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Nightmares or night terrors as some people call them, to sound more mature I suppose but, nightmares seem to be all I find when I fall asleep now, memories that are tainted or distorted, or perhaps just my mind punishing me for abusing it too much, it matters no longer. If you find this journal then I ask one thing of you, just don't… listen to what people say about me or call me, their biases are forming their opinions. Some hail me as a hero or a devil, but neither of these are true, it was these biases that gave me these titles I despise so much after all. Devil of the Rhine Front or Angel of the Empire Ha what a joke… Anyway I’m getting sidetracked, perhaps because I'm so nervous haha, after all my death is coming soon, I wonder what that will be like… My execution. Will I watch as men shed tears? Or maybe I’ll just get precious food thrown at me, heh that’s something to think about.
(Journal entry 1. Dated as April 19, 19xx)
You know I’m starting to think about what it was all about, the war I mean. Did God just abandon us? Leave us to kill each other for no other reason other than resources or pride? Well I know that’s not the case, because you see, God is real and he hasn’t left us, he has been watching, and the sick bastard is enjoying every second . He was watching while men were lying in their own filth with their insides outside. He was watching while mothers were explaining to their children why papa wasn’t coming home. He was watching… When the Federation began to bomb cities with the highest populations and the men, women and children were lying dead in the streets. He was watching when the Enemy murdered my best friend… And he was watching when they burned her body.
And he will watch my death.
Basically the reason I’m writing this is really just to tell whoever is reading what I was really like, not a warrior of God, nor a devil of pure evil, I just wanted to live.
I suppose that was my downfall in the end, though what was I expecting, we could never win against the world, I never wanted to but I was forced to fight and… I lost, we lost, all of us, everyone that calls themselves an Imperial, originally I wasn’t even that much of a patriot either but I suppose being in the military would turn you into one eventually right?
(Journal entry 2. Dated as April 23, 19xx)
I wonder if the communists hate me as much as I do them. They don’t seem to understand why I hate them so. Aha I know all your secrets, bastards. I feel delirious, maybe it’s just the lack of sleep, the nightmares are annoying, the most common is me flying in the sky, all is peaceful, until the gunshots start, then suddenly the world would grow dark and I would start to fall, and fall, and fall, and fall. I don’t feel so good.
(Journal entry 3. Dated as April 25, 19xx)
I knew that prisoners on death row would never be told when they were killed. Psychological torture, I see now how effective it is, the suspense is simply killing me! aha.
(Journal entry 4. Dated as April 27, 19xx)
I suppose I should explain how it ended, how it really ended. I’ll tell you now it was not by a grand battle, it was by the pull of a trigger. I can guess the story of how it all ended, “The kaiser was killed while trying to flee from the country!” Or something like that, but in actuality he was killed in his sleep.
At the Palace where his Majesty was working with the Generals with some plan, his Majesty decided he wanted a nap, and so he took one, during his rest a man came in his room and shot him in the head. Simple as that!
The killer was a Colonel that was working there. Stauffenberg was his name I believe? I’ve never met him personally nor heard of him before but he’s the man that ended the war. With one fucking bullet.
I fired thousands of those, why couldn’t one of mine end a war?
(Journal entry 5. Dated April 28, 19xx)
Well I know when I’ll die now, that’s a relief. I’m joking of course, in fact I'm trying to make light of the situation in any way I can because… I’m scared. I don’t want to die. I really… I really don’t want to die… Why does God hate me? I asked for his forgiveness… I gave in… Why won’t he save me?
(Journal entry 6. Dated April 29, 19xx. Note-Journal page was partially wet and has stained through to the next page.)
So Tomorrow is the day I die huh? And I get no more chances after this… I would call whoever is reading this lucky but, I don’t know if being toyed with for centuries and through different lives would count as much of a blessing. You won’t understand what I mean of course but, I felt better after writing that.
I'm still scared of dying, I’ve felt it once before. I don’t know if that makes this easier or worse. I'll never show them it though. When I step out tomorrow I’m going to look at every single one of them in the eyes. Not like it will do a lot but, I hope it’ll show that I didn’t take this lying down, that I fought for my right to live. Even if it didn’t succeed.
A word of advice, just from me to you, don’t trust what anyone says about anyone, because more than likely, it’s all lies. And just one more thing… Don’t forget about me. If I’m not going to be remembered in my last life, I at least want to be remembered in this one, so please, remember all the good I did.
(Journal entry 7. Dated April, 19xx. Note Page is stained due to liquid damage suffered from an unknown source on the previous page. Note-This is the last page written in this Journal.)
(Final Note-These Journal entries were written completely in Akinese with no flaws despite claims that Tanya Degurechaff had never been taught the language, further investigation is required)
(A/N Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed. I’m writing these oneshot stories just from random bursts of inspiration and free time so sorry for infrequent uploads. If you have any questions to ask me or any criticism to give be sure to leave a comment. Thank you!)
Ps. If anyone would like to proofread my stories it would be a massive help, I know some of them aren’t that good, some more than others lol, but having a second opinion would be a great help. If you’re interested message me on discord as Te#1540
Pss. History buffs may recognise Stauffenberg as one of the conspirators in the April 20th plot against Hitler.