ray had explained and he'd taken a couple glances over his shoulder on the flight, but this was something else. There was one Dex cuddled up on Jacob's lap and wrapped in a blanket, the other was sitting beside Ray and dressed in the remains of their shared clothes.
“Yikes.” Sid offered.
“Is his hair green or is that just me?” Dexter asked.
“No, I see it too.” Ray shrugged, “Kind of a weird week.”
“Pretty shitty huh?” Dexter offered.
“Well… I've had better.” Ray laughed weakly and pushed a hand through his hair, “Jesus. What a fucking mess.”
“Are we fugitives now?” Jacob asked.
“At least they aren't going to make you go back to England.” Dex said sadly, “I'm really sorry though.”
“Are you kidding?” Jacob asked incredulously, “I've been looking for a chance to get out. They might even think we're dead if we're lucky. I'm just relieved you survived.”
“We didn't lose Dex and we even got another one.” Sid acted thoughtful, “Now if we do that again we can each have one.”
“Please don't ever do that again. Either of you.” Jacob said, looking at Dexter but scratching Dex's head, “I never want to lose you again.”
“It's definitely one of the worst things I've seen.” Ray chuckled.
“I'll keep that in mind.” Dexter nodded.
“So. The plan.” Sid said, “We're five barely dressed men coming into town from the desert. And we need to figure out somewhere to go that we won't be caught by the army.”
“We do have a plane.” Ray said, “If we can get fuel, we can keep going.”
“I've always wanted to go back to India.” Jacob said wistfully.
“I'm sure I could pull some money out of one of our accounts.” Dexter said, “We earned a decent living as a professor.”
“And then what? When we get there?” Dex murmured, “Do we stay together?”
Sid glanced around, “I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not leaving this group unless it kills me.”
“Me neither. This is our home, Dex.” Jacob said gently.
“Who else can withstand my dancing?” Ray added, “Of course.”
Dex looked at Dexter.
“You're not getting rid of me that easy.” Dexter said, “They're as much mine as they are yours.”
Dex laughed and gave Jacob a hug, beaming now that his heart was light again, “I hope this new age is a good one.”