Work Text:
I do love you and you know there is something very important we need to do as soon as possible.
Eyes Wide Shut
When you are in a cell, you have a lot of time to think. When you’re out, you look at the world differently. The fresh air is tangible. The colours brighter. What scares you is different now.
Reuenthal once said that Eva would make a terrible field commander. Mittermeyer was surprised at the remark. Of course, Reuenthal hating women was nothing new, but why would he find this particular insult to be necessary? The thought of Eva commanding a ship was so far out that it didn’t even need to be considered. A commoner woman with no education, of course she wouldn’t make a good commander, she wouldn’t make any commander at all?
“To lead people in battle, you need to show emotion” Reuenthal continued when he himself realised that maybe his first statement was not self-explanatory enough. “You need to show your subordinates what to feel, they need to have a chance to read you. Evangelin’s always cheerful and smiling, and I’m not saying it’s fake, but you never really know where you got her. It’s like looking in the mirror, what she makes you feel says more about yourself than what she is thinking. You know I always think that she despises me”.
Reuenthal wasn’t wrong. Not about Eva finding him despicable, but about her appearance not telling the whole story. When Wolfgang Mittermeyer first met Eva, he liked the sweetness and cheerfulness. Like most normal people would. However he really fell for her once he started seeing hints of other emotion break through. He wasn’t sure if that was him getting better at reading her or her letting her guard down because she liked him. The first time he remembered really connecting to Eva was when she over a late night snack let slip that frau Mittermeyer could be really annoying at times. Wolfgang was quite aware of how his mother’s inability to plan could drive you crazy, and Eva’s remark was spot on.
Evangelin was the youngest child in a family that in one generation had moved up one tiny notch up the social ladder, and after her parents’ death she was a grateful guest in a relative’s family. In time Wolfgang learned that her easy-going surface was not really fake or play pretend. She was just used to there being no space for her own thoughts and feelings. In that way, she and Reuenthal were quite alike and that might actually be a reason why Oskar had a hard time liking her. Three years into his marriage, Wolfgang could actually appreciate the times when Eva got mad at him. He knew it was a rare sight.
Sometimes Mittermeyer took advantage of Evangelin’s facade. Since their wedding, every now and then she brought up the subject of children. Not in a demanding or threatening way, just as a future possibility. It was easy to pretend that Eva cared about the issue as little as she showed, although Wolfgang, of course, understood that she longed for a baby. Her avoiding to really talk about the situation helped Wolfgang to avoid facing his own fears and superstition. He knew it was stupid, but he felt that he’d not die in the line of duty before he had fathered a child. It was just unthinkable, too cruel a thought. When Eva carefully approached the subject he promised her that they would start trying soon, he’d just… he always had a good reason to postpone the project and Eva was always smiling and agreeing as he laid out his excuse.
After the time he spent in the cell he had realised that being killed in action was not the only plausible threat to his life. He was furious at the thought that if he’d die, the ones denying his wife a baby would not be the FPA, but some pathetic nobles. Mittermeyer was not sure that he’d ever get out, but he knew people would try to free him, and he knew just what he would do when he got out. His first priority.
Eva was waiting at the space port. She threw his arms around him and said “I’m so happy that you’re back!”. He hugged her so hard he almost got scared that she would break, but Eva didn’t appear to be more excited about their reunion than she was a normal day when he was back from office work. She was sweet, loving, clearly happy to see him, but not more. Logically, Mittermeyer knew that this was probably her way to handle things. Emotionally, he felt lonely. He had spent countless hours reconsidering his life and his priorities. She seemed to have shaken off all the stress already. In the taxi home Evangelin was talking about the neighbourhood news. Like his imprisonment and very possible death never happened.
When they closed the door of their home, the coats were on the hangers and the shoes neatly on the shoestand, Mittermeyer said “It’s good to be home”. “I’m off the pill”, Eva replied. She looked at him with a piercing determination in her eyes, the kind that would make a sailor follow his superior to the front line with no hesitation. “It’s time, Wolf. You can call your mother later”.
They kiss and this time she is the one holding him so hard that he has to carry her to the bedroom because she won't let go. Evangelin tears off their clothes like an animal, like she was a fly who’s trapped in a web, like he was prey and she needs to get to his skin. When they are naked, she rolls onto her back holding on to his neck, pulling him closer. “Eva, I love you, I’m here, I’ll never leave you like this again” Wolfgang hears himself say between the kisses. He touches her and she is wet. Eva screams “Wolf, now!”, he thrusts in and this is more than sex, more than love making.
Evangelin’s legs are wrapped around his waist, with every thrust she moans and pulls him closer. “Wolf, you can’t leave me on my own again” she says and he knows that from now on he will always be with her. Even if he’s away, even if he’s killed, his life will continue inside of her, at her breast, at her side. The pleasure, the joy light up his whole body. From his groin, to his thighs, his spine, his chest, his arms, his lips. He never lasts long the first time he reunites with Evangelin. It’s nothing that he is ashamed of, he knows that the first time is about reconnecting, about his longing and his need. This time, lasting is the opposite of the purpose.
When he comes he grunts “Evangelin!” and she cries “Wolf!”, like the names are a spell that seals the union. A few seconds later Wolfgang tries to lift his face out of the pillow and look at his wife, but she wraps her arms and legs around him and won’t let him move. Won’t let him pull out. Won’t let him separate from her body. Then Wolfgang feels Eva’s shoulders shake and hears the first sobs. He asks if he hurt her, maybe he was too forceful or misunderstood her moans, but Eva says “no, just stay” and he stays. She cries like a child, loud and wet into his neck. When she finally starts to calm down he doesn’t move away until her body grows heavy and her breath gets calm. Wolfgang rises quietly, not to wake his wife up, and puts a cover over her exhausted body. He knows that inside of her, a new life will soon be growing.