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Xander held out a hand to Wesley as he prepared to leave Buffy's house. "Thanks for showing up when you did; we couldn't have made it without you. Though I'm sure Cordy'll never let us live it down, make sure to thank her for those vision skills; they saved our collective asses."
Wesley gladly shifted his burden to shake Xander's hand. "Well, her visions are more of a highly treasured gift than a skill, and I'm sure she'll be as happy as we are to have helped. Nevertheless I suspect you're right; she'll probably tease you mercilessly the next time she sees you… which will likely be too soon, as we all only seem to get together when averting these all-too-common apocalyptic events."
Willow smiled as she gave Wes a one-armed hug. "Well, you guys *do* know that you're always welcome, right?"
Gunn approached the door with his own burden. "Sure, you too, but…" Gunn gestured over to the palpable tension between Buffy, Spike, Giles, and Angel as they finished discussing the finer points of the battle. He lowered his voice, "let's just save it for a time when the super-people are feeling more warm and fuzzy towards each-other. There's no way I want to be anywhere near *that* volcano when it blows."
Wesley nodded in nervous agreement. "I think you're right, Charles. In fact, I refuse to tempt fate, so I'm going to go put these things and myself in the car. I'll be out there when you and Angel are ready."
"Chicken." Xander and Willow said in unison before cracking up into muffled giggles.
Before their mirth could get out of hand, Willow –who was still keeping an eye on the others- saw Angel disengage himself, as if to leave. Quickly, she put a hand to her mouth so she could whisper to her cohorts. "To be fair, we can’t really blame Wes for hightailing it out of here. I’m beyond surprised that we got through working together without any of the usual angsty Buffy/Angel/Spike Vampire drama."
Unfortunately, Buffy chose that moment to catch Angel's attention. "Bye Angel. Have fun in LA with Xander's sloppy seconds?"
Willow squealed when Xander and Gunn elbowed her, from opposite sides, and cursed her in tandem.
"'Spoke too soon" whispered Gunn testily.
"You couldn't have left it for one more second, you jinx?" Xander whined.
Giles quickly distanced himself from Buffy and Spike and -maintaining a wide berth from Angel- positioned himself by the transfixed trio at the door just in time to hear Gunn’s sharp whisper. "Step back, y'all, Angel is about to go postal."
********
Doing a complete about face, Angel’s stance became as rigid as the golden-eyed glare he directed at Buffy. "Sloppy seconds…SLOPPY SECONDS?" he roared, grinding his teeth and balling his fists to keep from lashing out physically.
"First of all, little girl, you have no idea what goes on between Cordelia and I. Second of all, I refuse to sit here and listen to any of your hypocritical bullshit." Angel spoke to Buffy in a measured tone.
Spike, being fully aware of how volatile his Sire's relationship was with the Slayer, had been watching them carefully all night and fancied himself fully prepared to jump in to defuse the situation. "Angel, let's not go there tonight, eh? We killed the baddies, had our fun, and you still have time to get on home to LA and catch up on some precious brooding before bedtime."
It was a nice try, but Buffy, obviously, wasn't in the mood to back down. "What do you mean don't go there? Where is that? I can take whatever Angel has to say, Spike. Please, Angel, tell the class what a big fat hypocrite I am."
"Well, then, let's talk about sloppy seconds, since you're so obviously a connoisseur." Spike heard Angel's mechanized tone and sensed that he was clearly angry, but that there was a strange, yet deviously playful, spark in his eyes that didn't bode well for the Slayer.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Buffy screeched in confusion.
"Liam, leave it alone, let it go, yeah?" Spike said more firmly, trying to push Angel towards the door. "Take him home, Charlie, before he says things he'll regret."
Angel shrugged out of Spike's hold and grabbed the smaller vampire's chin, so that he could look him in the eye. "No, Wil, I regret very little in regards to you and I think Buffy here has indicated to need for some schooling." Dropping Spike's chin carefully and turning to Buffy, with barely contained rage, Angel let loose. "You think you can castigate me for being involved in a caring relationship with someone that you couldn't stand and were well glad to be rid-of, yet you get to sit on your high horse while fucking –or should I say, abusing- someone who only exists because I wanted him for a lover and decided to keep him beside me and in my bed for 50 years. This self-righteous attitude of yours ends now."
"Now, I know you got your head bashed in a few times, at the battle, Angel, but you don't honestly expect me to believe any of that, do you?" Buffy said dismissively.
"What I can't believe is that Rupert would have been remiss in teaching you about vampire family dynamics." Seeing the blank look on Buffy's face gave Angel pause, but didn't deter him from airing his grievances. "And if he was… well… too bad because you can't change the fact that *you're* the one fucking *my* favourite childe. Really, Buffy, you never thought to ask yourself what that meant?"
"What are you talking about Angel? Spike is not your childe, he's Drusilla's." Buffy looked to Spike, hopefully, for confirmation.
"Spike…" At this point, Angel was livid, but still trying to keep control of his anger, so he collected himself before addressing his wayward childe. "Have you been telling that 'Cecily dumped me, so I ran into the arms of my lovely Drusilla' siring story again?"
"Well, yeah. I wasn't gonna tell the sodding Slayer the truth; no matter how nice she asked. Not that it's really that much of a distinction anyway, but I figured that the Watcher knew the truth and would tell her the Vampire facts-of-unlife." Spike turned to Giles for help. "Really, how, after meeting Drusilla, could you think that she would ever be lucid enough to turn and train a fledgling into a master? I figured you'd see right through that twaddle in the stupid nancy-boy diaries."
Angel really couldn't fault Spike for using the 'deflect to the watcher' tactic, as he'd often relied on Giles to relay the more grisly and unpleasant details of life to Buffy when they were dating, so that he wouldn't have to be the 'bad-guy.' Nevertheless, he still couldn't believe the depth of Giles' naiveté, so he had no qualms about putting the watcher on the spot. " Rupert, you are hands-down the best watcher I've ever not eaten. How could you believe that tripe? Really?"
Moving more firmly in front of the others, Giles stood a little taller as if he weren't previously trying to make himself as inconspicuous as possible. "Well, truth be told, I didn't believe it for a moment. Trust me, the rumors and all the quality time I spent with you at the mansion with your better half dispelled any erroneous notions I had about Spike’s siring. But I thought that Buffy would be smart enough to ask you about it and that if she –an adult- wanted to share her personal business with me, she would. She never did, so I just assumed she was fine with the triangle dynamic. Hell, Drusilla and Darla didn't seem to mind."
"WHAT? Just what part of the Jerry Springer mess did you think I was OK with? The threesome part? The gay part? The having my lovers be comfortable with the comparing and/or sharing part? Have you met me? Oh, and, for the record, can I just say… eww?"
Maintaining his defensive posture, Giles spoke to his slayer as if to a skittish animal. "Certainly I've met you, Buffy; I just figured you'd grown up a bit and were experimenting and, god forbid, actually having fun… Willow and Xander were. I did when I was your age. Why not you? I'm not nearly as stuffy as you seem to think and I'm not your father, so it's not really my place to police your sexual proclivities. Besides, Angel and Spike are rumored to have seduced and shared countless women, and you've proven time and again how clearly susceptible you are to their charms. It didn't, actually, strike me as all that odd that you might take it a step further and stop the endless bouncing between the two. Frankly, it never crossed my mind that a slayer with not one, but two, vampire lovers would turn out to be quite such a prude as to miss out on -what by all accounts, including Darla, the furies, and not a few internationally renowned courtesans say– is quite a legendary experience. Did you really have no idea? How on earth did you miss all of the lurid innuendo while researching? Or the obvious sexual tension? And did none of the demons you encounter make any jokes at all? Whenever I have to get anything done by less-than-legal channels, I always have to defend… well, suffice it to say, most of Sunnydale has something to say about the current state of Vampire/Slayer relations."
Completely at a loss for words, Buffy looked over to Willow and Xander. "C'mon guys, back me up. You didn't know anything about any of this, did you?"
“Well, in LA, Angel seems pretty straight, but then again, I have seen Darla and Dru’s version of ‘best-friends’ and *whenever* we have to do a spell with them, The Furies go on and on with the ‘Oh, Angel’ and they did mention a Wil once. I guess I just never put two and two together. But what does it matter anyway, they’re vampires, how surprised…” Gunn winced at the look Buffy threw him and let his voice trail off.
"Um…" Xander looked down at the floor before speaking softly. "Buff, this isn't exactly the most classified information; even I knew that Deadboy and Bleach might have gotten it on in the past. I just figured you were cool with it. It really never crossed your mind… even after watching them together?"
As always, Willow came to Xander's rescue before he could start babbling. "I know that I just thought you didn't want to wig us out by bringing it up. I mean, how did you miss it? You didn't notice any similarities when you were… you know…?"
"Yeah Slayer, think really hard, and I'm sure you'll sense a similarity that is rather… uncommon. Like that inside-out tongue trick that you like so much…" Angel paused until she saw recognition in her eyes. "Yeah, that one; you know what I'm talking about." Angel's eyes went unfocused and his voice slid into a more sexy register as he was transported back in time. "It took me a week in Geneva to teach that one; remember Spike?"
"WHAT?" Buffy could only gape at Angel in wide-eyed-realization.
Buffy's presence registered again when her shriek permeated his reverie. "Well, ‘whatever’. I don't have the time to deal with this; I have to get back to LA. Just, next time you even think about laying hands on Spike because you feel like it, remember to keep your hands to yourself."
"What do you mean? I'm not abusing him. And even if…nevermind, I'm not explaining myself -or us- to you. You don't know anything about it Angel."
"I know more about it than you think. Who do you think helped him –against my own, better judgment- get back to you after he regained his soul? Don't try to play me, Buffy. I know you, I know him, and I know exactly why you two are playing these sick little head-games. Do you?" At Buffy's blanched look and lack of response, Angel just smirked.
"Oh, since when have you known me, Angelus?" Buffy sneered, and changed into her fighting stance.
"Oh no, Slayer, I'm still Angel. 'Soulboy' is in the building and here to stay forever. My soul is bound and fine."
Despite her anger at him, Buffy's demeanor changed and hope flashed in her eyes. "Oh, Angel, I didn't know… Does that mean…"
Angel cut Buffy off quickly. "Listen, and listen well, this is not about you and me because there is no you and me. This is about you and Spike. Let's just put it this way, Slayer: I bet I can get a perfect score for creative use of that shovel Willow's always yakking about. I better never hear another word about you mistreating Spike again… ever." Angel cut eye contact with Buffy and looked over to Spike. "Seriously, Wil, don't let her walk all over you. You know how to contact me if you need anything."
********
Angel, Wesley, and Gunn were peeling away down Revello Drive before anyone, including Spike, recovered from the shock of Angel's blunt words.
With a far-off stare in her eyes, Willow's mouth started working. "Wow, I think he is finally over you. I can't tell if he's over Spike, but he's definitely over…" Xander clamped a hand over Willow's mouth before he lost his babbling friend at the hands of the simmering slayer in the corner.
"Did he just…?" Realizing that no words could describe what just happened, Xander cut himself short.
A barely-contained Buffy began pacing and rambling frantically. "Please tell me I was just having a bad dream. Because my exes aren't exes too… or each other's exes…how do you even say that in English… and again, can I just say, 'ewww'? I can't believe that Angel's not mad at Spike for any of the things he did to me at all? He event came in for the kill with all of the 'Willow isn't the only one with a shovel'. That is so low. I mean, Spike gets coddling for months on end *and god knows what else, apparently* and *I* get THE SHOVEL TALK!
By now, Buffy had worked herself into a rage. “Who does Angel think he is? I swear! I'm going on patrol and anything wearing fangs or that had anything to do with the attempted world endage we just prevented better watch the hell out 'cuz I'm in a serious slaying zone.”
Giles grabbed his coat. "Well. I think we're done here, good work tonight, everybody. Go home and get some rest. Tell Dawn not to worry and that I'll catch-up with Buffy to make sure she gets back home safely."
Hearing the door close behind Giles, Spike slumped the couch and stared blankly at the ceiling. “Nothin’ more to see here, pets.” he said, tiredly
Counting himself lucky when Xander and Willow kept their yaps shut and left him alone, Spike let out a sigh and the grin that had he had been suppressing. Now, he just had to figure out what had inspired the most glee: His sire’s formal acknowledgement? The Slayer’s reference to their relationship as an ‘us’? Or the scent of both Angel AND Buffy’s arousal when Rupert so delightfully –and he’d have to make sure to thank the man on that someday- hinted at the pleasures that could be had when Angel and Spike, inevitably, shared their women… In any case, things were looking up and Spike was content with basking in the myriad of satisfying possibilities. There’d be plenty of time for plotting, later...if he could just figure out what he wanted…